The Road of Suffering
Nartex was filled with silent penitents.
Passing between them as they repeated their acts of penance and absurd rituals, Lawrence made for the gate. And there, for the first time, he came face to face with the gravedigger.
“So at last you’ve recovered the key, beloved child.”
Was he even a dwarf? That seemed the right word for it.
The gravedigger had a tiny frame, like one of the neighbors in Dragon Valley. His arms were long and thin, but his legs were short. His height barely seemed to reach Lawrence’s chest, and his upper body leaned so far forward that it looked almost unnatural. He bent until his face was nearly touching the ground.
Wrapped head to toe in pure white cloth, he lifted eyes toward Lawrence.
His black eyes, dark as the key itself, burned with a strange, quiet intensity.
“If you can still change your mind, do so now. You don’t know the unknown dangers waiting beyond there. One day you will surely regret not staying here, where things would have been a hundred times better.”
The moment Lawrence heard that, Acheron’s words came back to him.
He likely does not think he has deceived you. However the process may have gone, they must believe only they can protect the beloved child. Such is goodwill. It does not seek understanding. It is simply a feeling that flows one way.
Pure goodwill.
The gravedigger was much like the rabbit Lawrence had met in Dragon Valley.
Perhaps he, in his own way, had been trying to protect Lawrence too.
Thinking that made Lawrence feel that the gruff attitude the man had shown until now was not entirely malicious after all.
Come to think of it, the gravedigger had never once directly harmed him.
“I had no idea you thought of me that way.”
“How amusing. Do you really think I’m doing this merely because I care about you? The beloved child is dangerous. More dangerous than you can imagine. Rather than exposing yourself to that danger… you would be happier staying in the shrine.”
Just what was so dangerous?
For him to go this far trying to stop Lawrence from leaving?
“I’m still alive.”
“Once you leave the shrine, you may as well be dead already.”
“Then will you try to stop me from leaving?”
He had come this far. He had no intention of giving up now.
At the clear implication that he would fight if he had to, the gravedigger shook his head.
“I have no right to stop you. If you still choose to walk your own path, then I can only pray together with everyone else.”
“……”
He wasn’t lying.
The gravedigger stepped aside from the gate.
Because of the unnatural bend in his back, his gait looked precarious.
The sight pained Lawrence.
Maybe that was why he had spoken with Lawrence through the little iron bars of the solitary cell—because he had not wanted to be seen like this.
There was nothing more pitiful than a relationship that began in pity.
Lawrence took out the key.
The pitch-black key trembled in response to the Gate of Penance.
Blinding light spilled out.
The key left the boy’s hand and was drawn into the keyhole.
Rumble.
“……”
“……”
As if by prior agreement, the silent penitents all stopped moving.
They stared at the Gate of Penance as it began to open.
Did they all want to step outside once the door was finally open?
No. Something was different.
Even with the gate opening, there was no sign that anyone in Nartex intended to move.
They simply remained silent and bowed toward Lawrence, who stood before the gate.
Hands pressed together.
Eyes as deep and quiet as a lake.
The sight somehow reminded him of the remains that had held the key.
The gravedigger came up beside Lawrence.
He took a clean cloth from inside his robes and wrapped Lawrence’s upper arm, where blood was still running down.
“Thank you. Aren’t you leaving too, gravedigger?”
“If I leave as well, then there will be no neighbor left here to soothe the souls of the children in the holy burial chamber. Whatever may happen, that is the burden I must bear.”
The remains in the coffin.
The word child sparked something in Lawrence’s mind.
The gravedigger was keeping the beloved child from leaving the shrine.
If a beloved child had entered the shrine like this and become isolated before Lawrence, and Lawrence was not the first…
He cut off the thought.
Even if that were true, it did not change what he had to do.
“I hope I get the chance to see you again.”
“It is better for both of us if we do not meet again. The upper floors of the shrine are not a place you should go.”
Beyond the open gate, the world outside was dyed black.
Not a single star could be seen.
Into that pitch-black darkness, into the place where nothing could be seen, Lawrence stepped forward.
“The ancient one said: beyond the gate lies the road of Koge.”
To his back, the gravedigger offered one last warning.
“Remember this: it is the beloved child who transforms into the most dreadful changeling of all. Those who once received the blessings you now carry will turn into pursuers and come after you. I pray you survive that chase, Lawrence.”
Just before the darkness swallowed him whole, Lawrence looked back.
The gravedigger, like the others, had joined his hands and bowed deeply.
Now he understood, dimly, why the gesture felt so familiar.
The remains that had held the key. The silent penitents. Even the shrine’s gravedigger.
What they were doing was a blessing, the sign of the cross offered to a pilgrim setting out on a long road.
* * *
He remembered rain falling in broad daylight.
A fox’s rain, painting the world beneath a cloudless sky.
Rain dropping under the blue heavens carried a strange, uncanny light.
Lawrence had been unable to look away from that sight, from that wedding of foxes.
An intrusion into an otherwise clear scene.
The raindrops reflected the sunlight and glittered, blurred and bright all at once.
Even when the rain of midday soaked the earth, nothing truly changed.
And yet he could not tear his eyes away from that fleeting shimmer.
Was it because the passing beauty was so lovely?
No. It was not anything so romantic.
Because that sight was like the boy himself.
An unnamed orphan. A trace of footsteps that would pass by once and vanish.
A rain that nobody remembered was no different from something that had never fallen at all.
And yet, however brief it might be, the fox rain had surely come.
The blue sky might lie as though nothing had happened, but the fact that the earth had been soaked by that rain could never be changed.
Foolishly, Lawrence had not understood that at the time.
Then, at last, the nostalgic scene appeared before his eyes.
He had returned to his childhood, sitting in a cramped house with his friends as they all looked up at the sky.
On the flag fluttering in the wind, there was a picture drawn by the Leader.
Everyone was so drained they could not even get to their feet.
They just sat there blankly, waiting for the time when dusk would come and settle over them.
And as always in times like these, gossip with no feet had a habit of spreading.
That day was no different.
The one who broke the silence among the ruins was Baril.
“Did you hear? They say the royal capital has a street set aside for vagrants.”
“That’s bullshit. There’s no way a place like that exists.” Titu looked too lazy even to answer.
“No, really. I thought it was a lie too, but apparently it’s true. They said the back alleys are really well maintained and everything.”
“If that were true, then it’d mean everyone in the royal capital is rich. Rich enough not to need to steal from others. Which means kids like us couldn’t live there in the first place.”
“I think Haman’s right. There’s no such place in the world.”
“Then what about the church? Didn’t they say that in the villages where the church folk live, no one starves to death, at least?”
“That’s different. The royal capital would have tons of nobles. Why would any of them like kids like us?”
He could not really deny that.
Even the lord, who came by occasionally to inspect things, did not treat them as people.
“Jeez. Lawrence, what do you think?”
“Huh? About what?”
“The royal capital! The royal capital! About that street for vagrants.”
“Here or there, it’s all the same, isn’t it? More than that, I’m curious about the meat dishes they sell in the royal capital. If I could taste one before I die, I’d have no regrets.”
“……”
At Lawrence’s answer, his friends fell silent.
The hunger they had been trying so hard to forget crept back up and raised its head.
“You’re on about meat again? Isn’t it enough if your stomach’s full, no matter what it is?”
“Still, meat’s better if you can get it.”
“Well, yeah, but….”
“Forget it. You were the one who asked Lawrence, John.”
Haman frowned. “Everything somehow ends up with meat, doesn’t it?”
“What about the Leader?”
“I don’t know about the royal capital, but I do remember hearing something interesting from a peddler. What was it again? I’m pretty sure he called it a back-alley city….”
A back-alley city?
Their eyes turned to the Leader.
“You mean the whole city’s so poor it’s just like the back alleys? Wow. Now that I hear it out loud, that’s the worst. People and trash, everything crawling around like idiots.”
“No, not like that. He said it was a place where even we could live like people if we only had the chance.”
A place where they could live like people.
At the Leader’s words, the light in his friends’ eyes changed.
“Is that true?”
“I don’t know if it’s true, but I do know there’s a city like that. I asked a bunch of different peddlers. Even those who’d never been to the back-alley city had at least heard rumors of it.”
“That sounds like a dream. It’d be nice if we could all go there someday.”
“You say that like you even know where it is. Be glad if you don’t get killed by an Under Wolf on the way.”
“Then we’ll fight our way there. We’re not children forever, are we?”
“I wonder if we’ll even be alive by then. We’re about to go hungry from tonight onward.”
The complaining grew louder.
They were right. Lawrence put a hand on his stomach.
After two missed meals already, his belly was busy making itself heard.
“I-I think it sounds pretty good. Going to a city where we can all live together.”
“That back-alley city or whatever? If we don’t want trouble later, we should at least figure out the road there first.”
“It doesn’t even have to be there… honestly, as long as it isn’t Hilton Village, I’d be happy.”
At Baril’s shrinking voice, everyone let out a small laugh.
“What about the Leader?”
“Same as you. But before that… how about we go find dinner tonight? At this rate, Lawrence looks like he’s about to collapse.”
That was welcome news if he’d ever heard it.
Lawrence shot to his feet.
“Finally, it’s time to eat. Where are we going today?”
“That bastard only ever gets this energetic when it’s time to eat.”
Whose voice had that been?
From within the ruins of the collapsed buildings, the children’s laughter rang out.
Yes. He could still hear everyone’s laughter clearly.
The sky seen from the dark back alleys opened onto the world without a single wall in the way.
So even if there was only the tiniest chance, he would never forget his friends.
So even if there was only the tiniest chance, this journey would never stop.
The dream of seeing the world.
Even if they had come from miserable beginnings, the dream itself had always shone.
A dream once shared with everyone.
A back alley he now had to walk alone.
If it was to grasp the star called a dream…
Lawrence was prepared to do anything.
The nostalgic back alley melted away into starlight and vanished.
Out of the scattering dark appeared a lake filled with constellations.
Waves of stars were approaching from far away.
He reached out without thinking to touch the star beside him, then stopped.
Don’t hurry.
If you try to seize it by force, it will only drift farther away.
For now, all he had to do was ride this flow as it carried him along.
But today something was wrong.
It was fast.
The waves of stars closed the distance in an instant, moving with such speed that there was no time to react.
By the time he sensed that something was off, it was already too late.
Caught in the violent current, Lawrence lost his balance and was swept away.
“…!?”
It happened in an instant.
He could no longer stand on his own two feet.
The violent star-wave had already become a force of pure violence.
He had misjudged the situation.
He had read it wrong, and before he could do anything, he had been swallowed by the current.
He had to get out quickly.
If he couldn’t find a way, he would be carried all the way to the lake like this.
But this was not a flow a mere boy could rebel against.
The hand he thrust out with all his strength gained nothing and was flung back.
Think.
Think.
How could he escape this wave?
What had to be done to break free of this current?
There was no need to think too hard.
It was magic that had always saved the boy whenever he found himself in trouble.
This time was no different.
What mattered was which magic to use.
Shadow? Fire?
Neither meant anything in this situation.
That left his choices naturally narrowed.
Shadow Spear. He could not aim properly in this torrent.
The current was too strong; there was a real chance the spell would simply be thrown back at him.
Bind.
There was nothing to bind.
Vines were utterly helpless before a star-wave this enormous.
The only thing that might work was Fire Tail.
Could the power of Fire Tail stop this current?
“Fire… Tail!”
It was a vain hope.
No sooner had the fire whip risen than it was dragged into the torrent and snuffed out.
There was no way.
When a sense of crisis flickered through Lawrence’s eyes, a golden star approached beside him as he was carried away.
He remembered it.
The star that had guided him when he first visited this place.
The light of revelation that had whispered to him to submit to the great current of the stars.
Now that star had come close enough to touch.
There was no hesitation.
Like a salmon swimming against the current.
Lawrence seized the golden star in his hand.
A warm heat spread from his fingertips, soothing his heart.
This time it would not flee. Accepting the boy’s touch as it was, the star took on a round shape.
A translucent circle.
Not yet.
The teaching whispered by the starlight was not finished.
Lawrence spoke the spell he had come to understand.
“Holy Shield.”
The translucent circle transformed into a shield filled with radiance.
Dreamlike starlight that even drove back the torrent of stars.
The moment the light within the shield sharpened into clarity, a flower of brilliance bloomed in full.