Chapter 140: A Very Special Glass for the Breast Cup Winner (4)
Chapter 140: A Very Special Glass for the Breast Cup Winner (4)
Among modern insults, there is the phrase "Go peel a dick."
If you take this literally, it can be interpreted in two ways.
First:
—Private. Take off your pants and underwear.
—What are you doing?
—You punk... Erection!
Literally, it means to expose your cock.
Second:
—Oppa. I’m really grateful to your parents.
—What are you talking about now?
—Since you didn't get circumcised, the taste of peeling back that skin is exquisite.
In this case, it means to literally peel the skin of the penis.
It doesn't happen much these days, and friends my age didn't really go through it, but those a bit older than me say that in their childhood, their mothers would take them out for pork cutlets only to have them "peel the skin."
They "caught a whale," as the saying goes.
The foreskin that should have covered the glans was removed.
—So, what are you doing now? In a movie theater?
—Eating a sausage. It’s just us anyway. If a couple comes to a theater at 10 AM on a weekday, people outside will just think, "Ah, I see."
—Won't someone report us for public indecency?
—That’s why we handle it quickly and quietly. Why do you think I went out of my way to order the butter-grilled squid?
—You have a plan for everything.
—Of course. Now, Oppa... just peel your dick.
—You should be the one peeling it.
—Hehe, I guess I should.
There was a time like that.
While that is the dictionary definition of "peeling a dick," the feeling is different when actually used. It doesn't mean to literally take off your pants.
—Oppa. Should we do it like this?
—Shut up and stop talking such dick-brained nonsense.
—Too bad...
It means "eat shit" or "stop talking bullshit."
And the meaning I wanted to convey to this man, Irsenti, was the latter.
"Stop talking bullshit and get the hell out of my territory."
Irsenti’s face turned red in an instant.
"Y-You...!"
"You dare try to threaten a person of Fermaton inside Fermaton? There’s a limit to being insolent. Do you think you’re actually someone important?"
I stood tall before Irsenti.
"You’re just a nobody with nothing to his name but a noble title, yet you’re acting up."
"W-What did you say...?!"
"Or is your dick so small it’s hard to find? I suppose it’s not that you don't have one. I’ll correct myself. My apologies."
I raised both hands and pressed them together as if in prayer. However, I left a gap of about 1cm between them.
"You’re acting pretty bold for someone with a dick smaller than this."
"You, you...!"
Men.
Everyone lives with a certain pride in their body.
Even if their skin color is different.
Even if they are short.
Even if their face is below average.
Every man lives with pride in his cock.
—I might be shorter, weaker, and uglier than that guy, but at least my dick is big!
—So please, let that bastard’s dick be only three centimeters...!
There’s a reason people call tall, fit, handsome men "Three-Centimeter Dicks."
"Why? Do you have a problem?"
"......."
"I’m sure you do. But so what? Was that not 'noble' enough for you? Shall I correct my phrasing then?"
I bowed to Irsenti using the etiquette I had learned from books.
"I offer my deepest condolences for the nights of your future wife."
"W-Why are you insulting me to this extent!"
"Because you’re pathetic and annoying as fuck."
Irsenti’s eyes widened. As if he had never heard such an insult in his life, his hands trembled violently as he bit his lower lip.
"Stop acting like a little girl. If you lost the contest, accept it gracefully and leave."
"Y-You..."
"I’ve said enough for you to understand. How long are you going to make me repeat myself?"
I pointed a finger at Irsenti.
"It’s annoying as fuck that you’re throwing a fit over someone else’s contest, it’s annoying as fuck that you brought a single gem as a bribe and called it 'sincerity,' and it’s annoying as fuck that you brought your own sister here to protest. So get out."
"Y-You...!"
"This won't do. Shall I have you personally escorted?"
There was the perfect person for this.
"Sir Lambert!!"
"You called?"
Lambert, who had been waiting outside, stepped in. He had already been eyeing the rather pretty-looking Irsenti, and I pointed toward the visitor.
"Viscount Irsenti says he wishes to return to his territory. Please escort him politely to the 'outside of the castle.'"
"I shall escort him with my own body, personally."
"As you should."
"Ruji Fermaton!!"
"Why the fuck are you screaming my name, you bastard—!!"
Since Irsenti shouted my name, I put strength into my gut and roared back.
"Heh...!"
"Does Fermaton look like a joke to you?! You want to die? Phew."
Irsenti froze with his mouth agape, and I straightened my collar while unbuttoning my shirt.
"Who taught you the etiquette of screaming in someone else’s home? Hmm?"
"...You will regret this."
"Regret? No. I won't."
Because there was absolutely no reason to.
"It’s not like the Sirjosia family represents the entire kingdom. You’re nothing more than a forward base for the Kingdom’s Intelligence Department, so where do you get off acting so high and mighty?"
"......!!"
The expressions of the two siblings, Irsenti and Irmiter Sirjosia, changed in an instant.
"Why? Did you think I wouldn't know?"
Through the secret documents left by the former Count.
Through Yurdias’s Thief Guild.
And through the Adventurer’s Guild, the Magic Tower, and Countess Zenith.
"I have eyes and ears too. I don't just spend every day with my eyes buried in women's breasts and my ears being caressed by tongues."
Based on my knowledge of the original game's settings, background lore, and the wisdom forged through countless adult illustrations...
I was properly grasping the information of this world.
"I think you’re mistaken about something. I am the man who will inherit Fermaton. Naturally, I possess the capabilities of a Count of Fermaton, and moving forward, I will build a Fermaton stronger than any in history. So..."
I’m the one holding the sword.
"Whether you’re a branch manager of the Kingdom’s Intelligence Department or whatever, replacing a single Viscount is nothing to me. Do you understand?"
"...Do you think Sirjosia is a joke?"
"Yeah."
How can a family name be Sirjosia? (1)
"I don't know what path Sirjosia has walked until now, but seeing you pay a protest visit to demand a runner-up be changed to a winner makes you look like a total joke."
Thinking realistically, it might be a name like the soccer player Zola Shibasaki, but to my ears, it had a completely different nuance.
"Ruji Fermaton. You have just made an enemy of me, and of Sirjosia. Do you realize that?"
"What’s wrong with turning someone who came here as an enemy into an enemy?"
Irsenti kept fiddling with his white glove. The moment he threw that at me, a 'Territorial War' would officially break out. Or he would put forward a knight for a duel.
"...Young Lord Fermaton."
Irmiter, who had been silent until now, stood up. Just the act of her standing caused her breasts to sway, naturally drawing my gaze.
"I have just one question."
"What is it?"
"Do I... not look like a woman to you, Young Lord?"
Ah.
Ruji Fermaton.
Do not be weakened by a woman’s tears.
"...It’s not that you don't look like a woman, it’s just that you weren't suitable as the winner of this contest."
"Ha. Look at how his voice changes when he talks to me versus my sister...?"
"Of course talking to a piece of shit is different from conversing with a beautiful lady."
Anyone would agree.
"You have plenty of charm as a woman. I’m sure you could be a good wife and a good mother. However."
I pointed down at myself.
"To make me erect, you were lacking compared to the woman who won."
"W-What exactly was I lacking! Me!"
"It’s not that you were lacking. Your breasts were certainly 'sex.'"
"W-What...?"
"I mean they were hot. When I first saw them."
It’s just that...
"The winner’s breasts were just more sex."
"......."
"That was the only difference."
The difference in relative horniness.
Ultimately, a matter of subjectivity.
That was what separated the winner from the runner-up.
"If you’ve said your piece, please leave. I’ll overlook Viscount Irsenti’s rudeness today for your sake."
"W-What! Do you even realize who has been more rude here!"
"Look at this. Screaming in someone else’s territory again."
What should I do?
My heart wanted to just punch him out, but if I did that, it could be used against me later as having initiated the violence. Even in a mutual fight, things change depending on who hit first.
'I have no choice.'
I’d have to shake his mental state.
I’d have to show him the difference in power—no, the difference in dicks.
"Do you know what time it is? It’s the time I handle the affairs of the territory in the Lord’s Castle Office. Is your time so abundant? Paralyzing the operations of a County like this."
"......."
"I was in the middle of discussing 'New Product Development,' and you’ve made me waste so much time."
I gave a signal.
The door behind me opened, and Laura—the black bunny girl—entered the drawing room carrying a tray.
"......Gasp?!"
The moment Irsenti saw the tray, he recoiled in horror. He slumped ungracefully onto the sofa, pulling his legs together, while his sister Irmiter covered her face with her hands upon seeing the object on the tray.
"Do you know what this is? It’s the trophy for the winner."
"T-That is...!"
"Yes. It’s a dick."
I kept my fingers spread.
"A very special gift for the winner. Since she bared her breasts, shouldn't I bare my dick too?"
After Laura placed the tray on the table, she carefully picked up a glass shaped exactly like someone’s penis. A unique feature of this glass was that while the exterior was shaped like a cock, there was something else inside.
A white, hard solid.
It looked like something frozen, with a wooden stick like a popsicle handle protruding from the center.
"T-That can't be...?"
"Dessert. It’s ice cream. Let me introduce our new business that Irsenti Sirjosia couldn't even dream of. Laura. Pull it out."
"Yes, Young Lord."
Laura gripped the bottom of the glass with a lingering touch, then grabbed the wooden stick and slowly lifted it out.
"I needed to decide on a name for this, but I couldn't because you barged in."
"Y-You madman..."
"Why? We make glasses out of women's breasts to drink milk; there’s no law saying we can't eat ice cream made by freezing that milk. Laura."
"Yes."
Laura set the glass down and gripped the wooden stick with one hand.
"Suck it."
"...Thank you for the treat."
Lick.
Laura tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and lightly licked the ice cream with her tongue.
*
(1) Translator's Note: "Sirjosia" (시르조시야) sounds like "Shireo-jos-iya" (싫어 좆이야) in Korean, which roughly translates to "I hate it, it's a dick."