Chapter 20
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 20
Chapter Title: Magical Inspection Ceremony (5)
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One absurd situation after another.
They shove us a magic wand and tell us to take down a monster with it. Just when we're putting up a decent fight against the damn thing, they suddenly demand the finishing blow.
At that moment, the mint-colored magical girl with the bob cut starts bitching at us again.
"Hey, hand it over already."
Honestly, I was floored.
I'd heard that taking down monsters was tied to promotions for magical girls. The more powerful the monsters you bagged, the better your chances of advancing.
In other words, monster hunts were basically their performance metrics.
"I'm asking nicely. Got it?"
Which meant this monster had to be a pretty big deal. I couldn't say for sure, but judging by how desperately she was hounding us, I could guess it was significant.
Still, I had zero interest in just handing it over like a good little boy.
Unless she begged on her knees, maybe.
Did this fucking bitch leave it to us?
Her bob cut already made her head look like a dick, and now her attitude made it really one.
Both were shitty bitches.
Visually.
And personality-wise.
It wasn't just my take—Sora fired back sharply.
"Why should we?!"
But the other girl just sneered.
"You've already got plenty anyway. Can't you spare one for us?"
"If you'd actually held the front line properly, we wouldn't have had so many monsters swarming us in the first place!"
"We worked our asses off, right, guys?"
With that, the mint-colored magical girl who'd picked a fight with us out of nowhere shrugged at her crew. They nodded along with similar reactions.
But that was bullshit.
As Sora said, if these fuckers were the front line, there should at least be signs they'd broken a sweat.
I wasn't expecting blood and guts. Even heavy breathing or disheveled uniforms would have sold it.
But these assholes?
No blood, not even a drop of sweat. The only stains on their magical girl outfits were ramen broth and snack crumbs.
Plain and simple: these motherfuckers had been stuffing their faces and screwing around.
While everyone else was busting their asses fighting.
And now they wanted the kill shot.
Just then, the mint-colored girl—who'd been smirking the whole time—switched to a serious tone.
"Hey, but seriously."
She patted Sora's shoulder.
"When you're talking to someone, what's with 'you guys'?"
"......"
"You know, on the magical battlefield, you gotta address each other by magical girl names, right? Am I wrong? Tell me, Magical Girl Blue Fox."
Straight talk I never expected from that shitty bitch's mouth. Pure common sense.
In the end, Sora nodded quietly.
"......You're right. Magical Girl Mint Turtle."
"Oh."
I was just surprised.
The mint-colored magical girl who'd been riding Sora glances at me.
"Hey, why the shock?"
"Nah, it just fits perfectly."
"Fits what?"
Ah, does only she not get it?
She was the poster child for stupidity. Looked dumber than Whitey, seriously.
Oh well.
Guess the sane one has to spell it out.
I'm the Hero, after all.
"Magical Girl Mint Turtle, right?"
"Yeah, so?"
"Already looks like a dick, but I didn't know the head was a glans too."
You know how turtle heads look like glans?
This was no different.
That bob cut made it look exactly like one dipped in mint chocolate.
Shitty bitch in every damn way.
"What?! Hey, you fucker!"
Finally getting it, the mint-colored girl freaks out and raises her voice.
"This is a magical bob cut! Not some magical glans cut like you said!"
"Why so pissed? Got a boner? Go pop one and come back."
"Argh, what the hell is wrong with this asshole?!"
What was wrong with me?
One answer.
"Hero."
"Hero...?"
Her blank face twisted into a smirk, like she'd figured something out.
"Oh, you're that famous Hero? The one from another world?"
Seems my rep had spread among the magical girls. Even this thick-skulled idiot knew.
"But Heroes got such short mouths, huh? Even if you're a Hero, you're just a magical private now. Don't know how to talk to superiors from another world?"
Now I saw it—she really was a superior.
Her armband had four stripes.
Magical Corporal.
Most of her crew were too.
The world's full of problems. Bitches like this making Corporal. Well, when wasn't it?
Still, sparked a bit of hope.
If morons like them could Corporal up—somehow—then I sure as hell could too.
I'm A-rank, not F-list trash.
Just then, Whitey nudges me with her elbow—the one not holding the wand.
"Darkie, you gotta talk a bit different to high-class magical girls. Like that."
She probably thought I'd frozen up 'cause I didn't know the etiquette.
"With respect?"
"Yeah, exactly. Smart catch, Darkie?"
"Basic Hero knowledge."
"No, you idiots! Magical honorifics!"
Why was she flipping out so hard?
As long as the point got across, who cares.
"Anyway, we caught it, so we'll handle it ourselves. Got it?"
Of course, no way was I using honorifics.
Why kiss the ass of a retard from the start? If it bugs her, she should've done her job.
"Bring it if you dare."
But surprisingly, she backed off easy.
Her eyes screamed no surrender, so why?
What the hell gave her that confidence?
"We got a magical thief who steals anything around here? Raided the Magical Company and banks once or twice. This'll be a breeze."
Outright declaring she'd steal our kill.
Guess she had faith in her tricks.
Plenty of ways, sure.
But one thing to clear up.
"That's your big flex?"
"Huh?"
"Back in my world and school days, I stole every damn day. You think a couple petty thefts let you mouth off to me?"
Ridiculous.
Bragging on one or two thefts?
If you're gonna strut on stealing, rack up double digits like me at least.
Pathetic.
"Stealing's no biggie anyway. Just sweet-talk 'em and done."
"Bullshit, no way."
Bullshit my ass.
Totally doable.
I'd pulled it off plenty.
"Back in school, confessions always left 'em crying."
"How's that...?"
"Made me a pro tear thief."
"Ah."
Confess and wreck 'em.
Honestly, first time I heard, thought it was fake. Confessing to make someone cry? Sounds insane.
But it worked. Didn't expect that.
Private call or public front of everyone—results always brutal.
Sudden flashback soured my mood.
"Hey, uh... magical confessions don't have to be verbal, right? Like magical letters or texts..."
"Letters? Worse. Had to recite one aloud in class. Later, it showed up as test reading."
"Oof, ooh..."
"Texts? Group chat pinned till year-end."
"S-stop..."
"Later, no confession needed. Just sitting next was enough."
"Please, stop...!"
For the record, confession attacks crushed in my world too.
Way more effective than here.
If targeting me was female, one confession and most lost will to fight, sobbing.
Later, stopped working well—forcing fights. But tears stayed.
"Who the fuck are you to talk theft, you cunts?"
For once, the giggling magical girls looked glum.
"Uh..."
"Mm..."
"S-sorry..."
Like someone died here.
Well, my dignity took a minor hit.
Along with my mood, fuck.
Irritation doubled.
"N-no, Darkie... chin up."
"S-senior! You're fine! They just lack eyes to see! Totally!"
"Shut it, pisses me off more."
Whitey and Sora desperately tried cheering me. Their eyes shook wildly though.
In the awkward silence, Mint Turtle forced a snide jab.
"P-poor thing... but for a so-called Hero, nothing special compared to us. We're real magical villains."
"Yeah?"
I replied flatly.
Not worth dignifying.
"Senior, really nothing?"
Sora reacted, unlike me.
"Why you suddenly."
"C'mon, had to be something."
Honestly, baffling.
Humanity's guardians bragging evil deeds like kids. One-upping bad shit. Real magical girls?
As I shot a puzzled look, Sora whispered just for me.
"Truth? I hate 'em enough to kill. Wanna land one solid magical hit."
Not really feeling it.
What's the gain yelling here? Just more hassle.
But.
"Ah, gotcha."
I got it.
Magical girls are human. Can't be buddies with all. Friction inevitable.
Exhibit A: her and Sora. Bad bad.
"Kept nitpicking me and sis, harassing. If not superiors, I'd have wrecked 'em."
"Rough idea."
Explains Sora's sharp tongue from jump. Facing shit attitude, good vibes? Nah.
Like my last fight foe, that bastard.
So Sora wanted to crush their brag fest hard.
Honestly, piqued my interest too. Their slacking pissed me off.
Inevitable.
Guess I help out.
I'm the Hero.
"Whispering what?"
"Nothing to brag? Told her spill your otherworld deeds."
"Oh, really?"
Mint Turtle's smirk deepened.
"Then spill. What grand magical villainy did our mighty Hero pull in that maybe-fake otherworld?"
"Hm."
But actually saying? Tricky.
Not lacking stories. Too many, hard pick.
What to even say?
Assault? Murder? Torture? Extortion? Threats?
All cliché. And self-defense anyway.
Me not reacting frustrated Sora into urging.
"Senior! Anything?! Spill quick!"
"Nah, too many to choose."
"Can't pick? Say the most magical first-day memory then!"
"First day..."
Yeah, I remember.
Forgetting it'd be weirder.
"Sure, whatever."
That day shattered all my otherworld fantasies.
"Spill already? So what grand feat on day one, Hero?"
"Senior! Hurry!"
"Nah, nothing big. Just..."
Jeers and pleas muddied the air into chaos.
I recalled day one and spoke.
"Kicked a grandma selling namul."
Flat, yet relieved tone.