Worry and Concern

Tomusa caught me by the arm just as I was about to slip out of the training yard.

"Elder, we'll take the young master from here. Please go on and eat first."

"Do as you like. He really is a sight."

Master left me where I stood and walked out of the training yard alone.

"Hey—why'd you grab me?"

"And where exactly were you planning to wander, dressed like that?"

Tomusa pressed a hand to her forehead and shook her head.

Only then did I take stock of myself. My clothes had been torn to rags in Master's hands, and the smell rolling off me was as if someone had upended a bucket of filthy water over my whole body.

"Let's get you washed. The bath is already ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠drawn. Those clothes... we'll have to throw them out."

"Yeah. Let's."

I headed straight for the bathhouse.

The moment I sank into the tub, the water went black—dark enough that the whole bath looked dyed. I scrubbed at myself with both hands, frantic to scour the stench away. I never would have guessed so much waste had packed itself into my body. One shock after another.

Once I was clean, I made for the dining hall to fill my empty stomach. Master was already seated there.

"Took you long enough to wash, you rascal."

"Have you been waiting for me this whole time?"

"I have. I've already eaten, but there's something I need to tell you."

I took the seat across from her and leaned in to listen.

"Don't sit there all stiff. Eat while you listen. You there—the young master has arrived. What are you doing, not bringing out food?"

She took the servants to task as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"You two. Step back."

Master waved Myoryeong and Tomusa off. Displeasure flickered across both their faces, but in the end they retreated a step.

"So. Do you understand what happened to you?"

"I expelled the turbid qi that was blocking my acupoints, and deep in my dantian, yin and yang fell into harmony. Because of that, my body was rebuilt as well."

Master tossed back her cup.

"Hm. You understand it well enough. Then I'll tell you the cautions you're to keep."

I went rigid and swallowed on a dry throat.

"First. Try to draw on your Innate True Qi, and you die. The energy settled in your dantian right now is in harmony, so using ordinary internal energy is no problem. But the moment you draw on Innate True Qi, that harmony shatters. You won't endure the pain you felt earlier on your own. You'll die."

"I'll remember."

"Second. You have to increase the amount of your internal energy. What you've accumulated so far isn't even a year's worth. Spend it all at once and it'll refill quickly enough—but a gap will open. In the murim, even that gap is not allowed."

"Then... how many years do I need to accumulate?"

A sly smile crossed Master's face.

"One full cycle. Before you come of age, you must accumulate at least one cycle—sixty years."

I still had roughly fifteen years before I came of age. She wanted me to stack up sixty years' worth in that time?

"You must. Do you understand?"

"...Yes. I understand."

I'll trust her. If Master says to do it, there has to be a reason.

"It's not such bad news for you, either. Tell me which hits harder—a single blow spent with thirty years of internal energy, or a strike spent with a single year's worth?"

Ah! If my total store of internal energy grew, then so would the amount I could load into one strike. And since my energy never ran dry, I could chain attack after attack and still hit with the same force every time.

"Finally figured it out, did you, brat? You're duller than you look."

Master drained her cup again.

"Last of all—don't get cocky. Even if the way you wield internal energy is first-rate, that does not mean your strength is first-rate. What good is energy that never runs dry if you can't raise so much as a thread of sword qi, and the amount you hold is still pitiful? So don't you dare think of charging out into the jianghu. Practice what I teach you, and practice it hard."

She said it with a face so grave it sent a chill through me.

Carve it into my bones.

"I understand."

The moment the talk ended, Master flicked her fingers—a sharp, clean snap—and all at once I could feel Myoryeong and Tomusa's presence again.

What? Master's voice is echoing inside my head.

She took one look at my confusion and chuckled.

"Ah, and this next bit is advice for the two of you. Your master's body isn't suited to training the external arts, so I won't be tempering his physique in particular. I'll teach him how to protect his body with internal energy, and a lightness art for running away—but the rest is on you. Guard him well."

At the sudden seriousness in her tone, both of them looked tense.

"We'll look after him just fine, of course."

"I will take your words to heart, my lord."

"You brats. All that bluster just because a man's watching..."

With that, Master left the dining hall.

"Then shall we eat? Tomusa, Myoryeong—you didn't touch a thing while you were watching over me, did you? Eat with me."

I smiled brightly, hoping to ease the tension in both of them.

"Yes. Shall we share a meal, for the first time in a while?"

Tomusa agreed readily. Normally she would have refused—said it wasn't proper—and gone off to eat somewhere out of sight. She must have been starving.

"Yeah. Come on, sit down!"

And so the three of us ate. For some reason, though, neither of them said a word. Whenever I tried to draw them into talk, I got a short answer and a smile that looked somehow sad, and the conversation never went anywhere. I turned it over, wondering if I'd done something wrong, and nothing came to mind. I even tried a joke to lighten the air. Nothing changed.

I didn't learn why Tomusa had seemed so different until we stepped into the bedchamber.

"Young master..."

"What? Finally feel like talking?"

I shot to my feet and looked at her. Tomusa pulled me into a tight embrace. It almost felt as if she'd done it on purpose, just to keep from meeting my eyes. Was that only my imagination? I decided to let it go. She looked uneasy, and I was a generous man. A little clinging from Tomusa, I could indulge.

"If you've got something to say, say it. I'm fine."

I patted her back. She hesitated for several minutes, then finally opened her mouth.

"C-could you... please stop learning martial arts?"

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

What came at me was a truly shocking thing to say.

"Why?! What for?!"

I wanted to look her in the face that very instant, but she had me locked so tightly in her arms that I couldn't.

"You say it's what you yourself want, young master, but I cannot stand by and watch you suffer."

Sorrow soaked her voice. A moment later her tears began to wet my shoulder.

"H-hey, what's all this? This isn't like you, Tomusa."

I couldn't help but panic at the sight of her.

"I'm begging you, from the heart. Please don't let this go in one ear and out the other."

She held me harder and went on.

"When you first said you wanted to learn martial arts, I was against ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠it. As someone who has already walked the martial path, I know it isn't something a man is suited to learn. But you spoke of your longing for the jianghu, and you said—truly—that you wanted to learn. So I gave in, reluctantly."

"When I heard you'd been driven into a corner where you had no choice but to learn, my feelings were complicated. Subtle. Even so, I told myself to take it well, because it was what you wanted."

"But... but this is wrong, young master! The method you're being taught thinks of nothing but efficiency. It's too violent. Too cruel! Every time that training puts you through pain, my heart aches right along with yours. I can't bear the sight of you suffering."

"Young master, live long enough as a guard and you end up living for someone else more than for yourself. I made up my mind to live for you. And yet every time I see you hurting, that resolve only leaves me powerless. So I don't want to watch you suffer anymore. Please... don't push yourself any further."

Tomusa drew a ragged breath and let the surge of feeling settle. The strength went out of her arms, and I slipped free of her embrace.

With a soft smack I caught her cheeks in both hands and made her meet my eyes.

"The day I was kidnapped, I thought about it. If I'd known martial arts, couldn't I have called for you? Wanting to grow stronger isn't only because I admire the jianghu. I don't want to get in your way while you guard me. And I know that if I get hurt, the one who'll suffer most is you. I decided to learn martial arts so I could lighten your burden, even a little."

"Th-then I'll just do better. Please trust me more."

"Yeah. All right. I'll trust you more from now on. But I'm still going to learn martial arts—just not past the point where I'm pushing myself."

Tomusa nodded.

"Yes. That's enough. Thank you, young master."

"Thank you for worrying about me, Tomusa. And I'm sorry I made you worry."

At my words, a soft, tender smile spread across her face.

I'd heard plenty of words like those before, but this time something was different. My heart raced, and heat climbed into my face. I even caught myself thinking it was a mercy the moonlight was thin tonight.

"Then... shall we get some sleep?"

"...Yes. Let's sleep."

Afraid she might notice how hard my heart was pounding, I'd meant not to let her within an inch of me. Tomusa, however, took my hand and would not let go. In the end we had no choice but to stay like that, hands clasped, until morning came.