I Have a Proposal
Yoon Jay rose from his seat and first lifted Yoon Do-jun, laying him back down on the bed in the guest room. Then he sat on the living room sofa for a long while.
He breathed in slowly and deliberately, folding his fingers down one by one.
Was it my own arrogance?
To play Baek Jin-ri in The Garden of Evil, he had used that man as a reference. He'd been mostly okay by then, and it was a new beginning as an actor. There had been ambition in it, and a desire to bring the role to perfection, and yet—
"Remember. I don't die. Until you die, I'll own your mind. Remember the scars I carved into you."
He had wanted to refute those words. To declare: I can think of you and feel nothing. In fact, I'll use you to start over.
Now's not the time for this.
Yoon Jay stared hard at himself in the mirror. Layering his comparatively intact past self over the present was a new method he had built during his long years of wandering.
"Dad, I'm scared."
"There's nothing to be afraid of. Look closely. This isn't something that's going to hurt you."
To cure his son's camera phobia, Henry Jenkins had used shock therapy.
One of his counselors had said something similar. Think calmly. Face your past.
Then again, that person had never known the full truth of what lay in his past—which was probably why they could say it so easily. Facing it was still too heavy a burden for him. And so he had chosen to layer instead.
To him, acting was the glory of his past and the engine that kept him alive today.
The original, wounded self; the self that strained to appear unbroken; and the character he was called upon to play—when three of them collided, it was inevitable that the mask he'd layered on would crack a little more with every project he took on.
The old him had a routine for moments like this: without hesitation, he would leave wherever he'd settled and start over somewhere new.
Should I stop acting?
No. Some things had actually been resolved by taking on a role. Daldongne had done that. So had Intermission. Running away was no solution.
I have to see this through to the end.
And he couldn't run. He shouldn't run. So what more was he supposed to do?
While he wrestled with the question, the sky outside slowly brightened, first light giving way to morning.
"...Hyung."
"You're up?"
Yoon Jay lifted the corner of his mouth out of habit as Yoon Do-jun shuffled groggily out of the guest room.
Huh?
But Do-jun immediately sensed something off about his brother's expression. He was smiling, yes, but there was a strange distance in it—like the way he'd looked when they'd first met at their father's funeral.
"Hyung, did something happen?"
"Something happen? You mean like you downing two beers, passing out cold, and having to be carried here?"
"Did I... do anything embarrassing?"
"Nothing. You just keeled over mid-drinking-game, that's all."
"Ugh..."
Only then did the memory seem to return; Do-jun covered his face with both palms. The flicker of unease he'd felt lasted only a moment—Yoon Jay was back to normal now.
Was I imagining it?
Do-jun clutched his forehead against the sharp throb of pain.
"Ow!"
"You really shouldn't drink."
"What is this?"
Yoon Jay filled him in on the previous night's antics as Do-jun stood before the mirror, inspecting the lump on his head.
"You know I was scared when you suddenly collapsed like that?"
"Really?"
So that's why he was acting weird? The suspicion melted out of Do-jun's mind. Everyone had an off day once in a while.
"How's your stomach?"
"A little queasy."
"Let's go out. We need to get some hangover soup in you."
"Can't you make it, hyung?"
Yoon Jay was an excellent cook. During his wandering years, he had worked as a kitchen hand at a restaurant.
Kitchen hand was a generous term—he'd mostly done grunt work, hauling heavy stockpots and prepping ingredients in bulk. Still, it had given him plenty of chances to observe the chef at work.
"Go get ready, quick."
Do-jun looked up at his brother with hopeful eyes. But Yoon Jay gripped his shoulders firmly and turned him around.
"You shouldn't come here anymore."
Even though Backstage had ended days ago, the buzz showed no sign of dying down. Diehard fans had attached themselves to it over the course of its run, and for a while Yoon Jay was addressed by the nicknames of his character—Director Seo, Mr. Director, and so on.
(Man, it's honestly incredible. Did you see that coming?)
"It did feel a little surreal."
Pure Operation Corps, which had aired around the same time as Backstage, had launched with a glittering premiere built entirely around Im Ji-hwan instead of Yoon Jay. The trouble came when Backstage started climbing.
Kwon Min-jae let out a small sound of admiration at Yoon Jay's foresight.
(From now on, I'm getting your sign-off before I sign anything.)
"And what if I end up stealing your projects instead?"
(I know full well you're not the type.)
"I'm honored."
(Besides, you think I'd just sit back and let something get stolen from me? You're the one who should be careful.)
"Now that's the scary part."
Yoon Jay laughed quietly. Kwon Min-jae didn't behave with the small-mindedness of an Im Ji-hwan. In fact, barely any time had passed since they'd grown close, and yet he had already laid bare his true feelings.
Yoon Jay was the same. Kwon Min-jae was a friend he could open up to about the same old wounds—and a rival all at once.
"You've done a lot of projects, haven't you?"
(A ton. Why do you ask?)
"Have your roles ever collided with each other?"
(Oh, I'd get them completely tangled. Once, someone called my actual name and I couldn't even answer. I kept thinking, 'Why are they calling me Kwon Min-jae? I'm Im Si-won. Wait, no—what was I again?')"
"How did you get past it?"
(Honestly... I was young back then, and it faded gradually as I took on new projects. I'm not like you—I don't mix methods and dive in raw. I break acting down and analyze it, very deliberately.)
The answers weren't the breakthrough he'd hoped for. Still, the conversation had been enjoyable. After hanging up, he gazed out the window.
Rebuilding the mask shouldn't be enough.
Among all the roles he'd passed through, some had genuinely given him insight.
Daldongne had lightened the heavy weight sitting on his heart. Intermission had taught him how to face life. And Seo Geonwoo in Backstage had left him a message: never lose hope.
"Jin-woo."
"Yes, hyung."
"It's about time we signed a contract with a security team, don't you think?"
"Right. You'll be traveling abroad a lot more soon, and local security alone won't cut it."
Han Jin-woo glanced at Yoon Jay in the rearview mirror. Yoon Jay hadn't heard it since he'd been on the phone with Kwon Min-jae, but remnants of LIS were reportedly still stirring up small-scale terror incidents across Europe and elsewhere.
Yoon Jay had also been selected as an ambassador for several brands, which meant far more appearances at shows and events. On top of that, two of his films were headed to overseas festivals ahead of their releases. Putting off assembling a proper security detail was no longer an option.
"Was there any pushback about me signing separately?"
"None. They said if it's necessary, they'll cover that too as a business expense."
"No—it's a personal matter."
They happened to be near Wings Company, so he had called ahead and visited the office.
"He's here! He's here!"
The moment Yoon Jay walked in, the bodyguards erupted into a commotion. What on earth was going on?
Bewildered, Yoon Jay stopped his personal workout mid-set and looked around at the crowd that had gathered.
"...What's with everyone? Is something wrong?"
"Wrong? We've been waiting for you, obviously."
"No wonder it felt weird that we all won. And here I thought we were actually pretty decent."
This was his first visit to the office since the whole controversy over which unit he'd come from had blown up. Maybe that was why every last one of them was wearing an expression that said tell us the truth. Yoon Jay did his best to ignore it.
"What brings you here?"
"Dropping by for fun. And to talk business."
Han Jin-woo went to find Park Chul-woo—to negotiate a security contract for an Astra actor, that is.
"So it really happened like this."
The one who said that was the employee who'd once told a departing Yoon Jay, come hire us when you're famous.
"You'll give us the ex-coworker discount, right?"
"Hey, you're rolling in money now and you're still like this?"
"A penny saved is a penny earned."
He laughed and thumped Yoon Jay on the shoulder. Their warm welcome coaxed a smile out of him too.
The people he could show his true self to weren't limited to Kwon Min-jae. These men were the same. They had worked together for only a few months, but the friendship had lasted ever since.
"So, the CEO told me to ask you directly. What's the deal?"
You interrogate me over everything on the phone, and THIS is what you hand off to me in person. Yoon Jay shot a resentful look at Park Chul-woo, who was smirking from across the room.
"I'm afraid I can't disclose anything."
"Silence constitutes admission. Isn't that how it goes?"
"Think whatever you like."
Yoon Jay raised both hands in surrender. More and more people kept drawing closer to him. And in them, Yoon Jay caught glimpses of a competitive spark.
"Isn't your body itching for it?"
"Let's do a sparring match."
"Me too."
Yoon Jay glanced at Han Jin-woo, who obligingly stuck his thumb up—no schedule today.
...Perfect timing, actually.
He needed somewhere to vent. Yoon Jay shrugged off his outerwear and beckoned to the men already lining up to spar.
"We're short on time. Any point doing one-on-one? Everyone, just come at me at once."
"HA! Look at this guy!"
"Nothing left to hide anymore, huh?"
They meant to take him on five or six at a time, and his pride wasn't the least bit wounded. Not one of them had ever managed to touch a single hair on his head. Surely, if they swarmed him, someone might land a hit? That was all he was thinking.
"Whoa..."
Han Jin-woo forgot all about the contract negotiations and just stared.
Even with that many hulking men rushing him at once, Yoon Jay showed no sign of strain, picking them off one by one with effortless ease.
"Man, that's brutal. Jin-woo, did Jay have a rough day or something?"
"Sorry? Nothing happened as far as I know."
Han Jin-woo jumped at Park Chul-woo's question.
"Really? He seems especially vicious today?"
"...Does he?"
"Mm. His style's different from before."
Yoon Jay was suppressing both his guilt over nearly turning his violence on his own brother and the rage simmering underneath. Which only made him more merciless. One after another, men went flying out of the circle with a scream.
Just as he was working his way through them one by one, two men stepped up in front of him: Jung Seung-woo and Choi Tae-yang. Both had training knives gripped tight in their hands.
"Just the two of you?"
"You're not curious what we've been working on while you were gone?"
Choi Tae-yang grinned. He was the one who had charged Yoon Jay more times than anyone—and lost more times than anyone. Jung Seung-woo was no different. As the two of them closed in fast, Yoon Jay's eyes sharpened.
"Ugh!"
"Seung-woo! On your left!"
Shwang! The knife slicing through empty air sounded dangerously real, but Yoon Jay dodged it with practiced ease and launched a counter. Jung Seung-woo lost his balance, recovered it in an instant, and came at him again.
Choi Tae-yang wasn't content to watch either, hunting relentlessly for gaps in Yoon Jay's guard while he was occupied with Seung-woo.
The fierce back-and-forth raged on for over ten minutes.
"That's enough!"
"Huh?"
"Look at your side."
Yoon Jay checked himself. Red paint from a training knife had smeared onto his shirt.
"We finally got one on you!"
"Ugh, I'm spent. I can't do any more."
They hadn't managed to take him down, but for the first time, they'd left a mark on Yoon Jay. Choi Tae-yang and Jung Seung-woo collapsed onto the floor, exhausted.
Yoon Jay was quietly astonished himself.
"How did you do it?"
"Do what? You think you're invincible? For some reason, your left side just looked weak on defense."
"I can't believe you noticed that."
"You took a serious injury back in the day, right? Saw your scar and could roughly guess the size."
The dazed look in Yoon Jay's eyes as he stared at the two of them began to gleam. Come to think of it—these two he could trust.
"I have a proposal... You haven't eaten lunch yet, right?"