Returning Home in Glory

I spent twenty-six years as a complete and total NEET, and in all that time I almost never left the house for long.

A healthy man in his twenties is supposed to serve in the military. For one reason and another, I was exempted.

That was also why my brat of a little sister called me a draft-dodging waste of space. Thanks to the exemption, though, I'd gotten two extra years to grind Farming World harder than anyone else, so the insult barely landed.

She scraped at me as hard as she could, convinced it would get under my skin. All I had to do was imagine posting on a forum that I was a draft-dodging loser and picture the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠flood of envious replies. That alone was enough to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠know I'd come out ahead.

So ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I'd lived my whole life as a professional home guardian and never once been away for more than a few days. Then I became master of the rift dimension, and before I knew it I was already seven days into living somewhere else.

At first I wondered if I'd be all right. Could I really live anywhere but home for a full week?

I'd practically lived inside Farming World for ten years, but practically was the word. I hadn't actually lived there. I'd play hard, and when it was time to sleep I'd set the character to rest, log out, and do my real sleeping at home. Even after I furnished a mansion and put in a good bed, that part never changed.

Sleeping in a virtual-reality capsule and actually lying down in a bed are worlds apart. Doctors will tell you that forcing a waking brain into a light sleep state is nearly the same as real sleep and still isn't—it's shallow—and they always advise you to get more than a set amount of rest in the real world. Farming World players joke that you have to bank both in-game sleep and real sleep, and plenty of them build actual routines to cover both.

It isn't hard. You play for as long as you play, then log out and sleep six to eight hours. Set the time rate to one-to-one before you come out, and that day your game character and your real self wake up having slept the same stretch. So in the end, I always slept in reality. Even on the nights I pulled an all-nighter in the capsule, my body never left it.

That was why, after seven frantic days that flew past without my noticing, the moment it came time to go back a belated, unsettled feeling rolled over me—like I'd only just realized I'd been away.

"Everything I need is packed."

On the seventh day I went out to the Former Master's Orchard, gave the whole place a thorough watering, and finished cutting the rest of the road toward the village. I could have just used Leap Slash, popped over, and activated the quest, but I was already working the Explorer achievement, so I took my time clearing the path clean. I stopped at the edge of the village and didn't go in.

The plan was to log out, come back, and pick it up from there. With nothing particular left to do, I tidied the messy field in the front yard, and that night I set Ruru up with the ramen and snacks she loved and grilled meat to pass the time.

"Travel safely, Master."

I'd asked her whether she could come with me.

"Once the dimensional gate you open grows stronger, I'll be able to go. My role is to help you and guard this place, so when your home here is stable and safe... please take me with you then."

Even while whining that it was spicy, Ruru had reached the point of draining a whole cup of ramen, broth and all, until the skin around her mouth went bright red. She clearly wanted to follow me to Earth. If it wasn't possible yet, there was nothing to be done.

Had it been possible, I wouldn't have minded taking her. I didn't know how many days I'd be gone, but having her along would help a little here and there. Leaving her was safe enough so long as she stayed in the cottage, and bringing her wouldn't get in the way either. Someday, if I walked around with her and told people she was my pet, she might draw a fair amount of attention.

I emptied the axe, the pickaxe, and the rest of that gear out of the belt inventory. Slot one held the Sewer Sword. Everything else was what I meant to carry out: a carry-on suitcase, a basket of fruit, glass stones and gloves, the Snaggletooth Dagger.

Lined up like that, it looked pretty solid.

"I actually worked hard."

It had only been seven days. On the first I'd worried how much I could even take with me, but this was better than I'd planned. I could call the results more than decent.

"Log out."

Seven days later, I was back on Earth.

I sucked in a breath.

I'd never noticed it while playing Farming World. Seven days in the rift dimension, and the difference hit the moment I came back.

"The air is garbage."

I understood at once why old people never shut up about good air, good air, good air. The instant I drew a breath, something unpleasant—nothing like the air I'd been breathing in the rift—rode in through my nose and caught on the hairs. I'd always written it off as boomer nonsense. Turns out the quality of the air really is different.

My own room, after only seven days, felt strangely unfamiliar.

It wasn't as if I'd been living in some grand house in the rift. The bed Mom bought me was still better than anything over there. Even so. Was this how a son felt after moving out? Twenty-six years in this house, in this room, and a week away was enough to make it feel this awkward.

"Hmm... next time I go, I should bring the blankets. The mattress too, if I can manage it."

I wasn't so much glad to be home as I was noticing every object I'd need to furnish my place over there. While I sold what I'd brought back, I'd have to think carefully about what to take with me. With that in mind, I opened the door and stepped out.

"Mom! I'm home!"

"Suhyun?"

Seven straight days of nothing but Big Rat meat, and I'd missed the stew Mom made. I'd boiled instant rice when I wanted a meal, but nothing beats home cooking. Her reaction, though, caught me off guard.

"Suhyun!"

She came running out of the master bedroom—lights off, eyes swollen fat from crying—threw her arms around me, and started checking every inch of me for injuries.

"What? What's all this?"

"Where were you, you brat?"

"I told you I was going to a dungeon."

"What? You actually went? To a dungeon?"

"Yeah."

What? Something about her reaction was off, so I asked, just in case.

"Did you think I was dead?"

"You vanish for six days without a word, of course I thought something happened!"

"..."

Did she? Well. Yeah. That tracked. I couldn't exactly announce that I was dimension-hopping into the rift, so the last thing she would remember was me packing at random and saying I was off to a dungeon.

"But why six days? It was seven."

"Didn't you leave at dawn the next day? Sujeong said she never saw you go."

"Oh. Right."

Whatever. I'd come back alive, and that was what mattered. There hadn't been any real danger, and part of me wanted to tell her she was making a fuss and to calm down. The look on her face stopped me. I didn't want to be the unfilial brat, so I patted her instead.

"Mom, your son got stupid strong. I run into a monster, the monster dies. I don't. So don't worry."

"You wretched boy. When did I ever tell you to walk into a place that dangerous? If you won't get a job, just stay home and play your games. All right?"

"What games? Mom, a twenty-six-year-old bum who games all day is human garbage. From now on, I'm the head of this house."

"Aigoo. Aigoo."

I knew that sound. That was Mom's patience snapping. A parent worries every time their kid steps into a dungeon, and it didn't have to be me—she already lived with that every time my sister went in. If both of her only two children were walking into dungeons, how could she not be terrified? But what was I supposed to do about it?

"Ah, look at me."

Mom hurriedly got on her phone.

"...You even filed a report?"

"Your father and Sujeong went to the Hunter Association together to report you missing."

Tch. I'd worried them more than I meant to, and I felt bad about it. Still, there was nothing else I could have done. Explaining my situation to my parents one detail at a time wouldn't make them understand, and I couldn't make them understand it anyway. Faster to flip into fire-attribute model-son mode and sell it that way.

"Mom, I'm hungry. Feed me."

"Aigoo. You were out there without even eating? Wait. I'll make you something."

And above all else, the sofa was soft.

"I definitely have to take the sofa."

I sank into it and loafed in front of the TV, and about thirty minutes later Dad and Kim Sujeong came back.

"Well, look at that. In one piece?"

Dad took one look at me, let out a hollow laugh, clicked his tongue, and went into his room. My sister kicked me.

"You crazy bastard! You awaken and walk straight into a dungeon? Are you out of your mind?"

"You're the one who wouldn't take me."

"Ugh. Seriously."

I hadn't said it because I actually wanted to run a dungeon with Kim Sujeong. She was being a pain, so I dumped the blame on her and left it there. I let her nagging go in one ear and out the other and ate the meal Mom had made like it was the best thing I'd ever tasted.

"Yeah. This ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠is it. Ah!"

I pulled a cut of Big Rat Mom meat out of my inventory.

"Mom. Present."

"What is this? Meat?"

"I caught it."

"So you really did go to a dungeon."

"Told you I did."

Big Rat was already good. How much chewier would Big Rat Mom be? I kept eating like nothing was unusual, and the mood in the house settled almost at once.

I finished the meal and headed for my room. Kim Sujeong followed me in.

"What?"

"Day after tomorrow, when I go into the dungeon, there's a spot for you. You're coming."

"What spot?"

"A dungeon slot! You said you wanted me to take you. I asked the guild master and got you in, so show up."

She said it with her face screwed up tight, and I was thrown. I'd only been talking.

"Who do you think you are? A C-rank mage is small fry, isn't she?"

"Shut up! You just awakened, what do you know? I busted my ass to get that slot, so quit worrying Mom and Dad and just follow me around for a while."

I'd never cared enough to learn the details, but as far as I knew Kim Sujeong was a C-rank mage of some element or other. A C-rank ability didn't buy you the kind of treatment a B-rank or an A-rank got, but was a small-to-mid guild still decent enough that they could drag along one clueless fodder hunter who didn't even know his own skills?

"Fine. Tell me when we're going."

"Ugh. Twenty-six years old and you still shoved your age up your ass."

She clicked her tongue on the way out. I flipped her off.

I'd wanted to step into a real dungeon at least once anyway, so there was no reason to turn down a slot that had fallen into my lap. And Kim Sujeong wasn't taking me because she wanted to. After the way Mom and Dad had reacted today—Mom especially—tagging along with her until they settled down didn't seem like a bad idea. I wasn't looking for a dungeon that matched my level. I just wanted to go in once.

A glorious homecoming.

The return was a complete success.