In My True Form -5-

'What do you think of me.'

Mihail's eyes stared straight at me. With an expression waiting for the truth, she added one condition to her words.

"Please say it sincerely."

"..."

"Honestly, without any lies."

Sincerity, huh.

I have no idea.

I couldn't guess what kind of answer Mihail wanted to hear. Whether she craved kind words or cold ones—there was no way for me to know.

Two answers came to mind. One was the negative truth laced with resentment from our academy days, and the other was the lingering sadness from the past that suddenly surfaced.

I emptied my glass to dodge the question. It didn't seem like anything good would come out of my mouth anyway. I didn't want to ruin the nice atmosphere.

"Why do you ask?"

I tapped the table and turned the question back to Mihail. What was the reason for prying into something like that? I couldn't quite sympathize with someone who wanted to learn the sword from me suddenly baring their insecurities. Normally, people ask how others see them in a more general way.

"Today's date has nothing to do with Mihail, so I don't get why you're suddenly asking about yourself."

"..."

"It hurts a little, you know. I put in real effort thinking it was a date. Opened my wallet pretty wide, too..."

"That's not it. I was just curious."

"Hmm..."

I let out a deep sigh and nodded toward her. Since she wanted to hear it, I figured I'd tell her. Honestly. But with just enough white lies for her to understand.

"It's a one-sided crush."

"What... a crush?"

"A one-sided crush. Where only one side likes the other."

Mihail furrowed her brow and leaned in closer. She tilted her head, her face full of doubt, as if questioning if she'd heard right.

I waved my hand at her to clear up the misunderstanding. Even I thought the word 'one-sided crush' was ripe for misinterpretation.

"Not that I really like you or anything. More like a love-hate thing."

"...Love-hate?"

"As a fellow academy student, I think Mihail's cool and impressive, but our ways of thinking are worlds apart."

"..."

"I'm the type who says don't take losses even if others get hurt, while Mihail's the type who'll take the hit to uphold justice no matter what."

"That's the right thing to do."

I nodded at her retort, agreeing.

"You're not wrong."

I'd dreamed of being a hero when I was young, too. I could fully understand clinging to justice and making it your goal.

Still.

"There's such a thing as limits."

Mihail clenched her fist and stared me down. Whether it was the alcohol rising or my answer striking a nerve, she fixed her gaze on me and asked again.

"What limits?"

"Huh?"

"Which rhythm should we dance to for it to be right?"

"..."

"You asked me if I'd heard the rumors about you at the academy."

"..."

"Yeah, I did. In great detail."

"What did you hear?"

I asked Mihail softly in a low voice. I had a rough idea of what she'd heard and what she was thinking.

"You...!"

"Yeah."

Under my steady gaze, Mihail's lips paused like a comma. After a brief silence and swallowing her rising frustration, she carefully opened her mouth.

"I heard you were a thug at the academy."

"..."

"That you destroyed everything in sight, assaulted students... created outcasts."

"That's right."

"Huh?"

"Tell me more."

Mihail bit her lip at my shameless request for more dirt and fell silent. A tremor ran through her tightly gripped glass.

I nodded at her. It was an undeniable fact. If she asked for victims' names, I might hesitate, but I could list them.

But.

"Secret Girl."

I had my limits, too.

"What do you think justice is, Secret Girl?"

"..."

"Living kindly even if you take losses?"

"..."

"Forgiving villains?"

"..."

"Maybe those actions are right and bring good results, but villains have their backstories, too. Especially since Mihail's always been so strict with me."

"Because you never changed..."

"True. I'm not the type to change easily, so you hated me."

I let out a short breath and tossed another question her way. How did she, who defended Mihail, want to live?

"So, do you want to live forgiving enemies like Mihail and getting betrayed? Or live selfishly like me?"

"No one betrayed you. They all changed, started living good lives."

"Hmm... Then why do I keep getting betrayed? At the academy, people I showed kindness to stabbed me, and ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I got suspended for things I didn't even do."

"..."

"I think I showed as much kindness as Mihail, but does that make me unjust because I don't get rewarded?"

Mihail clamped her lips shut. I gave her a small smile to lighten the heavy mood. I hadn't brought this up to fight.

"I hate getting screwed over like a pushover, that's why I'm like this. Spiky like a hedgehog, biting like a mad dog. Not saying Mihail's bad."

"...You're the one who did wrong."

"Yes."

I nodded briskly, affirming her interrogation.

"It was my fault."

But.

"There are people who cry because of me, but also people somewhere smiling because of me—that's my kind of justice. Like how the Young Lady I serve became more human."

"Selfish."

"I know. That's why I got kicked out of the academy."

I smiled lightly to brighten the mood again.

"Probably because of my lowly birth."

"Lowly birth?"

"Yeah."

I smiled at Mihail.

"I might look pretty, but I've had a rough life. Believe it or not, I'm from the slums."

Her eyes ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠widened at 'slums,' and she clenched her fists like a kid bursting with questions. Gazing at me, she spoke in a voice heavy with emotion.

"Which slums?"

I smiled and answered the secretive girl.

"Secret."

"...Then."

Mihail's lips twitched as she asked in a trembling voice.

"Do you know someone named Ikminhyeok?"

"..."

I gave a wry smile and shook my head at Mihail.

"No idea."

"...Then at least when you started living there."

"That's a secret, too. I've got a lot of them, you see."

I downed my glass and shared a bit of honest talk. The booze was good, the snacks were great, and right in front of me was a blast from the past. Her pretty face was a bonus.

"You asked what I think of Mihail, right?"

"..."

"Same as I think of you, Secret Girl."

I think you're a good person.

"I don't hate you."

*

Mihail walked with her head down.

Nothing gained.

Wearing her white dress, Mihail trudged powerlessly toward the alley where she'd hidden her uniform.

True feelings.

She hadn't heard them. She'd thought Ricardo's honest opinion of her was his true feelings, but realizing her answer was wrong, Mihail clenched her fists.

I tried not to smile.

She'd thought showing her true self to a guy she hated was enough, but while walking with Ricardo, smiles kept slipping out. Like he knew her bucket list, he'd gifted her things she never did normally.

She wasn't one to smile easily, yet today she kept doing it—and she hated herself for it.

I can't give up like this.

Mihail clenched her fists and swallowed her rage in the dark alley shadows.

No more chances now.

Missed opportunities didn't come back easily. As she walked the dark alley, she slowly vanished into a deserted spot.

And when she reached an alley with no sign of people.

"Little one."

An unforgettable man's voice echoed chillingly from the darkness.

Goosebumps rose on Mihail's back. It was the voice of the man she hated most—the one she wanted to erase from the world right then.

Mihail stiffened and slowly turned her head. She looked at the man before her.

One arm missing. A scar over his eye and a chilling smile.

The Archbishop of the Sin of Oblivion, 'Yung'.

He emerged lightly from the shadows and gave a small wave to Mihail's shoulder.

"We still have unfinished business."

Mihail quickly reached for her waist.

And bit her lip as her hand caressed empty air.

Gone.

No sword. Realizing too late she'd come ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠without it to fool Ricardo, Mihail ground her teeth and swallowed her fury.

Yung drew a dagger from his bosom and slowly approached Mihail.

And then.

-Stab.

It pierced Mihail's abdomen without resistance.

Blood flowed. Unbearable pain spread from her gut, and she pictured her shoulders slumping in agony.

As Mihail's eyes slowly closed.

Her eyes snapped open with the chime.

"I was worried leaving you alone, but you made it back fine."

Ricardo's voice shattered the nightmare.

"I was worried."