37 - PTSD
"Ah... Evan."
"Piarot."
I laid her down on the bed and gazed down at her from above. Her red eyes held only me. With a gaze burning like fire, I whispered in a cracked voice.
"I've been... waiting for this moment."
"Ah... Evan. I'm embarrassed... at least let me wash up first..."
"No, I can't hold back anymore!!"
I cut her off with a rough snort. My trembling hand caressed her flushed cheek.
"Do you know how much I've been holding back? It was just because I was worried about your health... never because you weren't attractive, Piarot. I'll prove it right now."
"Ah, whatever... Nngh!"
I stole her lips roughly before she could even respond.
"Mmph..."
Churp, chuuup. Wet friction sounds filled the quiet bedroom. Her soft tongue tangled with mine. At the same time, her unique, thick, musky scent wafted over me. It was a dizzyingly sweet aroma. Reason had already flown out the window.
I gently placed my hand over her light summer dress. The swell of her breasts curved into my palm. Beneath the silk-smooth fabric, I felt a soft, bouncy texture like water balloons.
"Ah... Nngh... Evan..."
We tangled together, devouring each other. Naturally, our positions shifted—I pillowed my head on her arm as we turned to face each other on our sides. As I fondled her breasts over her clothes, her pale hand slid down cautiously, yet boldly. It reached my waist, touching the spot that should have been burning hottest.
"!!!!!"
A shock like an electric jolt shot through my brain.
"Evan..."
She called my name and fidgeted with her hand. But.
"......"
It wouldn't rise.
"Evan?"
It wouldn't rise... She tilted her head in confusion.
"......."
It wouldn't rise!! Why!! My body was still on the bed, but it felt like my heart had plummeted straight through the floor. What? Why? This is perfect right now. It's Piarot.
My mind was flooded with desire, but my lower half was as cold as a corpse. Suddenly, cold sweat poured down my back like rain.
"Hah... hah..."
My breath came in gasps. It felt like someone was strangling me—I couldn't breathe. The saintess's apparition, that horrific stench of blood, seemed to assault my nose again.
"E-Evan!! Are you okay??"
My face drained of color in an instant, and Piarot bolted upright in panic. Her eyes, clouded with lust moments ago, filled with worry and fear.
"Evan! What's wrong! Your breathing...!"
"Kkh!! Cough, cough... S-sorry..."
My hyperventilating lungs screamed. I clutched her shoulders and hacked for a long while. The bed, ablaze with desire moments ago, turned into a patient's sickroom in the blink of an eye.
About ten minutes passed. My racing heartbeat gradually slowed, and my breathing returned. I lay in her arms, staring blankly at the ceiling. The ornate chandelier sparkled as if mocking my pathetic state.
"It's okay... Evan."
Piarot gently brushed the sweat-matted hair from my forehead.
"After what happened... after all those horrors... your body's just startled. A little rest, and you'll be fine."
"Sorry..."
"No, don't apologize. If anything, it's good. You needed the rest, Evan. Let's... just sleep like this."
"......"
I had nothing to say. We'd postponed and delayed through every trial, finally reaching this point... With the best resort, the best atmosphere, the best lover right here—why was I still like this?
She hugged me tight, crushing me to her. Even in this misery, the softness of her breasts against my cheek felt like heaven. And that made me feel even more like trash.
"Evan... just so you don't misunderstand..."
She hesitated, her face flushing as she spoke.
"Yeah...?"
"I'm not... that kind of forward girl."
"Huh?"
I blinked. I could hear her heartbeat.
"I-I just... wanted to make you my man so badly... I got greedy. I wanted confirmation quick..."
"Ah..."
Her cute excuse made my chest ache.
"It's fine now!! We don't have to. No matter what anyone says, you're my man!!"
I bit my lip at her spirited voice. Yeah, you only have eyes for me like this.
"Piarot... Yeah, I'm yours. No one else's... only Piarot's..."
The words stuck in my throat like a fishbone. I swallowed them.
...I can't be only Piarot's man.
To save the world, to save you. I have to give my body to other women. That horrific contradiction numbed my tongue.
"Evan? Why the sudden silence? You're not thinking weird stuff, are you?"
Piarot lifted her head, peering into my eyes at my quietness.
"Yeah. No. I'll only think of you, Piarot. Until this summer break ends."
"Yeah... that's enough."
Did she notice the subtle nuance, or was she pretending? She smiled faintly and burrowed into my arms. We lay like that for a long time, sharing body heat. As the sunset outside deepened to a rich purple.
"Shall we unpack and grab dinner?"
"Yeah, sounds good. I'm hungry."
We decided to go back to being ordinary lovers, as if nothing had happened.
We headed to a restaurant for dinner. The luxurious food tasted like nothing. Then bath time. In the fancy tub full of bubbles, we washed together. Piarot clung to me naked. Her water-slicked curves and flushed face right in front of my nose... but my 'little Evan' remained as still as a monk in silent meditation.
She looked at me pityingly—or maybe cutely—and giggled softly as she washed me thoroughly.
......I need to step up. Can't let the mood drop.
I forced a bright smile and lathered her black hair.
"Is the princess feeling refreshed?"
"Yeah, Evan... perfect."
She narrowed her eyes like a pleased cat. After the shower, I dried her damp hair meticulously with the blow dryer. Fluffy and soft, we lay side by side on that vast bed again. The plush duvet and faint shampoo scent. After a moment of silence, Piarot spoke softly.
"Evan... tell me now."
"Huh?"
"About your body's condition. It's aftermath from then, right? What happened in the forest...?"
She gripped my hand tight.
"Ah..."
I stared at the ceiling and swallowed a sigh. Yeah, nothing left to hide from her. Except that I'm not from this world.
"It's my ability."
"Ability?"
"Yeah. I... uh... how do I explain? Argh... basically..."
My face burned as I stalled, then blurted it out.
"After I cum... I get sage time... no, my brain gets super smart!!"
"......What?"
Piarot's eyes went wide.
"It's true! We were all about to die, and I couldn't think of a way out. So... I tried using that ability to find a solution... and asked you to..."
I trailed off in a shrinking voice. Even now, it sounded lame and pervy.
"Pfft..."
"......?"
"Kyahahahaha! What is that?!"
Piarot burst out laughing, clutching her stomach. She was rolling on the bed.
"H-hey! Don't laugh! I was serious! This is important!!"
"But... hahaha. Oh, tears. So that's what happened."
She wiped tears from her eyes, smiling with relief.
"Ah, so that's why... you asked me to... fell... do that? To think of a way to survive?"
"Y-yeah!! I'm not a perv!!"
"I thought you were an incurable lech. Good. You're just not that kind of perv."
"I'm a gentleman..."
"Relieved... but kinda disappointing somehow."
She poked my chest playfully.
"Disappointing...? Piarot, let's make this clear. What happened in the forest was 'no count.' Got it?"
"No count?"
"Yeah. We haven't had our 'first time' yet. Technically, we didn't have sex..."
I emphasized seriously.
"That was just... medical procedure? No, strategic action. Not making love."
"Ah, really... you worry about the weirdest things."
Piarot shook her head like she didn't get it, but to me, it was life-or-death. Of course. I couldn't let my precious first time be remembered as 'outdoor group perv play' surrounded by three women and a monster corpse... That's trauma, not a memory.
"So, on this trip... we'll do it properly. Good mood, clean, romantic."
"Yeah... got it. I'll wait."
Piarot whispered as she snuggled into my arms.
"Until you're ready to get smart again, Evan."
Time in Ostia passed slowly and peacefully. We didn't force anything. We just followed our hearts. During the day, we strolled blindingly sunny beaches. Soft sand between our toes, endless horizons, waves tickling our ears. We hunted Ostia's famous seafood spots, stuffing ourselves and laughing till our bellies hurt. And at night, like clockwork, we returned early to the hotel. We did nothing. No unnecessary talk. Just tangled on the vast bed, quietly feeling each other's warmth. Piarot held me like a child, patting me, and I fell asleep to her heartbeat as a lullaby. Pure rest. It was like spring sun melting the frozen earth inside me. The saintess's curse-like visions and bloody nightmares faded bit by bit.
It was the fifth night. Waves lapped gently outside, and faint moonlight filtered into the room. As usual, I lay facing Piarot, gazing into her eyes. Her red pupils seemed deeper and clearer than ever. Something warm and fuzzy welled up from deep in my chest. Pure affection, no pretense or lust.
"I love you... Piarot."
Not rehearsed—sincere words slipped from my lips. Piarot smiled softly, caressing my cheek.
"I love you too, Evan..."
Her breath brushed my lips, so close. Then—
Twitch-!
"......Huh?"