Research Subject
Fourth attempt.
Failure.
So I'm a failure, huh.
...Wait, no? Why am I the failure here? If someone handed me this and told me to get off to it, there's no way in hell I could.
―Mnngh... ahnn...♥ Oppa...♥
Oppa? OPPA?!
"Yeah, screw this."
―Bang!
I kicked the door of the collection room open and marched out.
"Oh, happy day~"
A familiar voice.
There sat Teacher Noh in the waiting area across from the testing room, tossing a playful greeting my way — apparently our little chats yesterday had made us pretty chummy.
"Teacher, I'm completely done for..."
The corner of Teacher Noh's mouth curled up, clearly finding my situation hilarious.
"Ahem, Inkyu? Have you ever seen someone try to jerk off while watching a horror movie?"
"....."
"Think about it. That's basically your situation right now. Normally, six out of ten men go into convulsions at the mere sight of a woman."
My head was starting to ache.
They needed a sample for the semen analysis, but there was no way I could produce one watching a group crab migration video.
―Ahh...♥
A moan drifted out from behind me.
First things first — turn off that damn video.
Whew... There was someone standing right outside the door, and it's not like that was getting me excited anyway...
What exactly do you want from me here...
"Inkyu. Sooo, which of the teachers appeals to you?"
Teacher Noh draped an arm over my shoulder and gestured toward the other staff members with an open hand.
"Who do you think would work best?"
I'm sorry — who would work best?
Heat flooded my face in an instant of runaway imagination.
Wait. Don't tell me I actually get to choose?
"Cut it out, don't mess with me. That's a crime. A crime."
"You'd like it, though."
I had never hated the snickering Teacher Noh more than I did in that moment.
Teacher Noh, I genuinely despise you!
"Is there another way... Hmm... Can't have anything with blood relations mixed in..."
At that muttering, I felt something down below shrivel up in fear.
I have to finish. I must squeeze one out!
"Inkyu, wait here a moment. It'll take about ten minutes. I'm heading to the annex."
So there I sat, quietly parked in the waiting area in front of the second-floor collection room.
The only people I knew here were Ryuah and Teacher Noh, and it wasn't like I could grab random working staff and strike up a conversation.
It wasn't in my nature to begin with.
Once Teacher Noh disappeared, I noticed quite a few more staff members hurrying past the waiting area than before.
―Tap-tap-tap-tap
―Click-clack-click-clack
I'd seen this before in medical dramas.
Code blue — everyone sprinting off in a single wave.
Must be an emergency.
Just within my field of view, more than five people had already passed by.
That one went right a minute ago... and now she's headed left again...
Emergencies are always busy, I supposed.
"Hahh... hahh... Inkyu, you owe me big time for this?"
The other teachers who'd been passing the waiting area had vanished, and Teacher Noh stumbled in.
"Here — wheeze, hahh — take this..."
It genuinely looked like she'd sprinted the whole way there and back...
"Whoa, teacher, sit down and catch your breath."
"How could I possibly leave you alone when I was worried sick?"
"I may be in a protection center, but I'm a fully grown adult."
"You still don't know how the world works out there, Inkyu."
Sitting down beside me, Teacher Noh handed something over.
A single cosplay photo.
I definitely knew this person. Long black hair, reddish lips, slightly upturned eyes...
A lewd maid outfit in a striking black-and-white pairing, layered with lace that gave it a subtly full, frilly look —
but nothing could hide that killer figure of hers.
And one detail stood out above all the rest.
Right in the valley of her overwhelming cleavage was a hole cut in the exact shape of a heart.
A costume with an unmistakably impure design, practically begging for something to be placed right there.
On the back of the photo, beneath a lipstick print, a single line was written:
'Hang in there! ♥'
"...This is..."
"Ah, that's a photo of Ryuah."
"Wha... why do you have a photo of Ryuah...?"
"Didn't you say you liked her? You two seemed to be getting along."
She's gorgeous and totally my type, sure — but why would I ever need to take this from a staff member?
Also, why was Ryuah carrying a photo like this around at work?
"Oh, Ryuah's into that... what's it called, cosplay? It's her hobby, apparently."
My first question was why Teacher Noh knew that in the first place.
"I know every special note on my team's roster. Now get in there already~"
"Hold on — we've barely said ten words to each other. If I use this, wouldn't Ryuah be totally disgusted?"
"Your worry is a mountain made of worry~ It's fine. I personally borrowed it from her team file — the one we're putting together with everyone's personal info."
She was someone I knew, it was a risqué photo, and given how things went last time, it wasn't exactly an impossible situation.
Blood was starting to pool somewhere inconvenient, which was a bit of a problem.
"And no pressing your ear against the door. Teacher Noh."
"What am I even going to do listening in?"
―Creeeak.
Back in the collection room.
Sighting adjusted. A marksman with his shot fully prepared opens fire.
What followed was quick. Three minutes, give or take?
Don't you dare call that short.
When a man's been holding his ammunition depot for over two weeks, the gates are bound to be flimsy.
I capped the sample cup and walked straight out of the collection room.
Teacher Noh, who had been waiting, walked the corridor alongside me toward the testing room.
"Ohh~ happy time~ So, the photo?"
I'd only held it by the very edge, so it wasn't stained or anything.
"Mm-hm, used it nice and clean, I see."
Teacher Noh said this while slipping the photo into a small pouch.
"Please don't phrase it like that, seriously..."
My face burned, and my head dropped on its own.
"I told you, didn't I? We're building your personal file. Clean is better."
"Hoo..."
Still, I did feel a tiny sliver of gratitude for the help.
―Tap.
As I handed the still-warm cup over to the staff member running the analysis, Teacher Noh added a word of warning.
"No funny business. Until dinnertime. Okay?"
Leaving the vigorously nodding staff member behind, we headed off again.
"Oh right — about the visitation you requested yesterday. It's approved. Say the word and she can come right away."
Teacher Noh brought it up first as we walked toward the counseling room.
"Could it be as soon as tomorrow?"
"Sure. I'll get it arranged."
The record said I'd reported domestic abuse myself, which was how I'd ended up here.
Fortunately, the woman presumed to be my mother faced no charges due to a lack of evidence, and the case was closed.
Teacher Noh called it one of the false reports men commonly make.
Apparently, when trauma involving women, fear of the world, and anxiety pile up into too much stress, some men react with hypersensitivity without even realizing it and file reports like that.
Since it fundamentally stemmed from issues with women, they'd also proceeded with the procedure of separating me from my family.
"Don't worry too much. The visit will probably take place in the counseling room."
"Isn't there a visitation room on the first floor?"
I'd never actually been down there, but I'd seen it on the directory map in the center of the second floor.
"That'd be a bit difficult for now. Let's do it in the counseling room, Inkyu."
"Well, a familiar space does suit me fine."
I'd stayed there yesterday, after all.
"Now then, dinner? Want to check out the cafeteria?"
"Oh, I was actually curious about that. You've been giving me boxed meals every time."
"Not even a moment's hesitation, huh? Let's go."
The cafeteria's first impression was wonderful.
Bright and cheerful all around, you could say?
It was divided into Western, Chinese, Japanese, and Korean sections, so it seemed I could eat whatever I wanted.
"Today~ thanks to~ Inkyu~ is going to be~ a historic day~"
I had absolutely no idea what Teacher Noh meant by that hummed little tune, but apparently eating with me was going to be a delight.
"What are you having?"
There was nothing to think about.
For a man, it's stir-fried pork, tonkatsu, or gukbap.
"Stir-fried pork. Korean section."
With that solemn declaration, I received my tray of food and claimed a seat in the corner of the cafeteria.
"Ahh, today was fun too~. You know, Inkyu, you really are like the men out of ancient texts."
"What do those texts say?"
"Something like the diary of a man — a well-preserved historical document that's been a real help to academia."
"Ooh..."
"It's nothing but the man's own desires, written plainly. What he wants to eat, what he wants to do."
"Isn't that just what men are?"
"That's a bit different from the world you remember. Delicacy, empathy, understanding, consideration — those are things a man is supposed to put real care into as well."
"What a wench. Absolutely."
Talking with my mouth half-full, an unflattering old word slipped out of me.
"Inkyu, you even know words like that? Nobody uses that anymore. That's from about a thousand years ago, probably."
―Chomp, chomp...
The stir-fried pork filled me up from the inside.
Truthfully, I could barely hear what the teacher was saying.
Delicious... Should I get another bowl...
―Clack.
"Want to do research under me?"
"Sure."
―Chomp chomp chomp...
"I recorded that."
"...I'm sorry, what?"
"You've just been abducted."
I crammed in the rest of my food and cleared my tray at record speed.
There are three phrases in this life you must guard against above all others:
'I'll buy it for you later.'
'I'm safe tonight.'
'You — you're going to be my grad student.'
One of those three had just passed through my eardrums, my cochlea, and my auditory nerve, straight into my brain.
I have to run.
That single instinctive scream woke the marathon runner inside me.
"I'm sorry, Teacher Noh, but grad school is where I draw the line! I don't even know whether I finished my bachelor's degree here — what are you even saying!"
Must not get caught.
It may be a memory that doesn't exist, but I'd seen it anyway: the fate of everyone who ever set foot in grad school.
Existing beneath someone who does research is no way to live.
"Inkyu... I... hey, that's dangerous! Don't run!"
The counseling room. Get to the counseling room first.
BONUS. Hang in There, Honey~ — Ryuah's POV
The education center, set apart from the main building.
Here, they run various training programs for job seekers hoping to work at the Men's Protection Center and for new hires before their first day.
Today's lecture was The World Through a Man's Eyes.
"Now, everyone, a man's entry into society is guarded by an invisible wall of..."
Not a single word of the instructor's explanation reached me from up front.
My head was filled with nothing but thoughts of my honey.
"I'm really, honestly fine..."
Was it because of the Contact Test two days ago?
The moment my honey touched my chest, I knew it in my bones: we were destined to be joined for a hundred years, soulmates through and through.
The tingling current that surged through my entire body.
That faintly wicked air of that moment.
Each other's breath flowing along the other's, until the two of us became one.
Yes. What we shared was, for all intents and purposes, a mating act.
"I miss him..."
Tears welled up, and I lifted my head.
All I wanted was to see my honey right this second and pick our life back up where it left off.
Lunchtime.
No appetite whatsoever.
It felt as though I myself were being drained of every drop of moisture, withering into a crisp autumn leaf.
Only until the small hours of yesterday morning I was was so moist and dewy (Hot time 01:12 ~ 02:37 a.m)... and now I'm drying up in real time...
―Ta-da-da-dash!
"Teacher Ryu!"
"Oh, Teacher Noh Byunghun!"
The very mastermind who had banished me to this place — and my direct supervisor — came sprinting over in a hurry.
"Inkyu needs... hahh... huff... your help, apparently!"
"Have some water first."
So this was important enough to come find me for?
―Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. Haah...
"Could it be... is there anything that could help with Inkyu's, ah, discreet collection?"
Discreet collection?
Collection? Taking or receiving something...
Oh! The collection room!
But wait... the collection room, that means...
That rarely used place.
!!!!!
"♥♥♥♥♥"
"Whoa... that expression is kind of unsettling, Teacher Ryu."
Helping my honey's needs is always a wife's duty!
And the fact that he needed me could only mean one thing — I'm his number one!
My position as the official wife is confirmed — as expected, I'm the main heroine!
Ryuah abruptly kicked back her chair and stood up.
She lifted one leg onto the seat, then slid her hand up under the hem of her skirt.
Her fingers hooked into the elastic hem of the stocking stretched taut around her thigh and drew slowly downward.
The black fabric rolled down bit by bit along her bare skin.
Past her knee, down her calf — and the moment it cleared her toes, Ryuah's smooth, bare leg came into view.
She rolled up the stocking and moved to hand it to Teacher Noh.
"Nobody likes feet, Teacher Ryu..."
"Huh?"
But the latest video from Male Psychology You Never Knew — the channel she watched religiously — had said for certain that men loved that sort of thing...
And yet he wouldn't like it...?
I absolutely cannot hand my honey over to some other wenches!
Think... think of something else...
Panties...? Bra...? Ah, my thighs...? Or should I just go myself...
"Something like that won't do. Don't you have an ID photo or anything, Teacher Ryu?"
There it was.
The photo she'd brought along, just in case!
"...Teacher Ryu, is this really your taste?"
"I had it taken a while ago... for my future husband... What do you think...?"
"Mm-hm, an excellent state of readiness. That's my teammate for you."
The moment Teacher Noh turned her back —
―Snatch.
Ryuah grabbed her by the collar.
"One moment, please."
She flipped the photo back over and scribbled something on it.
"Hang... in... there...♥"
―Smooch.
A lipstick print.
Teacher Noh Byunghun stared in horror.
Ryuah tucked the photo, along with the stocking she couldn't quite give up, into the lunch bag Teacher Noh was carrying and handed it back over.
"Please take good care of him♥"
"Uh, sure... I'm really leaving now..."
Teacher Noh's figure grew smaller and smaller in the distance.
"♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥"
That evening, just before the end of the workday.
A staff member from the support team handed over my lunch bag.
"Teacher Noh asked me to pass this along to you."
"Oh, thank you~"
"And, what was it... she left a message saying it was, quote, 'put to good use.'"
Ryuah maintained her poker face for dear life.
Every cell in her body was buzzing ♥♥♥.
Wait for me, my honey.
Next time, I won't send a photo — I'll come myself♥
▼Ryuah, dewy once more (22:05 p.m. ~ 00:16 a.m.) — seems his scent still lingers...
