I Won't Forgive You

"Young Master, please don't be angry."

"No! Don't touch me!"

The bodyguard trailed after me like a lost puppy, utterly at a loss. Pitiful as she looked, I had no intention of cooling off. Not this time. This once, I was absolutely not going to let it slide.

"Young Master, I was wrong."

"I know you were."

"I won't do it again, so please forgive me just this once."

Hmph!

She begged and pleaded, and I ignored her the whole way through.

"I want to be alone, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't bother me."

Bang!

I shut myself in my room and threw the lock. I'd stay in here by myself until evening. I wasn't furious, exactly — but I was angry, and that was a fact. I'd been talking, and she had laughed right in my face. If I didn't correct that attitude now, someday she was going to start looking down on me.

I buried my face in the pillow, and the more I thought about it, the more the unfairness came flooding in. She wouldn't even tell me why. She'd insisted she hadn't been laughing at me, and then she'd gone and laughed a second time on top of it. All I'd done was tell her about a dream I'd been rather proud of.

"Um...."

Someone called to me from outside the door. Not the bodyguard, at least.

"Who is it?"

"I-it's me, Young Master.... I came to clean your room...."

My sharp voice must have struck him dead center. The manservant faltered, flustered.

"All right. You can come in."

The door I'd locked creaked open.

"Huh? Where's the bodyguard?"

"Your escort, you mean? She wasn't here, sir...."

What? She wasn't even outside my door?

"Young Master...? May I clean inside?"

"I want to be alone right now, so I'll ask you later."

"Yes, of course. I'll be going, then."

I climbed back onto the bed and buried myself in it.

"Where did that bodyguard wander off to now?! She's supposed to stay right beside me!!"

Irritation spiked all at once. I kicked at the empty air and shouted.

"I'm right here."

"Aaaah!"

The bodyguard popped her head in through the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠window without the slightest warning, and my heart nearly leapt clean out of my chest.

"Why are you coming in from there?!"

"If something happens, I have to get into the room. I can hardly break the door down."

She had a point.

"But if you do it with no warning, of course I'm going to jump!!"

"I'm sorry."

"Forget it. Don't just loiter out there looking so pitiful — come in. You're making me look like the bad guy."

She climbed through the window into the room.

"Then... you're forgiving me?"

"No. I'm still angry."

"..."

I said it firmly, arms folded. Watching her flounder under the weight of my dignity, I almost felt a little better...? Even so, forgiving her outright still didn't sit right with me. What was I supposed to do about this?

Knock, knock.

"Who is it?"

"Young Master, the Clan Head asks that you come to the Clan Head's Hall."

If Mother was calling, I'd have to go.

"All right, I'm coming. I'll decide after I've seen Mother — Bodyguard."

At the sharpness of my look, she swallowed hard. This was secretly kind of fun.

Since Mother had sent for me, I headed for the Clan Head's Hall.

"You called?"

"Yes. Today, you'll take the spirit medicine."

Ah. So today was the day for the spirit medicine she'd mentioned yesterday.

"But did something happen between the two of you?"

"No. Nothing at all."

How had Mother noticed something was off between us? Still, it wasn't anything she needed to worry about. I'd pretend it was nothing.

"Is that so? ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Then Hayeong, you come into the pill chamber first."

The bodyguard followed Mother in.

"It's been a while since it was just us men. Will you have a cup of tea?"

It seemed I was going to wait with Father until the bodyguard finished taking her spirit medicine.

"Yes. I'll have a cup."

The tea whispered as it poured.

"So. Is something troubling my son? You can tell your father anything."

"How did you know?"

"Did you think your old man wouldn't notice even that?"

Mother, and now Father too — how did they all see through everything so easily? Since hiding it was clearly hopeless, I might as well come clean.

"The thing is...."

I told Father what had happened that afternoon. Not a single embellishment. Nothing but the facts.

"Hmm... that must have stung."

"Right?! The bodyguard doesn't understand how I feel at all!"

His comfort settled me more than I'd expected.

"So what would you like done? If you want, I'll punish Hayeong myself."

"No! I don't think she did anything bad enough to be punished for."

"If Hayeong apologizes, are you willing to accept it?"

"Yes. If she apologizes, I'm willing. I just don't want to forgive her too easily."

At that, Father stroked his beard.

"Oh ho... then what should we do?"

"Hmm... oh! What about this?"

I quietly laid out my plan.

"Isn't that a little cruel? Do you really think Hayeong would go that far?"

"If she won't even do that much, I'm not forgiving her!"

"Hyun. I only say this because I'm fretting, but apologies and forgiveness are best done quickly. The longer you drag them out, the worse things become between you."

"...All right. Even if I don't push it that far today, I'll forgive her tomorrow."

"Good. That's the right decision."

Only then did Father smile.

We talked for a long while, and at last Mother and Hayeong emerged from the pill chamber. Both of them were pouring sweat.

"Hyun, come in now."

"Don't you need to rest a little first?"

"I'm fine. Come along."

Mother hurried me.

"Bodyguard. Lend me your ear."

I whispered.

"...Do I really have to?"

"Do as you like. But I'd like to see at least that much sincerity."

"Understood. Then I'll step away for a bit."

With that, the bodyguard vanished.

"Finished talking?"

"Yes. All done."

"Then let's go in."

The pill chamber was dark and cold. A single oil lamp was all there was to rely on.

"Is this normally where people do closed-door training?"

"Yes. There's a hole in the corner so water and drink can be passed in from outside, and a place set aside for a chamber pot."

Beneath the lamp sat a dish, and resting on it was a pink spirit pill.

"Cross your legs and swallow this. Then govern the energy with qi circulation."

I listened, and folded into a lotus position at once.

Gulp.

It was hard going, but next to what I'd endured training beside my master, it was nothing.

"You're doing well. I'll help a little."

Mother set both hands against my back and poured her energy in. I could feel the Plum Blossom Pill's power sinking into my body of its own accord. It was terribly slow, and yet the strength gathering little by little began to lift me on a rising swell of exhilaration.

A long breath in... and ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a slow breath out.

"How do you feel?"

"Sort of... elated."

Mother looked at me as if she were proud.

"You absorbed it remarkably well. Your vessel managed to hold, somehow."

"My vessel?"

"Yes. It seems as if internal energy could be piled up without end, but that isn't so. There is a fixed amount a person can bear. We call that the vessel. Build your internal energy the proper way, and the vessel will not break — but take too much spirit medicine, or seize a fortuitous encounter all at once, and the vessel can shatter."

"And then what happens?"

"The body cannot bear the energy. Try to draw it up, and your acupoints burst, leaving you with internal injuries. Or the dantian itself may be destroyed entirely."

So spirit medicine wasn't something you could just swallow whenever you felt like it.... Well, if internal energy could be stacked without limit, the emperor would have been the greatest under heaven.

"Train diligently, and the vessel will grow on its own, little by little. Do not neglect your training."

"Yes!"

Sure enough, there was no easy road to getting stronger. And now I understood why Mother had limited the spirit medicine to one a year.

"It's late. Let's go and have dinner. Your father will be waiting."

I nodded.

The bodyguard still hadn't returned. She didn't come back after dinner, nor after I'd washed. She only appeared once I'd finished getting ready for bed and was lying down.

"May I come in?"

"Yeah. Come in."

The door creaked.

Pfft.

She struck a ridiculous pose and delivered the whole thing in that syrupy boing-boing voice. I'd been the one to make her do it, and it was cruel beyond belief. Her face already looked ready to burst.

"That's enough. I forgive you."

"...Thank you."

She collapsed where she stood and covered her face with both hands.

"You're too much, Young Master."

Wait. She wasn't crying, was she...?

"How could you make a woman put on such a humiliating act?!"

Nope. She was just angry that I'd made her act cute.

"You wouldn't tell me either."

"What?"

"So I'm not telling you either."

"...So that was it. You wanted me to feel the same way. Young Master, I was wrong. So please — please stop being angry."

She begged almost as if she were wailing. I went to her and took her hand.

"I'm already not angry. But promise me something. Laughing is fine. Sure — it was a reflex. That can happen. But refusing to say why you laughed is forbidden."

"Yes. I understand."

She pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Young Master."

"What?"

"May I be honest?"

"Yeah. Go ahead."

What was she about to say, that she had to lead up to it like this? I was getting a little uneasy.

"The truth is, you looked so cute getting all excited that the laugh just slipped out. I support your dream, too."

"Wha—!"

"Next time, after I laugh, I'll say, 'I laughed because the Young Master was cute.'"

"Wha— what!!"

And so that night, too, drew to a close.