The Reflection Chair
Meeting time.
I'd been afraid to go in. Not that I'd had any real reason to be there in the first place.
After that incident in the hallway, I'd been terrified people would look at me with those eyes… but whether I should call it fortunate or not, nobody — including that woman — paid me any particular attention.
And when I thought about it, that was only natural. In most cases of school bullying or workplace harassment, the actual perpetrators were only a small minority.
So I sat down awkwardly next to Soyeon. Even that seat felt utterly out of place — if you really thought about it, I was the kind of person who belonged in the farthest corner.
"Good morning. Um. Anyone feeling unwell?"
At some point, that had become the standard opening line for meetings.
"…"
It was a group with a military flavor to it, but not so rigid that anyone would shout None, sir! Soyeon was only in an acting capacity, after all. There wasn't any real hierarchy to speak of.
That didn't mean everyone was indifferent, either. They all sent Soyeon looks that said they were fine.
"Alright. Then let's begin the meeting. It's a bit of bad news first thing in the morning, but we've finished calculating when the food will run short. Starting one month from now — twenty-four days from today — daily meals will be limited to two. That's by block standard…"
Soyeon tapped her terminal once. Everyone seemed to have expected it to some degree; the strongest reaction was just a few people squeezing their eyes shut.
"And starting forty days from now, it'll be limited to one meal a day of preserved rations. That way we'll only go hungry for three days, and from the day after that we'll be back to normal…"
Soyeon couldn't quite finish the sentence and hurried on.
"From forty days on, all work will stop. Only essential posts will be staffed on rotation…"
No complaints erupted. Everyone simply listened carefully to Soyeon, and once she was done, people each took a turn talking about their own topics, and just like that the meeting came to an end.
Perhaps because related conversations kept getting deferred, talk of another escape ship and unlocking the drones came up last, almost as an obligation, before people began leaving one by one.
"Adminis—"
"Ah, um, if it's not urgent, could you maybe spare about thirty minutes…?"
Soyeon actively blocked the security team that was approaching me again.
"Huh? Ah, uh… well, I don't mind, but! Why— ah, aha. Yes. Understood! Then I'll wait a bit."
The woman who'd been about to ask why looked back and forth between Soyeon and me, then shook her head roughly as if something had occurred to her. She even seemed to give me a look that said this was bad — she was clearly misunderstanding something.
"Yes. Thank you. I'll send her over as soon as we're done."
With that, Soyeon took hold of my wrist and stood up.
We walked a short way down the corridor, against the flow of busy people, and soon entered an empty room.
And the moment we were alone, Soyeon offered me an apology.
That the confession that day had just been something she'd said in the heat of the moment.
That she'd thought I didn't take it seriously even after going through something like that. That she'd been angry at the way I didn't value myself…
That was how Soyeon explained it.
And I could also tell that it wasn't the complete truth — that a fair amount of lies were mixed in.
Because Soyeon liked me. Whether it was just my body she liked, or whether it was genuine love — or maybe a warped, twisted kind of love — I couldn't say.
Either way, I could sense instinctively that she still felt more than simple fondness for me.
Even though I'd only draped the skin of a person named Han Yeoreum over my own flesh — Soyeon still liked me.
So, well. I could only guess that she was a bit more interested in my body, but thinking back on that day's conversation, this interpretation was certainly more persuasive.
I looked at Soyeon. She was still watching for my reaction.
Awkwardly — well, the whole situation was so uncomfortable that I just nodded — and Soyeon, scratching her eyebrow as if anxious, soon started performing her previous attitude again.
"…Heh. Ah, did you eat the chocolate? The one I gave you! As an apo— apology!"
"Ah, I-I ate it… It was good."
"That's a relief. Ahem. Um. So, uh… then, we're having lunch together later today, right?"
It really was. It made me feel sorry for her.
That is — if the problem wasn't doing that kind of thing, but rather doing that kind of thing and not doing it with me alone as the source of her anger, then yes.
Getting so angry because of me, getting her confession rejected, and still reading my mood and wanting somehow to go back to how things were before — it looked so pitiful.
Maybe it was because she'd been the first person to look after me. It was a different texture from Minseo or Jiwoo or Hyejin.
Of course she'd tried to see me naked, but considering this world had intersex as a third gender, that could just be written off as a mischievous attempt.
So suddenly, the thought that she looked cute… crossed my mind. Of course her looks were the biggest reason, but still.
Whether it was because I kept getting pushed around without being of any help, and harassed by the security team surrounding me — in other words, whether my brain was making a mistake and thrashing about socially in some desperate bid to survive, I didn't know — but that was the thought I had.
Of course her appearance played a part too. As long as she wasn't naked, she just looked like a girl a bit bigger than me, dejected, trying to match my mood and our relationship.
"…Y-yes, of course."
That was how I answered. Soyeon looked relieved.
"You understand, right? Our little princess cutie Yeoreum?"
"Yeees…"
"Then. Shall we start?"
The security team — or rather, among them, the woman whose sense of distance toward me was rapidly shrinking. Ju Haebin.
She kneaded my forearm for a bit, then finally started checking whether my head was properly secured.
It was the usual experiment. By some principle I didn't understand, the security team had succeeded in digging up my past eye-movement logs, and they'd called me in again to check how that applied to security.
After leaving me standing for a long while, the experiment finally began. Of course, just looking at the logs didn't mean I could replicate them, so the security team put a monitor in front of my eyes and ordered me to track a red dot as precisely as possible.
My whole body was bound to the chair. I didn't know why they had to go this far, but then a red light began flashing on the monitor right in front of my eyes.
"Eek…!"
"Don't be scared. Starting now."
That red dot began moving far faster than the difficulty I'd vaguely imagined when I'd heard the explanation.
Literally like a human eye — an unfocused eye darting this way and that — I tried to follow the red dot as it moved without rhyme or reason, but as expected, it was hopeless.
Just as it was impossible to smoothly move your pupils in one direction without something to focus on. That difficult.
"Hmm. Why can't she do this."
A voice from behind me. My head was already fixed in place, so I couldn't move it.
"Ah, I-I'm s-sor—"
"We'll do it again."
Once more, without any warning, the red dot appeared before my eyes.
I clenched my fists and tried hard. I got a little less wrong than before, but I could still hear sighs from behind.
Soon a hand settled onto my shoulder. Naturally I flinched a little—
"Yeoreum. Not concentrating? Hmm?"
Haebin's voice. I'd once briefly forgotten her name and gotten flicked on the forehead for it, so I remembered it clearly.
"Ah, I-I'm s-sorry…! O-one more, one more time…!"
"Hmm. You want that? Should we, then? One more time?"
"Yeees…!"
Since I couldn't turn my head, when I rolled my eyes to their limit, I could just barely make out her limp grayish hair at the edge of my vision.
"Then we'll do it one more time? You can't fail this time, okay?"
"…Th-that's, I—"
My vision went red again. So I cut off what I was saying and concentrated.
I'd memorized the early part somewhat, so left, then upper right. Then right next to that—
Gritting my teeth, I managed to keep the red dot in the center of my vision for much longer than on the first try.
Of course I still failed to get it all right, but I produced a much better result than before.
Once I'd focused, it almost felt like playing a game, and just as I thought that if I tried one more time I might actually succeed—
"Ugh. Failed again. Enough. Let's try something else. No matter how I think about it, this isn't it. It'd be better to just input it directly when the security sequence activates."
"That so. Hmm. Doesn't seem like it'd work."
"In the first place, she's only following because there's a red dot. Without it, what good would it do? Even if she follows, it'll never match exactly."
"…That's true too. Man. I thought something might come of this."
Words that made the competitive spirit I'd worked up vanish in an instant, coming from people behind me I couldn't even see. I flapped my hands, saying that if I just tried one more time I was sure I could do it—
"Nah. Enough. Ah, is there no other way."
"We'll just have to open up her head. Here. This."
Tap. Tap.
Fingers of unknown ownership tapping the crown of my head.
"Eek…?!"
"Pfft. She's right, though. Ugh, fine. Let's give up on this approach. It'd be faster to just crack the biometric signals coming through the scanner."
For a moment, I nearly wet myself. Anyone would go weak in the legs hearing something that chilling while restrained like this.
"…Hic! U-um, i-is it o-over…?"
So I asked. Because I wanted to get out of these restraints as soon as possible. Even knowing that wouldn't happen, the fear that they might actually open up my head right then and there had taken hold.
"Can we get those logs?"
"Contact the Control Room and open a line first—"
Nobody answered me.
"U-u-um…!"
My eyes were reflected in the black monitor in front of me. Inside those reflected pupils, more pupils were reflected, and so on. I didn't know on which iteration a ghost might appear, but either way it was scary.
I kept calling, but nobody answered.
So I stayed bound like that, and by the time what felt like ten minutes had passed—
"Let's go grab some food."
I heard that.
"U-um, excuse me…"
"Yeah. Ah, I'm fucking starving. If it's already like this, how are we gonna manage two meals a day."
"Right… And later it goes down to one."
"But by then it'll be biscuits and chocolate, right? That stuff. The ones she used to pack when she went out."
They were deliberately ignoring me. I was being subjected to blatant harassment. I found myself thinking that the awkward times of standing around reading the room had been far better.
Even if I deserved it, still, this was a bit…
"Ah, um, Hae-Haebin unni…"
"Oh. Finally calling for me. Heh! What is it?"
In the end, I spat out the form of address I'd decided on beforehand — one that had never quite stuck in my mouth. And the fact that a reply came right back only made me feel more wretched.
"P-p-please l-let me go. Please…?"
While I spoke, a hand came up over my head and ruffled my hair roughly. Whether it was from a desire for physical contact with my body or a craving for the security chip, I couldn't tell.
"Hmm… No."
"Ah, p-please d-don't…"
"Then… hmm. We're going to eat. Want to come with us?"
"O-of course…! T-t-together—"
Since Haebin had asked, I was about to answer — when something like a promise suddenly came to mind. Hadn't I agreed to have lunch together? Of course you could think of it as a loose promise, but a promise was still a promise.
"…What? Why can't I hear you?"
When I stopped mid-sentence, Haebin asked that.
"Ah, th-that's…!"
"How mean. We're working so hard. And Yeoreum doesn't even want to eat a single meal with us. Right."
"Ah, n-no, that's n-not it. Th-there's a p-p-promise…"
"There's a p-p-promise? Heh. Forget it. When you get down to it, the reason we can barely eat two of those tasteless meals a day is all because of you. Right?"
Haebin was mimicking my speech in a ridiculous voice.
Which made me realize that Minseo's sexual harassment, at least, hadn't come from a desire to torment me.
At that blatantly hostile tone, my mouth just clamped shut.
"Ugh… I-I'm s-sorry for th—"
"Heh! Then you should reflect on it, right? In the reflection chair?"
"Hey. Enough. Untie her."
"What. I want to untie her too, but she says she wants to reflect."
A voice from behind. At least it was restraining her from crossing that line, so it was a temporary ally's voice, wasn't it?
So—
"L-let's eat t-together. I-I want to eat t-together…"
"Nah. No. That's already too late."
"Ah…!"
"You getting annoyed?"
Even after abandoning my promise with Soyeon and offering that alternative, that was the answer I got. Haebin already seemed set on keeping me bound here.
Without meaning to, the end of my voice had risen just a tiny bit.
"…N-nooo…"
"Pfft. Stay here and reflect. We'll be back, okay?"
The hand on my head was withdrawn.
"…R-really? Rea— no, w-wait a second…!"
"You need to reflect~."
A voice growing distant.
I tried to move my arms and legs, but my body wouldn't budge. Probably something used for restraining mad people.
Soon the footsteps of several people grew quieter and quieter.
"Wait…!"
The door creaked open, and the lights clicked off.
Then the door to the room clicked shut as well.
In an instant, the room went quiet. If this were a drama, the scene would have cut right there — but for me, this was reality.
I felt every second of that silence, each one passing slower than usual.
So how could I not feel wretched?
Being able to cry and all — what was that saying again.