A Toast and a Promise
We occupied the room at the very end of the hall, and we decided to throw a little party.
Well. Calling it a party was generous — what we actually had planned was more of an awkward drinking session.
Fortunately, Jiwoo's arm was still attached, free of necrosis or any need for amputation. Of course, putting real strength into it would be difficult from now on...
Minseo, well. Whether it was her sturdy constitution or pure luck, a few rounds of treatment would be enough to get her back on her feet, they said.
Naturally, the atmosphere inside the Colony was at its worst.
The overall mood bore no resemblance to what it had been when we set out, and the reason for that was equally obvious.
We had failed to seize the authority. From what I heard, the moment we left the range, only the channel tracking vital signs had unlocked — and it had locked onto my life signals.
So the people inside had been able to tell, at least to some degree, that something had gone wrong with us. That was how Soyeon explained it.
The monitor had detected the cocktail of neurochemicals produced by a heart that felt ready to burst at any second and emotions pushed to their absolute limit, painting every moment red except when I was asleep.
"......"
"..."
"Alright, alright, the mood's totally fucked— I mean, uh, pretty down! So! How about I tell a story or something?"
Minseo clapped her hands as she said it. Across from me, Hyejin's gaze — full of irritation as she looked straight at me — felt not merely burdensome but scorching.
Not that I could really show it. After all, I genuinely was the guilty party.
"Why is the administrator even here? Just go sleep already."
"Ugh..."
"Don't be like that, okay? Nobody gets hurt because they want to, and nobody stays unhurt because they don't want to... well, I mean, everyone wants to not get hurt, but still."
The two of them had deliberately left out the part about Jiwoo getting hurt protecting me, out of consideration for me. I couldn't bring myself to agree or disagree — I just kept my head bowed low.
I didn't want to hide the truth, but if that story started circulating alongside all the feelings already piled up against me, I really might get driven out.
Looking at it coldly, two essential personnel had been temporarily pulled from duty and we'd gained nothing — and on top of that, the one person who wasn't needed, no, the one whose absence would actually be a net gain, had come back without a single scratch...
How galling must that be? Everyone would think about it rationally, but people couldn't stop those kinds of feelings from accumulating in a corner of their hearts.
"Alright, everyone, take a glass."
Finishing her words, Minseo rose awkwardly from her seat and passed around the drinks. It was liquor diluted from concentrate and poured into water cups — hardly atmospheric — but the fragrance was still quite pleasant. Well. This too could be considered a kind of gourmet experience, after all.
"By the way, Yeoreum unnie. Remember?"
"Nngh, y-yes...?"
"You said you'd go down on Jiwoo with your mouth. Heh! When are you gonna do it?"
"......Ah..."
Normally, I would have snapped at her to cut that out.
But now, especially with someone who held clear hostility sitting right in front of me, the words just wouldn't come.
"...L-later..."
So I mumbled it quietly. Thanks to Hyejin speaking up at the same moment, Minseo didn't seem to catch it properly — but Jiwoo, sitting beside me, gave a little shiver. She had definitely heard.
"Shall we clink glasses first? Cheers!"
After a brief reply to Hyejin, Minseo stretched her glass forward. Hyejin pulled hers back without letting it touch mine — but that didn't strike me as childish, or as a refusal to play along.
If anything, expressing her dissatisfaction that way seemed better...
At least better than the other options available, wasn't it?
"Ah, that was rough. Completely different from the marches we did back there."
"...How was it? Oh, you don't have any photos?"
Hyejin asked as if inquiring of someone just back from a trip, and Minseo took a sip of her drink before pulling out her terminal and showing the screen.
Photos she'd taken before getting hurt, clearly. Remembering she'd snapped a few at night as well, there would be more than expected.
"This one looked really weird. The stomata seemed like they had two layers — not sure if that's actually true, though."
"Oh. Wait, what kind of valley is this?"
"The terrain? Yeah. Pretty much. Whether the water had dried up or there never was any, I don't know — but there wasn't any while we were there. And then, after spending a night there and waking up, the fog was like..."
The two of them started chatting about this and that while looking at the photos. I worried that Jiwoo might be left out of the conversation because of me, but she was just sipping her drink as if she were enjoying it.
I took a sip of the liquor. Even just wetting my lips was enough for the distinctive alcohol aroma and oak scent to pleasantly fill my mouth.
Considering that my usual drinking had been limited to beer and soju — it smelled fragrant.
"...Hey..."
"Mmngh..?"
The night-light in the dim room was set at exactly the kind of brightness that would have been perfect for triggering PTSD, if I'd been alone in here.
The person lying close by made me want to smash something out of sheer irritation, while the one farther away — thanks to that bothersome indirect light — let me see Jiwoo's face looking down at me.
"..."
My vision was still hazy and unfocused. I rubbed my eyes and slowly pushed myself upright, and there she was in full view: short sleeves, shorts, dressed for comfort — one arm in a cast.
Inside the room, only soft, even breathing filled the air. Minseo, who had let her guard down and drunk freely, and Hyejin, who had likewise relaxed and enjoyed herself.
"Ah, J-Jiwoo... nim."
Well. Reality had reasserted itself, so I had no choice but to answer. I was still foggy — partly because I'd had at least a little alcohol (I'd passed my share to Minseo when she complained, drunk, that there wasn't enough), and more than that because the residual fatigue from all that moving around still clung to my body.
"Um, thaat... just a moment."
Saying so, Jiwoo pointed toward the door with her free hand. Did she have something to say? My heart dropped with a sudden thud — I had never once thought through how I would react if I heard something cruel.
"A-ah.. y-yes...!"
The room was still quiet, so I kept my voice as low as I could.
Jiwoo walked toward the door with a speed that almost looked cold. In other words, this didn't seem like a situation that allowed for leisure — so I slipped on my slippers and followed her in silence.
Click — the door opened onto a darkened corridor that looked as ominous as something out of a horror film.
Even earlier that day people had been moving back and forth through it, and though outside activity had thinned the traffic compared to before, the hallway had still held a certain liveliness. Now, every faint silhouette at the far end seemed ready to come drifting toward me.
The fact that someone who hadn't even shown resentment when her arm was broken had suddenly woken a sleeping person and deliberately led them somewhere deserted was, frankly, terrifying.
...Was she going to hit me? Or maybe sheave a long sigh and start listing grievances one by one. Or maybe she was taking me to the showers so a whole group of people could corner me and chew me out inside.
"......"
She stood facing me for a long time, as if she simply could not bring herself to speak.
"...S-so, uh, what— what is—"
Still half-asleep, I asked it with slightly clumsy pronunciation. Every time I drew breath to speak, a muscle ache rose from my back that was almost, somehow, pleasant.
"......"
"Ugh, th-that is..."
Still silent, Jiwoo checked our surroundings. She looked both ways down the corridor, then let out a soft breath —
"Um... Yeoreum-nim."
"Yees...?"
What, what on earth—
"...Augh. C-could you follow me?"
After all that waiting, Jiwoo had finally started to say something — only to fold the words back in again. Even so, I was in no position to answer with No, I'd rather go back to sleep, so I said all right and followed her.
As if my earlier predictions were steadily becoming real, Jiwoo headed for the showers — and only once we were inside, on the floor painted to look like wooden planks, in the changing area, did she click the door shut and turn to face me.
They had installed solar panels, yes, but there was still no reason to waste power, so the interior was perfect darkness. Only the faint light seeping through the door crack and my eyes' gradual adjustment let me make out two trembling pupils.
"......"
And having come this far, even someone with no social instincts at all would have understood. I was about to get hit!
"...Um, do you... happen to remember what you said earlier...?"
"Ugh—! ...A-ah?"
The moment her mouth opened, extreme tension wrung a strange little sound out of me.
"...Th-that, earlier, when the drinking... started."
Still that careful way of speaking. Something about it — the trembling voice of a timid person who had never been in a relationship, trying to confess.
"...!"
At the same time, I felt my face flush hot. I had grasped the broad outline of why she had called me here.
"If, right now, i-it's possible, w-wou— would you..."
Her voice grew smaller and smaller, so faint that if we had still been inside the dormitory, even the soft breathing of sleeping people would have drowned it out.
And at the same time, the silhouette of that thing, visible in the indirect light, was asserting its presence in a way it hadn't before. Or maybe I simply hadn't seen it through the haze of sleep.
"......"
So I opened and closed my mouth like a fish, caught between guilt and revulsion as if walking a tightrope of feeling —
"...A-ah, no, I-I'm, I'm sorry...! No, was that the alcohol talking...? I-I misspoke—"
Jiwoo suddenly started talking fast.
She was already walking as if she meant to bolt from the changing room that very second, and I caught hold of her. I couldn't explain why. I just... did.
And her eyes, wide open, met mine.