Chapter 125
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 125
Withered leaves spiraled toward the earth.
Skeletal trees, stripped bare, twisted violently under the assault of a fierce wind. Over hills fading into a dull grayish-brown, icy streaks of rain lashed down.
Perched on the windowsill, Thalia stared out at the ashen landscape, pressing her face against the cold glass as the cavalry entered the castle courtyard. Through the blurred veil of splashing rain, she spotted Barkas mounted atop a massive gray warhorse. She watched as he dismounted with effortless, elegant movements.
Handing the reins to an attendant, Barkas pulled back his rain-soaked hood, revealing a face as pale and flawless as a marble sculpture. He appeared so composed and dignified that it was hard to believe he was the same savage who claimed her so relentlessly night after night.
Thalia wiped the condensation from the window with her palm, staring down at him intently. When Barkas suddenly turned his head in her direction, she hurriedly pulled the curtains shut.
The mere brush of their eyes caused her temperature to spike and her heart to hammer erratically. Biting her lip anxiously, Thalia climbed down from the windowsill and huddled before the fireplace. Yet, even before the roaring flames, her trembling would not subside.
She pulled her legs close and buried her face in her knees.
She no longer knew how to handle Barkas. Ever since she began spending her nights with him, the certainties of her life had unraveled into a tangled mess. Sometimes, the man in the bright light of day and the man in the darkness felt like two entirely different people.
During the day, he treated her with his usual indifference, his expression so stoic it seemed as though he had never known desire in his life.
But the man in the darkness was different. That man, existing only as a faint silhouette, was as fierce and primal as the kings of the Eastern heretics who were said to have struck terror into the ancient nations.
Thalia pressed her thighs together as she felt a dull ache in the places he had so persistently explored the previous night. Her cheeks burned as if on fire.
She had never expected Barkas to be so... active in the bedchamber. Was he not a man as ascetic as a priest?
Considering their physical relationship had begun at her own insistence, his passionate response felt almost inexplicable. It was even more baffling when she recalled how every woman in the Imperial Palace who had used every trick in the book to seduce him had tasted only the bitterness of defeat.
‘...Was he like that with Aila, too?’
Her thoughts immediately spiraled into self-deprecation.
Previously, she had firmly believed he was a man incapable of feeling heat for anyone, assuming he was merely fulfilling his duty as a fiancé to Aila. But perhaps the two of them had shared something more. After all, he was a man who could pour such violent desire into her and then wear a calm, unaffected face the next day as if nothing had happened.
He might have performed all sorts of carnal acts with Aila while pretending to be a refined fiancé. No, he almost certainly did.
She could never be special to anyone. That was a truth she had learned long ago. If he could feel desire for her, he could feel it for someone else. Even if he had married a woman other than her, he surely would have reacted in the exact same way.
‘So, stop attaching special meaning to his actions.’
“Oh, honestly! Stop picking at your lips.”
A frivolous voice broke through her heavy thoughts. Thalia looked up with a start.
Her nanny, who had entered the room at some point with a large basket tucked under her arm, was glaring at her.
“If you scar yourself, the dye won’t take well.”
“It doesn’t matter. Anyway...”
Barkas won’t be able to see me. She started to snap back but bit her tongue.
The nanny made a fuss every evening trying to adorn her. If the woman realized all her efforts were in vain, she would undoubtedly become even more of a nuisance. Thalia hid her blood-stained fingernails beneath the folds of her skirt and rested her forehead on her knees. Watching her with a dissatisfied look, the nanny clicked her tongue and set the basket on the table.
“Don’t act so pathetic. Have some of this. The healer brewed a new batch of medicine from the herbs the Empress sent.”
Thalia grimaced as she looked down at the mysterious decoction.
Since returning to the Imperial Palace, Senevia had begun sending all sorts of elixirs claimed to aid in conception. It was a silent pressure to obey her will. And the nanny was faithfully playing the part of the Empress’s loyal servant.
The nanny shoved the bowl filled with the dark liquid toward her face, pestering her.
“Now, hurry up and drink. Her Majesty gave strict instructions that you must take this every single day without fail.”
Reluctantly taking the bowl, Thalia gulped down the medicine in one go.
It felt like swallowing hot mud. Desperately suppressing the urge to gag, she quickly poured some water and rinsed her mouth. Suddenly, Barkas’s sneer—about how she seemed perfectly fine playing the part of a broodmare—echoed in her mind. She crushed her bloodied lips together, swallowing her humiliation.
I simply made a choice for myself. There is no need to feel ashamed.
As she repeated this to herself and roughly wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, the nanny’s excited voice pierced her ears.
“Shall we start getting you ready now?”
Turning her head, Thalia frowned at the sight of the nanny pulling clothes out of a chest and spreading them out. The woman clearly took it for granted that Thalia would be going to his chambers again tonight.
She turned her gaze back to the window. Since he had returned soaked by the rain, Barkas would likely be bathing now. After that, he would attend to the official business he hadn’t finished. His workload seemed to have increased significantly lately, so he probably wouldn’t retire to his bedchamber until dusk. Even as she thought this, her legs were already moving away from the bed of their own accord.
Unraveling her tightly braided hair, Thalia walked toward the bathtub the maids had prepared. As she immersed herself in the lukewarm water infused with fragrant oils, the nanny approached from behind and began washing her hair.
Surrendering to those coarse hands, Thalia looked down at her own body.
Everywhere his lips had grazed, marks bloomed like heat-blossoms across her skin. Tracing the reddish spots that looked as if she were suffering from a fever, Thalia felt a faint dizziness and closed her eyes.
What she thought would be an act performed sporadically out of duty had, at some point, become a natural part of her daily routine.
At first, she had knocked on his door about once every three days. But before she knew it, she found herself visiting his chambers every single night. She tried to make excuses—that she was only doing it because of the nanny’s nagging, or that she just wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible to be at peace—but a part of her heart knew that was a lie. With each passing day, it was becoming harder to pull herself away from his embrace.
When she finally left Barkas and lay alone in her wide bed, a sense of emptiness washed over her. She even felt a strange lingering regret whenever she washed away his traces.
She found herself loathsome for being this way, but she couldn’t control herself. That wretched fever that had tormented her since she was nine years old had surely relapsed.
‘No. It’s not like that. I’m just using him.’
She hurriedly denied her own thoughts. She couldn’t allow herself to be driven into that quagmire again.
Steeling her resolve, Thalia stepped out of the bathtub with a determined face. She dried herself with a soft towel and dressed in a blue velvet gown she had brought from the Imperial Palace. Even though she knew Barkas wouldn’t be able to see her properly, she didn’t want to face him looking shabby.
After staring into the mirror at a face that looked hauntingly similar to Senevia’s, Thalia stood up. Opening the door, she stepped out into the hallway, which was illuminated by flickering candlelight.
As she walked across the carpet, she turned her eyes toward the rain-splattered window. Just then, a golden flash of lightning rent the ink-black sky. After a brief glance at the rumbling heavens, Thalia continued on her way.
When she finally reached his door, the waiting attendant opened it as if he had been expecting her.
Thalia stepped cautiously into the room, which was shrouded in deep shadows. At that moment, a brilliant flash of light illuminated the silhouette of the man standing by the window in stark, cold white.