The Aftermath of Our First Time
I fucked up.
The morning after having sex with Han-na for the first time, I woke up in bed, clutched my pounding hangover headache, and let out a deep sigh. Even though she’d said while drunk that she liked me, I had no idea if she meant it, and yet I’d gone and slept with her anyway. Normally, no matter how drunk I was, I would’ve pushed her away… but after that date we went on yesterday, my heart kept fluttering for no reason. I guess the mood really got to me more than I realized.
…What the hell am I supposed to do now?
“Haa…”
I draped my arm over my forehead and glanced sideways. Han-na was already gone from the bed. I strained my ears, wondering if she was somewhere in the apartment, but I couldn’t hear anything. So either she was in the bathroom, or…
“…She must’ve left first.”
No matter how you looked at it, having sex and then ditching me to leave alone was pretty shitty. Still, for the current me, it was honestly a relief that she wasn’t here.
“Ughhh… seriously…!”
I flailed my legs on the soft bed and grabbed fistfuls of my short hair with both hands, yanking at it. How was I supposed to face her today? And more importantly… had she been serious about what she said yesterday? If she really meant it, did that mean I had to accept her feelings and… start dating her?
Everything was happening way too suddenly. I had no clue what the right thing to do even was. I stared blankly at the ceiling, counting the patterns on the wallpaper, until I finally checked the time on my phone and dragged myself out of bed.
“Haa… For now, I’ll think about it after I get to the Academy.”
I tossed the clothes scattered across the living room into the washing machine, finished getting ready for school, and left the house with heavy steps.
“…I really don’t want to go.”
I muttered my true feelings without thinking and trudged down the gray streets. On the way, I stopped by a convenience store, bought some bread and a hangover cure for Han-na since she probably hadn’t eaten breakfast, and arrived at the Academy. But…
“Hey, have you seen her? Where’s Kim Han-na? She’s not at her desk.”
“Huh? She was here a little while ago…? I don’t know, maybe she went to the bathroom.”
“Ah, okay. Thanks…”
When I went to her class, the only thing I found was her bag sitting on her desk. I left the bag of snacks with her desk mate and stepped back out into the hallway.
Was she actually absent, or was she avoiding me? Honestly, even if we did run into each other it would’ve just been awkward. If she said it was just a drunken mistake, that her sex drive had kicked in and she jumped me, then things might stay awkward for a while but we could probably write it off as an accident. But if she really did like me… then we’d be talking about two girls dating. I’d need to think it over more carefully before deciding whether to go out with her.
“…Oh.”
A sudden thought crossed my mind and I froze in the middle of the hallway, lost in worry.
But if I really started dating Han-na, what would happen to The Test? Did she like me no matter what the results were? And what about Eun-jung? If we became a couple, there was no way she could keep touching my body during the test, no matter how much she called it that. Not when I already belonged to someone.
And then there was the whole Pussy Management issue. This wasn’t just some trial touching for a test. The whole point was to fondle my pussy in a sexual way. But if I told them to stop… what was I supposed to say to the others? For the past few months I’d basically spent twenty-four hours a day letting my friends touch my pussy. I couldn’t lie and say I was dating a guy. And I definitely couldn’t come out and say I was dating a girl.
To me, since I still thought of myself as a man on the inside, dating a girl felt completely natural… but the others wouldn’t see it that way. The more I thought about it, the more it felt like I was sinking into an endless swamp instead of finding any solutions. I clutched my increasingly tangled thoughts and headed back toward the classroom.
That was when Eun-jung, who had arrived while I was gone, spotted me and broke into a bright smile.
“Seon-ah! Over here, over here!”
The moment her voice rang out, every eye in the room turned toward me. I could feel their gazes licking up and down my body as I slowly crossed the classroom and gently sat down on Eun-jung’s lap as she beckoned.
“Where did you go? The others said you were carrying some kind of bag.”
“Ah… I just had something to give to Han-na.”
“…Really? What did you give her?”
“Nothing special. Just some bread and a drink.”
“Hmm…”
Eun-jung looked at the nape of my neck with searching eyes, then wrapped both arms around my waist and leaned in. She was about to kiss me like always, but…
“…? Why are you dodging?”
“Uh…? Well, it’s just…”
Han-na’s face suddenly flashed through my mind, and without thinking I turned my head slightly to the side, avoiding Eun-jung’s lips. I still hadn’t confirmed whether her confession was real, but after receiving a confession like that, kissing someone else—even if it was just between friends—felt wrong. Still, there was no way I could honestly explain the situation to Eun-jung, no matter how close we were.
Because I’d rejected her kiss so bluntly, Eun-jung’s face had gone stiff. I spoke to her carefully.
“Um… I’m not feeling great today. Can we skip it just for today?”
“Is it…?”
“No, it’s not my period… I drank way too much yesterday, so my body’s really worn out.”
Eun-jung tilted her head, then nodded with clear reluctance.
“…Alright. Then let’s rest today. You can still go on the trip tomorrow, right?”
“Yeah. That should be fine.”
“Got it. …Everyone heard that, right? Let Seon-ah rest today! We’ve still got tomorrow.”
It sounded suspiciously like she was saying we’d just do twice as much tomorrow to make up for today. I couldn’t bring myself to say I didn’t want to be touched tomorrow either, so I walked past my visibly disappointed friends and returned to my seat next to Min-ji.
Min-ji looked up at me with desperate, pleading eyes that seemed to say I’m okay, right? but I quietly shook my head. This was a matter of loyalty to Han-na, after all.
Lunchtime.
I met up with Eun-jung like usual and we had lunch with Han-na, but… an awkward current flowed between us the entire time. We barely exchanged a single proper sentence. It was the same after lunch. Normally after eating, whether it was The Test or Pussy Special Training, Han-na and I would always go up to the rooftop together. Today, however, she mumbled something about having plans, her face burning bright red, and then ran off without looking back.
“Haa…”
Maybe it was just the nature of the Academy, but this whole situation made me feel like I’d gone back to being a clumsy teenager. Both the one who confessed and the one who received it were so awkward and embarrassed that we ended up feeling even more distant than before the confession. To fix this quickly, the more adult one—me, if you counted my previous life—needed to make a decision about the confession. But like I kept saying, I wasn’t exactly free from the aftermath of getting a drunken confession and then having sex either.
My unique circumstances involving The Test and Pussy Management were also a huge problem. This was exactly why, back when I’d gotten drunk with Han-na and we’d almost started rubbing our pussies together, I’d tried so hard not to go all the way even after the alcohol wore off. I really didn’t want it to come to this.
…Maybe once we come back from the beach trip this weekend, my thoughts will be a little clearer. The same worries and regrets kept spinning in my head until I felt like I was going crazy. On the way back from the cafeteria, I kicked a pebble on the playground in frustration and returned to the classroom.
“Please stop here.”
Time passed anyway, and the day of Eun-jung’s beach trip finally arrived. I hadn’t slept properly the night before, so I kept rubbing my heavy eyelids with one hand as I grabbed my simple luggage and got out of the taxi. The familiar subway station came into view.
“Hi, Seon-ah! Over here, come over here!”
“Ah, yeah…!”
We were meeting up at the station near the Academy first, then taking the large bus Eun-jung had arranged to head to the private beach. More and more of us gathered in front of the station. Since a bunch of pretty girls who were rarely seen together had assembled in one place, the eyes of every passerby kept drifting our way.
“Seon-ah, you’re dressed like that again today. I get that it’s comfortable because of your big chest, but on a day we’re going out to have fun, couldn’t you have dressed up a little more?”
“Yeah, exactly. No matter how good your body is as a clothes hanger, isn’t this a bit too careless?”
“Ahaha…”
I’d thought it was just a casual outing with friends, so I’d thrown on a crop top that showed my midriff and some hot pants. But when I looked around after hearing them, everyone else had clearly put real effort into their outfits. Some were already wearing straw hats and sunglasses. And that girl over there used to wear glasses—today she must’ve put in contacts because she wasn’t wearing them at all.
“Is there a place to shop around here? We should take Seon-ah to buy something real quick…”
“No, we’re almost out of time. Eun-jung should be here soon.”
“What a shame… If she dressed up just a little more, she’d look insanely pretty.”
“Right? She looked incredible yesterday when Eun-jung did her makeup.”
The truth was, yesterday when I met up with Han-na I’d worn a long straight-hair wig and gone all out with my appearance, but I decided not to mention that. I didn’t want them to feel upset that I’d put more effort into my date with Han-na than into our group trip. So I stood there awkwardly, fidgeting with my fingers and waiting for Eun-jung, when a huge black bus approached from the distance.
…What the hell was that? It looked like a bunch of guys in suits were about to jump out. There was no way that was the bus we were taking, right?
But my doubts were proven wrong as the black bus stopped right in front of us. With a hiss, the front door opened, revealing a slim woman in a formal suit with her black hair neatly tied up in a bun behind the wheel. And beside her—
“Hi! I’m not late, am I?”
—was Eun-jung, wearing a pure white dress with pretty pink floral patterns, waving at us with a bright, refreshing smile.
“Alright, let’s get going! To the sea!”