A Farewell Both Brief and Long
A deep night, the moon pouring bright light over the world.
Our outing finished, Soye and I returned together to the Thunder Power Sect. I had washed up lightly and was heading back to my room when I ran into her, fresh from her own bath.
"Oh my. If I'd known Gaga was washing up too, we could have bathed together..."
"A truly charming offer. I only wish you'd said it a little louder."
"Gaga is rather conservative, in his quiet way."
"There's a reason for that..."
We were trading that idle nonsense when Soye's appearance suddenly caught my eye. In the moonlight she held a charm entirely different from the one I had seen by day. She had only just stepped out of the bath, and now and then a thread of water slid down the line of her neck in a way that looked far too alluring.
Fuck. Get a grip. Soye is still fourteen, you lunatic.
Scolding myself for letting my eyes go wild over a fourteen-year-old girl, I spoke to her lightly, determined not to let my thoughts stray any further.
"If you don't mind, want to walk together?"
"I'd love to, anytime!"
At some point it had become a habit. Without thinking, I offered her my hand, and Soye took it with a look of proud delight.
"Your hand comes out all on its own now?"
"Guess so... This just feels natural now."
"Then all my hard work today was worth it."
Hand in hand, we walked through the compound and talked, and before I knew it we had reached the lodgings where Soye and the rest of the Tang Clan were staying.
"So this is as far as we go today, I suppose?"
"Looks like it..."
"Why the long face? Are you disappointed?"
"Yeah... I want to stay with you a little longer."
"Gaga is more of a clingy baby than I thought."
Still holding my hand, Soye leaned in and kissed my cheek. Then, smiling shyly at my stunned face, she said,
"Make do with this for today. Isn't it enough?"
"Uh... no. It's plenty..."
"I have to wonder how rumors like those ever stuck to someone this innocent."
"Are you doing that on purpose?"
"Doing what?"
"That smile with your eyes."
"I am. Do you not like it?"
"No... I like it too much. If you're doing it to seduce me, I just wanted you to know it's working extremely well."
"Pfft! What an honor."
We whiled away the time on jokes until I was the one to speak the words of parting.
"Then I'll go. Get some rest."
"Yes. You sleep well too, Gaga. You'll play with me again tomorrow, won't you?"
"Yeah. I'll come running the moment I wake up."
"I'm already looking forward to tomorrow."
I was just about to turn back toward my room when the urge to tease her surged up, sudden and irresistible. Her guard was down. This was my chance. I caught her by the arm, drew her in, and kissed her.
"Ga... Gaga?!"
"Payback."
Startled by the sudden move, she had flushed redder than I had ever seen her. Satisfied, I fled as I called back over my shoulder.
"See you tomorrow!"
"Ga... Gaga!!"
Tonight, I thought, I would fall asleep happier than I ever had across both my past life and this one. I had no idea my heart was pounding so hard that sleep would not come at all.
The guest lodgings of the Thunder Power Sect, deep in the night.
At an hour when everyone else ought to have been asleep, a woman set the tea she had been drinking down upon the table and gazed at the moon beyond the window. Moonlight lay across a face that had not yet shed every trace of childhood, and still she was beautiful enough that even a fully grown adult might stare without meaning to.
"I finally met him."
She sank into thought, turning over the day. From a reunion as splendid as a scene out of a novel with the man she had yearned for across decades, to a parting that had been just a little embarrassing, there had not been a single moment that failed to please her.
"Haa... Gaga."
Did he know how long she had waited for this day? Judging by the things they had talked about, he seemed to have forgotten every childhood memory of her. It stung a little, but she decided to take it in good part. Forgotten memories, she thought, could make for an amusing situation all their own.
You've become so very handsome.
Simply recalling a face more striking than anything she had imagined was enough to bring a flush to Soye's cheeks. Once the engagement was settled and she began gathering what she could learn of him, the rumors that reached her had stirred a worry she could not quite shake. And yet, meeting him in person, she found only a fiancé who stood at the very opposite of those rumors—the image of the ideal she had drawn for herself... no. Something beyond even that.
His looks were his looks. What reached her more deeply was the temperament that had made the whole of the day a joy: a grave first impression, the measured wit that slipped in now and again, and the vulnerable side he showed to her alone. There was not one thread of her fiancé's charm she would have been willing to cast aside.
"That last kiss was sudden, but..."
Caught perfectly off guard, she twisted and squirmed as she relived the moment. Surprise attacks she had never once pictured, even in her wildest daydreams, were making this reality all the sweeter. The knowledge that a life like this was only just beginning tapped, sweet and insistent, against her chest.
"I should sleep now. If I'm to go out and play with Gaga again tomorrow..."
An interruption midway had kept her from enjoying things exactly as planned, but time still remained. And because the ruined plan had given her pleasures she would not otherwise have had, Soye decided not to hold it against anyone.
"What will tomorrow bring? I hope it comes quickly."
Picturing the future ahead in happy imaginings, Tang Soye slipped into a deep sleep.
A week after Tang Soye arrived at the Thunder Power Sect, the joyful span of days she had wished might never end was over, and the hour of parting came all too soon.
"Not being clingy today?"
"Too many eyes... Why? Does it seem like I'm putting on an act? Do you hate it?"
"No? When I think you save that soft side for me alone, I find it rather sweet."
They said as much, but regret lay thick across both our faces.
"I'll write often. You'll answer, won't you?"
"I'm not sure. I'm thinking of heading out on a chivalrous journey soon."
"A chivalrous journey?"
"The journey's only the pretext. Think of it as closer to travel. The trip itself won't be all that long, but the moment I get back, I'll probably go into closed-door training."
At my words, Soye's cheeks puffed round. Honestly, I would have sulked in her place, so there was no excuse I could offer her.
"Hmph. Just say you don't want to keep in touch with me."
"As if. You know better than anyone that isn't true."
"I know, but... I'm sorry. I was just being petty for no reason."
She had been sniping as though she were hurt, yet at my words she apologized at once and lowered her head.
"What do you have to be sorry for? It's all because I'm not enough."
"Gaga isn't lacking..."
"I know. I'm only trying to become a little better."
"...I think I like you just as you are..."
If we parted like this, years might pass before we could easily see each other again. Knowing that, I answered Soye, who was grumbling under her breath.
"I know. You'd love me even like this—no, even if I got worse than I am now. But I don't want that."
"Gaga..."
"I think every single step of trying to become someone worthy of the person I love is one face of what it means to love."
"I'm afraid you'll come to feel obligated by it."
"You don't have to worry so much. This is only for my own satisfaction. It's the wish of someone still clumsy and lacking—to become a person who suits you better."
"But..."
She hesitated like a precocious child who wanted to speak and, thinking of the other person, could not. I drew her into my arms.
"I won't make you wait too long. So wait just a little for me."
"...All right. You'll keep that promise?"
"Yeah."
At times like this, she looks as unpolished as any other child her age.
Even on ordinary days there was a slightly awkward edge to her, from the way she forced herself to act grown. But this was the first time Soye had looked so openly young.
We were still pouring out how much we would miss each other when my father, sect leader of the Thunder Power Sect, came out to see the Tang Clan's people off.
"Leaving, are you?"
"Yes, Sect Leader. We are grateful for the Thunder Power Sect's kindness. Thanks to you, we have stayed very comfortably this week."
"I'm glad to hear you say so. Next time, I shall see you at the Tang Clan."
"Yes. I am sure the Clan Lord will welcome you as well."
"Now that is something to look forward to."
There was nothing much in the exchange between Soye and my father. Both of them offered only formal courtesies, and with little common ground between them to begin with, the talk did not last.
"Then we will be going."
"I've kept you too long. I pray for the safe return of everyone from the Tang Clan."
"Then, we take our leave."
The conversation done, Soye climbed into the carriage. When the moment of parting truly arrived, my mood was anything but good—but the last thing she said loosened it, if only a little.
It was so soft that no one but me could possibly have heard it, and still I caught it without mistake. When I lifted my head, I saw her waving through a gap in the carriage window. Fortunately, it seemed I would be able to send my last words after her.
Me too.
With the crack of the driver's whip, the carriage carrying Soye left the Thunder Power Sect. The words had been brief, and soundless—only the shape of my mouth—yet they must have reached her, for the face departing from me was full of smiles.
It was that smile I fell for.
I stood lost in thought, watching the carriage go, when Jin Yeoheun came up beside me.
"Planning to leave right this moment?"
"Yes. A reason has come up for me to finish the journey as quickly as I can."
"Fine. It's your affair. Decide for yourself. I won't interfere any further."
After that short exchange, Jin Yeoheun was gone. Once he disappeared, I gathered the luggage I had left where I stood and began my own preparations to depart.
There was one thing I had come to understand over the week spent with Soye. I liked her far more than I had thought. I had meant, originally, to give her up and seek out some new love, but now it seemed that if it was not Soye, it could not be anyone.
And so I decided to become a man worthy of her.
First, I'll snatch a few of the protagonist's fated opportunities... and after that, train like a madman.
Whether the original story twisted or not, I had decided not to care about any of that. The me of now did not want to give Soye up, even if it meant ruining one person's life.
And so, under the name of a chivalrous journey, my theft of destined opportunities began.