Chapter 30
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 30
From that day forward, Thalia fought to tear herself away from a love that had calcified into a lifelong habit. She had tried to excise her feelings for him before, but never with such raw desperation.
She shoved the dresses he had chosen for her into the deepest corners of her closet, pulling out instead the daring garments that had made him frown the moment he saw them. Then, she began frequenting the banquets held regularly at the Empress’s Palace.
Naturally, Barkas, as her escort knight, was forced to follow her into those scenes of decadence.
For a man who had received a monastic education until the age of fourteen, it must have been a loathsome sight. It wasn’t a comfortable environment for Thalia, either. Inside the halls filled with her mother’s admirers, she was treated as nothing more than a miniature version of Senevia.
They looked at Thalia—who possessed the Empress’s face on the body of a blossoming young girl—and saw an exquisite toy. More than a few expressed active, predatory interest. Though she felt a deep sense of humiliation at being treated as a mere substitute for her mother, Thalia feigned enjoyment, basking in the attention showered upon her.
She wanted to flaunt it in front of Barkas.
Look at what you’re missing. I’m going to become a woman more beautiful than Aila. A woman as beautiful as my mother.
She wanted to show him how many people craved her. Perhaps, in some hidden corner of her heart, she hoped he would step in and stop her.
But Barkas, as always, performed his duties as an escort in stoic silence. Whether she drank herself into a stupor with strangers or flirted with men twice her age, he didn’t seem to care in the slightest. That indifferent attitude only fueled the dangerous impulses seizing her.
He had stayed by her side for seven years. Couldn’t he show a spark of concern? Couldn’t he tell her to stop? Such childish thoughts clung to her mind, refusing to leave. She felt that if she completely ruined herself, she might finally be able to shake off this foolish, lingering attachment.
In her desperation, she surrounded herself with strangers. She even tolerated their unsettling advances—the way they admiringly stroked her hands, face, or hair, or leaned in to press their noses against the nape of her neck.
It was unpleasant to be handled like a porcelain doll, but she didn’t dislike the ecstatic, intoxicated gazes they fixed upon her.
Sometimes, she felt a surge of elation, as if she were a god. When swept up in those emotions, the fact that she couldn’t have Barkas seemed like a trivial matter.
She clung to that sensation. If she buried herself in these intoxicating moments, her fledgling love would surely wither and die.
She immersed herself further into the messy, trivial games played between men and women. Gradually, she grew accustomed to suggestive wordplay and the risky tug-of-war of light caresses.
As she spent her days balanced on this precarious edge, a southern noble named Magus approached her.
At first, she paid him no mind. Though she visited the banquet hall every evening and mingled with various men, she rarely bothered to remember a single face.
But eventually, the man’s name began to linger in her mind. He had caught her interest in a very peculiar way.
He treated her like a young niece or a spoiled child. Sometimes, he would offer advice as if he were truly worried for her. After an initial period of being annoyed by his arrogant attitude, Thalia gradually opened up to him. Unlike the men who tried to touch her at every opportunity, he always maintained a respectful distance while remaining friendly.
That wasn’t all. He acted like a man without ulterior motives, playing the jester as if his only goal was to make her laugh. He brought toys and dolls as gifts instead of jewelry or revealing clothes. Slowly, Thalia began to feel comfortable around him.
Perhaps the man had noticed the starved, lonely child lurking within her. He slipped into her vulnerabilities all too easily.
It was the evening four days before her coming-of-age ceremony when he finally tore down the castle of trust he had built.
The man visited the Annex Palace late at night while Barkas was away. Her suspicion at his unannounced arrival was brief; seeing his cheerful, boisterous face, her wariness melted away like snow.
“Look at this, Your Highness! I finally found the puzzle I mentioned!” the man shouted excitedly, holding out a large toy box. “You can’t imagine how hard I worked to get this! I didn’t even put this much effort into a gift for His Majesty the Emperor!”
The man, who had been puffing out his chest in triumph, suddenly scratched the back of his head sheepishly. He seemed to have belatedly realized the rudeness of barging in so late.
“I originally intended to give it to you on your birthday... but I have to leave the capital urgently tomorrow, so I took the liberty of coming now. Will you please forgive my rudeness?”
Seeing him standing there with his eyes drooping like a rain-soaked puppy, Thalia shook her head as if she had no choice.
“I suppose I must. Come inside.”
He stepped into the Annex Palace with a bright smile. It was the first time she had allowed anyone other than her escort knight or a maid into the castle. Suddenly, the neglected state of the palace felt embarrassing.
She led him past the dusty drawing room, which had never been used, to the study on the second floor. It was the cleanest room besides her bedroom. They sat across from each other at a chess table and began fitting the puzzle pieces together.
She was so engrossed that she didn’t even realize the man’s knees were now positioned on either side of hers.
Thalia focused all her attention on connecting the small pieces to build a pointed castle tower.
To help her, he leaned his head close, holding the small pillars in place. Finally, a tower was completed. Thalia smiled with pride. Then, she suddenly realized he was far too close, and her expression soured. The man was pressed so near that his breath, thick with the scent of wine, tickled her forehead.
She shifted her hips uncomfortably, but she felt that pulling away abruptly would create an awkward scene.
Thalia carefully turned her body to the side, pretending to look for another piece in the box the man had brought. Suddenly, the man moved behind her, reaching his arms around both sides of her waist as if to embrace her while rummaging through the box.
“So, this is where it was.”
Thalia froze. His long, muscular arms tightened around her waist. Feeling his hot, damp breath pouring over the nape of her neck, she hunched her shoulders as much as possible. Her heart pounded with fear at the unfamiliar situation, but strangely, no sound would come from her throat.
He pressed his body firmly against her, pushing his arms even deeper into the box. Thalia barely managed to squeeze out a whisper.
“Let... let go...”
“Wait... just a moment, Your Highness... you have such a sweet scent.”
He pressed his nose against her shoulder and took a deep, lingering breath.
Thalia felt every nerve in her body stand on end. Her skin grew damp with cold sweat, and a violent shiver of goosebumps broke out along her spine.