26. Please Understand, Partner (1)
My head.
My head hurt.
It felt like someone had set a chisel against the back of my skull and was hammering it in.
Ah..., my head throbbed all over. My lower stomach was pressed on too, which made it uncomfortable.
"Cigarette smell..., hic."
A familiar, harsh smell. I'd never smelled it on anyone but Park Won.
My body was being carried. Why...?
"Where are we going...."
"You've come to a bit, then."
"No.... I mean, yes. No, no...."
"I never thought you'd actually drink."
Ah.
Right. I remembered. I drank. That was why my stomach was churning....
[Sometimes when I look at you, you complain, so I can't tell whether I should treat you like a child or an adult.]
[Ah! I could just prove it, couldn't I, prove it...!]
[Magical Girls are Tactical Weapons, so there's no legal issue with drinking....]
[Don't go putting ideas in their head, Yun Ha-ram.]
Next to the startled Albatross, Yun Ha-ram had said that.
Spurred by those words, I'd had one drink, then two, and then....
Lately I kept getting treated like a kid, so I couldn't hold back and drank to the end. Yeah.
So that was why we were heading back to the lodging. With me being carried like this, unable to even control my own body.
"It's swaying.... A little, slowly. Okay...?"
"We're almost there."
I was clinging to my last shred of reason until the footsteps stopped.
Soon I heard Park Won's voice.
Before I knew it, we were at the door of the lodging.
"Passcode."
"49..., 7..., 163."
"I can't hear you. What's the passcode?"
"4, 9..., 713..., ugh."
"This is awkward. I'll set you down, so you press it yourself."
The alcohol kept rattling my head.
For some reason, I didn't want to obediently press it. Everything felt like a hassle.
Rather than get down and press it myself, I just wanted to stay like this and mumble the passcode without thinking about anything.
I wrapped my arms around Park Won's neck and pulled my body up with effort.
Once I got close to Park Won's ear like that, I rested my face on his shoulder and moved my lips.
"497..., 163.... That's it. Hoo...."
"You, never drink again after this."
"I've needed to go for a while now. Please, just open the door first...."
Park Won sighed and began pressing the numbers slowly.
Did he not hear me...? My lower stomach was stuffy, and with alcohol on top of it, it was getting hard to manage.
"Aren't you dizzy...?"
"Not as bad as you. And why did you force yourself to drink?"
"I had to at least do that..., to make you believe. Hic. That I'm not just a kid."
"If we're going to split hairs, you trying so hard right now looks far more childish."
"No, not really...."
From opening the lodging door to heading to the bedroom, our breathing overlapped.
On my side, because the alcohol made me dizzy.
Park Won, probably from carrying me all the way to the lodging.
Our breathing stayed ragged for a long while.
When our off-beat breathing began to sync up, I tightened my arms around his neck in case I fell.
"Being a Magical Girl..., it's just full of uncomfortable things...."
"That's usually how it is. They say it's a hormone issue."
"It's not like I want to..., be like this...."
"I can see well enough that you're having a hard time."
"Ugh, ah...!"
Park Won finally tossed me onto the bed.
When my body was thrown onto the soft bed, I heard it creak a couple of times.
"It hurts, bathroom. Bathroom...."
A pain like my head was being split open buzzed in, approaching and receding over and over.
Even with my eyes closed, it felt like they were open, and even with them open, it felt like they were closed.
Ah, right.... This was how it felt the first time I drank.
Yeah. As expected....
This was my limit. Dangerous....
"Wait a second.... Park Won. Partner...?"
"Huh?"
"No, I really need to go...."
My eyes met Park Won's.
Seriously.
I didn't want to say this right now. But of all times, I'd been drinking.
Fuck....
"No way, right?"
"Th-that, uh. C-can't you, do something...?"
"You, a person who called themselves an adult with their own mouth...."
"What am I supposed to do, my lower stomach keeps getting pressed on...!"
I squeezed my legs together while lying down.
My toes twitched, and I reached out with both hands to pointlessly tug at my collar.
If I moved even a little, it felt like it would come out, and my lower stomach was already so sore that it was hard to hold it in.
Hurry....
Park Won, who had been scratching his head a couple of times with a troubled expression, came toward me.
Until Park Won carried me to the bathroom.
I just had to hold on until then.
I could hold on. It wasn't hard. It was really dangerous, but it was fine.
Right. Yeah. When Park Won came close, I'd wrap my arms around his neck again first....
My legs....
"M-my legs..., haah. Please don't touch them...."
"Then how am I supposed to carry you?"
"S-somehow.... Ugh...! Haa. Hic...."
Beyond my blurred pupils, my consciousness grew hazier and hazier.
They said even humans can't help it in the face of bodily functions. So this was what that meant.
I hugged only Park Won's neck with all my strength, as if to say "figure it out."
My condition was so bad that those were the only words I could manage.
"Hold on a little. It won't take long."
"Ugh, ah. Ughhh.... Ugh, ah...!"
In the end, there was only one option left. Just, Park Won lifting me up whole.
Park Won grabbed my waist with his hands and hauled me upright.
It was the position I hated most, dangling in the air....
But the situation was so urgent that I had no room to care about that.
If I could just hold on while he carried me like this....
[Thud.]
"Ugh...."
[Thud. Thud.]
"Hng. Ugh.... It's, hard...."
Every time Park Won took a step, the vibration traveled up through his hands and made my waist jolt.
With every footstep that hit the floor, I squeezed my legs together.
I went up on tiptoe and twisted my feet around each other, and I clenched my toes and trembled.
Even so, each step was so unbearable that I kept pestering Park Won.
"Hurry.... Ugh...! Just a little, hurry up..., ughhh, haa...!"
"We're almost there, so hold on just a little more."
Park Won's face showed only a troubled look, with no sign of discomfort.
I was the only one blushing at how pathetic this was.
If only my lower stomach weren't being pressed on, I could have held it. But of all times. Of all times, it was Egg-Laying Season, so my lower stomach was being pressed on uncomfortably.
Every time my waist swayed up and down with his steps, I clenched my teeth and endured the urge to let go.
Dangerous..., really dangerous.
While being carried by Park Won, I scratched at his legs desperately.
It was a pitiful signal that I really needed to go and wanted him to hurry, but did he even get the message?
[Trickle....]
A stream ran down my thigh.
Ah, no. Too late... I hate this, I hate this.
Droplets were starting to run down my thigh.... Ah, I hate this.
In front of this man, of all people, I really hate this...!
"S-sorry. I'm sorry, Park Won, Partner...! Ah, ughhh. Hic...."
Hugging the taciturn Park Won, I naturally started to tear up.
Afraid he'd see my pathetic expression, I buried my face in his shoulder.
The falling droplets soon became a warm stream.
My long-stretched legs thrashed, and something began scattering onto the floor.
A stain slowly spread over my underwear and pants.
The most agonizing part was..., that unlike the shame, my body gradually began to feel more comfortable.
The reason that said this was wrong and the instinct that wanted to feel better kept colliding endlessly.
"Haa. Ah, no. I can't. It's dirty.... Hic. It's really, dirty...!"
My reason, made dizzy by the alcohol, collapsed.
Instinct climbed on top of it.
Mounted on top, instinct choked my reason and urged my body on.
Let it out. Let it out and feel better.
You're carrying an egg, so of course it's hard to hold it in with your lower stomach being pressed on.
Let it out.
Who cares about Park Won?
Just let it out.
"D-don't look over here...."
I made it to the bathroom while leaking, but by the time we arrived, it was already too late.
Once I let out a long stream, my head kept twitching side to side involuntarily while it flowed.
The warm stream ran down the inside of my thighs, gathered at my toes, and dripped onto the bathroom floor. Drip, drip.
Still wearing my soaked pants and underwear, I settled onto the floor.
With my whole body frozen, I tried desperately to wake my unconscious reason.
First time, at the hospital.
And the second time, in front of my Partner.
That was twice.
I'd wet myself twice.
"Ah."
Tears burst out.
I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide.
"Ah, ah... ugh. Hooo, hng...."
What am I going to do?
Not once, but twice.
This was just.... I was a fucking mess who couldn't even take care of myself.
At this age, a pathetic bastard who pissed himself just because his lower stomach was a little full....
"Ugh. Ughhh.... Ugh. Hoo. Sniff...."
While I was crying, I felt something twitch outside my field of vision.
Startled, I flinched, and my focus slowly settled on Park Won.
"It's okay."
"What's okay...."
"It's okay, so don't cry. When Egg-Laying Season comes, everyone makes mistakes like you."
"How am I supposed to pretend this is nothing... haah."
"It's nothing to be ashamed of. That's what I'm here for."
"Hic. Sniff.... Hoo. I want to die...."
Park Won tried to comfort me, ruffling my hair with his hand.
From your perspective, this must be awkward too. I got cocky and drank on my own, and then wet myself while being carried.
So of course you'd see me as pathetic.
But why weren't you saying anything?
I'd rather you cursed me out and called me pathetic.
Or, like the rumors said, if you just smacked me a few times, it would be less humiliating.
"W-wait...., d-don't pet me...! Hic. Hng...."
"Stand still. First, let's deal with your clothes."
"I said, don't pet me.... Haah. Ah.... I said, no...."
At this age, I'd wet myself and was having my head patted.
It was a ridiculous, pathetic situation no matter how you looked at it.
If he kept stroking me like that while my reason was hazy with alcohol....
"Ah. Ugh...."
It was a complete mess.
Like a mille-feuille that had been crushed beyond recognition.
Where was my shame, and where was the relief that I hadn't been scolded?
I wouldn't even be able to tell them apart, let alone find them.
At this point, I even started to think that I wished the Egg-Laying Season I'd been avoiding so much would just pass already.
That I'd rather just lay it quickly and feel better.
That I didn't want my lower stomach getting pressed on every time and suffering from poor condition.
All those thoughts slipped in through the gaps in my instinctive resistance.
Amid the sound of falling water, I glared at Park Won with unfocused eyes.
At that Park Won, who was patting my head and saying it was okay.
I'd said holding hands was embarrassing, yet he'd ended up seeing me lay an egg and wet myself.
Something was going wrong. No matter how I thought about it, something was seriously wrong.
I should knock his petting hand away.
Maybe it was actually lucky that I'd drunk.
I could use the alcohol as an excuse and say I didn't remember....
When I woke up tomorrow, I could just gloss over it like that.
"Hic...."
I hiccupped once more in front of Park Won for no reason.
It was a kind of signal, a subtle way of saying I was drunk right now, so please believe me.
Please believe me.
I didn't do it on purpose....