Chapter 15
Chapter 15
The Executioner of Rondor (2)
“Hic... sniff... hic...”
Vivian tried even holding her breath to somehow stop her tears, but she couldn’t stop them from falling.
She hated the constant disregard.
The adults’ hostile attitudes terrified her.
And there was no one helping her.
Everything was still far too difficult for her to handle.
“Hic... sob... hngh...”
Covering her mouth tightly, Vivian cried.
If others saw her like this, they wouldn’t pity her. They would only sigh and call her pathetic.
That was why she hid herself to cry.
It was a side of her she couldn’t even show the guards.
The place Vivian found was the garden inside Rondor’s courtyard.
She pushed deep into the garden where no one would come and let her tears fall freely.
-Rustle.
But then, a sound came from behind her.
Startled, Vivian turned around, only to see the very person she least wanted to face standing there.
Kylo Allen.
The eldest son of House Allen, the root cause behind all of this, the one she had spent months watching.
How much more miserable did he intend to make her?
Not wanting him to see her face, Vivian turned away again.
She tried enduring the hiccupping breaths that escaped against her will.
Showing Kylo only her back, she crouched there crying.
“...Did... hic... did you see?”
Vivian asked without realizing it.
She was terrified he had seen that humiliating scene from earlier.
“You mean your family’s knights ignoring you?”
But Kylo answered calmly.
Maybe it was her imagination, but his voice seemed full of mockery too.
Vivian’s fists clenched naturally.
If there were a hole nearby, she wanted to crawl inside and disappear.
Why did Kylo Allen always end up seeing these sides of her?
Why did the person she least wanted to look weak in front of see everything?
Her crying normally, that night, Lady Linne beating her, and now this too...
Ironically, the things even the retainers who should have stood by her side didn’t know were all being shown to her enemy instead.
That humiliation was unbearable.
“...Hic... j-just...”
In the end, Vivian spoke to Kylo.
She couldn’t say anything else.
She simply wished Kylo Allen wasn’t here.
After all, he was the one who said he hated seeing her cry. There was no reason for him to deliberately seek out something he disliked.
“...”
When no answer came back, Vivian thought he might have left and glanced over her shoulder.
Kylo Allen was still standing exactly where he had been.
Only then did he answer.
“...Don’t want to.”
-Clench!
At his reply, Vivian grabbed a pebble from the ground and hurled it at him.
-Rattle!
Kylo Allen didn’t even flinch.
Filled with frustration, Vivian breathed heavily, but she was the first one to collapse beneath his lack of reaction.
Once again, she cried in front of him.
And now there was no reason to suppress the sound anymore.
The one person she most wanted to hide her tears from had already seen them, so who was she even trying to conceal this from?
So she simply let herself go and cried out loud.
Strangely enough, Kylo Allen said nothing.
She expected him to mock or ridicule her, but instead he merely stayed there as though listening.
.
.
.
Around the time Vivian had finally cried out all her tears, Kylo Allen moved.
Step by step, he approached and crouched in front of her.
A dusty smell.
And the faint scent of blood.
That was Kylo Allen’s scent.
Their eyes met.
“...”
“...”
Those black eyes whose depths she couldn’t read rested right before her.
She couldn’t even guess what he was thinking.
Her emotions felt complicated.
She wanted to run away because she didn’t want to get tangled up with Kylo Allen like this, yet at the same time, running away felt like losing.
So she remained frozen there, unable to escape him.
“Why are they ignoring you?”
Kylo asked.
“What?”
“Why are the knights looking down on you?”
“...”
Hating how casually he dug into her wounds, Vivian asked bitterly,
“...Why should I tell you that?”
“...”
Clicking his tongue, Kylo Allen scratched his head roughly.
He looked frustrated, as though unable to properly express what he wanted to say.
Yet despite her cold answer, Vivian herself felt equally frustrated.
Part of her wanted to vent the knot of emotions trapped inside her to someone.
Being tangled up with him felt awkward, but after months of secretly watching each other, parts of their presence had become strangely natural too.
“In our family, if a knight treated the head of the house like that, he’d be executed. You know that, right?”
“...”
“...But you just stood there taking it like an idiot, and it was so absurd I couldn’t believe it.”
At Kylo’s almost accusatory words, Vivian lowered her head weakly.
She knew too.
She knew she was a pathetic lord.
She knew she was being treated absurdly.
But the situation left her no choice.
Unaware of that, Kylo continued.
“So explain it. At least make me understand. What was that earlier?”
“...”
“If you get looked down on that much, then it lowers the value of us too, considering we spent years fighting your family.”
“...”
Still crouched down, Vivian brushed her fingers slowly across the pebbles between them.
She wanted to talk.
Because there was no one else she could tell.
She wanted to breathe.
Because she wanted relief from this pressure.
Perhaps because of that, Vivian finally couldn’t hold back anymore and muttered quietly,
“...Are you seriously asking because you really don’t know...?”
If even one person had stood beside her and listened, she never would have spoken like this to Kylo Allen no matter what.
But she didn’t have that one person.
“You watched everything. You felt everything. You already know. So why are you pretending not to and making me feel even more miserable?”
“I really don’t know.”
When you looked someone in the face from this close, you could sense whether they were sincere.
And Vivian couldn’t find any trace of falsehood in Kylo’s attitude.
Seeing how serious he looked, Vivian bit her lip and let her feelings spill out.
“Because of your family... everyone died and only I survived... isn’t it obvious?”
“Why is that obvious?”
“Because... I don’t have Father’s... or Brother’s... or Mother’s dignity...”
“You’re still the head of the family.”
Little by little, Vivian opened up more, speaking as though pouring out her heart.
“I stutter all the time, and I cry. Of course I don’t seem like a proper lord... honestly, if it were me too...”
“You’re not stuttering right now though.”
Wondering what nonsense he was talking about, Vivian suddenly realized something and jerked her head up.
“...Ah... ah?”
As she searched for an explanation, Vivian immediately twisted her face into a scowl.
“T-Th-That’s because when I’m with y-you... I get so angry my head explodes...!”
“You’re stuttering now.”
“Ah, seriously...!”
Vivian raised her hand, suddenly wanting to slap him across the face.
But seeing Kylo remain completely unmoving drained the urge away again.
It felt like only her own hand would hurt if she hit him.
Kylo Allen tended to accept everything like a stone.
After Vivian let out a sigh, Kylo continued.
“But they look down on you that much just for that? Because you lack dignity and leadership? Where did their loyalty go? Are southern knights all like that?”
“N-Not all of them... but something happened recently with Commander Baellor too.”
“What happened? No, just say it all at once already. I thought you only stuttered, but you seriously can’t even hold a conversation. You really are an idiot.”
Seeing Kylo Allen getting frustrated, Vivian snapped loudly.
“T-There were problems with the executions! We haven’t been able to carry them out lately...!”
“Why not? You just kill the condemned prisoners.”
“...I-I have to stamp the execution orders myself.”
“Then stamp them.”
Vivian glared sharply at Kylo Allen again.
Strangely enough, Kylo was the one who awkwardly cleared his throat and looked away first.
Vivian steadied herself.
The reason Kylo Allen thought her life was easy was because he couldn’t understand things like this.
“I-If I stamp them... then in the end... I’m the one killing them.”
“...”
“I still... can’t...”
Her fingers fidgeted again.
Her arms trembled repeatedly as though chills were running through them.
Vivian still couldn’t forget how it felt lifting the seal.
She couldn’t believe a human life weighed so little.
The idea that someone’s life would disappear because of her decision terrified her.
No matter what anyone said, she would be the one killing the condemned prisoners.
It was still too overwhelming for her.
There were countless days she wished everyone would simply handle it themselves.
But the lord’s seal was mandatory for executions, and Vivian couldn’t escape that responsibility.
Afraid Kylo would mock her weakness, Vivian hurriedly changed the subject.
“A-And... there’s no executioner right now either.”
“What does that mean?”
“T-There’s no one to cut off the prisoners’ heads. I have to appoint a new executioner.”
“Then appoint one.”
“W-Who would want to become an executioner? Just being appointed is considered a huge humiliation...!”
“In our family, Father usually did it himself.”
Hearing that, Vivian naturally thought how barbaric it sounded.
Was that simply how northerners were?
Executioners were associated with bloody and cruel work, so everyone avoided the role.
Because they dealt with death, people even considered them impure.
Normally it was a hereditary profession, with entire executioner families existing for that purpose...
But the family that served as Rondor’s executioners had been wiped out during the war.
That made choosing a new executioner difficult.
It was basically the same as ordering a family line to become executioners forever.
“C-Come to think of it, this is your family’s fault too...! Your family killed all our executioners...”
“Complaining won’t bring them back.”
“...”
“And if being executioner is humiliating, make Baellor do it. Nice revenge for him disrespecting you too.”
“Y-You want me to openly make an enemy of Commander Baellor?”
It was impossible to even predict the chaos that would erupt if the commander of the First Knight Order became an executioner.
Vivian stared in disbelief at Kylo Allen’s thoughtless suggestion.
Then she mocked him.
“Hah. It would’ve been entertaining if you stayed in House Allen and tried handling politics. Do you never think about your retainers’ feelings?”
Kylo Allen snorted faintly.
“That’s exactly why they walk all over you. If you crush them with power, no one dares make a sound.”
“...”
Vivian couldn’t respond to that short rebuke.
Truthfully, even while arguing, she didn’t know the answer herself.
Should she firmly correct the knights’ behavior, or continue enduring quietly like she had been?
Part of her was confused enough to think maybe Kylo Allen was right.
And honestly... part of her was too scared to do anything.
Though that was something she never wanted Kylo Allen to know.
“...You sure talk confidently.”
So instead, she snapped irritably.
“Y-Yeah, it sounds easy when you say it. Stamping the seal sounds easy. Punishing Commander Baellor sounds easy. Anyone can say reckless things. But if you were in my position, you’d struggle just like I am.”
“I probably would.”
Seeing Kylo admit it so easily gave Vivian confidence again.
“Then why are you—”
“-But even so, I still would’ve done what needed to be done. Unlike you, crying because it’s hard.”
Vivian lost her words again.
...Strangely enough, it really did feel true.
Kylo Allen gave the impression that if something had to be done, he would simply do it.
That was the truth she realized after watching him for months.
But perhaps interpreting Vivian’s silence as disbelief, Kylo asked,
“You think I’m lying?”
Watching him provoke her again, Vivian felt her competitive spirit slowly rising once more.
Childishly, she shot back,
“Yeah. You wouldn’t have been able to do anything.”
Then Kylo Allen answered calmly.
“Want me to prove it?”
Vivian laughed at him.
“Prove what? What exactly can you do? You’re going to stamp the seal for me? Don’t say ridiculous things. You really think you could touch Rondor’s seal?”
“Who said anything about the seal?”
“What?”
“I’ll become the executioner. Then we’d both be killing them together.”
“...Together?”
“I can kill someone. If it’s something that has to be done. Once I return north and become head of my family someday, I’ll have to—”
“-What are you talking about? You’re never going back north. You’ll rot here forever.”
Vivian immediately cut off his absurd words.
For the first time, Kylo Allen lowered his confident posture slightly.
“...A-Anyway.”
Then he returned to the original point.
“I can prove it.”
“...”
“If you just stamp the seal.”
...In the end, that still meant she had to stamp it herself.
Vivian knew that already.
No matter what, it was still a duty she couldn’t avoid.
She looked down at the ground and clenched her fists.
“...H-Have you ever killed someone before?”
“No. It’d be my first time too.”
“T-Then... aren’t you scared?”
Without realizing it, Vivian asked honestly.
This awkward, abnormal situation kept continuing.
Every time she spoke with Kylo Allen, she ended up revealing more weakness.
Suddenly, Vivian realized herself what she was doing.
Who exactly was she saying these things to?
Kylo Allen would obviously just look down on her again—
“-I’m scared.”
Kylo Allen answered.
Startled, Vivian looked up.
The icy expression he always wore had twisted slightly.
It was an expression she never expected from someone who accepted everything so calmly.
“But even if I’m scared, I still have to do it.”
“...”
“Otherwise the adults will keep looking down on me.”
Listening to Kylo always felt unpleasant.
Part of that was definitely because of where he came from.
“...Ha.”
Yet despite how she felt, Vivian sensed the burden on her shoulders growing lighter.
She didn’t want to admit it, but Kylo Allen and she shared many similarities.
Their age, their situations...
...And perhaps because of that, his actions sometimes felt like a guidepost.
Watching someone similar to herself endure made her feel like maybe she could endure too.
Maybe she had to.
That was probably why the weight on her shoulders felt lighter now.
She even felt like she might actually be able to stamp the seal.
As though she and Kylo Allen were sharing the responsibility equally.
No... that was ridiculous.
But it almost felt like Kylo Allen had taken half the burden onto himself.
-Slide.
Vivian suddenly felt her forearm growing cold.
Coming back to her senses, she realized Kylo Allen’s hand had just released her.
She hadn’t even noticed when he started holding her.
Only now did she realize the trembling in her arms had stopped.
And strangely enough, once that unpleasant warmth left her, she felt empty.
“...Don’t touch me.”
Only after his hand was already gone did Vivian belatedly warn him.
Kylo Allen merely shrugged.
Still, out of everything that happened, there was one thing she couldn’t understand.
After hesitating whether or not to ask, Vivian finally spoke.
“But... if you’re scared... why are you still stepping forward like this?”
Kylo Allen rose to his feet.
Dusting off his legs, he answered,
“I told you I’d prove you really are weak. If we carry the same burden, then later you won’t be able to make excuses.”
Then Kylo Allen turned around and left.
Vivian watched his retreating back before slowly rubbing her forearm.