No Regrets
"Bai Jinchi! Enough!"
Pale as death, Bai Jingyan twisted her head around and snapped out an urgent order to Nuo Ping.
"Nuo Ping, restrain the Fourth Young Miss."
Nuo Ping sprang forward at once. It took a lash of her whip across his body before he could finally bring the frenzied Bai Jinchi under control. She was screaming like one possessed, fighting his grip again and again in a wild attempt to throw herself upon the people who had defiled the Duke's Estate and die alongside them.
Bai Jindong, who had rushed out belatedly, saw her sister raving like a madwoman — and seized the pot of cold, stale tea sitting on the table by the gate. She hurried down the front steps and dashed the water over Bai Jinchi.
The icy water quenched the boiling fury inside her. Gasping for breath like someone just woken from a nightmare, Bai Jinchi stared at Bai Jindong, whose face had drained of all color. Then her gaze froze as it climbed the steps to Bai Jingyan, standing above them in rigid stillness. Her voice broke as she sobbed out the words.
"E-Eldest Sister!"
"Heavens above, open your eyes and look! The Duke of Zhenguo killed my son for the sake of military glory, and now the young miss of his own estate is trying to kill me!"
"Open your mouth one more time and I'll tear it off your face!"
A fresh wave of grief and rage seized Bai Jinchi, and she thrashed wildly, straining toward the woman once more.
On the steps above stood Bai Jingyan, straight-backed in her white mourning robes, her face dark and cold as winter iron.
"Madam, King Xin has not yet brought back the field records compiled by the supervising officers at the front. We have received only the dispatch — all the Bai family knows is that our army suffered a catastrophic defeat. My grandfather, my father, my uncles, my brothers — every one of them breathed his last on the battlefield. The circumstances of the army's dead have not yet been made known. So tell me, why are you so certain your son perished there?"
The woman's face, still livid with whip marks, betrayed her confusion. She struggled to lift her stiff neck and forced the words out.
"If the Duke of Zhenguo himself is dead, how could my son still be alive?"
"Then you are merely guessing that he's dead! I have followed my grandfather to the battlefield since I was a child. I have personally carried condolence money to the families of soldiers who fell beside my uncles — and there was not a single parent among them who did not pray, desperately, that their son still lived. Where in the world is there a mother who, with no evidence whatsoever, declares her son dead and comes to scream curses at the gates of the Duke's Estate? Explain that to me."
Cowering beneath the crowd's sharp stares, the woman had no recourse left but to weave a story.
"It's just... my heart, it was too anxious! My poor boy! If you die, how am I supposed to live? You marched off to the front saying you'd win a title — and instead of a title, the generals of the Duke's Estate stole the glory and used your corpse as a stepping-stone to carve their names into history!"
"That is an anxious heart? That is a deliberately staged disturbance in front of the Duke's Estate, nothing less!"
Bai Jinchi roared.
"The dispatch said nothing but that every man of the Bai family had been sacrificed! When the eunuch brought the news yesterday, we were told King Xin would soon return to Dadu with the coffins — and our family has been praying, praying over and over that the news was wrong! But you — before the first word had even reached us, you claimed our grandfather stole your son's life! Are you even his mother? Raise another fuss at the gates of this estate and I will kill you myself!"
Her spirit already badly broken, the woman only wailed louder at Bai Jinchi's final words, her voice tearing at the seams.
"Heavens! Open your eyes and look upon this place! The Duke of Zhenguo killed my son, and the young miss of his house means to beat me to death! There is no justice for me! None at all!"
"Shameless creature!"
Bai Jinchi fought so violently that even Nuo Ping nearly lost his grip on her.
"My grandfather killed your son, you say?"
Bai Jingyan's voice rang out — cold, razor-edged. The fire blazing in her chest seemed ready to burn her clear, dark eyes crimson.
"Did my grandfather hold a blade to your son's throat and force him to enlist? A strong man who goes to war to win merit and earn a title — would he not, like any man, wish to defend his nation and bring honor to his ancestors? And do you imagine such titles fall from the sky? If he enjoyed wealth and rank, then he owed hardship and danger in equal measure! He wants the title but flees the danger? Where in this world does such a bargain exist?
Look no further than our own Bai family! They say the Duke of Zhenguo Estate has enjoyed a hundred years of glory — but that century of glory was purchased with the lives of the men of our house on the battlefield! Among the hundreds of spirit tablets enshrined in our ancestral hall, find me one who never staked his life in war. Those who died peacefully at home, having lived out their years, can be counted on one hand!
You say the Bai family coveted merit? Three years ago, my grandfather submitted the Treatise on Merit and Title to the throne, petitioning His Majesty to grant titles even to common soldiers who distinguished themselves in battle, so that their houses might be honored. And still you claim we coveted glory? The Bai family's military achievements already live in the hearts of the people — why would we need such pitiful scheming? Why would my grandfather, of all men, throw himself into a reckless offensive like some insignificant pawn?"
Seeing the woman's eyes dart about, Bai Jingyan pressed on, her voice unrelenting.
"I once asked my grandfather a question. The children of every other noble house hold office and lounge in Dadu's splendor, living in an age of peace! Why must the descendants of the Bai family march to war at the age of ten, to endure every hardship and drive back the enemy? And this was his answer: the frontier is grueling and perilous, but someone must go. Countless people live there, and they would be left without protection. He said we must never become useless men who squander the state's stipends under the hollow title of 'Defender of the Nation.' Because he carried those two words on his back — my grandfather swore that if he could not repel the invaders who threatened the people of Great Jin, he would never return alive!"
"Under Emperor Gaozu, the Bai family was already granted the title of Duke of Zhenguo! Did we lack the right to leave even a single name in the histories a hundred years on? My father, my uncles, my brothers — every one was invested as a general, with no rank left above them! There was nowhere higher for that glory to climb! What military achievement, I ask you, could stand taller than forcing the Kingdom of Liang to retreat through the fearsome reputation of the Bai Family Army — than keeping the Rong and Di tribes from invading again even after ten years? What achievement could be worth my grandfather offering up the lives of every man in his family? The descendants of the Bai clan had earned the right, a hundred times over, to live off their ancestors' merits in Dadu, clothed in silk and fed on delicacies — and yet!"
Bai Jingyan turned and pointed to the imperial plaque hanging overhead — black lacquer, its gold characters gleaming.
"Live for the people; die for the nation." The Bai family has lived a lifetime of sacrifice for one reason alone — so that it could stand unashamed beneath those two words, Defender of the Nation, hanging above my head! So that the people of Great Jin might live without worry, without fear, in a peaceful realm! In life and in death, they have no regrets!
And yet look at this dazzling capital. The poets and scholars, the idle and the leisureed, luxuriate in glory — while my family, who gave their lives on the battlefield to defend this realm, are branded as men who butchered soldiers for the sake of military merit! Does even one word of this make sense?"
Bai Jingyan wheeled around and thrust out her hand, fingers spread, toward the twenty-odd coffins lined up just inside the main gate of the estate.
"Someone answer me this. If my grandfather truly killed your sons — then who killed my grandfather? Who killed every man of the Bai family? A child of ten bled to death on the Southern Border! Is there a single household among you that sent a ten-year-old child to war? Which of your ten-year-olds took up a sword to drive back invaders? Which of you offered a ten-year-old's life for the sake of the nation? Name the house! Name it!"
Bai Jingyan's voice swelled higher and higher, question following question, every syllable a gem, every word a thunderclap that struck at the hearts of all who heard it. Yet even as she spoke, her whole body trembled — for each word she uttered tore open the wound in her own chest.
A shiver ran through the crowd at her words; eyes reddened. They were moved by the Bai family's loyalty and righteousness, their hearts aching — and then they turned, blazing with fury, upon the troublemakers.
Zhen Xiangzhi, who had been recuperating within the estate, heard the rumor that a soldier's family was causing a disturbance at the gates and came hurrying out at once, determined to repay his debt by easing the Bai family's peril.
Dragged there on wounded legs, he wept hot tears as he listened to Bai Jingyan's soul-stirring words — to the questions that would not leave his mind. He wanted nothing more, in that instant, than to draw a blade and march to the front alongside the men of the Bai family to take his revenge.
Bai Jinxiu, blood crusted on her face, clutched her collar tight, dropped to her knees, and lifted her face to the sky in a raw, wrenching lament.
"Grandfather, I beg you — open your eyes and see! These people are the very ones the Bai family staked its life to protect! We did not shrink even from death for the sake of the people! Eldest Sister was gravely wounded driving back the invaders, and every man of our house has perished! And in return — infamy? Grandfather... did you not teach us that we must stake our lives for the people, that we must cherish and shield them? Then tell me — who is left to protect us!"
The Second Young Miss of the Bai clan knelt and sobbed aloud, and Bai Jinchi, jaws clenched, finally released the tears she had held back for so long and wept without restraint.
The Bai servants in their mourning clothes were all lost in weeping. They knelt and called out to the old Duke. Some gripped wooden staves in white-knuckled fists, fighting the urge to beat the troublemakers to death where they stood.
The common folk who had come to watch at the estate gates were drowned in tears. They wept for the Bai family's valor, for the heart that had guarded all the people of the realm — and then, wiping their eyes with their sleeves and gnashing their teeth, they hurled curses at the soldier's kin who had raised chaos before the gates.
"The one carrying on just now is Wang Ergou's stepmother! A selfish creature without a shred of loyalty — Wang Ergou isn't her own flesh and blood, so of course she'd wish him dead! The people of the Duke's Estate gave their lives defending the nation, and that shameless thing dares to stir up trouble at their gate! She's here to extort money, that's all! A heartless, dog of a woman...!"
Someone cried out in fury.
"Bah! Shameless hussy! The Duke's Estate suffered catastrophe trying to protect the people of Great Jin, and you come crawling to squeeze coin from them in the middle of it! The ones kneeling here making this spectacle ought to be dumped on the Southern Border! Let the armies of Xiliang and Nanyan abuse you for a while — then you'd understand how good you had it under the Duke's Estate!"
"Every man of the Duke's Estate is gone, the allied armies of Xiliang and Nanyan have broken through the Southern Border, and Liang and the Rong-Di tribes circle our land like wolves... who, from this day on, will protect Great Jin?"
"What is there to fear! Every descendant of the Duke's Estate is capable and virtuous beyond measure! The Eldest, Second, and Third Young Misses who marched to war beside the old Duke are standing right here! It was the Eldest Young Miss who took the head of Fang Pingguo, Grand General of Shu! The one who crushed the kingdom of Shu for the insult it dealt Great Jin!"
The moment those words fell, the crowd's eyes turned to Bai Jingyan on the steps above. Though brimming with tears, her gaze was as cold as frost. Bai Jinxiu, her head wound weeping, clutched her chest and wept, supported by two maids, barely able to remain upright on her own legs — and the people's hearts grew heavy.
However formidable the Eldest, Second, and Third Young Misses of the Bai family might be... they were women who had not yet passed their twentieth year.