Gathering Courage
I'll try to be brave. 'I know.' Sitting by the window, Olivia clenched her fist as she watched Mikhail's retreating figure leave the mansion. —Grip.'I know that much.' What a pathetic personality. The worst villainess in the world. Olivia knew she had no right to say anything cruel to Mikhail. She had come to understand just how wrong it was to force her feelings on someone.
Ricardo had told her so. No matter how harshly Mikhail treated her, the young lady was the one at fault. At first she denied it, but as time passed her stubborn pride had cracked, and she realized she had been wrong. Far too late.
After living so arrogantly, could she change overnight? Impossible. Still, she had tried to find the courage. She had nothing to offer Mikhail—not as Ricardo's employer, but as Olivia herself. So she had planned to apologize if she ever met him again.
'I'm sorry for tormenting you all this time.''I couldn't apologize to the others, but I wanted to say sorry to you first.' That was the right thing to do. Between perpetrator and victim, the victim should hold the upper hand. She had been ready to cast aside her petty pride and bow her head. —Grip…
There were so many people she needed to apologize to… Yuria. Mikhail. The young ladies she had tormented. More people than she could count on ten fingers, and countless wrongs to seek forgiveness for. That was why she had resolved to change, practicing alone in secret. She knew better than anyone how hard it was to break her own stubbornness.
—S-sorry… I was awful—
—Knock knock knock.
—Eek!
Her body refused to cooperate with apologies that wouldn't stick to her tongue, and she had struggled against the feeling of her limbs curling inward. She had done her best. She had fought desperately in her own way to seize the chance that would someday come. Yes… she had.
'…'
Why did this make her so angry? Her feelings for Mikhail had long since faded… Ricardo had wanted to ask her. Whether she still liked Mikhail.
—My lady, do you still perhaps—
—Hm?
—Never mind. Have some chocolate.
—Mmm.
The answer was already decided. She didn't like him. After the time she had chased him at the academy, the tragedies that had broken her legs, and the countless tragedies the Blue Window had shown her, she had found her answer. That feeling had disappeared long ago.
Rather than 'I don't like him anymore,' the words 'I never truly understood love' felt more accurate. It seemed she had misunderstood the emotion called love until now. The feelings she had harbored while watching Mikhail were closer to possessiveness than love. He had been the most beautiful thing she had ever seen in her life. She was gradually realizing that wanting to own something sparkling and pretty wasn't love. From the very beginning, it had been wrong. That was why she was even angrier now.
Attachment. Reminiscence. The jewel she had coveted enough to lose her legs turned out to be nothing at all. '…'
The moment she first saw him, she had known instantly. That the woman was Mikhail. A sigh escaped her from sheer disbelief. Anger had made her head throb. Her heart told her this was the chance to apologize, yet the rising fury had sealed her lips. So when she faced Mikhail alone, she had said something cruel.
'Haa…'
Even knowing it was wrong, she had grabbed him by the collar and poured out vicious words. How dumbfounded Mikhail must have been. She was the one who had done wrong. 'Even I think… I'm being too selfish.'
She knew. She had no right to act this way. Hurting Ricardo. Etching terrible memories into Mikhail. Everything had stemmed from her. Knowing she had no right, she had still spoken carelessly, and the result had been hurt feelings.
"Haa…" Selfish. Truly selfish. Did she regret it? No. She didn't think she would regret it even if she died. She had wanted to say at least one word about her false obsession. If she hadn't said those things to him today… she felt he might have repaid her with even greater resentment. So she had no regrets. Only one thing… —Grip.
She was simply furious with her own selfishness. Olivia let out a sigh as she watched Ricardo, wearing a calm expression, exchange farewells in the mansion courtyard.
—Next time, don't ride in a strange carriage.
—Yes…
—We're sending high-class personnel, so don't ask strange questions.
—Saintess! I'll escort you safely—
—…Have a safe trip.
—Yep!
—Then take care.
—Yes… Hey!
—Yes?
—We'll meet again, right?
—Of course. I've got a mountain of things to tell you.
Ricardo, caught between them, wore an unpleasant expression, wondering how difficult it must be for him. That soft-hearted fool was probably suffering in silence.
"How annoying…" Mikhail, having finished greeting Ricardo, gave Olivia a small bow from where she sat by the window.
—I'm off.
—Nod.
Olivia squeezed her eyes shut.
*
Another peaceful morning at Desmond.
—A-air raid warning…!
I tilted my head at the young lady's gloomy air-raid warning. She didn't seem to be in a good mood. Waking up earlier than usual and delivering a lifeless warning—today's start felt ominous.
"Hmm…" I looked up at the ceiling, gave a light nod, and rolled up my sleeves. As her butler, it was my duty to manage the young lady's mood. I quickly prepared breakfast on a tray and smiled at the generous spread. This morning's meal was bean rice and grilled bacon—her favorites… 'This is bad.'
The breakfast was far more meager than expected, and my eyes trembled. This wouldn't be enough to lift her gloomy mood. I took chocolate from the shelf to raise her blood sugar and gave a bitter smile. 'Can't feed her chocolate in the morning.' Squeezing my eyes shut, I slipped the chocolate into my pocket. No matter how important health was, my survival mattered more.
Arriving at the young lady's room—
"Eek…" Shielding her eyes from the brightening sunlight, the young lady turned her head sharply away when she saw me approaching with the tray.
"Hmph!"
"???"
"…Hmph."
"Oh…" An ominous feeling crept over me. The kind that said she was sulking. I approached carefully beside the young lady, who was staring out the window, and asked, "My lady."
"…"
"Are you sulking?"
"Ung."
I nodded heavily at how she expressed her feelings without hiding them, like a proper noble young lady. It would have been troublesome if she had stubbornly denied it. With a heavy nod, I carefully offered her the bribe. I had planned to give it after she finished eating, but the atmosphere suggested that wouldn't work.
"My lady. This is…"
—Slide…
"Hiiiiiiik!"
"It's nothing special, but please keep it."
The young lady's lips curled into a pout, but she soon shook her head firmly. "I won't eat it."
"Pardon?"
"I'm not eating it."
Refusing chocolate…? I looked at the rising morning sun and thought with a wistful smile, 'The world must be ending tomorrow.' I scooped a large spoonful of rice and spoke to her with a serious gaze. Sulking was sulking, but there were things that needed to be done.
"Here comes the airplane."
The young lady glared at me seriously before opening her mouth. "Ah… nom!"
No matter how sulky she was, she didn't want to go hungry. As I fed her, I pondered. Why was she sulking? Because I hadn't played with her after falling into the tunnel yesterday? Or because I had been alone in the tunnel with another woman? Personally, if it was the latter, I'd feel pleased, but the generous young lady wouldn't refuse chocolate over something so trivial. To her, chocolate was like a god. Then…
—Clink.
"Huh?"
While absentmindedly moving the spoon, I realized the plate was empty. I stared blankly at the empty dish making clinking sounds and gave a bitter smile. "You've finished it all."
"Hmph."
"…Shall I bring more?"
"No. I'm eating chocolate."
"…?"
After sucking on the chocolate while staring out the window for a while, the young lady spoke heavily. "Ricardo."
"Yes."
"I'm a bad person, aren't I?"
"No."
"I'm not?"
"Yes. You're a wicked person."
"Eeeek!"
The young lady drooped her shoulders dejectedly and spoke carefully. "I'm not angry because of you, Ricardo."
"Then?"
"I'm angry at myself."
"Hmm…" The young lady looked out the window and murmured softly. "Shameless, always getting angry," she said, looking depressed, as if asking me to deny it. "Acts so prim and proper, but is actually filthy."
"…"
"Has a terrible personality, yet wants to be praised."
"You know yourself well."
"…Eek."
I patted the young lady's head and looked out the window with her. "That's why I like you, isn't it?"
The flustered young lady turned to stare at me. Her eyes asked what part of what she had said was good. "Huh…?"
I chuckled at her expression. "Yes, that's why I like you, my lady."
"…"
"Stupid and foolish."
"I'm not a fool."
"Of course not."
"…And?"
"You get angry often, but you know how to admit when you're wrong, and if you're sulking, you say so."
"Also…?"
"Also… you're the prettiest person in the world. That's enough, isn't it?"
"…Heehee, that's right."
Smiling brightly, the young lady looked out the window and spoke in a soft voice. "You know, Ricardo."
"Yes."
"Thank you."
"Not at all."
I rubbed my nose at her sudden thanks. Even so, hearing such words made me a little embarrassed. The young lady spoke again. This time, a slightly more sensitive topic. "If I ever…"
"Yes."
"If I ever meet Mikhail…"
"…"
I swallowed dryly and focused on her lips. But the young lady lightly brushed aside my tense expectations and said something completely unexpected. "I'm going to apologize."
"Pardon?"
"Yeah. I'm going to apologize."
I flinched, my shoulders trembling, and nodded. "I… see."
"Yeah. But I don't think I'm ready yet."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah."
"In what way?"
"Right now, I feel like I'd get really angry and hate him. Like I'd demand to know why he did that. But…" The young lady clenched her fist. "This time, I'm going to apologize properly. That I don't like him anymore… and that I'm sorry."
I looked out the window and nodded. "You've grown up, my lady."
"Ung."
The young lady who had gathered her courage rested her head on my shoulder. "Give me more chocolate."
"I refuse."
"Puhaha…! Ungnya… Fine."