What Can You Do?
"Hey, Minseo...?"
"So stiff. How about dropping the honorifics?"
"...Could you, um, move away a little...?"
I had no idea how much time had passed. And no one—absolutely no one—could fall asleep quickly while sharing a space with something so utterly repulsive.
If that repulsive thing had been, say, a waterlogged skull, maybe it would have been different. But this was a living, breathing creature, wasn't it?
"Don't want to. Heh."
"...At the very least, put some clothes on..."
"I only wear underwear when I sleep. I was being considerate by throwing a top on, you know?"
"Th-that's not what I meant..."
That thing was still pressed firmly against my thigh. Given the difference in our heights, there was no way she wasn't lying like that on purpose.
And so it kept twitching—moving against my thigh—until even her underwear felt faintly damp...
Overwhelming disgust coiled around my body, raising goosebumps all over my skin.
"...Heh. Yeoreum, do you hate me?"
"If you keep this up, I-I will."
"No. For real."
Just as I was about to say I would head over to Jiwoo's tent, Minseo let the atmosphere grow a little heavier.
"...No..."
I wanted to say I hated her right then and there, but I was far too weak for that. If I hadn't been, I would have screamed or clawed at her long ago.
"Heh! Really?"
"B-but... that kind of... that kind of thing, I won't do it."
"Eh? Why not?"
"..."
What was I supposed to say? That I was actually a man and would rather die than be penetrated by a cock? No—wait. Thinking about it, there was no real need to stick to the truth.
"......I'm, uh, into the opposite sex—no, wait. I-I'm a homosexual."
"Eeh."
"So I-I hate—kyaah...!? Don't rub against me...!"
Minseo suddenly shifted her body. Through the single layer of her underwear and the pants I was wearing, I felt that thing press hard into my flesh and slide.
"Shh. What if a monster comes?"
"...I-I know there aren't any. Don't treat me like an i-idiot—"
The hand she had rested on my stomach—left alone because it hadn't moved up or down—suddenly wrapped around my entire body and yanked me into a crushing embrace. Strong enough that my breath caught in my throat.
"...Ngh...!"
I could feel Minseo's chest against me, but the real shock was the sensation that something else had stirred from being held like that.
"I'm serious. Or rather—you never know, right? Just because something is unlikely doesn't mean it can't happen. Heh!"
"......"
She had a point. In those kinds of movies, there was always the character who made noise first and died for it. Or the scene would cut, and the monster that heard the sound would slowly turn its head toward the source. Classic cliché.
No—more than that.
What had that sensation just now been? A deep thrum in my lower belly? Or like my lower belly alone had been snipped free and was falling somewhere? A strange feeling.
...I wanted to believe it wasn't arousal. No—even if it was, it wouldn't be a big problem. It would just be a simple bodily reaction. Didn't they say victims sometimes orgasm too?
Yes. That had to be it. After all, my brain wasn't originally mine. Only the operating system had been swapped out; there was no way the body itself wouldn't influence things.
"Ah, soft and warm."
Minseo was taller than me, so when she buried her face in my hair and inhaled, my body stiffened with fear. Somehow her underwear seemed to grow a little damper.
"S-stop it..."
"Don't want to. I'm going to keep going. Heh. What can you even do about it, Yeoreum?"
"..."
She was right. As far as I remembered, Minseo was on the facilities team—specifically the one in charge of life-support systems.
Almost everything now went through Soyeon, the acting safety manager, but even that was just sitting in front of a screen and giving orders.
Someone still had to tighten the actual bolts, didn't they?
Well. If I hadn't crashed here, most of that work would have been done by drones, and the people here would only have shown up scratching their bellies when a problem arose that machines couldn't handle...
Anyway—if something like that happened to me, there was no way people would take my side. Looking through the regulations, most problems were handled by locking someone in solitary confinement as punishment—
But if someone raped a person who was completely useless and could die without consequence, what kind of penalty would they give a fairly important crew member? At best a few days of rest before coming back out, I imagined.
They might even claim that regulations alone couldn't cover every situation in a crash landing and impose no sanctions at all.
In the end, Minseo and most of the others treated me a little more closely than the rest. But that didn't mean there was anyone who pitied me enough to stand against everyone else. I had felt that quiet treatment all along. A few of them might even be willing to act on it.
"..."
My body stiffened a little more.
Was it because I imagined one morning the people who couldn't take it anymore putting my execution on the meeting agenda—and then, one day, a gun barrel suddenly appearing in front of my eyes?
Or maybe something milder: they would just hand me a few days' worth of food and drive me out.
Whether she interpreted that rigidity differently or not, Minseo spoke.
"Aha...! Ah, so cute. But you don't have to be that scared. Everyone here liked you, you know."
"...What?"
"Isn't that obvious? Most of us are intersex, and you're ridiculously pretty—plus you used to be a little high-handed, right?"
Minseo added that it felt awkward saying it like that.
"How did it end up like this? Someone who barely even talked before is now completely timid and crumpled."
...I had nothing to say to that. Well—if I put myself in their shoes, it would probably feel like suddenly becoming the owner of a hypnosis app.
"...M-my memories..."
I tried to spit out the same excuse I had already repeated while being held, but Minseo just sniffed the crown of my head again.
"D-don't—don't do that..."
"No. Heh! Like I said again—"
Suddenly her hand moved. The sensation of someone else grabbing my breast was far more horrifying than I had imagined.
"Kyaaah...!"
"What can you do, hmm? Heh...! Pick one of the two."
"Uwaah...!"
I thrashed. I reached out, grabbed the arm that was squeezing my breast, and tried to push it away, but it didn't budge at all. And yet she wasn't even gripping hard enough to hurt—just holding that position. It made the difference in strength crystal clear.
"Want it as rape? Or as mutual consent?"
Fortunately, I didn't lose my chastity that night. Minseo still had some reason left.
"......"
Of course I understood it to some degree as well. In the end, getting through that situation unscathed had been impossible. She had been so hard that her underwear was soaked.
"..."
Sexual desire is the kind of urge you can usually endure or ignore—until the fire catches. Once it does, it won't stop.
So we barely managed to reach an agreement that she could freely touch my breasts, and that was how we got through the time...
Minseo, who had been groping me as if she meant to kill me—practically fondling my entire body—eventually heard the alarm on her wristwatch, switched night-watch duty with Jiwoo, and then, a little calmer, caressed me with something like affection before falling asleep.
Something must have happened outside. There was no way she and Jiwoo had just locked eyes by chance, so she had probably taken care of it alone. That was why I never even thought of looking outside or leaving the tent.
"......"
And so, morning. Or at least I assumed it was. Since the structure didn't let me see the brightness outside, the moment my eyes opened I decided it must be morning and sat up.
Something felt strange. For two people who weren't dating—who didn't even share any real affection—far too much had happened.
At this rate, wasn't I no different from someone selling their body? Trading sex just to keep living.
No—don't think too deeply. I had become a woman who knew what male hormones felt like, so maybe I could just think of it as doing her a favor.
I sorted my thoughts that way and shifted my legs a little. The strange feeling remained.
"Ugh...!"
And then I immediately understood why.
My entire body was screaming. Thighs and forearms, of course—but also shoulders, neck, stomach, back, even my shins.
I only learned just now that there were muscles in my shins. I had thought that area was nothing but bone.
"...Uwaaah..."
It was almost more than I could handle. The pain around my shoulders, where the backpack straps had dug in, was especially vicious.
So I stayed frozen in the half-risen posture, just letting out little groans—
—knock knock.
A knock came. Had she sensed someone was awake?
"Administrator? Are you up?"
"Ah. Y-yes..."
It was Jiwoo's voice. Thinking about it, if it had been Minseo I might have found it a little hard to look her in the face. No particular reason—just that seeing the face of the person who had used my body like a masturbation aid the moment I woke up felt a bit much.
The door opened. By now she was used enough to changing clothes (even if I had been hiding) that she showed no hesitation.
"...?"
Jiwoo's expression as she looked down at me was complicated. It seemed to ask what I was doing, so I opened my mouth.
"I-I think it's muscle pain..."
"Ah. I see. Shall I help you up?"
Her eyes curved instantly as she held out a hand. Well—I wasn't so bad off that I couldn't stand, but I still took it and rose.
Cold air drifted in through the open door into the tent that had grown warm from body heat. Somehow it felt rather humid—
"...Huh...?"
Beyond the door everything was a milky white, as if a translucent white filter had been laid over the world.
"Fog?"
I spoke without thinking. It wasn't a word born from recognizing any particular danger. Even so, I could tell the current situation was not favorable for us—
"...Yes. I wanted to talk about that. Will you come out?"
—because Jiwoo's expression looked quite serious.