It's My First Time, So It's Like This (1)
It's My First Time, So It's Like This (1)
"Phew. Somehow it ended well."
The class I was able to arrive on time for, in exchange for giving Futajaji a handjob.
It was a class I desperately tried to attend, even bending my pride, but now that I've actually listened to it, I'm not sure if it was worth that much effort.
The material taught today was important, and if I missed it now, I would never know it.
It was right to attend, even to prepare for exams later - even as I thought that.
Once I actually entered the lecture hall and listened to the class, I was sleepy and bored.
To the point where I thought it might have been better to have been held captive all day in that alley back then and then be sent back home around the time her sexual desires were satisfied, rather than listening to this.
Well, even though I say that.
I'll probably go faithfully to the next class too. Just like I always have.
"......"
A sky clear without a single cloud.
The midday sunlight is so scorching that it makes me keenly aware that I am living my daily life.
Even though I just experienced the extremely non-daily event of meeting Futanari on the way to school and giving her a handjob...
Ridiculously, I have returned to daily life. As if nothing happened this morning.
Daily life, as it was yesterday, and as it will be tomorrow.
A life living an unchanging today.
As I did yesterday, wrestling with the professor's drowsy words throughout class.
As I likely will tomorrow, I will drag my tired body home.
Home, school, home, school, home, school.
Even though I barely made it to university, somehow my schedule doesn't seem much different from high school.
Self-study time is gone, and academy time is gone. Instead, the time for house chores and time spent sprawled on the bed have increased a bit.
That was it.
Living like this, I sometimes felt a bit distant.
Is it okay to spend my early twenties, my shining youth, which will never come again, like this?
There must be many things I can only do now. I could be doing something meaningful rather than just being alone like this.
Having wasted my teens just studying, am I going to waste my twenties the same way?
Living each day repeated like a machine, it's not that I didn't feel this anxious feeling—
But having become utterly worn down by daily life, I didn't feel like trying anything new either.
Partly, I was giving up inwardly. I also felt a bit skeptical about life.
So, I simply couldn't muster the energy to try something new and unfamiliar for the first time.
"Let's go get lunch."
Once again today, I was fitting myself into the cogwheel of daily life.
As long as I was rolling within this wheel, which had become as familiar as could be, it didn't require effort.
If someday the day comes when I get stuck in this wheel and die, I will surely regret having stepped into the wheel then.
But for now, it's comfortable. That's enough...
"Hi, Jina-ya."
"Chae-eun...? Why are you here?"
Crunch.
The moment I saw her, I heard the sound of the endlessly turning wheel shattering.
*
"Eat a lot, Jina-ya. I'll treat you again today."
"Huh?"
What happened?
So, after class ended, I coincidentally ran into Chae-eun, who had come out for a walk all the way to school.
My wrist was grabbed just like yesterday, and I was dragged straight to the cafeteria—
"Thank you for the meal?"
"Yeah. Enjoy your meal. No need to feel burdened."
And that brings us to now.
Even after retracing the series of events, it didn't feel very real.
I was originally planning to make do with something like school food, so how did it end up like this?
The only saving grace was that the menu wasn't the same high-end steak as yesterday.
Although Chae-eun seemed to really want to treat me.
My schedule today didn't end with just one class in the morning. Unfortunately, there was one more class starting later in the afternoon and ending in the evening.
The Day off from classes between classes. It wasn't tight, but it wasn't ample either.
It was enough to eat lunch leisurely, but one point was that there wouldn't be enough time to go to a place like a steak restaurant and slowly savor the taste.
'I'm really fine with that place, okay? It's not that I'm telling you not to treat me. I just want to eat something light!'
'Since you're getting treated, you could get something expensive. Why are you being so stubborn...!'
'And are you looking down on that place? It's rumored to be a delicious restaurant around the school. All the seniors and classmates recommended it!'
The other point was thanks to my request... or rather, my desperate plea in the form of a request.
I have a conscience too; getting treated by her not once but twice was something that pricked my conscience.
While I was feeling uncomfortable about that, Chae-eun said since we ate steak yesterday, she'd treat me to light sashimi today and tried to drag me there.
It wasn't something to be happy about just because money was saved.
My chest poked-poked, my heart thump-thumped.
My womb twinge-twinged.
I could no longer just endure this uncomfortable feeling.
Instead of being dragged along unilaterally, I pulled on this connection linked by hand and wrist and took her to the restaurant I often go to for lunch.
A shabby restaurant that can't even be compared to the high-end restaurant we went to yesterday.
In contrast to sitting on a fancy sofa and leisurely cutting steak yesterday, here there weren't even chairs, so you had to sit on the floor to eat.
Food of excellent quality for the price. And generous hospitality.
Since it was a restaurant I frequented based solely on these two things, it was lacking in many ways.
In other words—
It was the kind of place that could easily make it onto a list of delicious restaurants with just these two things.
Not long after we entered, a hearty meal was generously laid out on the table.
As a side dish, rolled omelet with cheese inside. The main dish, bright red stir-fried pork with white rice, and the soup... or rather, the ramen serving as soup looked very appetizing.
"Are you really sure this is enough?"
I made a face at her, who was still doubtful.
As if to say, hurry up and eat instead of doing what.
Placing a chopstickful of stir-fried pork on the white rice, wrapping it in seaweed, and taking a big bite—
"Mmm!!"
Maybe because I was hungry, even though I didn't chew much, the spoonful of rice went down with a gulp.
Next, a bite of the rolled omelet.
Since just eating the rolled omelet would leave my mouth bland, a chopstickful of ramen too. The ramen broth for dipping the rice in.
Utilizing all the given side dishes, I pushed the rice into my mouth.
"Let me try..."
Perhaps encouraged by my enthusiastic eating, she slowly picked up her spoon.
A movement that still hadn't completely let go of a bit of doubt.
For a moment, I forgot about eating the delicious rice and just stared at her as if entranced.
First, she scoops only enough white rice onto her spoon as she intends to eat.
With chopsticks held neatly in an 11-shape, she picks up one piece of pork and places it on the spoon.
From the piled-up stack of seaweed, she takes out exactly one sheet, covers the spoon with it, then presses it lightly with her chopsticks to make it like a small kimbap.
She brings that bite-sized piece to her mouth demurely.
Without opening her mouth wide, she opens it just a little and pushes the food between her cherry-colored lips.
Without showing her teeth, with an unexaggerated movement, she chews slowly. When she seems to have savored it enough, gulp, she swallows it down her throat.
Even though she achieved the same result as I did, the process was so different.
Did I eat too roughly for a girl? It's a habit from living 20 years in a man's body, but seeing such an exemplary case made me feel unnecessarily embarrassed.
How should I put it, dignity, I guess.
A movement that naturally draws people's gaze, a charming movement.
'Should I start eating more demurely from now on...?'
It was a movement that made me think that thought unconsciously.
Well, she is a young lady from a wealthy family.
Unlike the usual teasing among friends calling each other young lady or young master, she was a genuine young lady.
Because she was the precious only daughter of a CEO running some company.
The company's scale wasn't small either.
Even if it couldn't rank among the conglomerates that anyone can think of, it was a company of the level where if you mention its name, people go 'Ah, that place~!' with an exclamation.
Although we coincidentally became classmates, originally, Han Chae-eun was a person belonging to the upper class that I could never approach.
"Mmm..."
That wealthy family's young lady's first attempt. How would she, who always only cut steak, evaluate the flavor of the stir-fried pork she put in her mouth for the first time?
My consciousness momentarily focused on her lips, which twitched slightly.
"It's delicious. It feels like ordinary home cooking..."
Thanks to that, I could see it.
"Really delicious."
The sight of the corners of her mouth, which always held a slight smile, distorting.
I'm not sure what is implied here.
Is it sadness? Irritation? Resentment?
"This place is edible too. It's a different taste."
Before I could say anything, the distortion disappeared. And it didn't reappear.
"Maybe we can come here again next time."
"...I'm glad it suits your taste."
Having missed the timing.
"Then I'll go to my afternoon class?"
"Take care. See you later, Jina-ya."
"Yeah, later."
In the end, I couldn't ask about the meaning of that distortion until the very end.
By the time we meet next, I might forget.