The Imperial BBQ Party
"Paw pad."
I obediently extended my left front paw.
Emperor Karsion examined it through a magnifying glass, his expression grave as he gently prodded my pink jelly.
"Flexibility is good. No cracks. Moisture just right. Excellent."
"Next, the fangs."
I opened my mouth with an exaggerated aah~ and flashed my canines for good measure.
"No tartar. Gums a vibrant pink. Perfect."
Karsion nodded in satisfaction and pulled a gold-wrapped slab of premium jerky from the drawer.
"Morning inspection complete. Well done."
I snatched the jerky and crunched into it. The salty, savory burst coated my tongue.
His warm hand stroked my head as I rubbed my cheek against him.
"Heh..."
"Kyung!"
Karsion barely stopped his tail from wagging, then smacked his own hand in a hurry.
So happy you are, yet you snap at your subjects.
This was the most important task of my day. Officially, I was evaluating the beast's condition and threat level. In reality, it was just filling the emperor's pockets with the best snacks in the empire.
Whatever. Showing off my paw pads and scoring the ultimate treat—now that was a true creative economy.
"Come back tomorrow as soon as you're able. Tomorrow I plan to test the flexibility of your belly."
While I sang a little tune after Karsion's satisfied departure, the door swung open and Lina's cheerful voice rang out.
"Oh! You're awake! I hope you rested well last night!"
"Too noisy... shut up..."
Kailian hurled a pre-breakfast biscuit like a dagger. It struck Lina square in the face, yet the saintess didn't even flinch. Her resilience was saint-level.
"Your Highness the Divine Beast, I've prepared a very special breakfast today."
Lina declared with solemn gravity.
Special breakfast?
My ears perked up. Was it the jerky from earlier, or maybe fresh northern tuna caught overnight?
Excited, my tail wagged wildly. Meals were important matters.
But what Lina set before me shattered every expectation, shattering it completely.
"Ta-da! Clean, organic herb salad picked fresh from the rear mountain of the temple—eaten only with morning dew—and holy water distilled one droplet at a time!"
......?
I rubbed my eyes and looked again.
A pile of wilted herbs.
And plain water.
That was it. Where was the meat? The milk? My jerky?
"Your Divine Beast has been far too exposed to the unclean food of the palace. Greasy meat and processed milk are poisons to the sacred."
Lina's eyes blazed with sincerity.
"From now on, you must purify your constitution with this regimen. Open wide, ah~ and feel your body becoming clear."
She pinched a single herb with her tweezers and held it right to my lips. The bitter, slightly fishy scent assaulted my nose.
Is she crazy?
I'm a tiger. A mighty beast. Can't you see my fangs? This is animal cruelty—plain and simple. I'd report her on the spot.
I whipped my head away. No way. Take it away. Hate it.
"Oh my, your tastes have already been tainted by the mundane world. But medicine that tastes good is medicine that tastes bad. You must force yourself to eat it. Here, mugwort. Excellent for blood circulation."
I never met Grandfather Dan Gun! I won't eat mugwort.
Lina kept pushing, undeterred, even trying to pry my mouth open.
This woman is impossible.
Just as I was about to swing a pillow at the herbs, a low, murderous voice cut through the air.
"What are you doing, first thing in the morning?"
Kailian stood there gripping a dagger-like stare at Lina. The eyes of a tyrant whose meal had been ruined looked like a demon risen from hell.
My butler, but scary as hell.
"Who gave you permission to force my Blanc to eat this? Is she a rabbit? A goat?"
"Your Majesty does not know. Meat dulls the soul and incites violence. Vegetarianism is essential to protect the Divine Beast's pure soul..."
"Stop the nonsense. You're trying to starve my baby to death?"
Kailian shoved Lina aside and rang the bell on the table.
The moment the sound echoed, the head maid and her maids filed in with silver trays steaming hot from the kitchen.
The lid lifted.
Chi-ik.
Thick, perfectly seared sirloin steaks sizzled with juicy fat dripping down, radiating warm, aromatic aroma.
This was it. This was the breakfast. This was why I lived.
I completely ignored Lina's wilted herbs and launched myself toward the steaks.
Kailian smiled sweetly and picked up her knife.
"Good boy, our Blanc. Eat plenty. Those herbs would give you stomach trouble. You'd suffer malnutrition."
She sliced the meat into perfect bites and fed them straight to me.
The flavor exploded in my mouth. Juice burst everywhere. Was happiness really so much? This was happiness. I chewed happily while singing my purr song.
"H, but..."
Lina watched in utter shock as the divine beast tore into red-juiced meat while her sacred herbs lay trampled on the floor.
"The Divine Beast... actually enjoys the taste of slaughter..."
Lina murmured, voice trembling.
My sincerity was touched, but I had to give up. I was born a predator. I couldn't survive on herbs alone.
Yet something strange began to flicker in Lina's eyes—not disappointment or disgust, but the look of a disciple who had just received a profound revelation. Her pupils were expanding.
"Kyuu~"
Butler, that's weird.
I swallowed the last bite of meat and immediately hid behind Kailian's back.
"Ah! I see now!"
Lina clapped her hands to her knees.
"I was foolish! The Divine Beast is no ordinary beast! He is a great warrior who will one day purge the evil demonic beasts and purify the world!"
......?
"To wield power, one obviously requires protein! Muscles must be built to crush evil, correct? How can one defeat evil by eating only herbs? I almost let the Divine Beast's vitality diminish because of my limited wisdom!"
Why does the interpretation always veer toward the same direction?
Whatever. Meat was offered. I should at least wait before declining.
"Please wait, Divine Beast! I shall fetch you holy meat worthy of your rank at once! Not ordinary rotten meat, but the true source of power!"
Lina grabbed her staff and left the room like the wind, leaping out the window. Hey, this is the second floor!
Holy meat? What did that mean? Was she going to hunt the temple's cattle?
I felt an uneasy premonition, but the steak on the table smelled far too good to care. She couldn't possibly bring something weird.
"Hey, crazy woman."
While pretending not to hear Kailian's grumble, I swallowed the meat whole.
That afternoon, back in the Princess Palace garden after a hearty meal, I was lazily sunbathing.
The palace gates erupted in chaos and Lina strode in proudly, covered head to toe in dust and grime.
On her shoulder... was a massive something.
"What is that?"
Kailian nearly spat her tea.
I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. Was I hallucinating?
Lina carried it with one hand, and it was a whole iron boar—large enough to fill both my paws. Not just any boar. Three horns, hide as hard as steel, a monster from the northern mountains.
Four knights couldn't take it down. And she had taken it down single-handedly? Bare-handed, at that?
"Kong...?"
Is the saintess... insane?
Krung!
Lina slammed the boar down in the center of the garden. The ground shook, sending up a cloud of dust.
"Your Divine Beast! I've brought it!"
She wiped sweat from her brow and laughed brightly. Monster blood splattered across her pure white robes. If she wasn't a saint, she was a blood-mad warrior.
"This fellow is a pure wild monster without any demonic energy. Its meat is incredibly chewy and perfect for mana recovery. I've purified it with my own prayers, so feel free to eat."
......Eat it raw?
I compared the size of the boar to my own body. Chewing that steel-hard hide would make my baby teeth fall out first.
"Are you crazy?"
Kailian shouted in horror.
"How could you drag something so hideous into the princess palace! It stinks of blood! And Blanc is still a baby! He can't eat anything that tough!"
"Do not worry. I will prepare it for you."
Lina drew a temple ritual dagger from her pocket. She was going to perform a dismemberment show with it?
Her eyes burned with sincerity. She looked ready to skin the boar right then.
Is the saint talent-starved?
"Blanc doesn't eat! Get it out of here! Don't dirty my garden!"
"Your Majesty, stand aside. This is an offering for the Divine Beast. To strengthen his power, he needs the raw vitality of the wild."
The girls' rivalry flared again.
Meanwhile, I was in a terrible mood. The boar carcass in front of me had my fur standing on end—my stomach was weak, after all.
That's when a stronger, more tempting scent brushed past my nose, stronger than the boar's blood.
This scent was...
Nose twitching.
I instinctively turned my head.
In the corner of the garden, beneath a rose bush.
Hidden there was a small, fast-moving creature.
A mouse? No, a squirrel?
No. That glossy golden tail, the shiny fur—it was definitely delicious.
My inner predator stirred.
Not the stupid, brute meat from the boar, but fresh prey I could hunt myself. Not something gifted to me, but something I would catch with my own strength. A chance to prove my tiger pride.
I lowered myself silently, keeping my belly off the ground.
While Kailian and Lina argued over the boar, I crept toward the bushes without a sound.
Tail wagging side to side, hind legs coiled tight.
Target: the back of its tail.
Whoosh!
I launched like the wind. Well, I thought I launched like the wind.
My paw pads sliced through the air, claws flashing.
"Splat!"
The squirrel yelped and bolted, scrambling up the nearest tree in a flash.
I didn't give up. I chased it up the trunk, then clung to the branch with my claws digging in.
Even though my speed was slow as a snail, my resolve was that of a true predator.
"Eh? Blanc?"
Kailian spotted me late and shouted.
"Danger! Come down from the tree! You'll get hurt!"
"Oh! The Divine Beast went hunting himself! Look at that brave back! This is the wilderness!"
Lina clapped her hands, moved to tears. Please stop. I'm embarrassed.
I eventually reached the top of the branch. The squirrel trembled at the end, nowhere left to run.
Got you, you little thing.
Today's snack is yours.
I prepared to deliver a finishing jump—except I had forgotten something important.
That I had put on some weight thanks to the emperor's and princess's overfeeding in recent days.
And that this thin branch couldn't support my weight.
Crack!
The branch snapped with a sharp sound.
......Kyuu?
My body fell straight down with gravity.
The squirrel flicked its tail mockingly and scampered to another tree.
Ah, embarrassing. The moment the mighty tiger's dignity hit the dirt.
"Blanc!"
"Divine Beast!"
Kailian and Lina screamed in unison and ran over.
But before I hit the ground, strong arms caught me.
Thud.
Stable landing.
Familiar scent. Solid muscle beneath the touch.
I lifted my head.
"Be careful. You almost fell."
Golden-haired handsome crown prince Demian held me with a gentle smile.
He had appeared from nowhere, one hand holding a document bag, the other scooping me up. Nice catch. Timing was perfect.
"Brother?"
"Your Highness the Crown Prince?"
Kailian and Lina froze. Demian cradled me in his arms with a completely serious face.
"The palace guards here are terribly lax. No one even noticed when Blanc fell from the tree. They should have cast some cushioning magic on the floor. If even a single hair had been injured..."
...The fall was my fault, why are you blaming the guards?
But Demian kept stroking my belly and continued.
"Kung!"
Stop petting my belly and talk.
"We need to calm your racing heart. I happen to have fresh northern salmon fresh from the mountains in my room. Want to go with me? It's perfectly smoked."
He tried to "kidnap" me naturally. It was a natural flow. These imperial family members always waited for an opportunity to take me.
"Stand there. Hand over my tiger."
"Do not seduce the Divine Beast with mortal fish! There is a wild boar waiting over there!"
Kailian and Lina blocked Demian's path.
The three—crown prince, princess, and saintess—confronted each other in the center of the garden.
In the middle lay the giant boar carcass, and on a branch above, a squirrel watching the bizarre scene.
I yawned from Demian's arms.
Aigoo, here we go again.
Still, smoked salmon was better than eating the boar raw.
I grabbed Demian's collar and did a paw massage on him, cheering him on. Come on, Crown Prince. I want salmon.
In the end, no one won that day.
The three compromised. Lina would cook the boar she brought over a barbecue, and everyone would share it—along with the salmon, of course.
A campfire sprang up in the Princess Palace garden.
Even the emperor heard the news and rushed over to join.
High nobles of the empire tearing into meat around a crackling bonfire.
Meanwhile, I claimed a single bone the size of my body and licked it happily.
"Does it taste good?"
Karsion asked.
I wagged my tail to show approval. It tasted good. Tough, but with a satisfying chew.
This bizarre, lively daily life wasn't so bad.
Of course, until I saw Lina secretly slipping the leftover boar bones into a relic case.
Please stop, you fanatic. That's food waste.
