Instinct
"I need a large box. Can you get one for me?"
"A large box...? Well, that shouldn't be hard... What for? How big does it need to be?"
"This may sound strange, but I would ask that you hear me out without alarm. In short..."
Luke drew a deep breath, filling his lungs and forcing down the shame as he spoke.
"I-I intend to go inside it."
"What?"
It was a thoroughly bewildering request, yet once she later heard the full circumstances from Lua Erast, Yerna nodded and thought it over.
Luke was human, not a true beastman, but magic that tampered with the mind did exist. Perhaps Luke was still feeling the effects of some such mental alteration.
And those sorts of mental rewrites came in so many varieties that, during her forest-keeper studies, she had even heard of magics that functioned almost like "instincts."
Of course, mind-affecting magic was treated with extreme caution and belonged to a dangerous class under strict institutional surveillance, locked behind fairly high-level clearances. Still, if a noble with money to burn wanted it done, there would always be a way.
And if this too was an inscribed "instinct," then only Luke would suffer by suppressing it.
In truth, such mental restraints did ease naturally with time.
Moreover, having already felt something close to terror at losing control of his own body, Luke had pleaded with Yerna very, very insistently.
"You may think it shameless after all the help I have already received. Yet as I am now, you are the only one I can rely upon..."
In the end she had no choice but to grant his request.
"Something like that? Honestly, it's not even that hard."
And so, following Lua Erast's advice, Luke was currently in the midst of enthusiastically venting his instincts.
"..."
Which meant sitting inside a box, or climbing up onto the backrest of the sofa instead of sitting properly in the seat.
All of it was the sort of thing a cat would do, yet he found it fascinating that it actually worked.
"...Well now."
At first it had been pure embarrassment, but as he grew accustomed to the sensations, a strange new feeling seemed to well up and fill the depths of his chest.
When he was inside the box, his mind somehow settled.
When he lay on his back and tapped the hanging mobile with a finger—tap, tap—his chest tickled in a pleasant way.
When he sprawled atop the sofa backrest, a sense of satisfaction washed over him.
Even rolling a small ball of yarn felt like an extraordinarily interesting and entertaining activity.
This is almost as if I have truly become a cat.
Yerna had gone out for work, and Lua was not coming today. With no one watching, Luke could experiment more boldly, and now curiosity was bubbling up far more strongly than shame.
"If these ears are a cat's, then whose are these horns supposed to be?"
A mage lived for curiosity.
There was even a joke that if a mage ever grew curious about the afterlife, it would not be the least bit strange for them to seek death themselves.
That was how important "curiosity" was to a mage.
Until now he had simply been held back by dignity.
Once curiosity struck, he moved at once to satisfy it.
Which meant that for the first time, Luke stood before a mirror and examined the horns rising beside his head in careful detail.
Previously those horns had not mattered at all.
They had simply been there.
But if they too influenced some "instinct," then he might prepare for unpredictable behavior.
Luke carefully ran his fingers over the horns growing beside his head.
The texture and shape were unmistakably those of a goat.
So was half of him a goat beastman?
That thought led immediately to another.
But if I am a goat, what instincts would that entail?
Luke tried hopping about on all fours and decided that was not it.
He opened the refrigerator and ate a few vegetables, concluding that at least his stomach felt a little fuller.
He lowered his horns and headbutted the wall, deciding that was rather painful.
"Ugh, I have no idea."
Gently rubbing the tingling horns he had just slammed into the wall, he pondered deeply, yet still found no answer.
Not even a common clue.
Luke climbed into the box Yerna had left in the living room, thought it over some more, and wondered whether he ought to look up an animal encyclopedia.
A few days later, it was once again Yerna's night-duty shift.
Which meant Lua Erast paid another visit.
"So, how is the instinct venting going?"
"I would say it is proceeding more smoothly than expected."
"It looks that way."
Having grown thoroughly accustomed to feline behavior, Luke had reached the stage of reading books and solving problems while sitting inside a box.
It was a remarkably fast adaptation.
Having feared a body that moved against his will, he had been able to free himself from that fear by deliberately performing "instinctive" acts.
Lua, of course, knew none of those inner details; she simply felt warm and pleased watching Luke grow more childlike.
She raised her voice a notch higher, drawing his attention to herself.
"Then shall we try an experiment~?"
"An experiment?"
The word "experiment" sparked a flicker of interest in Luke.
Mages and experiments were inseparable.
To prove one's logic and hypotheses, experiments were indispensable.
Thus Luke, whose interest in experiments ran very high, naturally pricked up his ears and focused on Lua's voice.
Seeing him concentrate so intently on her made Lua feel oddly happy.
I thought he was just a little old man in a child's body, but he has some pretty cute sides beyond just the face, she thought.
"Last time you couldn't control the urge to snatch my tail, so this time let's check whether you can hold it back!"
"Hmm, so that is the experiment... Well, fine. I am interested in that as well."
Luke nodded, climbed out of the box he had been sitting in, and settled into a proper seated posture before her, gazing up.
"But what will you use? I would rather not recommend using your tail the way you did last time..."
"Of course I'm not using my tail! So..."
Lua pulled a small pen-like device from her pocket.
Reflexively sweeping it with Mana Sight, Luke realized it was a type of light-magic tool.
A device that fires a strong beam of light in a straight line? Judging by the mana array, it seems to be an application of Light magic.
Confirming the faintly intrigued look on Luke's face as he studied the tool in her hand, Lua grinned and continued.
"The ultimate laser pointer! We're using this!"
"Laser pointer? What on earth is that used for?"
"It's for pointing at things. In lectures and such. You've never seen one?"
"I have not."
Five thousand years ago, mages had been so few that even the largest academy taught only about twenty disciples at a time. To Luke, the concept of a "laser pointer" used in a grand-hall-sized space was entirely unfamiliar.
"This one's specially made for beastman children, so the brightness is gentle and won't hurt the eyes. Still, you shouldn't shine it straight into anyone's eyes."
Lua aimed the laser pointer at the floor and clicked it on and off. Watching the tiny green dot of light appear and vanish, Luke felt a sudden impulse.
"This is..."
I do not know why, but I desperately want to catch it. I can clearly feel my instinct crying out.
"Well? Think you can hold back?"
"...I see. So that is how it is used."
Luke gave a small nod.
"This may indeed be difficult to endure. Perhaps because it is a new stimulus."
"Is that so~? Then perfect—let's get you used to it while we have the chance! Don't suppress the instinct!"
"Th-that is..."
Releasing one's instincts in front of another person still brought a wave of shame.
Certainly, rather than forcing himself to hold back, surrendering to the instinct once or twice greatly lessened the sudden urges.
Especially since he was a cat—or so it seemed—such instinctive actions quickly grew boring, making the impulses easier to control afterward.
That much he had confirmed through several days of self-experimentation.
But that curiosity...
Curiosity, synergizing with the very temperament Luke already possessed, only grew stronger.
Luke tracked the green dot as it traced lazy figure-eights across the floor in front of him, murmuring,
"That is... that is..."
"Come on, try to catch it!"
"Th-that is...!"
In the end, before he completely lost control of his body to instinct, Luke moved of his own will.
No matter what anyone said, there was no mage who could defeat "curiosity."
Thwack!
"Ugh..."
He found himself already on all fours, hips pushed back, both hands pressing firmly down on the spot where the green dot had been. His face burned hot.
Of course the green dot was only projected light and had not actually been caught; it still sat calmly atop the back of his small hand.
Well, of course it would end up like this...
Cold sweat ran down his back as the flushed Luke carefully looked up at Lua.
Lua nodded with an utterly delighted expression.
"Yep, Luke really is a cat."
"...Lua. I beg of you, please do not open your mouth any further."
What in the world is that magic tool? I saw no mind-control magic on it at all...
With a thoroughly stiff face, Luke handed the laser pointer Lua had left behind to Yerna and said,
"Help me grow accustomed to this."
"This is... what even is it?"
By any measure it was an ordinary laser pointer.
Yet seeing Luke handle it as if it were an explosive made Yerna grow serious as well, wondering whether some special function was hidden inside.
"She called it a laser pointer. A magic tool that shoots a small green light. No matter what I do, I cannot grow used to that green light."
"I-is that so?"
Yerna took the laser pointer Luke thrust at her and looked flustered.
It really did seem to be nothing more than a simple laser pointer.
The only strange part was that Luke had handed it over with such a resolute expression.
"So what am I supposed to do with it?"
"Simple. Shine it on the floor and move it about. I will try not to react."
"Really? Some kind of training, then?"
"You could call it that."
Yerna nodded.
These past few days she had watched Luke try all sorts of things to control his "instincts."
He must hate having his body move because of a tool like this.
If the effects of some mental alteration he himself barely understood began appearing in daily life, she would certainly feel the same revulsion.
"All right, I understand. I'll help."
"Thank you. I am ready, so you may begin whenever you like."
Watching Luke take a deep breath and set his posture, Yerna put on a matching serious expression, aimed the laser at the floor, and pressed the button.
Click.
"..."
His fingers and shoulders twitched.
It was clear he was holding back the urge.
Yerna carefully traced a large circle with it.
Luke's gaze followed the green dot.
When she sped it up a little, the eyes chasing it spun faster as well.
Every time she brought it close enough that he could catch it if he just reached out, his shoulders gave a big, adorable twitch.
This is... sorry, Luke, but it's really cute and fun...
Even if it was the aftereffect of mental alteration, wasn't it just too adorable?
Yerna gradually felt herself getting absorbed in the game.
The green dot began moving in ways that made Luke grow more and more desperate.
It approached, then drifted just out of reach.
It came close again, and finally climbed right onto the back of his hand.
There was no texture or weight to it, yet it felt like an insect crawling across his skin. Luke wanted to snatch that green light this very instant.
Even if the action itself was meaningless, his body insisted it held clear meaning; instinct was screaming.
As Yerna's technique evolved, he finally moved his hand.
"Ah."
The green light shone squarely in the middle of the back of the hand planted on the floor.
What that meant was obvious.
Luke muttered in a voice that was almost tearful.
"Kh... Yerna, do not... torment me like that..."
"Huh...? Uh, uh-uh...?"
Hearing the tearful tone, Yerna was thoroughly flustered.
She had never imagined Luke crying.
Of course she knew children that age cried easily, yet somewhere in her heart she had believed, Luke would never cry.
That was why the sound of him nearly weeping was quite a shock.
The tears came when Luke realized he had failed even his own resolve; the self-loathing, doubt, anxiety, and shame of losing control of his body tangled together and overloaded the young body's emotions.
Yet he hurriedly reined those feelings back in and reset his posture.
Losing control of his body was bad enough; crying in front of someone was equally mortifying.
At least this was an "experiment" conducted under the assumption that he might lose himself, so the emotion had not escalated all the way to terror—that was something to be grateful for.
After a single dry cough to steady his voice, Luke spoke again in a quickly composed tone.
"I could not hold out after all, so we will stop for today. I will ask again another time—will you help me then?"
"O-of course, Lu..."
"I am always grateful, Yerna."
"R-right..."
Even after Luke had gone into his room, the earlier tearful sound kept replaying in Yerna's mind.
He was trying so hard to overcome his trauma, and when he failed, the emotions overflowed.
He had quickly reined himself in, yet in that single moment he had unmistakably been a child.
No matter how mature and talented he is, Luke is still a child. I have to protect him.
Yerna gripped the laser pointer tightly and made that vow.
Of course she disliked seeing a child cry, yet with Luke she almost felt it would be all right if he cried sometimes—she worried he was bottling everything up inside his chest.
But why is it so cute...
Still, it really was cute.