Ugly Faces Are the Most Fun to Look At -2-
The sunlight in the park gently warmed the bench. That was exactly where I waited for Jian. I wasn’t bursting with anticipation, nor did I feel any particular thrill at reuniting with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. And why would I? It had only been a few months since I last saw him. If I were still a kid, maybe things would be different. But for a grown man, that wasn’t nearly enough time to stir up any real longing.
After waiting a little longer, I spotted Jian in the distance. Even though he was still quite far away, I recognized him at a glance. We’d known each other for so long that even the faint outline of his gait and build was enough to make him instantly clear to me.
Jian kept walking closer. My eyes gradually brought him into sharper focus, and his indistinct features paradoxically became strikingly vivid.
“Pfft. Pffft.”
The moment I saw Jian’s face, a burst of laughter escaped me. The same thing happened to him. He approached with his cheeks puffed out so hard it looked painful, and the second our eyes met, he couldn’t hold it back any longer. His laughter exploded.
“Hahaha!”
Seeing him like that, I couldn’t help but burst out laughing too.
“Hahaha!!”
Even right up until Jian sat down on the bench across from me, neither of us could stop our inexplicable laughter. Maybe ugly faces really are the most fun to look at.
Even after Jian took his seat, we kept laughing for a little while longer. Only then did our laughter gradually die down, melting into more appropriate smiles.
“Ha… haha…”
“Ha…”
Jian started speaking as casually as if we’d seen each other just yesterday. There was no need for pointless greetings.
“Hey.”
Up until now, most of my conversations with Jian had begun with something similar. Either “Henry” or “Hey.” Sometimes both. More than half the time, that’s how it went. Today was no different.
“What?”
My reply was just as routine. It was always either “What?” or “Huh?” so that’s what came out again.
“…What are we supposed to do now?”
The way Jian said it so openly made the whole thing seem so pathetic that I couldn’t help but sneer at him.
“I don’t know, you idiot lol.”
I normally hate expressing laughter with consonants, but in moments like this, it’s impossible to convey it any other way. There’s a certain humor that can only be captured by using them.
“We’re completely fucked lol.”
Jian started speaking with the same laughter in his voice. It made sense. We’d disbanded right when we were at our most arrogant. So of course our current situation looked ridiculous. The hero had lost his holy sword, and the mage had his contract with the spirits severed. A few months ago, we’d imagined our present selves looking far better than this!
The absurd tragedy was so funny that we kept snickering as we continued talking.
“The holy sword disappeared?”
“Yeah. I woke up in the morning and it was just gone.”
“Why? There has to be some reason, right?”
Jian kept chuckling away. I knew full well that the laughter wasn’t directed at me, but at “us”—a self-mocking sneer.
“Then why did your contract get terminated?”
“Beats me. It just cut me off one-sidedly and ghosted me.”
“The holy sword vanished on me one-sidedly too. How am I supposed to know the reason?”
If it weren’t for the constant snickering, we would have sounded furious. But we’d already reached a small state of enlightenment, so there was no point in getting angry. We were just utterly dumbfounded.
“How does a holy sword disappear overnight? You remember, right? It chose me.”
“Maybe it got sulky because you hadn’t taken it to the blacksmith in forever and ran away from home?”
“Oh. Could be. But still, running away right away? It should’ve at least thrown a tantrum first.”
“There are intelligent beings that cut contracts one-sidedly just because they don’t like you. Compared to that, an object doing it is practically polite.”
“Ugh. I can’t trust anything with ‘saint’ attached to it. Laverre’s holy water production was all failures anyway.”
“That’s because she always dilutes it with water to save money.”
“Ah, whatever. I’m done with it.”
Then Jian leaned back against the bench, slumping down, and raised both arms.
“Demon King, please revive! Now that there’s no holy sword, go ahead and raise your army again!”
Even though it was a joke, it was hard to believe this was the same hero who had fought the Demon King to the death just a few months ago. Slumped on a park bench, begging the Demon King he’d killed to come back to life. He looked exactly like a child.
“Damn it. The others are probably doing well, living their lives and doing their jobs, right? Laverre said she made it to saint candidacy, so she must’ve gotten a high position in the church. And Karena probably got promoted quite a bit in the guild.”
At that, Jian looked at me in confusion and straightened up on the bench.
“Why? What is it?”
“You haven’t heard?”
“Heard what?”
“Karena’s in pretty much the same boat as us right now.”
“What? What happened to her?”
“Well…”
Right then, a hooded figure suddenly joined us at the table. We didn’t even notice her until she sat down. In this quiet little café, no less. No matter how absorbed we were in conversation, that was strange. There was only one person I could think of who could pull that off.
A moment later, she pulled back her hood, revealing the furry ears typical of a beastman. The identity we’d only been able to guess at from her presence was now perfectly clear.
“Figured you’d show up.”
“You called Karena too?”
“Yeah.”
She was Karena, the beastman thief who had been in charge of stealth and reconnaissance in our party.
Karena leaned back against the bench. Then she slumped down, let out a long sigh, and raised both hands in the air.
“Aaaaaagh! I should’ve just joined the Demon King!!”
“Demon King? You should call him Demon King-nim,” Jian said.
“Karena. What happened to you this time?”
“Do I look like the kind of person who wouldn’t end up like this?”
Karena’s eyes turned bloodshot as she began speaking in the language of a country whose first language was profanity. Aside from a few particles and articles, all I could hear was cursing.
“No, fuck. That fucking—”
There were a lot of things wrong with Karena, but her characteristically neurotic personality was the worst. Also bad was how she bottled everything up and then exploded later. Come to think of it, that wasn’t even her worst trait. The whole person named Karena just seemed problematic.
“Stop swearing and just tell us.”
“Ha… I went back to the thieves’ guild, right?”
“Yeah.”
“I already know this story so I won’t say anything.”
“Yeah, don’t. You fucking bastard. Anyway, I went back to the thieves’ guild, okay?”
Jian’s attempt to stir up trouble was neatly ignored.
“Yeah.”
“But then they suddenly tell me my name’s too well-known now, so I can’t work as a thief anymore and I should leave! What the hell is that? At first they were happy their guild’s reputation was rising because of me, but now they’re just kicking me out, those fuckers!”
Karena spoke with rising fury.
“Henry. See? Karena’s in the same situation as us now.”
“What do you mean, ‘us’? Henry, did something happen to you too?”
Karena looked at me, and I answered.
“My contract got severed.”
Karena burst out laughing at my answer, as if it was hilarious. But it wasn’t a big “hahaha” kind of laugh—it was more of a dumbfounded “lol” type of chuckle.
After her laughter died down a bit, Karena spoke in a low voice.
“Ha… what are we supposed to do now?”
“I don’t know…” I said.
“Ha… fuck. I should’ve taken that position they offered back then. Would’ve been so much better. Laverre as the healer, me as the assassin, Henry as the mage, Jian as the fighter. We already beat all four heavenly kings. We could’ve just become the new four heavenly kings.”
“Exactly. The Demon King’s employee benefits weren’t as bad as his actions made them seem.”
“We were crazy. Still, the Demon King had insane charisma and his benefits were top-tier.”
If I left Jian and Karena to keep talking, they’d probably go on all day, so I jumped in and changed the subject.
“Jian. Did you call Laverre?”
“Of course I did. Obviously.”
“Ha… she’s probably doing great right now, huh? Being treated like a saint and all.”
Karena clicked her tongue and laughed at my words. Then she started badmouthing Laverre without a single swear word. I don’t mean to say she was gossiping behind her back—Karena was the type to say all this straight to her face.
“A saint? Her? I guarantee she’s not gonna make it. You guys traveled with her, so you know. Do you really think a dog like her is qualified to be a saint?”
“Well, not really. But didn’t the church already put her up as a candidate?” Jian replied.
“It’s so obvious what’s gonna happen. She’ll come waving from far away going ‘Everyone~ Long time no see!’ then sit down and randomly say ‘I got demoted from saint candidacy.’”
Karena confidently imitated Laverre’s voice as she spoke.
“No way. That can’t be it.”
“I’m sure of it. It’s definitely gonna happen.”
Right then, a woman in the distance waved her hand and came toward us. The only woman who would approach us in priest robes while waving was Laverre, the church-born priest who had been our party’s healer.
“Everyone~ Long time no see!”
Laverre’s first greeting was almost exactly like the one Karena had imitated. She fluttered her priest robes as she sat down, then said,
“I got demoted from saint candidacy.”