The Vow (3)
Vivian could not react to Kailo's words.
She did not want to believe him.
This was the same Kailo who had always approached her with cold remarks that scraped raw against her pride. The image of him mocking her weakness, saying he enjoyed watching her suffer, remained vivid in her mind.
As if reading the confusion on her face, Kailo spoke with quiet calm.
"If you don't want to believe me, then don't."
But in truth, what Kailo assumed and what Vivian was actually thinking were complete opposites.
In a corner of her heart, realization was already seeping in. She simply did not want to believe it — yet the meaning of everything he had done was beginning to look different now.
All those times he had appeared whenever she wanted to die, provoking her and somehow injecting a strange tension into the moment. The time he forced his fingers down her throat and saved her after she had been poisoned. The way he tasted her food beforehand, the way he showed up during lessons to watch her all day, even today's events…
Everything he had done while circling around her pointed in a single direction.
Swept up in emotion, she had failed to grasp the meaning. Or perhaps she had deliberately looked away, pretending not to know.
Whatever the case, that heavy truth was far too much to accept all at once.
When everyone wished for her death, the only person trying to protect her was the eldest son of the enemy family — the person she ought to hate most. Even the moments that had seemed like torment, if she thought of them as being for her sake, complex emotions came flooding in.
She could not even ask why.
Because Kailo Allen had said he did not know either. Vivian could vaguely understand that he was as confused as she was right now.
Watching her expression shift, Kailo seemed to realize she was beginning to believe him. The gruff dismissal of if you don't want to believe, don't was gone; instead he scratched his head with a look of open discomfort. Perhaps having his true feelings laid bare with a single sentence made him uneasy.
"That's enough, right?" Kailo trailed off, then added, "If your curiosity's satisfied, go find some people. They're probably celebrating, thinking you're dead."
"…"
At his words, Vivian staggered to her feet. She needed time to calmly accept all of this. To properly understand the sincerity he had revealed, it would be better to put some distance between them.
And returning to reality, she saw that Kailo was also severely injured. A sense of urgency to fetch Scholar Crelin as soon as possible filled a corner of her heart as well.
Her ankle hurt so badly she had to hop on one foot, but unlike when she had been inside the castle, she could afford to take her time walking now.
As she tried to leave, Kailo caught her again.
"Vivian."
They were by no means on a first-name basis. But now, having laid bare even his heart, Kailo seemed unwilling to care about formalities.
When she turned, he spoke with a serious gaze.
"About that vow from before… I was somewhat serious."
"…Vow?"
"The thing about whether you'd stop crying if I saved you."
Kailo's words were unexpected, but she could no longer find any playfulness on his face.
"I'm like this… and if you're always sniveling by yourself, it drains all my energy."
"…"
Vivian looked over Kailo's condition again. From a bit farther away, the severity was clear at a glance. The broken leg. The shoulders and back turned crimson. The sacrifice he had made to protect her was now more clearly visible.
"…"
Looking at it that way, Vivian felt humiliation as well. Until just recently she had been crying over her own situation — yet Kailo Allen, who had protected her through every one of those moments, was this badly hurt.
How long are you going to keep bawling like that?
It was as if she could hear the words Kailo had once said to her. From then on, he had seemed to hate seeing her cry in front of him.
"So hold back the tears a bit. Got it?"
Somewhere between irritation and a request, Kailo asked. Vivian knew she should accept his words, but in the end she turned without answering. She still needed time.
Three days had passed since then.
The fire at the castle had been in the west wing. I was currently in the east wing.
Today as well, Scholar Crelin entered my sickroom and carefully unwrapped the bandages while examining my burns. It hurt more the next day than the first, and even more the day after that.
With practiced hands, the scholar carefully spread herbal salve and said, "To survive burns like these from inside a fire… you were truly lucky."
I furrowed my brow slightly against the pain and replied, "Not so much luck… Northerners are just tough. Unlike southerners."
At that, Scholar Crelin nodded with a smile. Then he spoke frankly.
"It's hard to deny that now. At only fifteen, you've shown more courage than anyone."
"Is it a lack of courage? Or does everyone just want Vivian gone?"
Scholar Crelin paused for a moment, then spoke weakly, as if whispering his true feelings.
"…I don't want Lady Vivian to disappear, but I do hope for a strong lord. The future depends on it."
I couldn't tell if these words were a clue that he was a traitor, or simply an expression of regret. So I answered,
"Then help her become a strong lord yourselves."
"…"
Scholar Crelin only gave a bitter smile and didn't answer. After finishing with the salve, he carefully rewrapped the bandages and said,
"It will hurt for a few more days. The burns were especially severe. We'll need to apply the herbs several more times and layer on more bandages. And probably… there will be a large scar. From the left shoulder to the upper back — an ugly scar."
"Scar or no scar…"
I said that, but inwardly it was disappointing news. Beyond not wanting a scar, thinking of how my mother would grieve when I returned home made it worse.
Scholar Crelin then looked at my leg and said, "You're resting properly, yes? As I said, you mustn't strain yourself for several months."
The bone in my left leg was broken. Fortunately the broken bone had been set somewhat, and if I recovered well there would be no lasting effects, I'd been told.
I nodded, but honestly this was the most bothersome injury. Thinking that I wouldn't be able to protect Vivian for a while made it even more so.
"Where's Vivian?"
When the treatment finished, I asked Scholar Crelin. That ungrateful girl hadn't come to see me for three days since that day. Not even a glimpse of her. I wondered if she was eating properly.
"As you know, many chaotic things have happened and she's busy. Shall I tell her that Lord Kailo is looking for her?"
"…Don't bother."
I didn't want to seek her out first either. Pride held me back from a corner of my heart.
Knock knock.
At that moment, as if someone had heard my words, a visitor arrived.
I'm coming in.
It was Vivian. With those short words, she entered the sickroom.
"…"
Seeing her face after so long, as always, it felt like my breath stopped for a moment.
Scholar Crelin bowed politely to Vivian. Receiving the greeting, Vivian also asked him,
"Do you need to tend to him further?"
"No. Today's treatment is finished here."
"Then would you leave us? I have something to discuss with Kailo Allen."
Scholar Crelin bowed respectfully and left the room. As his footsteps faded and the door closed, a quiet silence filled the space. That cold silence settled between us and made the distance feel even greater.
I didn't particularly want to break the silence, but I disliked the awkwardness, so I spoke first.
"This situation feels familiar somehow."
But that ungrateful girl didn't even answer me. I just ended up feeling more awkward alone.
Vivian hesitated a moment, then pulled a chair beside my bed and sat. Her gaze examined my injured leg and shoulder in turn. Her eyes held emotions that words couldn't fully express, and only after this quiet time had stretched on for a while did she slowly open her mouth.
"…I've been thinking a lot."
I waited silently for her words. The expression of someone who had steeled herself drew my gaze.
"About your actions… that you said were protecting me."
I blinked briefly and answered.
"So?"
Vivian took a deep breath. She seemed to be gathering herself before speaking the next words. And her voice dropped lower.
"I… won't try to understand your actions. No matter how much I think about it, I don't know why you're doing this for me."
"…I never asked for understanding."
She nodded, and answered in an even firmer voice.
"And for that reason, I won't be grateful for your actions either. Everything happened because of the Allen family. If you continue to protect me going forward, I won't stop you. But don't expect gratitude. If you don't like that… then you don't have to protect me."
I never expected gratitude either. As I said, I simply wanted her to live. Even so, out of habit I ended up sneering.
"…If I don't, you'll die pretty quick, won't you?"
"I know."
Her firm response sent an unexpected emotion sweeping through me. In those stubborn eyes, I saw Vivian's resolve to cast off the frailty of the past.
"I know… but constantly being protected by you… is the greatest humiliation for me."
Her voice was still firm, but complex emotions hidden within it flowed out. Vivian clenched her hands slightly.
"I don't want to be protected by the son of the man who killed my father and brother."
Frowning, she lowered her head. She spoke her innermost thoughts in a whisper.
"…The more I dwell on it… the more I hate that I'm becoming grateful to you."
As if it were strange, or frustrating, Vivian kept pressing at her chest. But her words, full of hostility, didn't sound unpleasant to me. Rather, I felt an unprecedented strong will… and found myself drawn to her words.
"…I'm going to become strong."
Her voice rang out forcefully, as if cutting through the space. Her words sounded less like a simple resolution and more like a promise to herself. Her resolve felt like a silent cry into which long-imprisoned emotions had melted.
"I'll become tough enough that I don't need your help. With my own hands… I'll seize control of the family, and rebuild this Rondore that you people destroyed."
A faint chill ran up my arms. What on earth had she been thinking these past three days?
Her tightly clenched hands told me she was still the same coward as before, but this resolve also told of her change. The girl who always cried seemed to be finding her place on her own.
"You said it, didn't you?" She looked straight at me and asked.
"What?"
"That vow — that you asked seriously."
I nodded.
Vivian said, "I'll swear. Never again…"
Her voice trembled for a moment, but strong resolve soon covered it.
"…Never again will you see me cry."
A faint smile spread across my lips. Vivian would have known clearly it wasn't a sneer.
I asked her, "And if you do cry?"
"…"
Vivian finished her brief thought and answered.
"I'll send you home."
That single sentence told me how sincere this was.
"But that won't happen, Kailo Allen."
Leaving those words, Vivian rose from her seat. There would continue to be moments when I needed to protect her. Just deciding to become strong didn't mean she would become strong right away. But the mere fact that she had begun to take steps forward filled me with a warm feeling.
As she walked toward the door, I watched her back. Then I spoke toward her departing figure.
"Vivian."
She stopped and turned her head slightly.
"It's Kailo."
Vivian looked at me for a moment, then asked softly, "…What?"
"Not Kailo Allen."
"…"
In that moment, the stiff Vivian seemed to smile briefly. It might have been my imagination. She stood frozen after hearing my words, then quietly answered,
"…See you at mealtime later."
Leaving the burned west wing, Vivian's new room was on the second floor of the east wing. A room positioned with open sightlines so that those seeking assassination couldn't approach carelessly. Close to an exit for quickly leaving the castle, and the dining hall was right nearby as well. The easiest place to call soldiers, the most convenient for summoning retainers, and even the maids' quarters were close.
This was the finest room in the castle. The ancestral chamber of the Rondore family, and once the place where her parents had shared happy times. The master bedroom of House Rondore.
"…"
Because it was a room that brought back so many memories, she had never drawn close to it. She had left it alone, fearing that if she claimed a room full of memories of her parents, all of it would be buried.
But now it was time to let go of that attachment as well. To no longer collapse under shame and fear, she had to move forward.
She had thought she was moving forward all this time. But that had only been an illusion. Kailo Allen had been supporting her.
Night had grown deep. Vivian stood by the window, holding everything in her heart as she looked outside. Unlike her old room which only showed the river, from this master bedroom she could look down over the territory of Loktana. She couldn't say the entire territory was visible, but it was enough to sustain her concerns for the people of the land.
And at this window, a single Rondore flag fluttered and swayed. A sign Vivian had hung that afternoon.
Standing there, Vivian closed her eyes for a moment. And before long, the scent of tobacco gently tickled her nose.
"…Hoo…"
Someone blew air toward her face. When she slowly opened her eyes, Elena was sitting on the open windowsill as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"Have you been well, Vivian?"
Immersed in a strange feeling, Vivian looked up at her and asked, "What should I call you?"
"Elena is fine, and so is Master."
Elena smiled as if becoming a master were a given. But Vivian couldn't refute that composure either.
Swallowing, Vivian asked, "Tell me once more. What can I do if I become a witch?"
Elena's eyes gleamed as she smiled.
"Anything. But each time, you must offer a fitting sacrifice. For small witchcraft, a frog alone will suffice."
"Can I find out who's targeting me?"
"Possible. However, that's only after becoming a Full Witch. I told you, didn't I? To become a Full Witch you must reach adulthood, and then you must offer what is most precious to you."
"Until then?"
"Until then, you prepare to become a Full Witch. As an Apprentice Witch, only simple witchcraft will be possible. For example… detecting poisoned food? Or briefly eavesdropping on a desired space?"
"…"
Hearing about the many limitations, Vivian couldn't hide her disappointment. When it showed on her face, Elena took Vivian's shoulders and spoke gently.
"Just endure five or six years, Vivian."
"…"
"Then you'll become an adult, and you'll be able to use many spells. You can put the world beneath you. You can… rebuild House Rondore."
The faces of her family flashed through Vivian's mind. She turned her head and revisited the memories and longing contained throughout the master bedroom. Coming in after so long, their absence felt even greater.
And soon after, she also recalled Kailo Allen's injured form. At that, Vivian clenched her teeth and looked up at the witch.
"I'll do it."
A smile slowly spread across Elena's lips.
"My disciple, from now on call me Master."
"Yes, Master."
"I trust you're prepared. Offering something precious… comes with pain. And if when the time comes you say you cannot offer it, the price will be enormous."
Elena spoke in a somewhat worried tone, but Vivian paid it no mind. Having already steeled her heart, she intended to move forward. Someone had told her that even if afraid, you must act if you don't want to be ignored by adults.
So Vivian looked straight into Elena's eyes and said,
"I don't want to cry anymore."
In that single sentence, her resolve was contained.