The Haunted Mansion
Packing up to move out didn't take all that long. Most of the books I'd stopped reading lately had already been shipped back to the family estate, and I'd copied over everything I'd researched in my own way, organizing it all into one place. It was a little depressing to realize that months of effort had been condensed enough to fit inside a single bag, but I decided to just tell myself my organizational skills were exceptional. (It didn't really help.) As for daily necessities and clothes, I could always borrow them or buy what I needed nearby, so in the end the only thing I took with me was that one bag.
Knock. Knock.
When I rapped on the mansion door, a voice called out from inside, "Just a moment!" I could hear some murmuring behind it, so I leaned in closer. The unmistakable sounds of responsibility-dodging drifted through: "Hey, you go." "No way. You go, Karena." It looked like Karena, whose house was the closest, had already finished moving her stuff over.
A little while later, a voice came from right behind the wall. "Who is it?" There were no footsteps, and the tone was sharp with clear annoyance. The owner of that voice was definitely Karena.
"Your party's wizard."
Karena immediately answered in a voice full of laughter. "Password."
"I stayed up all night yesterday organizing my stuff and couldn't sleep at all. Can you just open the door?"
The reply that came back was even stricter. "Password."
"Ugh, what the hell? We never had a password before."
"We did."
"You're just doing this even though you know it's me, right?"
"No."
By this point her tone had gone completely flat, almost mechanical. "And why are you suddenly using formal speech when you never did when we first met? Just open the damn door already."
"If there is no password, no one may enter."
"Then you come out here."
After about three minutes of back-and-forth bickering, Laverre came down and chimed in with, "No, there definitely was a password," and we wasted another five minutes arguing before I was finally allowed inside the mansion.
"What the—what about your luggage?" Karena asked, staring at me with an odd look when she saw I was only carrying a single bag.
"It's all in the bag. I'll just buy whatever else I need around here."
"Figures. A rich boy really is different. I spent all day packing, so I thought you'd show up dragging a whole cart or something."
"You thought I'd have that much stuff, but you still wouldn't open the door?"
Karena didn't answer. I was too tired to push it, so I let it go.
"Laverre, where should I put my things?"
The first floor of the mansion had long hallways stretching out to both the left and right. Laverre pointed down the right one.
"If you turn right here and keep going, there's a small corridor inside, you see?"
"Yeah."
"But don't turn there. Go a little farther and you'll find an even narrower corridor. Go in there and you'll come across three corridors of similar size, but you can ignore those. Keep going deeper and you'll reach one short corridor. Go in there and there will be two rooms. The one on the left is Jian's room, and the one on the right is yours, Henry."
"...What?"
Laverre had explained all that complicated nonsense in way too short a time.
"So you turn right and go straight past the small corridor without turning, then enter the narrow corridor a little farther ahead. From there, go past the three narrow corridors that come out and enter the single small corridor that appears after them. The room on the right of the two that come out after that is your room, Henry."
"...Can't you just show me the way?"
"Haha. I believe someone as capable as you, Henry, can find it on your own."
With that, Laverre disappeared toward the end of the hallway (which I assumed was where the living room was). I slowly tried to repeat what she'd said, but the only part that stuck was "turn right and keep going." Since I hadn't slept a wink the night before, everything felt like too much trouble. I simply opened the nearest door. Thankfully, it was a room with furniture in it. I tossed my bag anywhere and threw myself onto the bed. A warm sensation flowed into my exhausted mind. My whole body went limp like a loosened necktie, and I fell asleep instantly.
And then I had sleep paralysis.
I'd like to explain the process if I could, but what would a guy like me know about it? It might be different for a priest like Laverre, but for a wizard like me, figuring out the mechanics of a spiritual event was no easy task. Anyway, I remained stuck like that for a while until Laverre's voice ringing in my ears woke me up.
"Henry. Could you come to the living room right now?"
I didn't know much about priestly techniques, but it was clearly a high-level application. The voice echoing directly in my ear carried a strange spiritual satisfaction (though physically it felt unpleasant), and the weight pressing down on my body vanished in an instant. No doubt about it.
"Ugh..."
My whole body felt sluggish and heavy, but the sleepiness had completely vanished, so I just dragged myself to the living room. Karena and Laverre were sitting at the dining table.
"Why'd you call me?"
"Make food."
That was all she had to say after waking someone up. "Ha... seriously. How the hell did you two eat while I was gone for months? Did you just order out every day?"
"Oh. How did you know?"
"If you ever get nominated as a saint candidate again, I'm reporting you to the church."
A priest who fulfilled her laziness with money. The world really must be heading for destruction.
I turned my head and glanced at Karena too.
"The guild fed me."
"Can't you just go back?"
"I want to, but I'm too hungry to move."
How could these freeloaders go months without even thinking about learning how to cook? "Can't you two at least learn to cook? Please?"
"The scriptures say you must not take up the sword, so it's going to be difficult."
Laverre sprawled back in her chair and looked up at me.
"The original text is Do not take up a sword that harms people. Only grasp in your hands what is beneficial to your souls."
"Oh my. You know it well."
"You kept dodging the question so much that I looked it up, and it turned out you were full of shit."
Karena stayed completely silent the whole time, probably afraid the sparks would fly her way. Damn it. At times like this, dragging things out wasn't going to help.
"I'll cook this time, but next time you two are seriously doing it yourselves."
They both just laughed it off. It didn't look like they'd be cooking anytime soon. I sighed and headed for the kitchen.
"Fine... so what ingredients do we have?"
"Everything in that basket over there is all we've got."
From behind me, Karena followed along chanting, "Gambas. Make gambas." If she was going to request shrimp sauté, the least she could have done was show some sincerity and buy actual shrimp. All we had was rice, some vegetables, and a bit of seasoning.
"There's not much here, is there?"
When I turned around, Karena had already disappeared. A little later I just threw whatever together and stir-fried it.
"How is it? Tastes good?"
"Hmm. It tastes like fried rice."
"Because it is fried rice."
I hadn't been expecting anything dramatic to begin with, so Karena's reaction might not have been all that bad. If nothing else, it was definitely better than Laverre's. Laverre was the worst. She'd always say, "Really? I think it's delicious," but then she'd squeeze out so much ketchup that you couldn't even see the rice grains anymore. She'd stir it all up until you couldn't tell if it was ketchup porridge or fried rice, scoop up a huge spoonful, and shove it into her mouth. Then she'd make this ecstatic expression. If she was going to react like that, she'd probably be just as happy with a bottle of ketchup. I had no idea why she kept asking me to cook.
I figured watching any longer would kill my appetite, so I slowly picked up my spoon. But my body was so stiff and sore that even that felt difficult.
"Oh dear. What's wrong?"
"It's nothing. I got a little sleep, but I had sleep paralysis."
Laverre tilted her head while spooning up her ketchup sludge.
"That's strange... that shouldn't have happened?"
"Why?"
"I already finished the exorcism ritual for the ghost that was in your room, Henry."
Karena and I almost simultaneously set our spoons down and stared at Laverre.
"Hey. This house was haunted?"
"Yes. But the interior is quite clean, isn't it?"
"Are you insane? You should've told us first."
Karena scolded Laverre with an odd expression that mixed disbelief and anger. But Laverre just giggled and answered without a care.
"Aww, don't be too scared. We have a former saint candidate right here. With a little touch-up, it's no different from a brand-new house. Don't worry. Don't worry."
By now my default setting was not to trust a single word Laverre said, so every time she told me not to worry, my anxiety only grew stronger.
"...There really aren't any problems, right?"
I asked, trying to shake off some of my unease.
"Of course. As long as you stay in the rooms I've already purified, there won't be any issues at all."
It wasn't very reassuring.
"...You didn't go into any other rooms, did you?"
Laverre's eyes widened as she looked at me. It had been a while since I'd seen that expression. There had been times like this even back then—times when Laverre became scarier than Karena.
"Answer me."
"Sorry."
Laverre said, "...Haha. Just wait a moment," and disappeared toward the living room. Her face was still smiling, but to my eyes it looked like the smile of a dead plant stem—maintained purely by habit, completely devoid of any life.
When Laverre returned a short while later, she was holding a spray bottle in her hand.