The Horror
After a long while, Bai Jingyan drew a deep breath and spread open the bamboo slips.
Five blood-soaked slips, every stroke of every character stark and vivid before her eyes.
Chun Tao stood guard outside the door, the rims of her eyes red. Through downcast lids she gazed ceaselessly at a sky gone white with snow. From within the room came the sound of someone fighting with all their might to hold back a sob that threatened to burst free, and it carved at her chest like a knife.
Bai Jingyan gripped the bamboo slips tight. Her throat was so constricted she could barely breathe.
She squeezed her eyes shut to dam the rising tears. Indignation surged up in her, and the fury packed so tightly in her chest felt as though it would burn her whole body to ash. Staring at the sword Chun Tao had laid on the table — a doll of a girl gripping it — Bai Jingyan swept her arm across the table and sent the writing set scattering like a madwoman.
If only, when she had come back gravely wounded that time, she had trained her body with the same diligence as before, she could have gone out to the battlefield with her grandfather this time! Why had she swallowed whole the words of others who said her body was weak, coddled herself like an invalid, convalesced in comfort, and let the years slip through her fingers? She cursed herself for ever having treated herself as someone frail.
Staying behind in the Zhenguo Duke Estate — just what was I planning to do with myself? What use am I at all?
Bai Jingyan clutched her collar tight. Even biting down so hard her gums bled, she could not hold back the tears.
King Xin!
In her past life, Bai Jingyan had thought King Xin a fool — dull-witted, spineless, but a man who at least knew his place. He had followed her grandfather out to war. Every son of the Bai family had perished, yet King Xin had returned alive by the skin of his teeth. And now it turned out that in truth it was King Xin himself who had coerced Yu Huanzhang, threatening him with orders to strike her grandfather down at the Golden Plaque Banquet.
She wanted, this instant, to seize a sword and hack King Xin to pieces! To carve the hearts from the chests of the men who had driven hundreds of thousands of Bai soldiers to their deaths and see for herself whether those hearts were black!
Five bamboo slips, a mere handful of characters — and they were enough to gouge out Bai Jingyan's heart. The grief was unbearable; it hurt as though her five organs and six viscera were being shattered.
Gritting her teeth, she bore the pain like a blade carving her open and clutched the slips to her chest. In her mind unfolded, without pause, the wretched final moments of her grandfather, her father, her uncles and brothers.
Few words were inscribed on the bamboo slips, but they recorded with brutal clarity the gruesome deaths of the men of the Bai family.
Bai Jingyan's father had been trapped in Fengcheng. The grain was exhausted, and there was terror that the enemy would fall upon the city's people. The eldest son of the Bai family raised his voice to the thousand-odd battered soldiers who remained to hold Fengcheng.
"Any man who is the only son of his household, or who must care for aged parents, step back one pace. Any man not yet wed, step back one pace. As for the rest of you... any man ready to stake his life for the people of our Great Jin, fight the enemy alongside me!"
Bai Jingdong, the seventeenth son of the Bai family, just ten years old, stepped forward sword in hand and declared that even if it meant blood and dismemberment, he would follow his uncle to war — that even if he died for the people, he would never live like a coward.
Moved by the words of a ten-year-old boy, the Bai army drew their swords as one and roared that they would fight to the last breath, that never would they beg to drag out a base and wretched existence.
Bai Jingyan's own younger brother, Bai Jingyou, was just seventeen when he held the barracks with five thousand warriors. When a powerful enemy force of fifty thousand attacked, King Xin fled in terror — but Bai Jingyou, resolved to hold the line to the end, drank a parting cup with his men.
"Brothers — we were not born of the same womb, but we have worn armor and fought side by side for the people of Great Jin, and so we are brothers all. Drink this cup empty... and let us meet again in the next life!"
Bai Jingyan's cousin Bai Jinghou held the vital pass at Linggu, pitting a mere ten thousand troops against a joint force of eighty thousand from Xiliang and Nanyan. Before he pledged his life, he left these words behind.
Millions of our people stand behind us — can the Bai army retreat? Dare we retreat!"
The valiant men of the Bai army roared, three times in succession, that they would not fall back.
Bai Jingyan's third uncle, Bai Qiyu, was forced to withdraw with the last of the Bai men to Tianmenguan, every other son of the family already fallen. He arrayed his troops with their backs to the water and shouted at the top of his voice.
"Every general of our army is already dead. We are the final line of defense for the people of Pingcheng in Great Jin! I, your general, will lead the charge and exterminate to the last man the traitors who have dishonored our Great Jin! Any man who does not fear death — follow me!"
Even unto death, the men of the Bai family carried the people of Great Jin in their hearts.
The Bai family had poured out their loyalty to the last drop — so why had heaven dealt such an end to the sons of the Bai? Why had the men of the Bai family been made to suffer this?
Blood-soaked hatred surged to the crown of Bai Jingyan's head, and she could not contain herself — she wailed aloud. Her two eyes were like those of a demon out of hell. She swore she would slaughter every treacherous minister under heaven. Yet each time the words on the bamboo slips flashed through her mind, it was as if her heart were being carved out, as if her bones were being gnawed away, and she beat the ground and wept. Her mind grew dim, and there she was, sobbing and falling silent and sobbing again, like a devil driven mad.
She had known the fate of the Bai men — but had she not seen with her own eyes what was written on these slips, she would never have known that they had died in such utter misery.
If Bai Jingyan had not sent Shen Qingzhu to the Southern Border, if Shen Qingzhu had not witnessed Fang Yan of the Fierce Tiger Battalion being assassinated on the road, these five bamboo slips would likely never have come to light, just as in her past life.
And then the Bai family would once again, as in her past life, have been unjustly saddled with the stain of treason — they who were nothing but loyal and valiant martyrs.
A hatred that gnawed to the bone seemed to corrode her whole body in agony, as if thousands of ants had burrowed into her heart to tear at flesh and marrow. It was a life worse than death — despair and pain like being roasted over a pit of blazing fire.
When the suffering reached its utmost, her body began to go numb. Her weeping turned to hollow laughter.
He whose valor and cunning make monarchs tremble shall stand with his life ever in peril; he whose merit covers all the world shall be denied his reward!
The heroes of the age die wronged at every turn, while faithless traitors who know no loyalty throw the world into ruin!
What crime had the men of the Bai family committed? The loyal men of this house — the blood and vigor of an entire family — buried, every one of them, in the Southern Border.
From time to time, the sound of Bai Jingyan's sobbing, choked back in agony, drifted from the room. Listening to it, Chun Tao's tears poured down like rain, yet she dared not enter — she had no comfort to offer. And then, when she heard Bai Jingyan's laughter, so chilling it raised the hair on one's neck, she could only fret like an ant on a hot griddle, at a complete loss.
Hearing it too, Chun Xing hurriedly dressed as she rose, doing up her buttons as she hastened out of the side room and asked Chun Tao:
"What's happened? Why are you standing guard out here instead of going in?"
Chun Tao wiped her tear-streaked face and grabbed Chun Xing's hand.
"You stand guard here. Don't let anyone in. I'm going to fetch the Third Young Lady!"
"Understood!"
Chun Xing nodded again and again, her face drained white.
Treading on the snow, Chun Tao ran headlong toward Bai Jindong's courtyard. The moment she entered it, she knelt before the door of the main chamber, weeping as she spoke.
"Third Young Lady! Third Young Lady, please, you must go to the Eldest Young Lady at once!"
Bai Jindong, just back from morning drill, lifted the curtain and came out.
"What's wrong with Eldest Sister?"
Chun Tao's face was smeared with tears, her eyes red and swollen.
"Third Young Lady, please — hurry and go to her!"
Bai Jindong's face turned white as paper. Without even pausing to put on her outer robe, she hurried out of the courtyard at a quick pace.
Bai Jinxiu's Green Bamboo Pavilion stood very close to Bai Jindong's Green Paulownia Garden. Bai Jinxiu, always an early riser, was reading by the window when she heard the commotion. She instructed Qing Shu — whom Second Madam Yu had sent to attend her in the pavilion — to go and find out what was the matter.
Emerging from the garden gate, Qing Shu saw Chun Tao and one of Bai Jindong's maids racing at speed behind Bai Jindong in the direction of Qinghui Courtyard.
She hurried back and reported to Bai Jinxiu.
"Second Young Lady, I saw Chun Tao following after the Third Young Lady. They seem to be hurrying to the Eldest Young Lady's residence."
The book in Bai Jinxiu's hands grew heavy in her grip. She remembered that Bai Jingyan had fallen gravely ill. Thinking of how Bai Jingyan had been rushing about from place to place of late sent a chill down Bai Jinxiu's spine. She flung back her covers at once.
"Qing Shu, help me dress. I must go to Eldest Sister!"
"Second Young Lady, it's snowing outside. The wound on your head has not yet—"
"It's fine — it's nearly healed! Bring me a thick fur hat too!"
Worry for Bai Jingyan made her heart grow urgent. Qing Shu could not dissuade her further; she hastily gave orders for a robe and hat to be readied, and together with Bai Jinxiu set out across the snow toward Qinghui Courtyard.
When Bai Jinxiu reached the entrance of Qinghui Courtyard, she heard Bai Jindong's low voice before the door.
"Eldest Sister, it's me, Jindong. May I come in?"
Unable to hear any reply from Bai Jingyan and not daring to enter unbidden, Bai Jindong turned to Chun Tao.
"What on earth has happened?"
Chun Tao knew how grave this matter was; she pressed her lips shut and only shook her head, tears streaming.
"Jindong — what's happened to Eldest Sister?"
Sweat beaded in the palm of Bai Jinxiu's hand where it gripped Qing Shu's arm. She quickened her pace toward the eaves.
"Has her illness worsened?"
"Second Sister — how is she? What's wrong with Eldest Sister?"
Bai Jindong rushed forward to support Bai Jinxiu.
The door of the main chamber creaked open, and Chun Tao hurriedly raised the curtain. Bai Jingyan stood between the two door panels, dressed in a white mourning robe stained with red blood.
Bai Jinxiu's legs gave way beneath her; she nearly collapsed.
"Eldest Sister!"
Bai Jingyan's face was pale as still, deep water. Her eyes were rimmed with red, though her hair had since been neatly combed. She radiated the force of a raging sea, like a fierce rakshasa demon risen from the depths of hell.
"Bai Jinxiu and Bai Jindong will come in. Everyone else will wait outside the gate of Qinghui Courtyard. No one comes near!"
"Eldest Sister, the blood on your—"
Bai Jingyan turned and went inside.
"It is not my blood. Come in!"
Bai Jinxiu and Bai Jindong ordered the servants to guard the gates of Qinghui Courtyard, then entered the main chamber hand in hand. Seeing Bai Jingyan standing with her back to the door before the brazier, Bai Jinxiu called to her in a low voice.
"Eldest Sister."
Bai Jingyan kept her eyes closed, but they ached with a dull heaviness. The reason she had been reborn and returned was to protect her family — the elders and younger sisters of this house.
And so... she could not collapse. She could not go mad. She absolutely could not fall apart! However high the hatred rose, her heart could not be allowed to scatter. Revenge born of such a broken mind would not do.
As one who had lived through a past life, as a daughter of the Bai family of the Zhenguo Duke Estate, she had to endure. For she would see it with her own eyes — those treacherous ministers, viler than hungry ghosts, descending into hell to atone before every last son of the Bai family!