002. Streaming as a Hobby
002. Streaming as a Hobby
The first viewer fled within one second of entering.
"The fuck—why'd you leave, you cunt?!"
I swore straight at them.
Even though that viewer had already left and couldn't hear a thing.
‘What? Had I been too brutally honest?’
It felt like I'd screwed up right out of the gate.
Thinking it over, cursing at someone the first time you met them was a bit much.
Still, what could I do?
I'd gotten excited that a viewer showed up and couldn't hold back.
‘Hoo... The next viewer that came in, I'd try to swear at them as gently as possible.’
I calmed my racing heart.
And waited for another viewer.
‘I figured I'd be waiting another few dozen minutes.’
Boring.
Felt like I was about to get depressed again.
But I could endure it.
The high I'd felt when a viewer came in was still vivid.
I couldn't even remember the last time I'd been that excited.
‘...Wait. Did livestreaming actually suit me?’
Maybe it did.
Lately, my lethargy had gotten severe.
The moment I was discharged, this emptiness settled in, like my life was over, and it had stuck with me ever since.
It wasn't easy to break through that void and feel any stimulation.
New games, new music, new movies.
No matter what new thing I tried, I felt indifferent.
If I had to pick recent things that made me happy:
When this house—which I'd started building before enlisting—was finally finished after my discharge. When I picked up a new car this morning.
And... that was about it.
Was spending money the fun part?
I'd mistaken that for the answer and splurged extravagantly, but it wasn't enjoyable at all.
Yet just turning on a stream and having one viewer come in got me that worked up—now that was a surprising discovery.
‘If just one person did that, how would it feel if dozens came in?’
I grew interested.
My anticipation swelled.
It was only the first day, but I already felt like giving livestreaming a shot was a good call.
‘But wait—had I ever actually enjoyed talking to people? No, that wasn't it. I hadn't been excited because I talked to a viewer, right?’
At the same time, doubt crept in.
I had no idea which part had interested me.
‘Was I just getting catharsis from someone paying attention to me?’
That didn't seem right either.
I'd never enjoyed being on stage.
‘...Or if it wasn't that, then could it be...’
Was I simply lonely?
Come to think of it, the military had been rough, but I'd never fallen into boredom like this back then.
‘So that was why reenlistment had crossed my mind...’
Let me say it again.
I had absolutely zero intention of reenlisting.
Anyway, I'd accidentally figured out the cause of my boredom.
The moment I realized the cause, light began seeping into a life where suicide wouldn't have been surprising. And that light was leaking out of the little box in front of me.
‘The answer really was livestreaming.’
Getting a job or joining a club was out of the question given my personality.
Reenlistment was off the table too.
I could attend university if I just paid the tuition, but I had bad memories tied to schools as institutions, so that was impossible.
In the end, whether it was livestreaming, hanging out in a game guild, or random chatting—
the place I'd inevitably reach was networked space.
‘Alright. Now that I'd started streaming, I'd stick with it and give it my all.’
With that resolution, I faced the monitor.
The viewer count still sat at zero.
Zero inflow was an understatement—there was absolutely nobody.
But I wouldn't give up.
I just had to find the shortcomings and fix them.
First off, no viewers meant the stream title wasn't clickbaity enough.
The current title was 「Honest Newbie—Day 1」.
It definitely wasn't a title that grabbed attention.
‘Should I change it to something more provocative?’
I changed the title.
To 「Fresh and Steamy Newbie!」.
‘A little trashy, but it ought to pull some people in.’
I considered changing my nickname too, but I figured nobody clicked a stream based on a nickname, so I dropped it.
For reference, my nickname was just my real name: 'Gye Se-hun'.
Anyway, the title was changed.
As for other ways to draw attention, turning on a cam was the obvious move...
But I'd started streaming on impulse—there was no way I had broadcast equipment.
‘I could just order it now. Stuff arrived in a day these days.’
Right as I was thinking that.
『'Curly Hair on Your Lip' has entered.』
"Oh shit!"
A second viewer had entered the room.
***
─What? Shit? Shiiit?
I was so thrilled the swear slipped out on its own.
I couldn't let this viewer slip away too.
I spoke as gently as I could manage.
"Ah, sorry. That just slipped out. Haha..."
─If saying sorry fixed everything, why would laws exist and why would we have cops?
"...Huh?"
─And why do you keep speaking casually to me?
Something was off.
I had a feeling some asshole had wandered in.
My instincts said trouble, but I decided to keep things pleasant for now.
─You fuckin' deaf, son? I asked why you're talkin' down to me when I ain't ever met you.
"Doesn't everyone online speak casually? And you're doing it too."
─Yeah, yeah, true. Sex sex dick.
"...The hell is wrong with this prick?"
─What? 'This prick'? You dare call a godlike viewer 'this prick'?
"Ahh. Sorry. Slipped out again."
─Saying sorry don't fix shit, you small-time fuck.
"..."
─Not gonna answer?
─Oh-ho. Look at this little shit?
─Your voice is kinda hot, so I was gonna let it slide, but nope.
─Whimper like a puppy and moan for me in five seconds, and I'll forgive you.
─5.
─4.
─3.
My temper was starting to boil.
I'd wanted people to come in, not a chimpanzee that knew how to type.
I had no use for a moron like this.
"Fuck off, you cunt. You sound like some fat pig bitch whose stubby knuckles are sprouting weeds, running your mouth just 'cause you're online. Get the hell out."
『'Curly Hair on Your Lip' has been banned.』
Pest control: success.
‘What a weirdo. Creeping in here out of nowhere.’
I stared at the now-empty chat and let out a sigh.
That had felt a bit strange, emotionally.
In the exact moment a viewer appeared, my heart had pounded.
But after that, far from being happy, I just built up stress.
Why was that?
Because the viewer was a malicious nuisance?
No. The root cause was something else.
It was because I'd hidden myself.
My actions—trying to conceal my true nature out of a desire not to lose the viewer—had constricted my chest and made me feel suffocated.
The proof was that when I'd cursed them out freely and banned them, I'd felt completely unburdened.
‘Like I'd decided at the start: no more forcing some nice-guy concept.’
By now I understood.
To cure my pathological boredom, I had to reveal my true self without hesitation. Trying to shake off loneliness with a fake persona was pointless.
A manufactured image wasn't me.
It was just an actor.
In the end, even the version of me socializing to soothe my loneliness would be nothing but a fictional presence, not me.
That approach couldn't solve the root of my loneliness.
‘Now I finally understood exactly why I hadn't been lonely in the military.’
Because back then, I hadn't hidden who I was.
And despite that, people had accepted me anyway.
Like those days, I'd been searching for people who would accept the whole unfiltered me.
‘I'd stop here for today. The cam was supposed to arrive tomorrow morning, so I'd turn it on again then.’
Starting tomorrow, I resolved to act however I wanted.
If I kept streaming, a handful of viewers whose tastes matched my channel would eventually show up.
The headcount didn't matter.
More would be nice, sure, but few was fine too.
I didn't need donations either.
Money was the one thing I had in excess.
And since this was a world where men and women's roles were reversed,
a man who cursed wasn't going to get favorable looks. But that was something I'd just have to endure.
...No.
On second thought, I didn't have to endure it at all.
Why should I stress myself out?
If a viewer rubbed me the wrong way, I could just ban them all.
If I didn't like a community's reaction, I just wouldn't look at it.
That was still fine.
Because to me, livestreaming was just a hobby.
***
It was unbelievable.
‘...He dared to ban me?’
Pretty cheeky for a small-time nobody.
He'd banned a viewer when his viewer count was zero?
He was profoundly, utterly insane.
Just because he was a guy, he figured streaming would be easy?
This industry wasn't that soft.
No matter how scarce men were, you couldn't survive being mediocre.
Especially as a 'Dullahan'—even more so.
‘Didn't even know how precious viewers were... Anyway, he picked the wrong fight. I'd chase you to the ends of the earth and make sure you couldn't stream anymore.’
It didn't matter if I got banned and blocked.
If you had money, you could make hundreds of accounts.
‘Had he ended stream today? He wasn't really quitting over this, right?’
Please, let him be back tomorrow.
Because I was going to torment him thoroughly.
*
*
*
That small-time streamer turned his broadcast on again.
‘He started late. I had been waiting since morning. Anyway, he was finished. Time to go.’
『'Curly Hair on Your Lip' has entered.』
‘Huh? What was this? The bastard turned his cam on today? I figured he was getting desperate since he had no viewers.’
It was laughable.
Did he think turning on a cam would make his stream surge in popularity?
If so, that was a colossal miscalculation.
To be a male cam streamer, an average face wouldn't cut it at all.
Just because there were fewer men in the world didn't mean women's standards had dropped.
The male cam scene was overflowing with face geniuses.
Probably had all sorts of women clinging to him and fawning over him in real life, but this industry was different. Tsk, tsk.
‘They always existed. Clueless idiots who thought people would suck up to them just because they were a guy.’
His face wasn't visible yet since he hadn't adjusted the cam angle.
But I could tell right away he'd be some plain-looking nobody.
There was no way a handsome guy would spout trashy curses like yesterday.
─Lol, this fuck turned his cam on? Let's see that face.
"Huh? Aren't you that braindead bitch I banned yesterday? I'm pretty sure I blacklisted you too... What's this. It's not Gubul-Gubul, it's Ggubul-Ggubul. Same person as Gubul-Gubul? If so, I'm banning you."
The cam angle shifted.
And then, the small-time streamer's face came into view.
...
It came into view.
...Huh?
Had I seen that right?
Something was wrong with my eyes.
"Why so quiet? I asked if you're the same person as that nutjob from yesterday."
I couldn't type in chat.
I was too flustered.
What the hell was I looking at?
Was that seriously a human face?
I couldn't put it into words.
He was handsome.
That word alone was nowhere near enough—it was a heavenly appearance.
He fit my dream ideal type perfectly in every way.
‘Crazy! Crazy! What was this?! This made every other male cam streamer look like a squid!’
He looked like an angel descended from the heavens.
I could even hear what sounded like bells praising an angel...
Wait, I really could hear them?
Was I hallucinating?
No matter how much I dug at my ears, the bells wouldn't stop.
Could this be a sign from the god of fate that they were tying the two of us together?
It was a reasonable suspicion.
"If you're not gonna answer, I'll just ban you?"
‘Huh? Ah, no! I had to hurry and apologize for yesterday... But first, a top-up...!’
I hurriedly pulled up the payment window and finished recharging.
And without a shred of hesitation, I fired off a donation.
『'Curly Hair on Your Lip' has donated 100,000 won.』
└I deeply regret yesterday's actions and have returned after profound self-reflection. It seems I truly was insane yesterday. I beg of you, please let go of your anger...
"Fuck off, you skank."
『You have been banned.』
Ah...
My own little angel...
That day, my world came crumbling down.