10 - Words I Want to Say to Her

'I wonder if she's feeling a bit better today?'

My heart pounded pleasantly. Had the shock therapy I'd thrown at her yesterday worked a little? With thoughts of flirting with her again today, I walked the forest path with light steps. It was the thrill of visiting a lover's house during the flirty early stages.

Knock, knock.

"Senior, it's Evan."

A moment later.

Click.

The sound of the door opening. I loaded up a bright smile and looked up.

"Ah... Evan, come on in..."

A wave of heat hit me the moment the door opened. She was soaked in sweat, her face as white as a sheet. She looked precarious, like she might collapse any second.

"Huh?"

Her hand slipped off the doorknob, and she staggered.

"Gasp!!"

I reflexively lunged forward and caught her shoulders. The heat from her body seared my fingertips like a fireball.

What the... why is she like this?

Just a cold? Malnutrition? I urgently supported her.

"Excuse me."

I half-carried her inside the house. And at that moment.

"......"

A chilling, eerie sense of wrongness washed over my spine. The floor... was weird. I'd given it a thorough cleaning a few days ago, sure, but this was a Western-style house where you wore shoes inside. Some dust and grime from daily life was normal.

My gaze fixed on the floor beneath my feet. Glossy, polished wooden planks. Scoured to the point where the finish was peeling and the grain worn smooth—traces of mad scrubbing.

Madness. That was the only word for the scene. No other explanation.

I slowly turned my head and looked down at her in my arms. Her already dark circles had sunk down to her chin, and those beautiful red eyes had lost their focus. A vacant stare, looking at me but seeing right through to empty air.

"Senior... why go this far?"

At my question, the corners of her mouth faintly lifted. A smile like a broken doll's.

"Hehe... I, I really worked hard."

"Ah..."

"So you... won't come again... hehe... I did good, right?"

Her head lolled forward with a thunk. Like a doll with its strings cut, she collapsed fully into my arms.

Had my throwaway line about never coming back pushed her to this?

"Ha..."

A sharp ache stabbed my chest. First things first—get her lying down.

"Senior, excuse me for a sec."

I slipped my arms under her knees and back, hoisting her up effortlessly. Too light. Way too light.

I carried her to the bedroom and gently laid her on the bed, about to pull the covers over her—

Thud.

Her slender hand clamped down hard on my wrist.

"Ugh... Evan..."

She half-opened her hazy eyes and looked up at me. Red eyes swirling with countless emotions.

"Don't go... stay by my side... please..."

"Senior, I'm not going anywhere. Just for a bit—"

"No... don't go...!"

She yanked my arm with all the strength of a nursing infant. My balance crumbled.

"Whoa..."

Thud.

My body pitched forward onto the soft bed. When I came to, I was lying right next to her.

Her hot breath tickled right in front of my nose.

This is... driving me crazy.

I had to get up. I propped myself on my elbows to rise.

But.

A paralysis gripped my whole body like a full-body stun.

Damn it, I can't move.

I was stuck there helplessly beside her. She pillowed her head on my arm, burying her face in my chest as she settled into calm.

"......"

Whooo... whooo...

Regular breathing sounds. She fell into a deep sleep almost immediately.

Having a nightmare? A clear droplet welled up between her closed lashes.

Drip.

A single tear fell, soaking the pillow. With my immobile body useless, I used my free hand to gently wipe her eye corner.

Warm, wet tears. The heat traveled from my fingertips straight to my heart.

"Why... go this far?"

Just because I might not come? Afraid of ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠being abandoned over one missed cleaning, she scrubbed the floors all night?

I felt it in my bones—her obsession and anxiety ran far deeper and darker than I'd imagined. And in that darkness, I was her one lifeline.

I sighed, gazing at her. Pitiful, limp like a broken doll.

As if entranced, I reached out and peeled the sweat-matted hair from her cheek. Her skin burned hot against my fingertips.

Stroke, stroke.

I gently petted her hair.

"You worked hard. Really..."

Then, suddenly.

I froze my hand.

......Wait.

Silence blanketed the bedroom. Only her soft snores and my ragged heartbeat.

The situation hit my brain late. Alone in a beautiful girl's bed. With her asleep, defenseless.

In my 100 years of life—no, across reincarnations—this was a first.

'......'

Gulp.

My dry swallow boomed like thunder. My senses sharpened unnaturally—sight, hearing, smell.

A tickle at my nose. The sweat and dust from earlier gone, replaced by her pure scent blooming thickly. A fresh ripeness like overripe lemons, laced ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠with sticky, dense musk. A drug numbing my reason.

My gaze involuntarily traced her face. Red lips parted softly in repose. The glimpse of her wet tongue tip between. Her thin shirt heaving with each breath, translucent over voluptuous curves beneath.

Insane.

Just lean down, and I'd reach. No one around. She wouldn't wake.

Twitch-.

My fingers on her hair slid down like drawn by a magnet. Over her cheek, along her jaw, to her pale nape. Then lower, past her collarbone, deeper...

No, you lunatic! Snap out of it!

Reason screamed. I yanked my hand back. My fingers trembled.

What the hell was I about to do? She's sick. She trusts you enough to sleep.

But.

"Mmm..."

She shifted uncomfortably in her sleep.

Swish-.

Her leg moved.

And.

Thump.

"!!!!!!!!"

My breath caught. Her thigh brushed my most sensitive, rigid spot.

Soft, plush, scorching touch.

Ugh.

A silent scream erupted. Electricity jolted through me. My brain went white-hot.

This is torture, for real...!

Cold sweat poured like rain. I looked down at her with shaking eyes. Her exposed nape tempted me.

Want to bite. Devour that soft skin, mark it, claim it.

Instinct roared. She likes you too, right? She won't refuse if you pounce. Might even be happy.

So...

Swish.

My hand reached for her again.

But then.

I saw it.

'......'

Her hand on my chest. Blisters burst, skin peeled, blood beaded—mangled palms. Traces of wringing rags all night to keep me from abandoning her.

'Ha......'

Like cold water on boiling lust, my head cooled.

I slapped my cheek hard.

You trash bastard.

Lusting after a woman like this? She's a patient teetering on body and mind's edge. Touching her ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠would be beastly.

Humans have lines we don't cross.

I bit my lip hard. Tasted blood, clamping down my surging desire again and again.

"Hoo... hoo..."

I redirected my hovering hand, stroking her hair tenderly instead of lewdly.

At that moment, the binding paralysis ebbed away like a receding tide.

It's gone!

I carefully lifted her head, freed my arm, and got off the bed. Barely suppressing the heat, I pulled the first-aid kit from my bag. Trembling hands opened the ointment.

Conquering lust left room for affection and guilt.

"Don't hurt anymore, Senior."

I sat by her sleeping form, meticulously bandaging each wounded finger.

This was the best I could do as a human.

*

She slept a full four hours before opening her eyes.

"Mmm..."

She rubbed her hazy eyes and sat up. Spotting me blankly, realization dawned—her face drained of color.

"Ah... E-Evan, I... um...!"

As she opened her mouth to excuse herself.

Shh.

I pressed my index finger to her soft lips.

"!!!!"

Her eyes went wide. Frozen by the warmth of my finger on her lips.

"Don't say a word. I'll really get mad this time. Got it?"

My voice was low and firm. No more 'sorry's or 'my bad's.

She made a tearful face, then meekly nodded.

Only then did I pull my ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠finger away.

"Wait here a sec."

I went to the kitchen, heated the veggie soup I'd prepped, and brought the steaming bowl on a tray to her bedside.

Spooned some up, blew on it to cool.

Foo, foo.

"Here, ahh~."

"Ah, no! I can eat—"

"I'll get mad."

"!!!"

I glared, and she flinched, shoulders shaking.

"Uw..."

Blushing furiously, she hesitantly parted her lips. Like a baby bird taking food, she accepted the spoon.

Nom nom.

She ate well. Mmm, time for a solid reward.

"Good job."

I set down the empty spoon and gently petted her head.

Pat pat.

"Uw..."

She ducked her head shyly but didn't pull away.

Good...

Tension eased; an unconscious sigh escaped.

"Haa..."

Drained. Holding back lust, nursing her—lost a year off my life today.

Her condition was way worse than I'd thought.

But why me, this much?

Lifesaver or not, in that timeline, we both died. This world's different. Here, just a few meals and cleanings.

That's enough to make her cling and cry not to go?

Yeah... people can't beat loneliness.

That damn emotion—I know it better than anyone in this academy. 100 years as an outcast. Solitude in crowds. I know bone-deep how it eats you.

She'd sunk into the same mire. Desperate enough to grasp even my rotten lifeline.

I quietly fed her the whole bowl.

Clink.

Empty bowl on the tray. Belly full, mind clearer. Time to heal her heart.

Words I wanted to say to her.

"Senior."

"Yes..."

She looked up with innocent eyes. I met them straight on, speaking quietly.

"I... heard the rumors."