A Performance in the Forest
The forest he had returned to after so long felt truly peaceful.
A sensation utterly different from the bustling, hurried atmosphere of the city.
Luke set his luggage down in Yerna's lodging and gazed at the cello case.
"Now I can play all day long if I want, can't I?"
-……!?
As if asking, Really? You mean it?, Pai's eyes sparkled up at him, and Luke nodded.
"Of course. I need to prepare for the concours as well…."
When he asked Emma, she told him the concours would be held in the fall.
There was plenty of time.
Come to think of it, that child Ilcia had said her goal was to take a prize at this very concours.
I'd like to go easy on her for the child's sake, but…
I need the prize myself, so it can't be helped.
Luke wondered whether he ought to apologize after winning. Then he shook his head.
In the past he had entered a few such competitions and contests, yet he recalled that whenever he won and offered an apology, the reactions that came back were never particularly pleasant.
Why is that? I was only conveying my feelings.
Luke did not know that an apology from the victor to the vanquished could, depending on how it was heard, sound like mockery.
He had never once lost at anything he truly set his heart on.
Except against the Demon King.
"I should at least offer some encouragement later."
Mages often sink deep into worlds of their own.
Magic, after all, demands the long contemplation needed to complete a world that is solely one's own.
Luke no longer required such hours of reflection, yet it seemed that long experience did not simply vanish.
He could feel his own heart grow full in those quiet stretches of time.
In that sense, the hushed atmosphere of this forest suited him perfectly.
It even recalled the feeling of the days when he had secluded himself in a quiet countryside.
Ordinarily he practiced inside the lodging, but today he wanted to play alone.
These past few days, whenever he performed in the lodging the forest keepers gathered as though a concert were being held, and their gazes and expectations had begun to weigh on him a little.
Even when he merely ran through rough practice, they somehow forced out praise like "Wow, you're really good!" which left him feeling oddly unsettled.
Sometimes he simply wanted to play without minding anyone's eyes.
Just as one sometimes wants to mutter to oneself in a place where no one can hear.
In the end Luke received permission to go a little farther from the lodging.
And he was glad he had asked.
The mana is excellent, and the wind feels good too.
The occasional sound of leaves brushing together as the wind stirred the trees was nature's own performance.
The forest is quiet, yet if one concentrates it is also noisy.
It looks monotonous, but it is never so.
Sounds every bit as varied as those of a city glittered with the forest's own colors.
And now Luke wished to add a touch of color to that quiet. He took out the cello, settled on a suitable rock, drew the bow, and laid it upon the strings.
-…….
Pai was already gazing up at him, brimming with anticipation.
Seeing her, he felt he ought to begin at once, and he nodded with a faint smile.
-Giiing—.
The cello sang.
He was mildly surprised that the resonance came out a little deeper than usual.
Whenever one plays, mana always answers.
Just as spirits—the will of mana itself—love music so dearly.
Is it because the place is different?
There seemed to be a correlation between the density of mana and the atmosphere that settled into the music.
This was his first performance in a forest so rich with magical power, and Luke smiled at the new discovery.
At last he decided to pour even more emotion into the playing than usual.
He resolved not to think that anyone might be listening.
Come to think of it, how long has it been since I last let my emotions show?
Before he became this body he had lived suppressing them heavily.
He had been an archmage, and excessive emotion was an enemy to any mage.
But now—
The circle engraved upon his heart was not swayed by such things.
Luke's circle, contemplated and designed over more than a hundred years, had reached a state of perfect assimilation with his will.
Yet even so, if he revealed emotion freely, would it remain quiet and composed without running wild?
It was worth the experiment.
How far was it permitted?
He even closed his eyes and loaded his feelings into the performance.
Lately he had begun to feel that placing his own emotions into the music was growing natural. He even found himself humming unconsciously during a piece, adding harmony whether he meant to or not.
Music possessed the power to move the heart.
In that light it was only natural that a performer's emotions should ride upon it.
That was why mages and spirit mages had never mixed well.
Emotional spirit mages and cold-blooded mages—two words that simply would not fit together no matter how one tried.
Circle magic barred mages from emotional exchange with spirits, and spirits in turn paid such mages little attention.
But what of now?
He felt a deep solidarity with the spirit fluttering before him, offering boundless trust.
Every morning upon waking he asked after her well-being even if it might mean nothing; whenever they saw something new they looked at each other in shared surprise.
Pai and Luke had grown quite close.
Thinking of it, was that not remarkable?
He had lived his entire life solely as a "mage," yet he himself had never imagined he could bare emotion this freely.
The deeper the feelings that rode upon the music, the deeper he felt the bond with Pai grow.
He felt he was finally beginning to understand why musical performance was called conversation with spirits.
When the music stopped, Pai met Luke's eyes in silence.
"How was it?"
-……, Luke.
It was better than usual, Luke.
That was what she seemed to say.
He could not know the details, yet the feeling of those emotions being conveyed reached him. Was this the bond with a spirit?
Not so bad.
Luke looked up at the sky, felt the wind, and smiled.
The scent of spirit clinging to the breeze—this must be the wind Pai was sending as if to say well done.
Yes. Conversation with spirits is not through language. It is through emotion.
Hard to explain in words, yet that was the sensation.
Yes—language is ultimately packaging meant to exchange knowledge and feeling with another.
But people sometimes fall into a mistake.
They believe it important to wrap their own emotions in fine packaging, and so they diligently decorate only the wrapping.
Ugly feelings wrapped in pretty paper, filthy intentions.
Dirty conversations packaged in layer upon layer of elegance to hide malice.
Yet for spirits such packaging holds no meaning.
Their language does not wrap words the way humans do.
Spirits reveal their emotions exactly as they are.
That is why a truly pure spirit cannot grasp the human system of speech.
They possess no "words" with which to package feeling.
Realizing that, he suddenly wondered what emotions Denise—who had sung such mournful songs—had poured into her music.
What feelings must one carry to play a tragedy so beautiful to hear?
Luke decided to load those emotions this time.
The deaths of those he held dear, the fact that he had fallen naked into this world and become a stranger—such things drew the feelings up with ease, and the emotions he raised settled into the cello just as simply.
The state of unconscious knowledge.
A realm countless musicians strive to reach, yet Luke had arrived there by a kind of instinct engraved in this body.
Like a babbling child who grows and one day speaks fluently, this was not a performance performed by conscious will.
-…….
The earnest song of the cello spread through the empty forest.
Longing, wistfulness, and a touch of regret.
He missed them. Kale, who had gone first, and Renier, who must have lived alone for so very long.
It was wistful—the vague, half-remembered feelings of those happy days.
And he regretted. Himself, who had claimed to research immortality and in doing so wasted the time they might have spent together.
Having leaped across five thousand years, I stand here.
But you are not here now.
I was late again.
Just as when I lost Kale.
The performance ended.
Suddenly he felt moisture welling wetly from his eyes.
Luke was a little flustered. He had never been like this before—was it the forest's mana? Or because he had poured too much emotion into the music?
Because of the surging feelings, he sensed the circle in his heart slip a fraction out of place.
"Ugh…."
Luke quickly pressed a hand to his heart and steadied the circle.
Though only a little, the sensation of the circle drifting from his heart was something he had not felt in a very long time.
He had thought emotions long forgotten.
Perhaps he had simply never had the chance to show them.
It was then.
"Lu!"
A figure burst from the trees.
Yerna.
"What's wrong? Does something hurt? Your heart all of a sudden…. Is it the circle?"
Luke's mind went a little blank at her abrupt appearance.
"Yerna…? Why are you here…?"
He muttered dejectedly as he watched her fussily wipe his tears with a handkerchief.
"W-well, I was worried…. I've been watching from nearby the whole time…."
"…From the beginning, you mean?"
"Yeah."
"Oh no…."
As expected, a forest keeper was a forest keeper; he had not sensed her presence at all.
In truth he had never intended to probe deliberately.
Luke trusted the forest keepers' GPS and abilities, and since he was in the midst of building his third circle he had no wish to waste mana on such things.
"You heard from the beginning…."
Then she had also heard the performance in which he had poured so much emotion midway through.
Luke felt intensely embarrassed, as though the scene of him muttering to himself at length had been witnessed by someone.
He had never once revealed emotion that freely before.
"But why did you cry? Is something the matter?"
Yerna was deeply worried that Luke—who never cried—had broken into tears.
Moreover his ears drooped, advertising for all the world that he was depressed right now.
But Luke shook his head.
"I-it was only that while I played, the emotions welled up. That is all."
"You cried just because of that…?"
Hoo. After several deep breaths Luke spoke with composure once more.
"I put too much feeling into the performance."
Emotion, emotion.
Come to think of it, from the middle onward Luke's playing had suddenly shifted, carrying something that touched the heart.
A melody that seemed to call up old, sorrowful memories.
Yet it never forced them; rather it drew out wistful feelings and seemed to comfort them.
Yerna, soothed by that music, realized that Luke had not played carelessly after all.
A performance deep enough that even she had immersed herself in it—perhaps that was why sincerity had resonated in the music.
I was comforted by that sincerity.
"But you don't usually play anything so melancholy."
"Well, being melancholy isn't enjoyable, is it?"
Luke grinned.
"I wanted to let all of you hear only joyful feelings."
Yerna was momentarily overwhelmed by the melancholy in Luke's eyes and halted the hand that had been stroking his hair.
Why would a ten-year-old possess such a gaze?
"You'll be hungry after crying. Let's go back! Daiton made barbecue, he says."
"I see. Let's go at once."
And in the place Luke left behind, Pai lingered a little longer.
Overwhelmed by the performance, she felt as though she had been struck by the emotions Luke had buried for long years and poured into that music.
His deep feelings had been conveyed exactly as they were, so from the middle onward she had frozen, almost unable to react at all.
Having lost her reason two thousand years ago, Pai—who for a very long time had drifted as a mere lump of mana without even recognizing her own existence—slightly became self-aware through that performance.
Luke's emotions had made Pai realize her own very old feelings.
Luke, you finally told me your story for the first time.
It had been a far deeper conversation than she expected.
Emotions like these… it really had been so long….
As expected, Luke is "Ere."
If he were not Ere, such a conversation could never have been possible. In the first place, had he not introduced himself that way as a firefly?
I am Ere. Come to me, Pairis.
That was what he had said.
She still did not understand why he told her to call him Luke….
In any case, Pai decided to remain in the forest a little longer to collect herself.
It was absolutely not that watching Ere eat delicious barbecue would be painful.
I want to interfere with the material world again too…!
Pai trembled all over.