The Reasons I Cannot Stay
My state now was nothing like it had been during the Saint assault incident. This time, I stood in a state of perfect awakening.
Back then, I had managed to summon no more than one of my four past lives; now, I remembered every realm I had ever reached, whole and undiminished.
I understood, at last, what the Hero's power truly was — and thanks to that, I had been able to defeat Eden. Of course, that victory had never been mine alone; it was only possible because Celian had fought at my side.
On top of that, my previous lives were resonating with one another, their synergy lifting me higher than I had ever stood.
But it was precisely because of that that I came to realize a truth I didn't want to know — and yet had to.
This was not the story of the past I had uncovered when the brainwashing magic shattered at my awakening as the Hero. It was another story from the past — an entirely different one.
"Why?! I'm telling you I'm fine! Ever since that day, my heart has belonged to El and El alone. Stopping it, making it beat — those are things only El can do!"
Celian was staring at me, shouting herself hoarse in a state of agitation utterly unlike her usual composed self.
When I had first enrolled at the Academy, I had sought her trust in order to assassinate her; after the assassin guild collapsed, I had sought it to survive. And now, I suppose, I could say I had earned her trust completely. Truly, a heartwarming turn of events.
The "that day" she spoke of most likely referred to my first life — the day I took the guild master's blade in her stead.
I had sacrificed myself for her, but even that act was, in the end, nothing more than hypocrisy. Had I never grown close to her, I wouldn't have sacrificed anything at all — I would have been the one to drive a blade into her heart instead. That was exactly what happened in my second and third lives.
Of course, in those lives too, I had hesitated to run her through. If I hadn't, I would never have dragged the assassination deadline out for so long.
Looking back on it, I deserved to have my assassin's license revoked. Ten years raised as one, and I had gone and developed sympathy for my own target — when my own plight deserved more pity than I knew what to do with.
But a stab was a stab. However much the Master-Servant Brand's compulsion had weighed upon me, I was the one who had made the choice to act.
If I had truly not wanted to do it, I would have resisted — with a will strong enough to overcome the brand's magic, just as I had in my first life. Now that I knew such resistance was possible, there was no room left for excuses.
Yes. This was the first reason I could never forgive myself, even if Celian found it in her heart to forgive me.
"I-If you intend to leave... then I will stop you, even if I have to do it by force...!"
Celian raised the sword she still held and leveled it at me.
But for all her talk of stopping me by force, the arms gripping that sword were trembling — pushed past their limits just trying to keep pace with me, now restored to the peak of my power.
With footsteps so light they made no sound at all — far too quick for her exhausted eyes to follow — I slipped silently to her side.
Clang!
I batted the blade aside without exerting any real strength, and Celian's sword sprang lightly from her grasp, sailing far away to bury itself deep in the ground.
Celian's exhaustion had played its part, no doubt — but even had her body been in perfect condition, her current strength could never have stopped me.
The realm her body had currently achieved was, unlike the realm she had once truly reached, barely the threshold of a Sword Master. Even that much would rank among the finest on the continent, of course — but measured against the days when she had struck down the Demon King's Four Heavenly Kings, it fell short in every way that mattered.
She had no Holy Sword to aid her, her body was still far from its prime, and worse still, by forcibly dragging her realm upward in that state, she had only delayed the recovery of her true strength even further.
Had she not pushed herself, her body would likely have reached its peak within two or three years, and by then she might have recovered the power of her past life as well. But now that she had already overexerted herself, there was no guarantee she could manage it in so short a span.
She must have pushed herself trusting that the Holy Sword would choose her once more. From her perspective, it was the most natural assumption in the world — even I had never imagined that I would be the one chosen as the Hero.
But the Holy Sword had come to me instead, against all expectation, and her choice had turned out to be the wrong one.
I could not bring a weakened Celian down the perilous road to subjugating the Demon King. Even in my past lives, wielding power greater than what I have now, I had failed in the end. If I wished to save Celian's life, this was the only choice there was.
This was the second reason I could not stay by her side.
"Ngh..."
Watching Celian bow her head in frustration, tears falling one after another, I felt my resolve begin to crumble. The urge to take her in my arms and soothe her right then and there was shaking me to my core.
So I clenched my teeth and turned my back — telling myself that if I could just stop looking at her, even for a moment, it might get easier.
"Don't go!"
The moment my back turned, her heartbroken cry rang out — and with it, I felt a flow of mana brushing against my body.
Using the senses that had sharpened when I became a Sword Master, I traced the flow of mana back along its path and realized it was emanating from Celian, seated behind me.
And so, back still turned, I turned once more to look at her.
She was gazing at me, jaw clenched, tears streaming down her face, clutching something in her hand as she sobbed.
"D-Don't go... please..."
"...So Seli had it all along."
What she held in her hand was the Master-Servant Brand scroll.
Thinking back to my fourth life, there had been a moment when the brand etched into my body had vanished without a trace. That must have been because Celian, wiping out the assassin guild to save me, had burned the scroll along with everything else.
But in this life, even after the assassin guild had been purged, the brand had remained on my body. Which meant the scroll still existed somewhere. She hadn't burned it — so naturally, it was in her hand now.
I didn't bother asking why she had kept it hidden. She must have remembered how, in the fourth life, I had acted on my own without listening to a word she said, and kept it out of worry for my life. As you can see, here I was, still doing exactly as I pleased without listening to her. Her choice had not been a mistaken one.
I didn't resent her for keeping the scroll instead of burning it. She had done it out of concern for my life. Nor did I resent her for keeping it a secret, even while I myself was worrying over the brand — neither of us could have predicted, back then, that I would awaken as the Hero.
If anything, I owed her more gratitude than I could ever repay. Who was I to resent her?
"Seli..."
Looking at Celian as she pleaded with me, the scroll already half-blackened with scorch marks clutched in her hand, I called her name in a low voice.
She must have brought out the scroll she had hidden so carefully — her final card to play.
But...
"You were a Hero too, Seli, so you know. You know that sort of mind-control magic is useless against a Hero..."
In the end, her choice had been an act that meant nothing at all.
Perhaps back when I hadn't yet properly awakened as the Hero, it might have worked. But what chance did a warrior wielding the Goddess's sword have against mere mind-control magic?
The scroll — already half-scorched from the moment she had drawn it out — burst into flame once more with a whoosh and crumbled away to nothing but ash.
And in that same instant, I could feel it even without looking: the Master-Servant Brand that remained on my body had vanished, completely, in this very moment.
Just as the brainwashing magic had shattered naturally when I awakened the true power of the Hero, the brand, too, had long since become meaningless. Celian, who had been a Hero herself, could not possibly have been unaware of that fact.
And yet she had brought it out anyway — knowing it was futile, prepared to be resented by me for it, though that was something that would never happen. That was how desperate she was.
Yes. The Master-Servant Brand scroll — the thing that had tormented me so cruelly. This was the third reason I could not stay with them, and the greatest of all.
"Seli. Do you remember? The me of my second and third lives..."
The barrier, which was breaking apart along with the fallen Eden, seemed to need a little more time yet to disappear completely. There was, at the very least, enough time for a brief conversation.
Under any other circumstances, I would have wanted to carry this secret with me to my grave. But if it was her — the only person who shared my past lives — then perhaps it was all right to confess.
"The me of back then... no matter that the Master-Servant Brand forced my hand... I stabbed you through the heart, Seli..."
"That's why I keep telling you, it doesn't matter...!"
"But you see... you weren't the only one I stabbed."
A story she didn't know — a story she could never have known. And now, I was about to confess it.