Life and Death, Joys and Sorrows
Gritting her teeth, Lady Dong lightly patted the hand of Bai Jingyan, who was holding her. She scrunched up her nose and closed her eyes, but the tears kept coming, streaming down like an unbroken current of water.
On the twenty-ninth day of the twelfth month, heavy snow fell. The women of the Zhenguo Duke Estate — Crown Princess Lady Dong, Second Madam Yu, Third Madam Li, Fourth Madam Wang, and Fifth Madam Qi — received word, one after another, that every man of the Bai family had perished in the Southern Border. The Zhenguo Duke Estate sank into grief.
While all of Dadu City glowed with festive cheer, darkness hung over the estate. The concubines, maids, and servants who had not yet grasped what had happened shrewdly sensed that something was gravely wrong, and they went about their duties quietly, keeping to themselves.
In the upper chamber of the Grand Princess's Changshou Courtyard, Crown Princess Lady Dong was barely holding on. She clutched the hand of her daughter, Bai Jinse, and soothed her, telling her not to be afraid.
Second Madam Yu wept as she dabbed at her eyes. Third Madam sat like a woman whose soul had left her body, her face drained of all color.
Fourth Madam Wang, already frail of heart, managed to stay upright only because her twin daughters — the fifth and sixth young misses — were gripping her hands tightly at her side.
Fifth Madam Qi alone, like Lady Dong, refused to collapse. She sat with her back ramrod straight, her eyes rimmed red, both hands pressed over her swollen belly, her jaw clenched tight. Not a single word passed her lips.
Bai Jingyan, Bai Jinxiu, Bai Jindong, Bai Jinchi, Bai Jinshao, Bai Jinhua, and Bai Jinse each sat beside their mothers.
The Grand Princess ran her fingers over her prayer beads, eyes shut tight. The tears that had gathered at the corners of her eyes finally spilled down her cheeks.
"Fifth daughter-in-law is with child, and the fourth is too tenderhearted — I fear she won't endure it. A household that stood resplendent for a hundred years, brought to this. From now on, eldest daughter-in-law, second daughter-in-law, and third daughter-in-law will have to bear more of the weight."
The Grand Princess looked utterly spent.
"All of you, be ready! Do not be caught off guard when the news arrives."
"Yes, Grandmother. We understand."
Lady Dong nodded through her tears.
"Daughter-in-law, the eldest, second, third, fourth, and fifth... and the seventeen children as well! They will likely bring them home in hastily made coffins."
The Grand Princess kept her eyes closed the whole time, but the tears would not stop.
"A coffin was prepared long ago for the Duke. But it's the twenty-ninth of the twelfth month today — every shop that sells coffins will have closed its doors by now. Jingyan..."
Before the Grand Princess could finish, Bai Jingyan spoke.
"Then when the news comes, we will go and borrow them. We will borrow from all the people under heaven. We..."
The Grand Princess slowly opened her eyes. In the light of the candles, her already dry, aching eyes burned as though pierced by needles.
"Grandmother, the people must be shown the terrible fate that befell our honored dead. Only then will they come to know what the Bai family did for these rivers and mountains, for the people of the world. Only then will those who harmed our family feel even the smallest sting of unease. And only then — for the sake of the Bai family's merit, if nothing else — will His Majesty treat our bereaved with honor. That is how we will protect ourselves."
Bai Jingyan knew full well: so long as it involved no act of treason, her grandmother would grant anything that served the Bai family.
Looking at Bai Jingyan, the Grand Princess nodded.
"Do as Ayan says. Once the funeral rites are done, if any concubine in the family wishes to leave and live apart, return her household registration and give her five hundred taels of silver apiece to see her off. When you return home, confirm this with your own father's concubines. It would be best to spare your eldest sister-in-law the burden."
This, perhaps, was the last consideration the Grand Princess had left to give. She hesitated a long while, then spoke again.
"And if any of you no longer wish to hold this house together, then leave of your own accord when that time comes! Do not be afraid. Even if you walk out of the Duke's estate, so long as I draw breath for even one more day, this estate will be your home forever."
The Grand Princess's words melted the hearts of Second Madam Yu, Third Madam Li, and Fourth Madam Wang. The three of them covered their mouths and wept. They had shed countless tears for their husbands, for their sons — and each time the memory surfaced, it crushed them as though their very innards were breaking.
"Mother, I made a promise with my husband. He would guard Great Jin for the people, and I would guard the Bai family for him. In this life, we swore to share glory and disgrace alike — to face life and death, joy and sorrow, together."
At the mention of her husband, Lady Dong's voice turned soft beyond all describing.
"My husband is gone now, but the vow still holds. I will not leave the Bai family in this life. While I live, I am the matriarch of the Bai clan; when I die, I will be a wandering soul of the Bai name."
The Grand Princess nodded and closed her eyes. The tears flowed on without end, and her throat tightened until no more words would come.
Bai Jingyan took Lady Dong's hand. Her mother's hand was colder than her own, and she rubbed it gently, trying to warm it. In her past life, her mother, Lady Dong, had done exactly as her words promised.
Her mother, her aunts — all of them had been fortunate to serve a wise, clear-sighted mother-in-law like the Grand Princess.
In this life, she never wanted to see her mother and her aunts take their own lives for the sake of the Bai family's honor, as they had before.
Was her heart too narrow? In her past life and in this one, she had never been able, to the very end, to accept the deaths of her grandfather, her father, her uncles, and her brothers.
She had been reborn, had returned — and now the only reason she lived was vengeance. That was why Bai Jingyan prayed with all her heart that her mother and aunts would find their way out of the grief of losing husbands and sons. Even if it meant marrying again, she hoped they would survive in that fashion.
The abyss of hatred and grief was deep enough for her alone.
From the twenty-ninth of the twelfth month until New Year's Eve, time dragged, long and slow.
Like a condemned prisoner who knew death was coming yet feared the blade hanging overhead, never knowing when it would fall.
Bai Jingyan sat dazed in the pavilion of the family cemetery. When Nuo Ping came to report on Wu Che's funeral, it was only then that her mind returned.
"As the Eldest Miss instructed, I sent the deeds to two hundred mu of fertile paddy field to Wu Che's parents. I withdrew five hundred taels of silver from the treasury and gave it to Wu Che's parents and his wife, telling them that Wu Che had lost his life to bandits while carrying out an errand outside the city. Every expense of the funeral was paid by the Duke's estate. Wu Che's wife will give birth in the second month. It is a mercy that there is an heir to carry on his line. Eldest Miss — please, do not grieve too deeply."
Nuo Ping said this with his head bowed.
Bai Jingyan nodded. Her face looked worn to the bone.
"You've worked hard, Nuo Ping."
Nuo Ping knew why Wu Che had truly died, and so he had naturally learned of what had happened on the Southern Border battlefield. His eyes reddened.
He was an awkward man, poor with words, and seeing Bai Jingyan so listless, he had no idea how to comfort her.
"Eldest Miss, Master Zhen Xiangzhi said that you are a woman of extraordinary vision and nerve. When he sees ten steps ahead, he says, you have already seen ninety-nine. He said that had you been born a man, the glory of the Bai family would have lasted at least three more generations! I believe every word of it! The Duke has... has passed on, but you must endure, Eldest Miss. You must."
Bai Jingyan had not expected to earn Zhen Xiangzhi's praise. He was a man of towering talent and pride that scraped the sky — in her past life, she had never once heard it said that Zhen Xiangzhi had praised anyone.
"I know. Nuo Ping, don't worry. I can endure."
She had been given the chance to walk through life a second time. This was her second life. If she could not endure even now, it would be no different from squandering the chance heaven had granted her.
Seeing Chun Tao leading Chen Gengsheng up from below the cemetery, Nuo Ping bowed to Bai Jingyan and withdrew.
Chen Gengsheng and Nuo Ping crossed paths on the cemetery steps; Chen Gengsheng greeted him with a smile, then hurried toward the pavilion.
"Eldest Miss!"
Chen Gengsheng bowed in greeting.
"It's New Year's Eve — a night you ought to spend with your family. But there's urgent business I can only entrust to someone I trust, and it seems you'll have to bear the burden of it."
Bai Jingyan held her hand warmer and spoke with her head bowed, her voice low.
"Tonight, a military dispatch will come from the Southern Border. Take several men and wait by the city gate. When the eight-hundred-li urgent dispatch arrives, the courier with the victory banner fixed to his back — by any means necessary, make sure the people of Dadu City learn the news, and draw them to the gates of the Zhenguo Duke Estate."
Great Jin had, from ancient times, allowed its couriers to cry out news of victory from the city gates only when the report was a triumphant one, so that the people might celebrate together.
If the report was one of mourning, however, the courier entered the palace, was received by the Emperor, and only then presented the military dispatch.
When a commanding general died, the palace sent word to the soldier's family to prepare for a funeral.
Bai Jingyan had laid the groundwork in advance, and now the people of Dadu City took an unusual interest in the Bai family and the war in the Southern Border. If a courier entered the city without announcing anything, and if someone deliberately guided them... the people would gather of their own accord at the gates of the Zhenguo Duke Estate, waiting for someone to tell them how the war had gone.
When word spread that every man of the Bai household had died, the people had to see with their own eyes how far the Bai family had sacrificed itself to defend Great Jin. The people had to witness the Bai family's misery, had to grieve alongside them!
Only then could the people's fury be kindled when the Emperor tried to drag the Bai family into ruin.
The Emperor loved vain glory. So long as he feared the historian's brush and the wrath of the people, then even if he dreamed of tearing the Bai family out by the roots, he would never be able to lay a hand on the family's bereaved.
Chen Gengsheng could not fathom Bai Jingyan's purpose, but he nodded without a word.
"Leave it to me, Eldest Miss. Do not worry."
"One more thing. Look into this matter as thoroughly as you can — but even if you cannot uncover it completely, it does not matter."
Bai Jingyan spoke as she gazed at Hongmei standing in the snow-covered field a short distance away.
"Two months ago, the Marquis of Chongyong was charged with provisioning the army grain bound for the Southern Border. Find out whose hands it passed through — every single one. I need the list of names."
Because it touched the court itself, Chen Gengsheng flinched. But reasoning that this grain must be tied to the fate of the Southern Border campaign, he thought no deeper and answered.
"Eldest Miss, do not worry. I will see it done properly."
On the night of New Year's Eve, before darkness had fully settled, brilliant fireworks began to burst across the sky.
Bai Jingyan stood beneath the eaves, quietly gazing up at the heavens, waiting for the news to arrive.
Chun Tao, her eyes rimmed red, came up behind Bai Jingyan carrying a thick padded coat and draped it over her shoulders.
"Eldest Miss, Cousin Gengsheng is waiting at the city gate with the men, just as you ordered. But by this hour the gates of Dadu City will already be closed — the news may not come today at all. So please, let it go for now, and come share the New Year's Eve meal with Her Highness the Grand Princess..."
"Let's go."
Bai Jingyan buttoned the coat, and with Chun Tao supporting her, head bowed low, she walked out through the gates of Qinghui Courtyard, hemmed in by maids who watched her anxiously from every side, afraid to meet her eyes.