Lately, I Think I'm Happy
"Just go home already. Please."
I'd been planning to anyway.
Rubbing my gritty eyes, I quietly rose from my chair.
"Sleep the moment you get home, okay? Staying up all night is par for the course for us, but aren't you tired?"
"I am tired."
"Aigoo, you sure don't look it."
I really was, though.
Having confirmed with my own eyes that the situation had been resolved, I could feel the tension draining out of me all the more.
While the files were being restored and edited, a whole crowd of people double-checked them for anything that could spark controversy. The video we uploaded made it safely onto the trending page, and the article we'd prepared went up alongside it, snipping off any stray sparks before they could catch.
By the time I'd gone through every single post that mentioned the orphanage, it was somehow already morning.
"Thank you all for your hard work."
"Now go in and get some sleep!"
After saying my goodbyes to Team Leader Woo and the PR team, I headed home.
What time is it….
Eight in the morning. Ugh, I was exhausted.
I wanted nothing more than to collapse into bed, but I still had things left to do.
"Of course. What is it?"
I knew it was an hour she'd already be up, but her voice sounded even more robust than I'd expected.
I explained the situation to her and warned that people might be paying extra attention to the orphanage for a while.
"Calling me separately like this—thank you, dear."
"It's nothing. Director, I'm sorry for causing you trouble."
I heard the faint sound of her laughter.
"Yeonjae, I've been working here for thirty years now. This doesn't even register as trouble."
"I'm glad to hear that."
"And how about you? Have you been doing well lately?"
I faltered at the question, asked so warmly.
More than a year had already passed since I'd left the orphanage. No matter how busy I got, I used to stop by at least once a month, so the Director's voice was never something unfamiliar to me.
And yet, it felt unfamiliar now.
It's the voice that takes up the most space in my memory.
Was it just because we were on the phone that it felt this strange? Or was it….
"I'm…."
Oddly enough, the words stumbled out of me.
The Director didn't press. She simply waited.
"…Lately, I think I've been happy, Director."
Even though the words had come out of my own mouth, I couldn't parse them.
I hung up in a daze, the call ending on the Director's gentle voice telling me how glad she was to hear it.
It was the sound of a knock that finally jolted me out of the long freeze my mind had settled into.
"Actor-nim, may I come in?"
When I answered quietly, the door opened without a sound.
Manager Ahn Jinbae leaned against the doorframe with eyes that looked ready to drop dead from exhaustion.
"I came to tell you that you have no schedule today, so you can sleep in as long as you like."
"……"
"Actor-nim?"
I stared blankly at Manager Ahn Jinbae, whose hair was still damp, as if he'd only given himself a rough rinse. Then I looked at the mirror beside the bed.
The me in the mirror was a disheveled mess, without a shred of tension left in his body.
"Actor-nim, is something wrong? Are you sick?"
He rushed over and dropped to one knee in front of me—a sight not the least bit unfamiliar.
And that was what made me laugh.
"…?"
Watching his bewildered, deeply furrowed brow for a moment, I raised my hand.
Very carefully, I touched the eyebrow with the scratch in it.
"Hyung."
"Y-yes…?"
His widened pupils alone gave away his panic, and so did his fumbling reply.
Feeling the amusement still clinging to the corners of my mouth, I answered.
"I want to do this too, someday."
"This? You mean the eyebrow scratch?"
"Yes."
He still looked completely flustered, but as always, he snapped back to attention with a brisk nod.
"I'll have to talk to the company first, but they'll probably say something light like that is fine. I was planning to go get my hair done next week—want to come with me then?"
"Yes, please."
I moved the hand that had been touching my eyebrow and instead smoothed down his damp hair.
"Dry your hair before you sleep, hyung. You'll catch a cold."
"Yes, of course."
He'd just been pat-patted on the head, out of nowhere, by a kid a good 30 centimeters shorter than him—he had to be utterly flabbergasted. And yet the expression on his face wasn't a bad one at all.
I looked up at him as he rose from his spot and spoke.
"Hyung. Thank you for getting me home safely today."
"……"
By now, he seemed to sense that something was off.
The sight of him rolling his eyes this way and that, lost in thought, felt so achingly familiar.
It was so delightful that I burst out laughing before I could stop myself.
"Actor-nim, why are you being like this? You're honestly worrying me…."
I was laughing out of pure joy, but apparently it came across as something close to terrifying.
Only after confirming that my manager was on the verge of tears did I force myself to swallow the laughter.
"I'm just in a good mood."
"Really? You're not feeling unwell anywhere?"
At his suspicious questioning, I nodded again and again, even hooking my pinky with his in a solemn promise to tell him if anything hurt.
His fist, at least twice the size of mine, had become so familiar by now—and I liked that.
"I almost cried watching the finale, I swear."
I'm pretty sure you didn't almost cry. I'm pretty sure you did.
I smiled at Noh Bihyeok, who had shown up with the eyes of a dead fish.
"Was my acting really that good?"
"…It's not wrong, but hearing you say it is weird."
He narrowed his eyes, asking what I was in such a good mood about, and I just kept smiling. Even Jinbae hyung seemed to find my constant, idle grinning suspicious, and asked me several times whether I was sure nothing hurt.
But how could I not be in a good mood?
"The finale turned out better than I expected. The editing was satisfying too."
"Oh, right. You said you had friction with the production crew. Well, good thing the skill held up."
Last weekend, episode 10—the finale of Goodbye, My Summer—had aired.
It was true that the vlog had caused trouble, but that had nothing to do with my hopes that the drama itself would do well.
Since the lead couple had already started dating in episode 9, episode 10 was closer to a side story.
As the female lead brought her first-ever boyfriend home and the male lead fidgeted, blushing, Kim Hoyun—soundly rejected by Hanna back in the latter half of episode 8—sniffled again and again beside them.
Toward the end of the meal he'd stumbled into sharing with his sister's boyfriend, Kim Hoyun's phone rang.
It was a text from Hanna. The moment he read that she was waiting out in front of the house, Kim Hoyun scrambled to change his clothes.
"Jeong Hanna…."
"You came?"
Hanna greeted him far more matter-of-factly than he'd expected.
This was their first meeting since she'd turned down his confession, and only Kim Hoyun seemed at a loss, sinking down to sit beside her.
"I'm sorry. For leaving you behind all alone like that and walking off first."
"It's fine…."
"I never saw it coming, so I thought about it for days, and it turns out you showed it a lot. I was just the one who couldn't read it."
Hanna fidgeted awkwardly with her fingers.
Even that small movement was so lovely that Kim Hoyun swallowed down the urge to cry.
"Can I be honest with you?"
"Yeah…."
"Honestly, it was strange. You liking me. It's like you liking me the way I used to like Ju Jihyeok."
"Used to? You don't like Ju Jihyeok anymore?"
Kim Hoyun, who had kept his head down the entire time, asked urgently.
On screen, hope welled up vivid and unmistakable in eyes that had clearly been crying until moments before.
Hanna clicked her tongue and flicked his forehead.
"I wasn't finished. Why do you always do this, making everything so awkward."
"Hey. I thought it was awkward to death at first too. Did you think I decided to like you because I wanted to like you?"
"…Then why did you start liking me?"
At the hesitant question, Kim Hoyun froze too.
He dropped his gaze to his hands and stumbled on.
"I don't know. You just… ah, I don't know. Isn't it rude to ask that when you're the one who rejected me?"
"Who says you were rejected?"
"…Huh?"
Kim Hoyun stared at her, blank-faced.
"What's that supposed to… That day, you…"
"I said I was sorry and that I was going home first. I never said I didn't like it."
What am I listening to right now?
That was exactly what was written across Kim Hoyun's dumbstruck face.
"That's not the same as saying I'll accept your confession, for the record."
"…Are you messing with me?"
"That's not it, it's—"
God, this is SO awkward! Hanna burst out, staring hard in the other direction.
The back of her neck had gone bright red from yelling, and that was what kept snagging Kim Hoyun's attention.
"I don't know either. Talking to you about this is strange. It's uncomfortable, but—it's not that I hate it, either."
"……"
"What I mean is… just give me time. I hate how we've been pretending not to know each other these past few days. You like me—ahem—that much I know now, so I'll keep thinking about it too. Then I'll tell you what I decide. That's fair, right?"
"……"
"I know it might look like I'm stringing you along, but no matter how I turn it over, this really is the best I can do. The answer will come with time. Can we at least try it that way?"
"……"
"Hey. Say something—"
Muttering to herself, Hanna scrunched up her face and glanced to the side. The camera moved with her.
And there it was: Kim Hoyun, tears streaming down his face in perfect silence.
"Whoa—hey. Why—why are you crying?"
Startled, Kim Hoyun hastily covered his face.
"Don't look. I'm crying, hic, it's ugly."
"…You were always ugly."
Unable to bear the awkward silence, Hanna tossed out the jab—and Kim Hoyun burst into tears.
That's so mean, he wailed even harder, and Hanna, flustered, pulled him into a hug.
Kim Hoyun crumpled himself somehow into arms smaller than his own and sobbed.
"I thought you hated me now…."
"Why on earth would I hate you?"
"I'm fine with anything—being friends, dating. As long as I can keep talking to you."
Hanna answered him with a quiet thank you.
Kim Hoyun stayed buried against her for a long while, and then said, "…For the record, dating would still be better," and got himself smacked on the back after all.
As Kim Hoyun grumbled, why'd you hit me, Hanna told him to shut up and let's go get ice cream already.
"Hey. Stop crying. You're really ugly."
"You like it when I cry. You can't take your eyes off me right now, either."
"Are you insane?"
The camera following the two of them down the stairs drifted slowly upward.
Han Yeoreum and Kim Hyeyoon, who had apparently been watching the whole scene through the window, snickered and pointed at the pair.
And with the two leads' cringe-inducing banter to close it out, the drama came to an end.
It had been a parade of childish lines, but the editing and camera work had come out surprisingly solid.
As I was turning the satisfying result over in my mind yet again, Noh Bihyeok murmured,
"It was sad when Kim Hoyun cried. The kid was bawling so hard it hurt to watch."
"Bihyeok. You do remember I was the one playing Kim Hoyun, right?"
Noh Bihyeok clicked his tongue.
"Obviously I know that. But you and Kim Hoyun are different people."
"That's the highest compliment I could get. Thank you."
"It's just eerie. Your face is literally the same, you know?"
"Stop poking my cheek."
"If you cried, I think it'd look different from Kim Hoyun crying. Wanna try it?"
I told him to quit poking me already.
I put up with his pestering for a little while longer before finally shoving my palm hard into his face.
"You're the one acting weird today."
"Acting even more handsome today, you mean?"
No. You're acting like a lunatic.
When I answered with my eyes, he just shrugged.
"Honestly, can you blame me? You're used to this stuff, but this is a first for me."
"…?"
When I frowned, not following, Noh Bihyeok grabbed my cheek and stretched it, asking how I could possibly have forgotten.
That was when Jinbae hyung set a neatly sliced pear down on the table and spoke.
"Tomorrow's the day your sneaker commercial comes out, Actor-nim."
Oh, right. I'd almost forgotten about that.