Chapter 11
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: penny
Chapter: 11
Chapter Title: Magical Psychological Counseling (5)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Clearly, it started as psychological counseling.
If there's no problem with my memory, it was definitely psychological counseling.
But as the questions dragged on, they got weirder and weirder.
Asking my favorite food.
What hobbies I had.
Even probing if I had any drinking buddies.
Even up to that point, I wouldn't have thought it was all that strange.
The problem came next.
Grilling me about any secret girlfriend or partner I knew.
Then tossing out bait like when I'd want to get married, if I did.
And not only that—suddenly asking how many kids I'd want, assuming I had any.
"Wait a minute."
Honestly, the more I listened, the more bewildered I felt, and at the same time, a subtle anger bubbled up.
"Why are you doing this, Kim Siyul? I still have a few more questions left."
In that other world, I'd nearly died every single time—did she really think I'd have something like that? And yet, her going through each one point by point was incredibly unpleasant.
Maybe that's why. A sharper tone than I'd expected slipped right out of my mouth.
"Why do you keep asking only stuff like this? No matter how you slice it, this is a little off, don't you think?"
"Ah, I've been firing off all sorts of random questions. I'm really sorry, Kim Siyul."
But what was strange was that even after I openly showed my displeasure, the purple Magical Girl didn't argue back—she just sincerely apologized.
"No, well... it's fine."
"Thank you."
Thanks to that, the simmering anger faded away.
Well, no helping it. This was the first proper apology I'd ever gotten in my life—if I lashed out here, wouldn't I just be the same as those otherworld bastards?
Unlike those bastards, I'm human.
More normal-thinking than anyone else.
So, this time, I'd let it slide. I hadn't snapped at her just to get an apology in the first place.
"Then, just one last question."
Conveniently, only one question left.
This was really a relief.
I was starting to get worn out.
"Kim Siyul, when you first walked in here, among all these Magical Girls, who caught your eye first and gave you that 'reaction'?"
The 'reaction' the purple Magical Girl mentioned was surely referring to a lower-body reaction.
Because of the blatantly explicit question, disgust flickered in the eyes of the other Magical Girls, but she pressed on regardless.
"There is one, right?"
As if there wasn't.
Of course there was.
But before I could even answer, the purple Magical Girl beat me to it.
"Actually, no need to ask this one."
"Huh?"
What the hell did that mean?
After dragging it out so tediously, now this?
"There's CCTV here, so we can check it more accurately with this."
As the purple Magical Girl waved her hand through the air, a semi-transparent window floated up in front of her. It looked just like one of those status windows from novels.
……Slippers?
"Hold on. Let me check."
But honestly, I was skeptical.
"CCTV can show that?"
"Well, the precise name is Magical CCTV."
No matter how much you slap 'Magical' on it, it's still just CCTV at the end of the day. How the hell was that supposed to pinpoint which Magical Girl turned me on?
They wouldn't even notice what I'd looked at first.
Magical or not, there were limits.
She nailed it right away.
Perfectly, too.
What the fuck was that Magical anyway?
"Slippers? Seriously?"
Why the hell did she have to say it out loud again, that bitch?
I'd planned to play it off as feet.
The purple Magical Girl's eyes twisted wide.
"No way, what the... you got hard from slippers?"
Because of that, a few of the other Magical Girls who couldn't hold back anymore started yelling at me.
"Hey! He got erect from Magical slippers!?"
"You bastard, no shame at all!"
The purple Magical Girl stepped in to shut down any more comments, but even she looked utterly baffled.
"You really got hard from slippers?"
"Busted, fuck. But listen."
Of course, I had my defenses lined up.
For ten years in that other world, I hadn't dated a single woman. If anything, it was packed with ones trying to kill me.
"Before heading to the other world and even after getting there, I haven't so much as held a woman's hand."
In a situation like that, it'd be weirder if my libido hadn't gotten twisted.
"Living over thirty-three years without a single woman—this much is unavoidable."
Plus, though I didn't mention it, as a major shareholder in Novelpia, I was already steeped to the gills in its novels.
The sexual desires rampant on Novelpia were wildly diverse. Animals, sure—but swords and sheaths? Even tree hollows.
So by those standards, a women's slipper was perfectly normal.
Of course, Novelpia standards.
A bit off by normal people metrics.
Whatever.
"But why a women's slipper of all things?"
"Why do you think it couldn't be?"
Women's meant female.
Slipper meant hole.
What was the issue?
"Ha, fuck. For real."
The purple Magical Girl clutched her head and let out a deep sigh laced with curses.
In a one-eyed world, folks with two eyes look weird. This was exactly that.
What could I do? The normal one had to endure.
I'm the Hero, after all.
Anyway.
Now was the time to drive the nail in.
Push just a little more, and exemption was within reach.
So.
"If I became a Magical Girl, what do you think would happen? I'd fuck every Magical Girl in sight."
Had to go harder.
"And you're still dead set on sticking me with the Magical Girls? Well, I'm game. I'd get to rampage however I want."
Not my real thoughts, but it didn't matter anymore.
This was the last shot.
"I got nothing to lose anyway, but the others? Not so much. Right?"
Well, it'd probably never actually happen.
Just talking tough.
Not the truth.
There's that saying: you can take one step back from a furry, but you can't take one step back from doing a furry.
Just one letter's difference, but it changes everything.
Same with Magical Girls.
I could take one step back from becoming a Magical Girl.
But I couldn't take one step back from a Magical Girl.
Am I nuts enough to fuck around with these psychos? Hell no.
Well, if I were some deranged bastard with zero judgment—a total psycho—maybe I'd stick it in a Magical Girl.
But.
I'm no bastard, and definitely no psycho. I'm solidly normal.
So a normal guy like me naturally hooks up with another normal like me.
Long story short, it all boils down to one thing.
I absolutely do not fuck Magical Girls.
"……."
Even after I finished, not a single Magical Girl opened her mouth.
The white Magical Girl was still spaced out, while the rest glared at me silently, their disgust plain as day.
Some looked nauseated, others ground their teeth, and a few muttered ominous words under their breath.
"Hmm."
At least the purple Magical Girl didn't overreact. She just wore a complicated expression, like she was deep in thought.
She probably never expected me to spit out something that extreme without even flinching.
Perfect.
Felt like exemption was right around the corner.
Right then, the purple Magical Girl, who'd been staring at me, suddenly drew everyone's attention.
"Anyway, to sum it up."
She cleared her throat a couple times, then slowly continued.
"Attracted to older Magical Girls, skinny ones—no, overflowing with so much sexual desire he'd get worked up over any women's item with a hole……."
It was just a plain rundown of facts, but the other Magical Girls' faces started twisting in grotesque ways.
It felt like their internal rating of me was plummeting in real time.
Each detail must've been utterly repulsive.
Yeah, I get it. Even I think it's kinda gross.
Human or beast?
But whatever.
If it got me exemption or public service, I'd toss my reputation in a heartbeat. Hell, I could bark even more here.
"Want me to keep going?"
"No, this is plenty."
Finally, the purple Magical Girl smiled.
A complicated smile tinged with pity and regret.
Great. Too great. That reaction sealed it.
Exemption for sure.
Public service at worst.
Yeah, this is life.
"Congratulations on becoming a Magical Girl."
No—fuck my life!
"Why the fuck?!"
"Because you're highly suitable as one?"
"What the fuck kind of passing criteria is that!"
No way.
Absolutely not.
Couldn't end like this.
Then I'd have to spew something even worse than before. No choice.
If I never wanted to get dragged back again.
"Take that bullshit back right now, you fucking bi—"
Magical Girl's Duty
Magical Judgment: Grade 1
But before I could finish, the white Magical Girl's mascot—which had reverted to its original form—nimbly flapped its beak.
[Finally, you're becoming a cool Magical Girl!]
A single fluttering notification was clutched in the mascot's talons. It read "Magical Judgment Grade 1."
Yeah. Magical Girl confirmed.
[I'll buy cake with Magical Points!]
Shit spewed from its beak, but I couldn't stop it. Not that stopping it would change the outcome anyway.
Once that paper was out, there was no reversing it.
Fast as hell, those bitches.
In the end, I let out the most fitting—and only—thing I could say in this situation.
"Fuck."
What a shitty life. For real.