Acceptance
The early hours before dawn, and sleep refused to come. No, it truly wouldn't come at all. Ever since my body had changed like this, if I slept even for an hour or two, I wouldn't feel tired for the rest of the day. My strength had multiplied several times over compared to a normal person, which meant I had to constantly watch myself or risk causing problems. It was an inconvenient body.
"...What the hell is this?"
I raised my hand, clenching and unclenching my fist repeatedly. Still unable to fully grasp the situation I was in, I spent what should have been sleeping hours drowning in all sorts of thoughts and distractions. There were no friends nearby I could contact anyway. Even if there were, reaching out at this hour would be difficult, but more than that, this was what kept nagging at me.
"...No matter how I look at it, it's just a flower petal."
I stared at the pure white petal inside the small glass vial and offered the most ordinary observation possible. Unfortunately, this petal was apparently not just a petal. Inside it lived a parasitic lifeform that stole human bodies. That fact should have terrified me, yet I'd casually pocketed the thing and brought it home.
'I was originally going to use it myself, but you should take it, oppa♡'
Chae-yun's voice kept fanning the flames of my racing thoughts. I was scared that I might lose myself completely. Even though I knew full well that I was rationalizing my own actions right now, I couldn't stop. The moment I did, what would separate me from those monsters that hurt others just to reproduce?
I slipped the glass vial containing the petal into my pocket and decided to go for a walk. My body didn't get tired anyway, and staying up through the dawn didn't make me drowsy during the day. I threw on sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a hoodie. Simple enough. Then I stepped out the door.
The predawn air, bathed in moonlight, was far colder than during the day. The silence unique to these hours swept through my mind like a refreshing breeze. I felt a little more alive. I circled the neighborhood once, deliberately thinking about nothing in this moment. No matter how strong my body had become, my mind was still that of an ordinary human. Guilt, morality, humanity—somewhere between all of them. If I stayed trapped there any longer, I was sure I'd go insane.
I arrived at the convenience store near my usual studio apartment. Lately, even if I couldn't get drunk, drinking a can of beer had become a habit. Chae-yun had told me, 'Oppa, your body isn't human anymore. All your organs have probably gotten tougher too. Your liver detoxifies so quickly it even prevents intoxication, so you won't get drunk from alcohol. I'm the same way.'
Because of that, every time I drank beer it tasted like bitter carbonated barley tea and nothing more. But each sip drove home the realization that I was no longer human.
I pulled open the convenience store door. The little bell attached to it jingled pleasantly. I walked to the refrigerator, grabbed a can of beer, and brought it to the counter. Unlike usual, the person behind the counter wasn't the middle-aged man who was always there. Instead, there was a young woman. Normally they didn't hire women for the night shift because of the risk of drunk customers committing sexual harassment or assault. It was a headache for the owner and scary for the part-timer, so they usually avoided it. Was she filling in?
"...That'll be 2,800 won."
"Yeah."
She had short black hair, sharp yet beautiful eyes, and multiple piercings in the ear visible beneath her swept-back hair. She gave off the strong impression of what people commonly called a party girl.
"...Your total's done."
"Ah, thank you."
For a moment I couldn't help but stare. I grabbed the beer from the counter and left the store. A chill different from the cold air blasting out of the refrigerator wrapped around my body. Embarrassed, I shook my head and cracked open the can, taking a sip. It was bitter. At least it cleared my head.
What on earth had I been thinking while looking at that woman? She was definitely pretty, but I hadn't been thinking about trying anything with her.
"How could I even..."
I pulled the glass vial from my pocket and stared at the petal inside, thinking once more about what kind of person I was. If I used this, that woman would essentially die, wouldn't she?
I downed the entire can of beer in one go, crushed it in one hand, and continued my walk. Deep down I joked to myself that maybe I should just never go near women again for the rest of my life. I chuckled alone at the half-serious thought. Thanks to the effects of my evolution I wouldn't get drunk, yet I felt like I was.
Before I knew it, I'd walked around the neighborhood twice, then three times. I checked the time on my phone. It was already four in the morning. Time to head home.
That was what I was thinking as I drew closer to my studio apartment. The woman from earlier was coming out of the convenience store on the path leading to my place. Earphones were plugged into her ears, and she didn't seem to notice me emerging from the back of the alley. She pulled a pack of cigarettes from her pocket, put one between her lips, and lit it. As she exhaled smoke and continued talking to someone, it looked like she was on a call with her earphones in.
"Ugh, today was annoying too. Both the manager who dumped the shift on me and those weekday perverts who keep trying to get my number."
Completely different from the quiet, charismatic impression she'd given off earlier, she seemed much more relaxed and animated while talking with her friends.
"You guys have assignments? Damn, that sucks. What are you gonna do? I don't go to college so I don't have to deal with any of that."
The atmosphere made it impossible to just walk past her. If I kept going from here, I'd definitely run into her, and facing her again felt awkward. Still, standing here eavesdropping on her conversation would be worse than just walking by quickly.
"Oh, and earlier this guy who looked like a student came in to buy alcohol."
...Was she talking about me? No, don't pay attention. Just walk past quietly.
I started taking brisk steps. That's when something happened that stopped me in my tracks again.
"Oh, Seo-hee~ You're working the shift here? Isn't today not your day?"
"What? Weren't you guys going out drinking?"
A car pulled up in front of the convenience store. The passenger-side window rolled down, and a man stuck his head out, calling to the woman smoking. She seemed happy to see him, pulling out her earphones and standing up to greet him. There looked to be several other people in the car.
"Whoa, I smell alcohol! Who's driving?"
"It's Min-jae. It's fine, he didn't drink much."
"You crazy bastards, should I report you?"
While the group was caught up in their lively chatter, I tried to slip past like a mouse stealing cheese and bolting. I prayed they wouldn't notice me, sticking close to the wall as I headed straight for my studio apartment just ahead.
"You should stop badmouthing customers. I'll snitch to customer service."
"Go ahead. Huh?"
My feet twitched to a halt. A single gaze bored into the back of my head. It felt like I'd been electrocuted; my body froze.
"What's wrong?"
The woman didn't answer the man's question right away. Then, as if remembering something, she let out a small laugh. This didn't feel good... Though lately nothing had felt good, but still. Why the hell was this happening to me?
"That guy over there. He kept staring at my body earlier, you know? Honestly it pissed me off. I was just telling the others about it."
Fuck.
I couldn't deny that I'd been staring at her face. I had no excuse.
"...Hey, hold on a second."
The arrows of gazes piercing the back of my head multiplied from one to two, then three. What should I do...? I heard the sounds of people getting out of the car one by one, doors closing. Even without looking, I could picture the situation behind me.
"I said hold on. Turn around."
"...Me?"
I turned around awkwardly. As expected, two or three guys who looked like they partied a lot were standing there. The usual types you'd see in those "school bully aesthetic" photos that circulated on social media—a guy with a thick gold chain, another in a tattooed tracksuit, that sort of thing.
"You? Who else is here besides you?"
"......"
I didn't say anything. I had no intention of provoking them with a careless response. What they wanted was a reaction from me. I just stared blankly at the guy in front.
"I don't know what you're talking about. If you keep this up, I'll call the police."
"Dude, this kid looks super young and he's talking about calling the cops."
Laughter rang out. It really was like a scene from a movie. Normally the protagonist would endure and endure until finally wiping out the delinquents. The clichéd "good triumphs over evil" story you see in films, comics, and novels. A simple device that could even make a protagonist who commits evil deeds look righteous.
But if this situation were a scene from a movie right now, who would be the protagonist?
I was genuinely confused. If I thought about what I'd done over the past two days, they would probably be the protagonists. They were probably closer to being human than I was—even if they were neighborhood trash who drove drunk and picked fights with people.
"Go ahead and report it."
The man who had approached right in front of me without warning swung his fist and slammed it into my cheek. It hurt more than I expected. Getting punched square in the jaw should have been strange if it didn't hurt, but with this body I'd thought it wouldn't hurt at all. My body, completely unprepared for the recoil from my jaw, crumpled to the ground.
"Whoa, that bastard actually hit him!"
"Still hasn't fixed that temper, huh."
While still on the ground, I pushed my upper body up and looked at the group behind the man who'd hit me. The other two men looked like they were used to situations like this. The woman was backlit by the convenience store lights, so I couldn't see her face clearly. I steadied myself and stood up. But the moment I did, a foot kicked me hard in the solar plexus, knocking me back to the ground.
"Hey, stop it. You're gonna kill him."
"This fucker keeps ignoring me when I'm talking."
He spat on my face. It didn't really bother me. It hurt, but my mind felt blank. What the hell did I even want?
The assault continued against my defenseless, limp body. The more I got hit, the more bruises formed across my skin. My lip had already split and was bleeding. Lately I'd felt drained. Probably because of the guilt.
I had always been the one led rather than the one leading. I'd simply gone with the flow of life. In this world, in this small country, I was nothing more than one insignificant addition to the population. To be honest, I hadn't wanted to become a nobody. That's why I'd pointed fingers at people who lived without purpose, just like me, and prided myself on being different from them.
But looking at myself now, what was different?
I had always been led. I had lived going with the flow. I was the kind of person who didn't want to become ordinary. I had always been led, and the only one who knew about that monster was me. I had violated the body of a pitiful victim whose body had been stolen by the monster. I had been toyed with inside my own head by that monster. I could have saved her, but instead I violated her too. I told myself the monster had led me, that I had no choice but to follow a monster in a category beyond my control. It was self-satisfaction. I had ignored everything for my own pleasure. In truth, I had wanted it. I had wanted to violate her however I pleased. I simply had the convenient shield called "the monster made me do it."
Since that monster had given me this petal, I could have used it as evidence for something, but I'd made the excuse that other people wouldn't believe me. Because I was different from them. Because I didn't want to become a bad person.
A selfish human. That was me. I'd known it from the beginning. Even before I met the monster. I was a bad, ordinary human being.
In a way, admitting this was just another form of self-rationalization. It might be my selfishness wanting the guilt of what I did to Dae-hyeon and to Chae-yun to be washed away by acknowledging it... but if so, then that was fine. It was self-rationalization. Because that's the kind of human I am.
"Hey, stop now. He's really gonna die."
"...Hey, this guy's not moving. Is he dead?"
"Shit, what do we do? Didn't we go too far?"
"You idiots! How could you beat him that badly!"
"Seo-hee, you were the one who told us to do something about him. Why are you yelling at me?"
"Fuck! What are we gonna tell the manager?"
"I don't know. Just throw this bastard somewhere out of sight and run. This is a quiet area full of studio apartments anyway. No one saw anything."
"...Hey, this guy's getting up."
The taste of blood filled my mouth. My head was spinning, my chest hurt. Had some bones broken?
"...Fuck."
"What?"
I'd muttered the curse quietly, but the man who'd been hitting me frowned.
"No! Hey! Lee Min-jae! Grab Dae-hyun quick!"
"Hey, I said stop it?!"
"Let go! Fuck!"
The man strode toward me. I clamped my hand hard over his mouth.
"........!!!"
The man couldn't even make a small "mmph" sound.
"People are sleeping. Let's keep it quiet and handle this among ourselves."