Still the Same
All of this mattered far more than any feelings between a man and a woman.
But what if, once everything was over and peace reigned across the realm?
Not once in her life had she ever allowed herself to imagine such a thing.
Hearing footsteps approaching at a brisk pace while Yue Shi and his men tidied away their belongings, Bai Jingyan pushed Xiao Rongyan away. Clearing her throat, she smoothed down her robes, cast a glance at the front of his garments—crumpled from how tightly she had gripped them—and then bowed to him with impeccable courtesy.
"Master Xiao, travel safely."
Just as she was about to leave, Xiao Rongyan stepped forward, caught her slender wrist, and drew her back against the wall. Pressing his large, well-defined hand against the wall outside the garden of the Imperial Nunnery, he lowered his head and asked again.
"Have you accepted?"
Before Bai Jingyan could answer, Bai Jinchi's voice rang out.
"Huh? Where did Eldest Sister go? She said she was meeting Master Xiao. Hey—Yue Shi! That's you, isn't it? Where are Master Xiao and my sister?"
Startled, Bai Jingyan slipped nimbly out from under Xiao Rongyan's arm, took up her whip, and stepped out from a corner of the courtyard.
"Jinchi!"
At the sound of Bai Jingyan's voice, Bai Jinchi came running up in high spirits and looped her arm through her sister's.
"Sister, Nanny Zhang made osmanthus-yam today. Grandmother's looking for you too. She told them you were out strolling in the back garden so no one would see you with Master Xiao—so we need to keep our stories straight, all right?"
Having been interrupted twice in a row, Xiao Rongyan was in a thoroughly sour mood. Still, he adjusted his disheveled clothing and walked out.
"Fourth Young Miss."
"Master Xiao!"
Bai Jinchi turned quickly and greeted him with a beaming smile.
"He brought that back from Wei just for you. Hurry and thank him."
Bai Jingyan said this as she handed the red whip to Bai Jinchi.
Jewels were set into the leather grip just beyond where a hand would naturally fall. Bai Jinchi adored it at first sight; the moment she received it, she swung it through the air. The clean, ringing crack it cut told her it was a fine weapon indeed.
Her face brimming with delight, she hurried into a bow.
"Master Xiao, thank you for thinking of me!"
"Of course I would look after you."
Xiao Rongyan gave a formal, upright bow, then turned his gaze to Bai Jingyan.
"Then I shall take it that the Eldest Miss of the Bai family has accepted our wager as well."
"I don't care for gambling."
Bai Jingyan replied with a faint smile, her fist clenched tight.
"No matter. I'm not particularly fond of it either. Think of it as nothing more than a light pastime."
With that, Xiao Rongyan bowed once more to Bai Jingyan and Bai Jinchi, then departed with his guards.
Curiosity gnawing at her, Bai Jinchi wrapped her arm around Bai Jingyan's and asked in a low voice as they walked back toward the nunnery.
"Sister, what did you and Master Xiao wager on?"
"Whose hands this whole world will fall into."
Bai Jingyan answered placidly.
"Though I have no intention of gambling with Master Xiao."
Bai Jinchi looked up at the jade hairpin in Bai Jingyan's hair.
"Sister, you've got a new hairpin! Oh—it must be a gift from Master Xiao!"
She blinked up at Bai Jingyan expectantly.
Xiao Rongyan's sudden words had caught Bai Jingyan off guard, and she hadn't had a chance to return the pin. She pulled it from her hair now and tucked it into her sleeve.
"Just a token of thanks."
Bai Jinchi's smile was positively knowing.
"Ah—a token of thanks, is it!"
When Bai Jinchi and Bai Jingyan entered the Grand Princess's small courtyard, the old princess had just woken and was eating osmanthus-yam with Bai Jinse and Bai Jinxiu.
"Nanny Zhang clearly favors our eldest sister. Since Sister hates sweets, she made it plain and savory for her!"
Bai Jinse said with a giggle.
"In a little while, Fourth Sister is going to grumble for sure!"
"Who's grumbling! If Eldest Sister is happy, I don't care what anything tastes like!"
Bai Jinchi felt as if she might float away on the gift of her new whip. Worried that her grandmother might see it and pepper her with questions, she had hidden it away in the carriage.
The Grand Princess set down the silver spoon in her hand and waved Bai Jingyan over.
"A'Yan, come and taste some of this."
Nanny Zhang stood to one side, smiling warmly.
"There's more. This batch is for the Eldest Miss, so it's a bit plain, but what comes out later will be sweet."
Bai Jingyan washed her hands, picked up a piece of the osmanthus-yam with her chopsticks, and tasted it. The subtle flavor was exactly as Nanny Zhang had always made it.
"Your cooking is as wonderful as ever, Nanny Zhang."
Bai Jingyan said with a smile.
"I've sorted through the snacks the Eldest Miss enjoys, and I'll pass the recipes along to Nanny Dong. If ever you find yourself craving something, just ask her to make it for you."
Watching Bai Jingyan eat, Nanny Zhang practically glowed with happiness.
After finishing the meal with the Grand Princess, Bai Jinse walked Bai Jinxiu, Bai Jinchi, and Bai Jingyan to the gates of the nunnery.
Bai Jinxiu let out a long sigh.
"Grandmother's place feels so lonely. The only ones attending her are Nanny Zhang, Old Nanny, and Jinse."
"If there were too many people, we couldn't hide the fact that Jindong Sister isn't here. Grandmother has her reasons for everything she does."
Bai Jinse said with a smile.
"Don't worry, Second Sister. I'll take good care of Grandmother!"
Bai Jinxiu nodded and climbed into her carriage.
Remembering that Bai Jingyan would leave tomorrow, Bai Jinse looked up at her with reddened eyes, unable to hide her reluctance.
"Eldest Sister, when you return to Suyang, give Mother my regards. Tell her I'm doing well and not to worry about me."
"All right. And if you ever have anything you need me to pass along, go straight to Second Sister. She'll send word to me! If you run into any hardship, go to her—do you hear? Don't suffer in silence just because you're afraid of being a burden."
Bai Jingyan said gently, gazing at her sister who had grown wise far too soon.
"I understand, Sister. Don't worry."
Bai Jinse stepped back a pace and bowed to Bai Jingyan with deep formality.
By the time they returned from the Imperial Nunnery to Dadu, the capital's streets glowed bright with red lanterns.
Dadu was exactly as it had always been. The sounds of children at play and vendors hawking their wares rose from every corner, lively and bustling—no different from the day the Bai family had left the city behind.
Bai Jingyan lifted the carriage curtain. The lights blazed so bright it might have been midday. Children of every height crowded around an old candy-sculptor, watching him twist molten sugar into a dozen fanciful shapes. Before the doors of a wine house hung with red lanterns, a young woman was calling out to passersby with remarkable silver tongue.
A carriage belonging to one of the meritorious noble houses rolled toward the pleasure quarter. The pampered young gentlemen of those houses, forever huddled in mischievous little packs, had knocked back a few cups of wine in the wine house's most lavish room and were now holding forth, endlessly, on matters they knew nothing of—how magnificently the Jin army had swept the field in the war against Liang, how they had sunk Longyang City and seized the Liang soldiers like so many trapped rats, and what could possibly have made the enemy's Grand Marshal Xun Tianzhang vomit blood and die.
The dandies who once roared around with Lu Yuanfeng were gone, but the clamor of Dadu had not dimmed in the slightest.
Perhaps it was because the capital held so many great houses and so many idle young heirs. When one left, another simply appeared to fill the space. In a city as vast as Dadu, it mattered nothing who stayed and who departed—nothing changed at all.
Only Second Madam Yu, who had been staying at the Zhenguo Commandery Princess's residence in Dadu, had stood waiting anxiously at the gates from the earliest hour upon hearing that Bai Jingyan and Bai Jinchi had returned safely from Beijiang.
The moment they arrived at the residence, Bai Jinchi was the first to dismount and bow to Madam Yu. Bai Jingyan climbed down from the carriage, helped Bai Jinxiu alight, and greeted her as well.
Seeing Bai Jingyan and Bai Jinchi return unharmed, Madam Yu's eyes reddened at once.
"We've been holding a feast ready, just waiting for you two to come home. Come in, come in!"
All the way through the gate and into the inner courts, Madam Yu kept fussing over the two girls, checking them over again and again.
When she saw the burn scars across the back of Bai Jinchi's hand, she could no longer hold back her tears. Even then, fearing she might make the girls grieve needlessly, she turned her head slightly away and dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. Then she took Bai Jinchi's hand and said,
"You came back safe. That's all that matters."
From the day Bai Jinchi had left for Beijiang, Madam Yu had not known a single day's peace.
So many of the Bai family had already gone. She could not bear to lose any of the children who remained.
Word had come that General Zhang Danyue had fallen in battle. Then came word that Bai Jinchi had gone out to rescue someone and vanished without a trace, and that Bai Jingyan had crossed into Beijiang after her. Madam Yu was tormented by nightmares every night, trembling through each passing day in terror that something might befall the two girls.
After a light meal, Bai Jinxiu prepared to return to her own household.
Watching her eldest sister walk her all the way to the gates of the residence, she felt her reluctance welling up.
"Eldest Sister, couldn't you stay a few more days before going to Suyang?"
"If I'm not to rouse the Emperor's suspicion, it's best I enter the palace early tomorrow morning, pay my respects, and depart at once."
Bai Jingyan took Bai Jinxiu's hand.
"There will be plenty of chances after this. There's no need to rush."
After seeing Bai Jinxiu off, Madam Yu took Bai Jingyan and Bai Jinchi by the hands.
"Go in now and rest well."
Bai Jingyan nodded.
She went to see Shen Qingzhu and Ji Nanghua. Under Ji Nanghua's care, Shen Qingzhu's body was recovering a little more each day. Bai Jingyan was deeply grateful to her.
"When we went to the Imperial Nunnery today, I was so worried about Qingzhu that I didn't think to call for you. If you ever miss your aunt, you're welcome to stay in Dadu a few more days. I'll assign you an escort when the time comes, and then you can return to Suyang."
Bai Jingyan said this to Ji Nanghua, who had come to see her off.
Ji Nanghua had been summoned before the Emperor over the poisoned-pill incident. Staying too long in Dadu might invite needless trouble—and besides, whenever Ji Nanghua went out veiled beneath a gauze hood, she only drew more attention to herself.
"I'm quite all right."
Ji Nanghua gave Bai Jingyan an easy smile.
"That we sisters can live under the protection of Her Highness the Grand Princess and the Eldest Miss is a great stroke of fortune. With such steadfast guardians watching over us, we needn't worry about one another. I will follow the Eldest Miss. Wherever she goes, that is where I go."
Bai Jingyan nodded.
Qinghui Court was unchanged, yet with Nanny Dong and Chun Tao gone, it felt somehow desolate.
Bai Jingyan sat beneath the glass lamp, took up an ancient volume of bamboo slips, and began reading through it with care. A maid served her tea, then withdrew respectfully behind the screen; after leaving her room, the girl drew the partition shut.
There was no one else in the room now. Bai Jingyan set down the bamboo volume and drew from her sleeve the jade hairpin she had kept hidden there all along.
A wild goose was carved into the pin. It was not a particularly lifelike bird, but the traces of painstaking craftsmanship remained.
Bai Jingyan gently traced the carved eye of the goose and looked up at the bright moon hanging outside the half-open window.
The wild goose was a bird that symbolized unwavering fidelity.
Born into the wealthy and honored Bai family, there was scarcely a treasure Bai Jingyan had not seen in her life. It was true that the jade of this hairpin was uncommonly fine, but the object itself was not what stirred her heart. What truly left her feeling unsettled was the person who had given it to her.
'Bai Jingyan—if you dare to make this wager with me, then I, Murong Yan, swear... never once, for the rest of my life, will I betray you.'
Xiao Rongyan's low voice echoed in her mind. She tightened her grip on the jade pin. It felt as though his hot lips had grazed hers again, and her heart prickled with a faint, maddening warmth.
Bai Jingyan untied the sachet at her waist and drew out the Jade Cicada she had kept hidden inside it all this time.
Beneath the glass lamp, it alone seemed to glow with a soft, flowing luster.
'I swore an oath then—that if ever I took a wife, I would trust her without wavering, and protect her for the whole of her life.'
Those were the words Xiao Rongyan had spoken when he gave her the Jade Cicada.
Her thoughts in disarray, Bai Jingyan wrapped both the Jade Cicada and the jade hairpin carefully in a handkerchief and tucked them away, then went out to the courtyard and practiced with her spear as she always did.