How Have You Been Living?

How were you living?

Choi Mina — who had fallen for Yoon Jay after spotting him on the subway, followed a few of his public schedules snapping photos, and even opened a birthday café until she'd become a fan with real presence in the community — was, as usual, combing the forums on instinct when she stumbled upon a fresh crumb of Yoon Jay lore.

Honestly, stanning an actor was quieter than the idol scene, which made it a bit boring.

Idols had stages, their own content, paid messaging apps — everything. Actors, meanwhile, could shoot a project and it still wouldn't see the light of day right away.

What's more, an actor only gave you something to chew on when their filmography was active, and Yoon Jay wasn't the type to stack up upcoming projects, so fans were perpetually starving for news of his next work.

That didn't mean there was nothing at all, though. Yoon Jay was an actor whose past, in its own way, was an endless supply of bait.

It was because, if you dug with real determination, something new about his history always surfaced. Fans had agreed among themselves that it felt too much like digging into someone's background and told each other not to go too deep — but he was so popular that some non-fan or other kept unearthing something and posting it to the community anyway.

Recently, it had come to light that Yoon Jay had been one of the earliest models for a designer brand currently enjoying feverish popularity in Korea, and another flurry of old photos had come pouring out.

And Yoon Jay had talents beyond acting. The professional-grade language skills he'd shown in Big Company People, and action work that drew on his real background.

On top of that, every time his twin younger siblings' groups Buster and Flava made a comeback, he'd filmed challenge videos with them — and the man could genuinely dance.

The charm he'd displayed in Intermission was, without question, the biggest hit with fans yet.

The story of a character named Yoo Tae-hyuk, and the performance of the actor himself, who swallowed that story whole. Add to that the first-class musicianship he'd shown both within the film and across its promotional tour.

Choi Mina herself had watched Intermission a full seven times.

And then Permafrost's release date drew near. With one project's breadcrumbs after another coming to theaters, fans had been anticipating it for a while — but before the press screening, a fact they'd only ever guessed at was finally made public.

Of course, this somber mood didn't last long.

At the end of the day, what an actor offers isn't scattered little crumbs — it's the work and the character. Just when people were wondering whether he'd ever produce another career-defining role like Yoo Tae-hyuk, one appeared again.

The fan community filled up with reviews of Permafrost.

Choi Mina, who had never been the type to seek out Korean films in theaters, found herself visiting the cinema constantly thanks to Intermission and Permafrost.

And then came the bombshell at the Hwangryong Film Awards.

(I am Yoon Jae-hee.)

"…Insane."

The Child was a film everyone knew, even those with no interest in movies from that era. Yoon Jae-hee had been the original OG of national pride, the icon of bringing glory to Korea. And that person was her bias?

Amid the noise of the fan community, Choi Mina pressed the new-post button.

After that, fans agonized over seeing Yoon Jay appear as a presenter at award ceremonies, and then another piece of news dropped.

The photo captured a tall, striking man in full dress uniform — a zoomed-in shot, so the image was a little grainy, but the handsome face was unmistakably Yoon Jay's to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠anyone who looked.

Have I been living on a different Earth this whole time?

Her mind wandered down that road while her fingers kept moving, busy and faithful.

◇◇◇◆◇◇◇

The after-party that began once the Hwangryong Film Awards ended swelled with people as the hours passed, its heat refusing to die down.

Yoon Jay, thoroughly worn out from being passed from one group of people to the next, had slipped outside for a breath of air when Kang Hajun, Baek Do-kyung, and Nam Chan-hee stepped out as well.

"Heading to the bar?"

"Yeah. If I didn't have a schedule tomorrow, I'd stay a lot longer."

Regret was written plainly across the three faces. Everyone gathered inside was a ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠heavyweight senior, a famous writer, or a celebrated director.

"Thanks to you, hyung, we even got to come to a place like this."

"Why is that my doing? You three earned it. Let's meet again soon."

On a normal night he'd have managed barely two hours of sleep, but that night, for the first time in ages, Yoon Jay slept soundly through until morning.

Then, a few days later, an unusual request came in from Managing Director Kwak Dohyun.

"A memorial event?"

The US Embassy had contacted Astra's office with a request: they hoped Yoon Jay would attend the 10th anniversary commemoration of the 1224 Gangnam tragedy.

According to the call, a courteous request had followed from the Korean government as well. As a government event there would be no appearance fee, but the occasion carried exceptional meaning.

"What are your thoughts?"

Word was that back in the States, opinion was split on using Warrant Officer Jayden Knight for propaganda purposes.

Enlistment volunteers were already dwindling year by year — some argued this was exactly the kind of story they should promote, while others countered that doing so went too far and diluted the unit's culture.

Operator 'Ten', named in LIS-related documents, is active as an actor in South Korea

And as it happened, there was one man capable of quelling any propaganda controversy surrounding active-duty personnel — a war hero who had fought that very terror, now working in the entertainment industry.

So it's been ten years already.

Afterwards, he had passed briefly through Korea, where fate had introduced him to Jung Seung-woo — and then he had carried out his final mission.

"I'll do it."

"Then I'll get in touch with their side."

Backstage, which aired early this year, had run on a network with no year-end award ceremonies, so apart from serving as a presenter at a handful of festivals and awards, Yoon Jay's end of the year was comparatively relaxed.

Word of Yoon Jay's existence had already spread widely through the American press after the social media hacking incident, and now that the past of Yoon Jae-hee was public knowledge, an invitation like this wasn't difficult to come by.

"Ten."

"You made it."

And when he heard that his old friends would be coming to Korea to attend the memorial, his heart stirred.

Once filming on Intermission wrapped, he had reconnected with the three men he'd first met again at a fallen comrade's funeral — Owen, Ryan, and Jayden.

"So this is the country you were born in."

"No, wait — have you changed somehow? You actually look like a Hollywood star now."

"So, are you going to show me that full course you mentioned?"

"Well… didn't you underestimate the Korean winter just a little?"

The three of them whistled at the sight of Yoon Jay, polished smooth by the waters of show business.

And small wonder. The Yoon Jay etched into their memories was a man caked in dirt and grime for days without a wash — a man whose eyes could not hide their killing intent, whose body was wound tight as a cable at all times.

Now he looked somehow softer, rounder around the edges than before.

"Either way, we can't stay in Korea long."

"Right. Come back when it's warm next time."

If they were photographed sightseeing right after a memorial event, it wouldn't look great for any of them.

"Jayden, you've been all right?"

"A book's coming out."

"Oh… that thing you mentioned before?"

"I didn't write it all myself — a ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠ghostwriter did. I mostly just talked."

Jayden pulled the first edition out of his bag and handed it over. The Fall of Evil — that grandiose title belonged to the account of Jayden and his comrades hunting down and eliminating LIS's supreme leader.

To a friend, a brother-in-arms, and the man who saved my life.

That short line was written in the book's preface. No matter how many times I read it… this is about me, isn't it? When Yoon Jay looked up at him, Jayden smiled wryly.

"It's an honor."

"There's a lot about you in there, too. Couldn't very well leave out the Lion."

"I'd rather not attract any more attention than I already have."

Yoon Jay quipped.

"You used to hate having Navy boys in the media so much — did you change careers into being a mascot?"

"Tried the mascot thing, turns out it suits me."

Jayden let out a sigh, his expression clouded. He said that after receiving his medal, he'd joined classified operations to hunt down the remnants of LIS, and had come away with nothing to show for it.

"I suppose my mind finally hit its limit."

"Have you tried the counseling programs?"

"I'm attending. Not much to show for it, though. It's time I stopped doing this work, period. Maybe I'll take your example and retire into mascot duty."

There was something Jayden had wanted to ask when he saw Yoon Jay again.

"How have you been living?"

What Yoon Jay had been through back then was beyond even his imagination. Yoon Jay merely shrugged.

"Just getting through it one day at a time. Acting made it easier for me, I suppose."

"Speaking of acting — Ten, I saw your work."

It was Owen who cut in, as if sensing the conversation sliding into grim territory. They'd only just reunited after so long; he couldn't let them spend it all on heavy talk.

"Youngest Best Actor winner at Cannes, no less… you turned out to be even more of a monster than I thought?"

"That was recent — how do you even know about it?"

"Word gets around on our side too. There was all this chatter — 'The Asian operator was the firefighter from the 115 incident AND a former child actor?!'"

"Unbelievable."

Honestly, he'd expected it to be a modest talking point at most, and only in Korea. He had overlooked how obsessed that side of the ocean was with manufacturing heroes. Jayden grinned.

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. You know they're making a film based on this book? I'm serving as its consultant."

"And?"

"A Hollywood player's been trying to get your contact info. Apparently they had nowhere to ask, since you're not signed with an American agency."

"What?"

"They want to know how you'd feel about playing yourself — Ten."

"Well… that's something I'd have to discuss with my company."

"'Discuss with my company,' huh. So you're not flatly turning it down?"

"I don't know yet."

Yoon Jay frowned slightly.

If he were placed in a situation resembling the past, perhaps a project like Daldongne could offer him an outlet for the feeling — but the risk would be exactly as great.

He was already preparing for String of Memory, and the cracks in his mask were spreading faster these days. If not for Jung Seung-woo and Choi Tae-yang, he might have done something strange again.

"Here's their contact. Think it over."

Yoon Jay took the production company's business card and shoved it into his pocket.

And so the day of the memorial event drew near.

I never thought I'd be putting this back on.

Yoon Jay slipped the dress uniform laid out before him over his shoulders.