Then What About Me?
Soyeon seized the much smaller woman by the collar and dragged her into the center of the room.
Han Yeoreum. Safety administrator.
The woman who carried a rather long title before her name.
Soyeon remembered their first meeting.
Someone who neither kept people at too great a distance nor drew them uncomfortably close. Those deep black eyes made it impossible to tell what she was thinking, yet she never looked empty-headed either.
She was young. But there was no instability to be found in her. She read numbers with the weight of hard-won experience, and never treated those numbers as mere figures alone.
In the five years before leaving Earth—starting from the moment mandatory education ended—she had claimed first place outright in that vast arena of competition.
So who could feel any rejection toward her? Those who might have felt petty jealousy had already been weeded out by the aptitude tests.
When the notice went up a year before launch that she had been appointed administrator, no one stopped clapping.
It wasn't because anyone ordered it, or because they were swept up by the mood. That applause came purely from relief.
The thought that as long as she was with them, they could survive anywhere. Or more precisely, the ability to forget the thought that they had to survive. She was the reliable one who made everyone fall into a comfortable sense of safety.
Few people feared death in their daily lives, so with her, even on the far side of the universe, they could simply live at ease. The expectation of a planned, pleasurable future, the confidence that they could achieve great things with ease—that was what sustained everyone.
Soyeon had merely imitated her. That alone had been enough to earn the title of runner-up. If everyone had acted like her, the examiners' heads would have been far more complicated than expected.
Of course, it wasn't easy to imitate. And so Soyeon loved, deep in her heart, the very source of everything she had made her own over that long stretch of time.
She was someone who didn't like alcohol. Cigarettes and drugs were the same. But when drinking parties or company dinners were occasionally held, the consideration she showed by matching the mood was adorable.
She had few hobbies. Reading and sitting warmly in cold places seemed to be all the joys of her life—a restrained existence. It looked leisurely.
Soyeon had imitated her. Her black hair was never once left unkempt; it was always neat. Soyeon had held back from dyeing hers the same color, fearing it would look too gloomy, and kept her brown hair instead.
At the party held on the day everyone's boarding was confirmed, Soyeon saw her smile for the first time.
The corners of her mouth lifting gently, her eyes curving into crescents—a smile that made anyone turn to look at least once.
From that moment, Soyeon loved her. Loved Han Yeoreum. From afar, the overall lines of her body were lovely; up close, she adored the cute way her eyes, nose, mouth, and ears moved in their perfect positions.
When she got close, there was always a good scent. Sometimes when walking behind her, the way her hips swayed left and right, the spine that moved with them, the modest muscles and flesh on her calves swaying—it was so lovable she could hardly stand it.
Every time she saw those thin arms swinging with quiet determination, she couldn't stop wanting to tease her.
If she ever had a dream with sexual content, the partner was always Han Yeoreum.
Fondling those small breasts as if toying with them, and all sorts of perverted acts she could never do in reality unfolding without limit in her dreams.
"......"
She loved her. She wanted to make her cry, and at the same time wanted to make her smile that pure, clear smile.
Unrealistic fantasies like hypnosis or time stop always came to mind before she fell asleep...
"U-um, S-Soyeon...?"
But Soyeon knew as well.
Han Yeoreum did not love her. From the very start, in terms of gender, Soyeon wasn't even in the running. A relationship where she couldn't even hold a shred of hope only pulled up more of her own damp, solitary fantasies.
It was a feeling she would have to bury in her chest for life. Unless it was right before death, maybe.
And then the incident happened. Even as everyone decided to escape and moved to the escape ship, the sight of her urgently tapping at the monitors.
The image of Yeoreum heading to the escape ship last of all flickered before her eyes. Boarding last, not enough time to fasten the belt, the bang of inertia.
Her head slamming against the roughly shaking hull, losing all her memories.
The doctor couldn't explain the phenomenon. It wasn't simple amnesia. She had truly lost everything, as if everything a human must have was reset except for the bare minimum.
"U-um, th-that, I-I'm scared..."
And so, she had gained an opportunity. A chance to make her her own. It felt like she had obtained a perfect replica of Yeoreum.
"……Ah."
It was hard to control her expression.
"…I-I, heard a little from Dahyeon…"
Her voice trembled. Her throat locked with rage.
"..."
Her fists trembled. She was glad she had cut her nails short. Even if they had been long, she would still have clenched her fists tight.
"Ah, th-that is..."
Contrary to expectations, Han Yeoreum showed an awkward smile. It was somehow awkward for a victim's. Of course, Soyeon wasn't the type who had encountered much related information—
"...?"
"Ah, hehe... I-I, that is. Th-that..."
Yeoreum was embarrassed. Soyeon felt a distant sensation as if her brain were being pulled out.
"So, I'm so sorry..."
"Y-yes..."
The atmosphere was awkward. Soyeon had been clenching her teeth and fiddling with her PDA for a while. Occasionally typing at high speed, or zooming in on something and staring intently.
She was gripping the terminal so hard it looked like it might break, her slender fingers turning white.
"...W-wait a minute. Hoo. Hoo. So. Yeoreum, you let them touch Unnie's body as they pleased. And Minseo."
"......"
"Jiwoo, the m-mouth... No, wait. This, at this time?"
Suddenly I remembered that the next day in the meeting, Soyeon had mentioned what seemed to be a late-night water leak. Looking back now, I felt truly sorry for not speaking up then. Should I go apologize later? But then wouldn't that be like advertising it—
"..."
Soyeon closed her mouth. Her expression was that of someone who had witnessed something distant. After all, Soyeon also seemed to like me.
Come to think of it, she had never once expected anything sexual. Though on the first day she had tried to catch a glimpse of me naked. Looking at her actions so far, it might really have been just to close the distance.
She was like someone who had suddenly fallen here. Of course that was true—but to others, I was close to a perfect ordinary person who had been suddenly teleported.
So if I thought of it as socializing to include someone like me here, it made sense again.
"......Why on earth."
"...Th-that... because I'm sorry... The two of them got h-hurt because of me too..."
"..."
"Um, th-that, what is it, I even forgot the password..."
The more I spoke, the darker Soyeon's face became. Of course, no one would like someone who casually played with their body.
Of course, if it was someone who wanted that body, they might react differently, but you wouldn't marry someone like that, right? Well, there's no law that says you have to feel attraction only at first meeting.
...So maybe she was feeling repulsion toward me. Even though she had that thing attached, she also had female characteristics, so if I thought of it that way.
"......"
It was a truly frustrated-looking expression. Like someone standing in a room full of expensive items who wanted to smash something right away, she fidgeted and glared at me.
"...I-I'm sorry. Th-that—"
"Then, what about me? Unnie?"
"—... Huh?"
"I've been taking care of Unnie so much this whole time too? At meetings I always take Unnie's side. I block people who try to say bad things. Before meetings, I've been cutting out all the agenda items about sending Unnie fifty kilometers outside right now."
"F-fifty...!"
It was a shocking fact. Not the fact itself being shocking, but the shock that my treatment could be decided in some moment I didn't even notice.
"That's the expanded range of the scanner. Of course the actual range is narrower because of the terrain. And, eating together every day, I showed you the shower room. I explained things."
Soyeon was spitting out the words quickly. It seemed like she was expressing her anger this way. Soyeon, who had risen a little, leaned on the desk and leaned her body forward.
Her face drawing closer little by little.
"Then, will you do it for me too?"
"Euk... th-that is."
It was an unexpected idea. So, if someday the agenda to exile me passed—I had resolved that I would survive even that way if I had to.
But Soyeon, that was, she had just been really kindly taking care of me all this time.
Suddenly a mental shock.
"..."
Because the thought came that I was like someone who didn't even give any reward to people who treated me kindly.
It was the type of human I understood least. At the same time close to the ones I despised. Even the most heinous dictators take care of their close aides, so wouldn't that make me a stupid type as well?
Then, should I have given that "repayment" to Soyeon first? No. Wait a minute. Something's weird. Something is twisted—
"Uh..."
"Uh?"
Soyeon asked back as if she had taken it as acceptance, looking surprised.
"A-ah no! That is, so. I-I'm really th-thankful, and th-that is. So. Uh..."
"..."
"Th-that, as long as it's not t-too rough— no, that is, I-I don't repay in that kind of way..."
Listening to the sentences that swayed this way and that, unable to grasp how to respond, Soyeon soon let out a sigh that could punch a big hole in the floor and put down her PDA.
"...Unnie."
"Euk, y-yes...?"
"Then... that is, haa...!"
Then, a low voice came.
"......Ah, shit...!!!!"
Bang bang bang. In the end unable to hold back, Soyeon slammed the table as if to break it.
"Shit!! Uaaah! Uaaaah!!"
"Hic...!"
"Aaaah!! Really shit!!"
Completely shaking her head wildly, making her hair a mess, stamping her feet as if unable to contain her rage—that appearance seemed like she was holding something back. It looked like a confrontation with her reason...
"Hic! Hic..."
Only those sounds spilled out.