No Room for Betrayal
Early in the morning, Dong Zhangyuan—who had tossed and turned all night without a wink of sleep—heard that his uncles Dong Qingping and Dong Qing'e had returned to the residence, and hurried off to ask after them. When word reached him that every man of the Zhenguo Duke Estate had given his life for the country, he could hardly contain his shock. The thought of his gentle, jade-like cousin left him utterly unable to sit still.
His imagination ran wild. How startled Bai Jingyan must be! Her health had always been frail, and now a catastrophe of this magnitude had come crashing down—how much anguish and torment would she suffer? She would surely be trembling with dread, drowning in grief, weeping endlessly in despair.
Unable to bear the suspense a moment longer, Dong Zhangyuan finally mounted a horse and rode hard for the Bai estate. Before he had even passed through the main gate, he caught sight of Bai Jingyan in her white mourning robes, speaking quietly with Chen Gengsheng beneath the eaves. He came to a stop beneath a white silk lantern bearing the character for mourning, and simply stood there, watching, waiting.
She was nothing like what he had imagined. She neither wept without end nor lay prostrate with grief. Her face was etched with exhaustion and the rims of her eyes were red, but her gaze had never been clearer. Even amid all this, she was issuing instructions to the servants with perfect composure. What kind of iron will did it take to remain so steadfast?
The morning sun stained the clouds and pierced through a thin veil of mist, falling upon the woman who stood unbowed beneath it. Disaster had struck the Bai family without warning. She looked sorrowful, yet not devastated—her pain buried deep in her breast, not the least bit flustered. She was, without question, a delicate woman; where, then, did such unyielding spirit come from? He sensed that no torment in the world could shake what lay within her, much less break it.
Dong Zhangyuan had prepared a whole basketful of words of comfort on the ride over. Now he had to swallow every one of them.
He had forgotten, for a moment. His cousin might look soft and fragile on the outside, but she was the woman who had marched to the battlefield and cut down enemy soldiers. Her courage, her resilience, her unshakable resolve belonged to a realm that men who did nothing but carry books could never hope to approach.
Chun Tao caught sight of Dong Zhangyuan standing at the entrance to the Bai estate's main gate from the corner of her eye. She stepped close to Bai Jingyan and murmured, "Eldest Miss, Cousin Zhangyuan has come to pay his respects!"
Bai Jingyan turned to see him bowing to her, and she returned the greeting with a light curtsy.
Dong Zhangyuan stood before her, hesitating for a long moment before he finally spoke. "If…… if there is anything I can help with, however small, I want to lend my strength. So please, don't hesitate to tell me."
Bai Jingyan answered, her eyes on the tents that had been raised in the courtyard. "Zhangyuan, stay by my grandmother's side in place of Mother and me. She came all this way to spend the holidays with us, and we cannot be there with her."
Dong Zhangyuan nodded. Then he looked at the quiet, reserved woman before him and said, "Cousin, my deepest condolences for the departed."
"Eldest Sister!"
Just then, Bai Jinchi came sprinting over as if her feet had grown wings. She gave Dong Zhangyuan only a hasty bow before leaning in close to Bai Jingyan's ear and whispering something.
"Eldest Sister, Grandmother coughed up blood!"
Disaster had befallen the Bai family. Every man of the household had perished. If word were to spread that the Grand Princess had fallen ill as well, what little heart the Bai family had left would scatter entirely.
Nanny Zhang had sternly warned Bai Jinchi that not a whisper of it must leave the house. Bai Jinchi was no fool, and she would not go blabbing it about.
Bai Jingyan's mind seared with the image from her past life—her grandmother vomiting blood and slipping into death the moment she heard the terrible news. Paralysis swept through her whole body. It felt as though someone had seized her frantically pounding heart and twisted it until it ached.
"Eldest Sister?"
Seeing not a trace of color left on Bai Jingyan's face, Bai Jinchi called to her urgently.
Bai Jingyan pulled herself together. Struggling to keep her composure, she turned and curtsied to Dong Zhangyuan. "There is a great deal to be done at the estate. You are family to us as well, so forgive us for being unable to receive you properly."
"Go, Cousin—see to her at once!"
Dong Zhangyuan said quickly.
Bai Jingyan nodded, took Bai Jinchi's hand, and hurried toward the rear garden.
Bai Jinchi spoke as they walked. "It's a good thing Physician Hong and Imperial Physician Hwang were already here last night, looking after Fifth Aunt. Nanny Zhang sent someone to escort them straight to Grandmother's courtyard! She told me to come let you know right away!"
"Why would Grandmother suddenly cough up blood?"
Bai Jingyan asked through clenched teeth.
"It's because of that deranged mother and son in Qingming Courtyard!"
Bai Jinchi ground her teeth. Hatred burned in her reddened eyes. She wanted nothing more than to take a whip to that insufferable woman on the spot.
"That madwoman found out the Chief of the Imperial Medical Bureau and Imperial Physician Hwang were in Fifth Aunt's room, and threw a fit demanding they come treat her son instead. She wailed that he was the only man left in the whole Bai family—that he would be the next Duke of Zhenguo! Those words turned Grandmother's stomach, of course they did. Nanny Zhang had warned them to keep this quiet, but it seems that mother and son have been spreading it all over the neighborhood! When Grandmother heard it, her face turned purple and she suddenly vomited blood."
Rage boiled up in Bai Jingyan, and she could do nothing but clench her hand-warmer until her knuckles went white. She wanted to flay the skin from that pair of vipers right then and there!
That boy truly was a seed of evil after all. He must never be left alive.
The two of them entered Longevity Courtyard at a brisk pace. The maids and serving girls, seeing the Eldest Miss and the Fourth Miss approaching so quickly, lifted the heavy screens aside.
The Grand Princess, her face pale, leaned against the wall by the inner window, a pillow embroidered with peonies in gold thread propped behind her, a blanket laid over her legs. When Nanny Zhang brought the medicine and water, she tipped her head back and swallowed it down.
Just as the elderly Imperial Physician Hwang was tucking a small pillow into his medicine chest, Bai Jingyan and Bai Jinchi came puffing into the room and bowed to him.
"Eldest Miss, Fourth Miss—there is no cause for alarm. Her Highness the Grand Princess is well now. In truth, her moment of rage did her a favor; it forced out blood that had long settled in her chest. That is a blessing. Such stale blood is difficult to detect and can pool for years, silently damaging the heart and lungs. By the time it is discovered, not even the legendary Bian Que risen from the grave could undo the harm. But Her Highness must look after her health. She requires proper rest and quiet recuperation."
The Grand Princess set down her water cup. To see her eldest granddaughter—usually as composed and steady as Mount Tai—so frantic with worry that her face had gone white made the old woman's chest tighten, and tears spilled down her cheeks. The two of them had quarreled of late, but they said blood ran thicker than water. Had she not come rushing here the moment she heard her granddaughter had vomited blood?
The Grand Princess waved a red-rimmed hand toward Bai Jingyan. "Ayan, come here, child."
Only when the imperial physician assured her that her grandmother was in no danger did Bai Jingyan finally allow herself to breathe, shrugging off her outer robe. She handed her hand-warmer to a maid and stepped up to the Grand Princess.
"Your Highness, Eldest Miss, Fourth Miss—I will take my leave."
Imperial Physician Hwang shouldered his medicine chest and bowed to the Grand Princess.
"I will see the physician out."
Nanny Zhang hurried forward with a smile and lifted the screen for him.
Sensing that the Grand Princess had something to say to her eldest granddaughter alone, Bai Jinchi quietly slipped out of the inner room.
The Grand Princess took Bai Jingyan's hand—clear and pale as white jade. When her palm brushed against the thin layer of sweat there, the Grand Princess's eyes reddened further.
"Do not worry. Your grandmother is not going anywhere. This old woman will protect all of you!"
Bai Jingyan's concern for the Grand Princess was genuine. True, the Zhenguo Duke Estate needed the Grand Princess's protection now—but more than that, Bai Jingyan could not sever the bond of blood. She no longer had the strength to lose any more family.
"I was dozing against the reclining couch, and I dreamed. In my dream, I saw your grandfather…… and I saw my imperial father as well!"
The Grand Princess drew Bai Jingyan into her arms, her voice trembling. Then, slowly, in a distant and halting voice, she began to speak of the past.
"I came to the Bai family as a bride when I was sixteen. It was by my own choice. But your grandmother—my mother—told me that I could not simply bear and raise children for your grandfather. As a princess of Great Jin, I carried a responsibility I could never put down!
The night before my wedding, my imperial father and mother held me just like this, in their arms, and spoke to me about the Bai family of the Zhenguo Duke Estate. The Bai family was a pillar of Great Jin—a pillar the throne could lean upon, and one it must also guard against. My father was advanced in years, with few days left to him, and he asked me to safeguard the imperial authority of the Li family in his stead. To make certain the Bai family never raised the banner of rebellion. If I refused to swear that oath, he said, I would never be permitted to marry your grandfather."
As the Grand Princess laid bare, one by one, the truth she had carried buried in her heart beneath a crushing weight for so many long years, her helpless position pained her anew, and the old anguish returned.
After she had resolved to marry Bai Weiting, Crown Prince of the Duke of Zhenguo, she had left the Princess's Residence with an anxious heart and a burden of guilt, and entered the Bai household like any daughter of a common family—serving her mother-in-law and father-in-law with her own hands. The guilt had driven her to atone, if only a little; to find, if only a little, some peace of mind.
Bai Jingyan understood her grandmother's predicament all too well.
And she understood, just as well, why the venerable, unassailable Grand Princess would confess such things to her today. It was because the Grand Princess hoped that Bai Jingyan would understand her—hoped that, for her grandmother's sake, Bai Jingyan would never once think of rebellion.
Bai Jingyan had strained with all her might to hide a truth she did not even want to think about, did not even want to believe. But the moment her grandmother laid it out so plainly, her heart grew calm instead.
"Ayan, your grandfather is gone. Your father, your uncles, your brothers—all of them are gone! Our family must not let its heart fall apart!"
The Grand Princess wept.
How could Bai Jingyan not be stricken by those words? To walk a road entirely different from the family closest to you was the most painful thing in the world. It was a pain that flayed the flesh, a torment that made even ordinary days impossible to live.
"Grandmother, I know what an impossible position you are in. You are our grandmother—and you are the Grand Princess of Great Jin. The Bai family is my home, and the imperial house is yours."
Bai Jingyan lifted her head. Looking at the Grand Princess with eyes red-rimmed and brimming, she pressed on, one word at a time.
"I could never deceive you, Grandmother. The truth is—when I heard that every man of the Bai family had perished, I wanted to commit treason then and there. Hatred consumed me. I wanted to paint the courts of Great Jin red with blood that very instant. I wanted to tear the traitorous villains who murdered our men apart with my bare hands while they still drew breath!"
The Grand Princess went rigid all over, her eyes stretched wide until they felt as though they would split. With her gaunt, withered hands, she pressed down hard on Bai Jingyan's shoulders.
"Ayan……!"
"But I could not! First—because I am nothing. A woman of the Rear Courtyard, with no power, no faction, and no martial strength to speak of."
Bai Jingyan did not resist. She let the Grand Princess press her down.
"Second—because the rivers and mountains of Great Jin were bought with the lives of the Bai family, generation after generation, dying on its distant frontiers! Great Jin is soaked in the blood of our ancestors, of our grandfather, of our fathers, uncles, and brothers! What the Bai family guarded was the golden age of Great Jin—the peace and prosperity of its people!
So how could I dare, for the sake of a private grudge, drive those people into a pit of fire? By what right would I create the tragedy of old mothers losing their sons, of little children losing their parents? Could I truly ask innocent common folk to endure the agony of losing their families? Could I bear the weight of tens of thousands of soldiers lying as white bones upon the earth? What crime have the people committed? What wrong have the soldiers done? There is not a single reason in this world why they should have to bury their bones for a private grievance of the Bai family!"