If He Hadn't Been There... -1-
One of the empty rooms in Olivia's mansion. Hanna lay alone in the dark room, unable to sleep through the night.
Storming off to see her father without thinking. Being disappointed by her father. Being saved by Ricardo that day. Her eyes wouldn't close amid the impressions of that striking day.
"My precious disciple." Memories of the day flashed by like a panorama, heating Hanna's face red-hot.
"What do I do…."
Hanna kicked at the blanket with her feet, unable to stop picturing Ricardo.
"He was so damn cool…."
It was like something out of a fairy tale happening to her. Ricardo had appeared before her like a comet amid all her trials and hardships—even if he had looked a bit shabby tumbling from the ceiling, to Hanna it felt more heroic than anything.
The red hair fluttering through the dust shone brighter than the red sun in her eyes, and his calm demeanor looked just like a prince from a storybook. Time seemed to stop. It felt like there was only the butler and her in that space—goosebumps prickled her skin, and a swelling emotion welled up.
The butler who looked only at her. Her, crying in frustration. In the butler's deep, somber gaze, Hanna had no choice but to admit it.
I love him. That man.
Lying in bed, Hanna held her right hand up to the faint moonlight filtering through the window. A small, slender right hand. It still seemed to hold the warmth of Ricardo's hand when he'd pulled her out of the mansion. For hands living the life of a butler, they were calloused and rough, but she couldn't forget the warmth she'd felt then.
"My precious disciple. Someone you can't treat carelessly."
Hanna clutched the hand still warm with that heat to her chest. She wanted to feel it again—it soothed her troubled heart. She liked that warmth so much she wanted to run to the butler right then and beg him to hold her hand.
"I must be crazy…."
In the darkness, Hanna thought.
'What am I to deserve this?'
She hadn't done anything for him. She'd only ever received. What gave her the right to have him step up without hesitation?
Feeling sorry yet grateful toward Ricardo for the growing debt in her heart.
'I just cry like an idiot and give nothing back... I've received so much.'
This time, she felt guilty for piling the debt of her love onto Ricardo's shoulders.
Honestly... today, she'd thought Ricardo would back down. She figured he'd say something polite under her father's intimidating presence and vanish. Everyone dissatisfied with her father did the same. Whether business issues or territory matters, they all bowed their heads before him, admitting fault and yielding.
She'd thought Ricardo would bend to her father too. Not because he was weak—it was just the natural order. It wasn't his place to interfere. She'd thought he'd turn away and leave her behind.
If she were him, that's what she'd do.
But.
Ricardo hadn't backed down. He'd gritted his teeth and pushed back fiercely.
"Do you want to be buried in a sunny spot?"
Spewing words that cut straight to the gut. Seeing Ricardo unload everything she'd wanted to say to her father—it felt exhilarating, yet envious too. Something she could never do. Because it was scary. Because she'd bottled it all up, suppressing her emotions.
But Ricardo had done it effortlessly. Standing tall against her father as if it were natural, protecting her openly, and even pulling her out of the Histania cage with his warm hand.
'It's the butler again.'
Every time things got tough, Ricardo opened the door for her. Hanna could no longer deny it.
She liked him.
Thump... thump...
Her heart pounded wildly, as if broken, endlessly calling Ricardo's name.
"Love…."
Love was such a difficult emotion.
And yet.
Hanna was starting to like the feeling of love. She couldn't deny it anymore. That she liked Ricardo.
What woman in the world wouldn't fall for a man who saved her every time? Even if he were ugly, if he reached out in her darkest moments and smiled brightly each time, she'd end up loving even an enemy.
Their first meeting had been a disaster….
Now Hanna just wanted to see him more and more. And he was handsome too. She was so smitten with Ricardo that she even suspected he might like her back.
No escape. No way out.
With her heart pounding, urging her not to deny it—what could she do but accept?
Especially when she wanted to see him right now.
This incident had firmly planted Ricardo in Hanna's heart. A person she could never let go of. The one she was most grateful to.
This ticklish feeling was new to her—she wasn't sure if she'd handle it well—but one thing was certain: she wanted to stay by his side.
She wanted to hold his hand and see the sea, wander the bustling streets led by his rough touch.
"What am I supposed to do now…."
Hanna smiled faintly, murmuring a small grievance toward Ricardo, who had turned her heart upside down.
"If I fall any harder… really…."
The gloom toward her father was fading because of one man. So much had happened. And he'd put an end to it all.
Hanna liked him.
Tomorrow she'd have to return to the Academy… but she didn't want to.
Still, for greater success. To stand proudly before Ricardo. She needed a new foundation.
Now not for the Histania name, but for herself—and to become someone worthy of Ricardo—Hanna resolved to strive.
If she was gifting herself to him, she needed proper wrapping, after all. That was the best repayment she could offer, the best effort toward a debt she could never fully repay.
The last night in the evil woman's home was drawing to a close. With new family added. The lady Olivia still loving her food in this peaceful mansion. Hanna liked this place. Her heart felt at ease. Because her favorite person was here.
This addictive peace was so enviable, but now she had to prepare to move forward.
Indulge in the peace just for today. From tomorrow, back to Histania Hanna. No—just Hanna—vowing this, she closed her eyes.
And.
After putting off the truth any longer, she'd face it and start anew. Hanna clenched her fist tight.
Now she thought she could overcome it. No matter how scary the past, she'd decided not to return there.
Knowing avoidance wouldn't lead to answers, Hanna gazed at the blue window and murmured softly.
"Yes. I'll view it."
'Viewing of If He Hadn't Been There... begins.'
Hanna began to sink into a deep slumber.
[10 minutes until viewing starts.]
She opened her eyes in a familiar place. Blue grassy fields. The sound of friendly birdsong. It was the mid-slope of the Hamel Mountains, where she'd come dozens of times with Ricardo.
Hanna puffed out her chest and breathed in the fresh air. Eyes full of meaningful resolve that she could handle whatever was shown, she slapped her cheeks hard enough to make a 'smack' to ease her tension.
Her mind cleared. The suffocating tension seemed to lift a bit.
"Hoo… yeah, it's nothing big."
Hanna steeled herself. Her lingering attachment to her father was gone, and she could guess what past would appear.
It might surprise her, but it wouldn't differ from now, she was sure. She wasn't as weak as before.
Had those 10 minutes of mental preparation passed?
[Viewing starts.]
With the blue text, a familiar woman's face began to appear. Brown hair. The youngest daughter of Histania. Her past self loomed before her eyes.
Her expression was poor. Eyes puffy and swollen. Her steps up the mountain were unbearably heavy.
—"Why… only to me."
—"I can do well too."
—"I can work hard too."
Her past self climbed the mountain, wiping flowing tears, spewing negative words, cursing her talentless self with hollow eyes.
How much had she cried? Her eyes were red and inflamed, her hand gripping the sword trembling faintly.
—"I'm showing I can do it too. Then Dad… big bro… sis too… they'll see me differently."
Yearning for family love. A familiar sight.
'What an idiot.'
Hanna silently followed her past self.
And.
Crack…!
Her past self, failing to swing her sword properly and collapsing under an orc's club, began to appear before her eyes.
—"Kyaaaaack!!!"
Hanna's face twisted in fear.