Flags and Ice Cream
The very next morning, I regretted it.
It hadn't been worth getting that worked up over. No matter how I turned it over in my head, my reaction had been far too emotional.
I let out a long sigh and took responsibility for my actions.
―H-hello?
"Injun-hyung. It's Lee Yeonjae."
―Yes! I mean—yes, hi!
A stiff, rattled voice came through the phone.
I'd called the moment I got his number from singer Kang Sehyun, and the call connected instantly, without so much as a ringtone. He must have been waiting by the phone.
"I'm sorry for calling so early in the morning. I wanted to apologize for yesterday."
The moment I told him I'd been too emotional, singer Choi Injun started fussing all over himself.
―No, Yeonjae, don't. I got drunk and pestered you yesterday. Kept repeating the same thing over and over. I'm the one who's sorry.
We went back and forth with apologies for what felt like forever before I finally gave in and agreed, just to end it.
I was wrapping up with the standard Korean farewell of "let's grab a meal sometime" when an unexpectedly intense response came back.
―Wait, really?! I'd love that! Bambi—no, when are you free? Aren't you going to Sehyun-hyung's exhibition? Should we grab lunch together then?
"...Yes. Sure."
There was no way I could turn him down in that mood.
And just like that, I'd accidentally made a promise. Scratching my head, I left my room.
"Good morning, hyung. Did you sleep well?"
"I did. Did you have good dreams too, Actor-nim? Breakfast is almost ready, so go wash your hands."
Manager Ahn Jinbae was genuinely tireless. The man simply could not stand waking up after me.
The table was already set with food arranged in impeccable little dishes, so I hurried over.
I was about to put down the spoons when I froze at a familiar side dish.
"This is..."
My mouth fell open before I could stop it.
I turned my head in disbelief, and there was Manager Ahn Jinbae, beaming with pride.
"Sit down quickly, Actor-nim."
"...When on earth did you buy this?"
"Trade secret."
Excuse me, we got home at eleven last night. It's eight in the morning now.
I stared in bewilderment at the braised lotus root that had most definitely not been in the fridge as of yesterday.
"I'm taking the first bite, Actor-nim."
"At this point, isn't this what you wanted to do, hyung?"
"Only just figured that out, did you?"
Honestly, me. I gave an awkward laugh and took my seat.
After heaping my spoon with rice, a neat portion of braised lotus root was placed on top.
Watching the calm, measured way he moved his chopsticks—so like his own personality—I felt strangely moved.
"...Thank you for the food."
"Eat plenty."
I looked at his gentle, smiling face, then raised my spoon.
The chewy braised lotus root tasted far better than it had on set.
Today was the day of my final counseling session.
Freedom, at last—or so I thought, arriving at the counseling office in a relatively refreshed mood.
But the doctor's face was different from usual.
The tired expression that always looked one yawn away from dozing off was gone; his face was flushed and bright with excitement.
"...? Hello, Doctor."
"Welcome, my client. Today's our last session!"
The doctor wasn't holding his usual pen and paper, and he wasn't lounging lazily in his chair either.
The moment those sparkling eyes landed on me, I felt crushingly self-conscious.
"Doctor, is something the matter?"
"Hm? Why do you ask?"
"You seem... different from usual."
At my words, delivered while hiding my discomfort as best I could, the doctor finally snapped back to attention.
"Ah, sorry. The truth is, I've been dying to ask you something since last weekend."
"Something you're curious about?"
"Yes. I'm not sure whether I should even say this, but..."
Seeing him trail off hesitantly, I felt my shoulders tense up without meaning to.
What was he about to say? Surely he wasn't going to tell me I needed more sessions.
The question I received at maximum alertness was...
"Why did Hannah reject the confession?"
"...I'm sorry?"
"I've been thinking about it and I just don't understand. Hoyun pours his heart out like that, and she can just swat him away? Is that even possible?"
"..."
The doctor had spent a good while rambling right in front of the man who'd played that very 'Hoyun.'
I jolted upright, sat there blankly for a second, then belatedly came to my senses.
"Ah... I didn't realize you kept up with our drama, Doctor."
"It's a stereotype that doctors only watch medical dramas. Anyway, why are you dodging the question? Why did she really reject him?"
The impatient way he pressed again made it clear he was genuinely curious.
This unfamiliar side of the doctor threw me off, but I answered with a smile.
"There's a scene coming up where Hannah and Hoyun have a conversation. I can't say more because of spoilers, but your question will be more than answered then."
"Somehow I doubt any reason they give will settle the matter for me."
The doctor added that if he had been Hannah, he'd have started scouting wedding venues on the spot, right there where the confession happened.
Caught off guard by the reaction, I felt embarrassed—and, honestly, quite amused.
So there really are people who watch this immersed like that.
Of course, I checked the comments every time to see what people were saying.
But this was the first time I'd come face to face with someone saying it like this.
"How on earth can anyone reject a confession from a face like that...?"
"..."
That little mutter seemed better suited to a fan than a doctor.
I had nothing to say, so I kept my mouth shut—but honestly, I didn't feel bad about it at all.
When I first came here, I'd been uncomfortable. When I realized he wasn't as interested in me as I'd assumed, I'd been relieved. And now, here I was, actually feeling pleased.
I really am fickle as a reed.
Unlike my awkward inner monologue, my mouth was busy fielding the doctor's questions.
"What do you think Hoyun felt when Hannah turned him down? From his expression, all I got was the sense of a heart plunging straight into the ground."
"That's right. I acted it with exactly that feeling, so I'm glad it came through."
"If I were Hoyun, I think I'd have felt the same. Maybe even regretted confessing on the spot."
The doctor talked about Kim Hoyun as separate from me.
Calling himself a fan of Kim Hoyun rather than a fan of mine was probably more accurate.
Which made it less embarrassing, and made the conversation flow more easily.
"I don't think he regretted it. Ah—that is, I played it assuming Kim Hoyun wouldn't regret the confession."
"Why not?"
"Kim Hoyun isn't the type to hold back. If something needs doing, he does it right then, and he knows that about himself. The confession was only ever a matter of time."
"Hmm..."
"If Kim Hoyun were to regret anything... it would be falling for Hannah in the first place, more than the confession itself. It wasn't a feeling he chose, so he'd resent it—and yet one look at her face and he'd be over the moon anyway, and that would make him even angrier. That's what would've brought him to tears."
The emotions I'd felt playing Kim Hoyun were still vivid.
When Hannah rejected the confession, my heart had torn in two—and back in the house I returned to, when his mother held him, the tears had come unstoppable.
I'd thought the sight of him sobbing looked childish and grown-up at the same time.
The fact that he could bear his own emotions, fully and completely.
I'd drifted off into the thought without noticing, and only belatedly realized the doctor was watching me in silence.
"You really are a fascinating person, my client."
"Me?"
"Yes. You're oddly indifferent to your own feelings, yet you put such meticulous care into the feelings of a character who was never even alive."
"..."
"Though thanks to that, I've ended up liking Hoyun. He really does seem alive, somehow."
The doctor gave a grateful smile. Then, out of nowhere, he said:
"A counselor's job isn't to solve a client's problems for them. We listen to what those problems are, and help from the sidelines as the client works toward solving them."
It was abrupt, but I'd heard it all before, so I just nodded.
"Calling ourselves facilitators rather than fixers comes down to the same thing: the client's own will to solve their problems matters most. Without that, nothing we do from the sidelines changes a thing."
"..."
"Whenever you're ready, come back anytime. All those half-hearted sessions up to now—I'll give you the real thing then."
The doctor pulled a business card from the desk and handed it over.
I'd already received one on my first day, but I accepted it without protest.
"Thank you."
"I do hope we meet again. Well—doctor and patient or not."
Outside of that relationship, what occasion would we ever have to meet?
My puzzlement must have shown on my face, because the doctor let out a hearty laugh.
Then he took out his phone, tapped a few times, and showed me the screen.
And the moment I saw it, I froze.
"For the first time in my life, I've joined someone's fan cafe."
"...Thank you."
"Next time we meet, you can sign it, Bambi-nim."
And here I'd thought he was just a drama viewer...
Looking at the screen with its fan cafe membership verification badge made me inexplicably embarrassed.
The relaxed atmosphere vanished in an instant, everything felt awkward, and I shot to my feet.
I gave my final goodbye, closed the door, and stepped out.
But hearing laughter seep through the gap in the door, I had a strong premonition this wouldn't be the last time.
"Yeonjae. You've been looking good lately."
"Huh?"
I turned my head at the non sequitur.
Baek Seojin, sitting beside me eating ice cream in front of the school store, was looking quietly at me.
"Just~. Before, you seemed like someone being chased by something, busy every single day. But these days you seem comfortable."
"Yeah. The drama's done filming, and I decided to take it easy for a while."
Twins, the film I'd shot with Director Yoon Kang-yeon, was still in editing, and the finale of Goodbye, My Summer was set to air next week.
The counseling sessions were over too, and my meetings with Angae had continued without a hitch, every single day.
Maybe this peace I hadn't felt in so long was showing on the outside, because Baek Seojin smiled and said:
"That's a relief. I like seeing you around school so often these days."
Kindness that asked nothing in return wasn't hard to answer.
"Same here."
For a long while after that, the two of us ate our ice cream in silence. It was peaceful.
Baek Seojin, who'd been awkwardly avoiding me for a stretch after school started back up, had begun talking to me again a few days ago.
She wasn't being uncomfortably intense like before, and there was no particular emotion to be read in the way she looked at me.
Who knows—she's an actress too, after all. Maybe she's just hiding it.
But I still wasn't curious whether she still liked me. She was simply impressive. Cool, really.
"You're genuinely amazing, Seojin."
"Out of nowhere?"
I smiled calmly at the round, rabbit-like eyes blinking at me.
Kim Hoyun, and Baek Seojin too—they were all impressive.
For having the courage not to run from their feelings but to crash into them head-on, and then savor every minute of it.
"Yeah. Really amazing."
"I don't know what it's for, but a compliment's a compliment—accepted! Then I'll graciously grant you the chance to go see a movie with the amazing me. How about it?"
As a friend this time— The easy, playful way she tacked that on made me laugh.
"Sure. Let's go."
"Yeonjae, then please let's make it just the two of us. Without Noh Bihyeok."
"Huh? Nobody called Bihyeok, though?"
"...Ha."
A voice cut in out of nowhere, and a weight landed on my shoulder.
Regardless of Baek Seojin's sighing, Noh Bihyeok couldn't have cared less as he snatched my ice cream.
"What's gotten into you? You, eating chocolate."
"It's a new flavor they just released. Seojin bought it for me."
"Hey! I bought that for Yeonjae. Why are you stuffing your face? Spit it out!"
"Whoa, you're not managing your image anymore?"
"What would you know. I got rejected anyway."
I watched Baek Seojin and Noh Bihyeok squabble back and forth.
A crisp autumn breeze brushed the back of my neck. Laughter came spilling out of me.
"I hope it stays this peaceful."
At my murmured words, Noh Bihyeok turned around with a sour look.
"You know that's a flag line, right?"
A flag? What's that supposed to mean.
"Haa..."
Two days later, I was standing alone in some place I couldn't quite name.
With a camera.