Apostle of Arrogance -3-
The powerless clang of the sword against the floor cleared Rowen's darkened mind.
"Why..."
The pitch-black aura that had enveloped her side had long since departed from Hanna. Now, all Rowen saw was Hanna trembling weakly, her shoulders shaking.
"Why did you do it..."
Hanna grabbed Rowen by the collar, her bloodshot eyes fixed on him as she demanded an answer. It was a question she'd spat out countless times, yet she'd never found the response she craved.
"No matter how much I think about it, I just can't understand...! If there was even a reason, it wouldn't hurt so much!"
"..."
"Is it because of talent...? You saw it...! I awakened my aura earlier than Dad did in his youth! So why couldn't you understand?!"
Rowen bowed his head at Hanna's bloodshot plea. He had no idea what to say. Any words would sound like excuses, and any apology would fall on deaf ears.
As a father...
As a father, he'd shamed himself before his daughter. He'd raised his sword. He'd channeled his aura into it. The thought that he might have hurt her made Rowen's vision blur as he silently offered his sleeve.
Rowen thought,
I'm a failure as a father.
How far could he fall into ugliness? He was starting to fear himself. Hanna had reached out first, yet he still couldn't grasp her hand.
...How dull I am.
With no answer from her father, Hanna's frustration boiled over. She yanked roughly at his collar.
"All I wanted was your recognition, Dad! I wanted to hear even one more word from you, so I pushed myself like a madwoman...! Why... why were you so cruel to me!!!"
Rowen's heart tightened at the tremor in Hanna's voice, as if his very breath was constricting.
"All I wanted was to be a daughter you could be proud of, like everyone else... Did you hate me that much?"
"...Hanna."
Rowen raised a trembling hand. He wanted to stroke her shoulders, burdened as they seemed. He knew it was meddlesome, but he yearned to place his hand there anyway. Yet his stubborn pride wouldn't allow it. His hand refused to move easily. Rowen clenched his fist tight and bit his lip. His lingering arrogance still fought to hold firm.
Why was he hesitating like this? He despised his own hand for failing to reach out like a fool. As resentment poured from her, he wondered how to bear it all. Silently, Rowen gazed at Hanna gripping his collar.
"Do you hate me that much, Dad?"
"I..."
"Say it!!"
Rowen, unaccustomed to such raw emotion, dropped his head and balled his fists. Excuses overflowed within him. Everything around him had been the same. His father's harsh training. His mother's indifference. His siblings' discrimination. None of it resembled an ideal family.
—"The one who's supposed to lead Histania can't even do this much? Get out of my sight! Actually, maybe it'd be faster to start over with a new child."
—"...Rowen, live up to your father's expectations. That's what's best for your mother. Father's words are always right."
—"Hey, think you're on top of the world because Dad favors you? Once the sweetness fades, you're no different from me. Everyone's waiting for you to crash. That way, there'll be no backlash when you die."
It had all been the worst. Every situation. Even his close friend, bearing the Desmont legacy, had suffered cruel treatment from his parents.
—"Man, how do you even survive that? At least I only got a fireball to the face."
—"Aren't we the same?"
—"Yeah. But we're in the shadows. You're Histania."
Perhaps that's why he'd thought such treatment was normal. That harsh education was for the child's own good. His father had wanted success for his children. His father knew the path. He'd been taught that it would satisfy both family and progeny. He had no choice but to continue it. He didn't want to be a revered father. He wanted to be a better family head than his predecessors, a father acknowledged by his children—in society, by his children, and by his wife. He'd sworn not to become like his own father, thinking he'd raised them with as much leniency as possible. Yet the conclusion was the worst possible outcome. His head bowed involuntarily.
—Crackle... Now he realized his "best" had been wrong all along.
—Crackle... A crack formed in the steadfast heart that had never wavered.
He hadn't protected his wife. Because of his arrogance, he'd hurt the one he loved most...
—Fizzle... The realization that all misfortune stemmed from him made Rowen's heart quake. Not as "you incompetents," but from a father's perspective.
Now, the broken puzzle pieces of his life clicked into place.
—Snap... Until now, he hadn't feared regret itself. He'd feared the regret that would return to haunt him.
—Rumble... With a ringing in his ears, the fissures in Rowen's stubbornness shattered completely.
As he pondered why he couldn't embrace her, Rowen forced his stalled hand to move. Chest heavy with his daughter's grief, he spoke in a choked voice.
"...No."
Hanna's shoulder felt so small under his slight touch. Frail enough to worry if she was eating properly. It was ridiculous that only now was he thinking like a proper father.
...I've realized too late.
In this moment, no other thoughts surfaced. Not the black magic. Not Hanna's other side. Not even the monstrous future she might become because of him. They were all blocked by the fragile shoulders of his delicate daughter.
Why had it taken so long?
Rowen pulled Hanna into a tight embrace and bowed his head. Cautiously, he whispered his truth into her ear.
"No... that's not why."
It might not reach her. She might reject his words entirely. Still, Rowen poured his final shred of stubbornness into the whisper.
"I..."
"What are you..."
"I... don't hate you."
"You think I'll believe that...?!"
Rowen squeezed his eyes shut at Hanna's sharp retort, shattering his pride to answer.
"Perhaps not."
"Probably because I'm not a good father."
Hanna looked up in shock at Rowen's response, falling into the long silence.
"What... did you say...?"
Rowen held her shoulders and swallowed hard.
"I've never thought the path I walked was wrong."
"...See, you haven't changed...!"
"No, that's how I thought until now."
Rowen gripped her fiercely and continued, begging her to hear his pathetic excuses in this moment.
"I, who raised the family's honor higher than any predecessor, couldn't imagine being wrong..."
"..."
"So... that's why I clung to that stubbornness."
Rowen drew a pained breath.
"I wanted you all to become like me. Better family heads leading Histania, shining brighter than I ever did."
"..."
"But... I also thought this."
Rowen unearthed a small, deep-seated pain he'd never shared easily, fearing it would wound him further. With sorrow, he told Hanna.
"I wondered if you needed to suffer the pains I endured."
"..."
"Siblings holding knives to each other's throats. A father sending you to the battlefield. I didn't want that for you. Those memories were bitter for me."
"So what? You want understanding? No. I can't."
Rowen endured Hanna's pounding fists on his chest with an awkward smile.
"I'm not asking for understanding. I'm confessing my foolishness to you."
"..."
"I'm sorry that's all I know."
Rowen exhaled bitterly and said to Hanna,
"For a Sword Master, the greatest strength isn't power—it's stubbornness, it seems. It hasn't dulled with time."
In a choked voice, he told her,
"I'm still a deeply flawed father."
"..."
"Raised seeing nothing but incompetence, I've only brought you sorrow."
"Excuses."
"Yes. Excuses."
Rowen couldn't deny it. Even now, his stubbornness writhed within. Pride built over years wouldn't crumble in an instant.
"That's why I'm telling you."
Overcoming greater fear than any battle he'd fought, Rowen spoke to Hanna in a trembling voice.
"My pathetic excuses start now."
"..."
"Even if you won't listen."
"..."
"Even if you can't understand."
"..."
"Even if you never call me father again, I plan to keep making them."
Rowen said to Hanna with a quavering voice,
"Until I'm a father you can be proud of... for the rest of my life."
Hanna's pounding slowed. Now she merely trembled, tears falling from her frail shoulders.
To his daughter, who gave so many chances to a flawed man like him, Rowen expressed gratitude.
"I'm sorry. And thank you for coming to me."
"..."
"That my best brought you unhappiness... I'm truly sorry."
Rowen embraced her tightly, vowing never to let go again. He conveyed his sincerity into her ear.
"I'm sorry for being such a worthless father."
"..."
"From now on... I'll really change."
[Listen to Histania Rowen's sincere apology. (0/1)]
—Ding.
[0/1 → 1/1]
Rowen, still holding Hanna, said,
"Your sword..."
"..."
"Was not wrong."
Rowen's atonement began its tentative first steps.