A Wastrel's True Heart
"So? Nothing else you want to say?"
Soye's voice had gone cold, and it sank into my chest like a sharpened blade. I had no idea what to tell her. My eyes darted this way and that, and she was the one who spoke first.
"Then why are you telling me now? If you meant to lie, you should have lied all the way to the end. If you meant to speak, you could have told me before the engagement ceremony. Why say it at a time like this?"
"I..."
She was right. A confession belonged before the ceremony, and a lie was better carried through to the last. I knew perfectly well that what I was doing sat in the worst place between the two—an awkward half-measure that committed to neither. And still, there was a reason I had chosen this hopeless moment to tell Soye the truth.
"Because I like you too much. If we were officially engaged, then at least I'd have that excuse to keep seeing you."
Even to my own ears it sounded a little pathetic. No—thoroughly pathetic. I couldn't help it. I liked Soye enough that I would have seized any pretext just to stay beside her, and the feeling had already grown past the point of turning back. From here on, I wasn't going to be particular about the means.
Soye, who had been listening in silence, reached out. Sure I was about to be slapped, I squeezed my eyes shut—but what met me was not the crack of a palm. It was the warmth of her arms around me.
"That must have been hard to say. Thank you for telling me the truth."
"Soye...?"
She held me close while I shook with fear, a faint, teasing smile on her lips.
"What? Don't tell me you thought I'd come to hate you, Gaga."
"But I..."
"Of course, when I first accepted an engagement with you, it was because of my childhood memories with Jin Muwon."
"..."
"But the one I actually met was you. It may have begun in a misunderstanding, but I'm already in love with you—deeply."
"Soye..."
She drew back from the embrace, took my hand, and looked me straight in the eye. What lived in her gaze felt less like affection than certainty, a love that did not waver, and I found I couldn't look away.
"I won't pretend it wasn't a shock. Setting your true identity aside, learning that we're characters in a story shook me a little. Even so..."
"..."
"Something like this could never make me hate you. Nothing could."
"Soye."
All the time I had spent suffering and agonizing alone was rendered meaningless by those words, and before I knew it I was crying. Soye said nothing. She simply wiped my tears and pressed her lips to my forehead.
"It must have been terribly hard to say. Thank you for being brave."
"Soye, I... I..."
Emotion surged up without warning, and the tears would not stop. Whether it was the great weight finally lifted from my chest, or the simple fact that she had said she would go on loving me, I couldn't tell. There was no sign of it easing. For a long while I stayed in her arms and wept.
The next morning, with the engagement ceremony safely behind us and Soye's forgiveness already mine, my heart was at peace. Summoned by the Tang Clan Head, I set out for his office with her at my side.
As we walked, arm in arm, she held something up to my mouth.
"Gaga! Ah~."
"Ah~."
I opened my mouth as she wanted, and she popped a bite of food between my lips.
"What is it?"
"Tanggwa. Candied fruit. There were a few pieces left in the kitchen earlier, so I brought them."
She passed me the little pouch. I took it with a look full of questions, and she opened her mouth.
"Feed me too."
Ha. Cute enough to drive a man out of his mind.
I picked up a piece and held it to her lips. With a soft "Ah~," she bit down. Ever since I had told her the truth the day before, her affectionate offensive had only grown fiercer. She had always been like this, but now she refused to leave my side for so much as a moment.
We walked along, fawning over each other, and before I knew it we had reached the Clan Head's office. An attendant showed us in. The Tang Clan Head was already waiting.
"I greet the Clan Head."
"Enough. Between us, we can skip that much courtesy."
"How could I, before the Clan Head..."
"No fun at all."
"..."
For a moment I seriously considered turning around and walking back out. I swallowed the impulse and asked him as evenly as I could.
"So what is this about?"
"Tired of me already? You want the point, and then I'm to get lost?"
"When did I—"
"I'm joking. Don't get so serious."
Should I actually leave?
His teasing was starting to give me a headache when I felt the air around him change. Then he began to explain the real reason he had called us.
"I know it's poor timing, asking the moment the engagement ceremony has ended, but I need the two of you to go to the Murim Alliance and come back."
"The Murim Alliance, my lord?"
"Yes. Because of Tang Pung's incident, there's something I must report to the Alliance Leader."
"...The demonic arts."
"...That's right."
Given what had happened, a report to the Murim Alliance was something I had already expected. In the original story, the Alliance had always answered demonic arts with particular severity.
"I understand the reason, but why me? If it's only a matter of sending a letter, the elders would be faster..."
"I'm sorry, but we can't move right now."
"Has something gone wrong?"
"Have you heard of the Greatest Under Heaven Martial Tournament?"
"Yes. Only that it's a contest where the jianghu's most promising young talents gather to test their skill... Why?"
"This time, it has been decided that the tournament will be held in Sichuan."
"What?!"
The words tore out of me before I could stop them. In the original, the Greatest Under Heaven Martial Tournament had not been held in Sichuan at all. It had taken place in Hubei, where the Murim Alliance kept its headquarters. By now I couldn't even guess which thread I had pulled to throw the story so far off its course.
"Is something the matter?"
"Ah... no. I was only a little surprised."
"Were you? Well, the venue of the next tournament is kept secret, so it's only natural."
"Ah. Yes."
While the Clan Head settled the matter to his own satisfaction, Soye, who had been listening quietly beside us, spoke.
"So why do Gaga and I have to be the ones to deliver the letter?"
"For as long as the tournament runs, our Tang Clan, the Emei Sect, and the Qingcheng Sect must keep the peace within Sichuan. Security has to be tightened even before it begins, which makes this an awkward time to divide our strength."
"I understand. Then Soye and I will go to Hubei and back."
"Thank you for understanding. As for this matter, I'll see that you're separately—"
"No. I'm one of the Tang now, so there's no need for a separate reward. Instead..."
"Instead? Name it."
"I'd like to ask whether Soye and I may take a journey through the jianghu before the tournament."
"A journey through the jianghu?"
"Then we'll take our leave."
Leaving the Clan Head behind, Soye and I stepped out of the office. The moment we were outside, she linked her arm through mine.
"You were startled back there. It was different from the novel, wasn't it?"
"You noticed?"
"Of course. If anyone would know something of what's coming, it's you, Gaga. I couldn't understand why a person like that would be shocked just from hearing where the tournament would be held."
"I really can't hide a thing from you. You're right. Originally it was held in Hubei."
"Was it? Do you have any idea why it changed?"
"I don't. It's too late to guess. I've already tangled too many things."
"Isn't that a little irresponsible?"
"That sort of thing matters less to me than living happily with you."
"Your tongue is always so smooth."
She said it, and still she must have liked the answer, because she leaned her head against me.
"Even so, I didn't think you'd ask for something like that."
"Like what? Oh—the jianghu journey?"
"Yes."
That was what I had asked of the Clan Head in return for going to Hubei: a journey through the jianghu with Soye. Once we had delivered the letter to the Murim Alliance Leader, I wanted the two of us left to wander until the tournament. It was called a jianghu journey out of courtesy. In truth, I had simply said I wanted us to go traveling.
"I just wanted to take a trip. The two of us."
"Is there somewhere you've been wanting to go?"
"Not really. Nowhere in particular. I just..."
"Wanted to be with me. Right?"
She finished the thought for me and smiled so sweetly that I laughed before I knew it. I stroked her hair, careful and light.
"That's right. How do you always know my heart so well?"
"Because I love you. Isn't that why?"
We were laughing at nothing in particular, on our way back to our quarters, when I remembered what I had forgotten.
"Ah. Right."
Soye looked up at me, puzzled.
"What is it?"
"Hold out your hand."
"My hand?"
She offered it without knowing why. I took it gently, drew the ring from my pocket, and slipped it onto the ring finger of her left hand.
"I meant to give it to you yesterday, and forgot..."
"Wow. Gaga, you do realize you just gave me this with absolutely no romance, don't you?"
"Sorry. It came to me all of a sudden..."
"Haa. I've already taken it, so giving it back would be strange. I'll keep this one. But the wedding ring—you put that on me properly, with the right mood."
"I will. I promise."
Satisfied, she picked up the other ring still resting in my hand and, just as carefully, slid it onto the ring finger of my left.
"If you cheat on me, I'll kill you."
I kissed her even as she threatened me, adorable to the last.
"Don't worry. That will never happen."
On the way back, a matching pair of rings sat on our left hands.