Take Me, Guard Knight! - 1
That day, I'd gone into the forest after hearing rumors that miasma was flowing through it, intending to deal with the problem myself.
If anything got corrupted by miasma, it would go berserk or worse, and cleaning up afterward was always a headache. Better to handle it before it became an issue.
"Paul! Look over there! It's a clothes-melting slime!"
Just a baseless rumor after all, I thought, about to turn back—when a woman's voice drifted over from somewhere in the distance.
"I never imagined something like that actually existed."
A man's voice followed. From the sound of it, the two of them—a woman and a man—had formed a party of just themselves.
Probably out here on a guild request. I started to walk away—
"I'll handle this. Please step back, my lady."
—and the word "my lady" from the man's mouth stopped me in my tracks.
My lady, huh? This looks fun.
I layered on several concealment spells, the way I had last time, and approached the pair.
"I heard magic attacks work on these slimes, so let me take a shot!"
There stood a woman, and a man about two heads taller than her.
Both of them had light gray hair; the man's was stiff and coarse.
The woman wore ordinary adventurer's gear, but the man was dressed in black base layers with a beige coat thrown over them.
She looked the part of an adventurer well enough—but his unusual outfit, plus that "my lady" earlier, made it clear he was no ordinary one.
"Besides, look at that pretty color! We might even be able to recover some of it. A technique type like me should handle this—not a pure power type like you, Paul."
She announced this to the man in a lively voice, then drew her sword with her right hand and cast a fire spell with her left.
After that, she gripped the flaming blade in both hands, dashed forward, and launched a rapid flurry of strikes at the slime.
Her attacks seemed effective; the slime slowly began to sink down.
Watching it settle, she used another spell to snuff out the flames on her sword.
Then she switched the blade back to one hand, turned toward the man, and started to flash a little V-sign—
"My lady, look out!"
—but the sunken slime suddenly began to swell at a terrifying rate.
She spun around at the man's shout, but the slime had already ballooned to the brink of bursting.
A moment later it exploded with a wet pop, and she hastily raised her sword to shield herself.
"Th-that startled me…"
The blade had blocked most of the blast, but the slime's fluid had still splattered her, and by now a good portion of her clothes had melted away.
She hurriedly cast a wind spell to clean herself off—and was left, for better or worse, in nothing but her undergarments.
"Ah, Paul! I'm not hurt! My underwear's fine, see?"
"…"
She checked herself over, then, when the man didn't answer, turned her gaze toward him.
He was staring into empty air.
"Paul?"
"Yes, my lady."
She looked up at the man with his oddly averted eyes and spoke to him, but he kept answering while staring off into space.
She tried a few more times. His gaze never moved.
Apparently deciding she had no choice, she planted her sword in the ground and walked over to him.
"Paul! Look at me properly!"
She stretched both arms up, caught his face in her hands, and turned it toward herself.
"Look me in the eyes!"
"…How is a guard knight supposed to look upon his master's bare body?"
"I'm wearing underwear, so it's fine! And answering like that hurts my feelings, you know!"
He had a woman in her undergarments standing right in front of him, and somehow he remained completely composed.
Did that mean the sight didn't affect him much? Or that he was simply used to this sort of thing?
Either way, one fact didn't change: he was deliberately trying not to look at her body.
And I'd just realized something else.
I couldn't be entirely sure, but this woman was actively trying to seduce him right now.
There was a height difference so large she had to stretch her arms straight up just to reach his face—and the moment he looked at her, she leaned her waist forward to emphasize her chest.
A succubus's distinctive pheromones were also rolling off her. Either she was a half-succubus, or she was wearing perfume—one or the other.
But her seduction technique was wrong. Badly wrong.
Seduction without any show of genuine affection only flusters the other person. He'd write it off as her being "naturally airheaded" and move on.
And even if the seduction somehow succeeded, what came after would be the real problem.
That kind of approach almost always led to sex—and she was currently in her underwear, with no spare clothes. The cleanup afterward would be a nightmare.
I felt an intense urge to give the two of them some serious relationship counseling.
In the end, the woman borrowed the man's shirt to cover herself. That night, at the house where she was staying.
More precisely, it seemed to be a place the two of them lived in together—but I was currently in her bedroom, so I decided not to dwell on it.
Sneaking into a woman's bedroom did prick my conscience a little, but I had no intention of doing anything harmful, so I rationalized it away.
She was already asleep.
I'd planned to wait until she drifted off if she were still awake, so this was convenient.
What I was going to offer was simple relationship counseling.
But if I just walked up and announced I was there to give romantic advice, she'd obviously get wary. So I decided to force a meeting.
That forced meeting would take place in a dream.
Meeting in reality first of all meant the target could run away, and there was always the risk of a third party intervening.
It was also harder to disguise my appearance.
In a dream, though, she couldn't just leave whenever she wanted, and no third party would barge in.
On top of that, transformation magic was much easier to use than in the waking world—perfect for hiding my face.
I used the transformation magic partly to conceal my identity, but also to create a "mysterious atmosphere."
A mysterious being met in a mysterious place: of course you'd end up pouring out your worries.
I cast another layer of sleep magic on the already-sleeping woman to sink her into a deeper slumber, then used dream magic to construct a dream world.
A bar would do nicely. I'd be the bartender; she'd be the customer. That was the setup.
I quickly arranged the bar's interior, then used transformation magic to change my clothes into a bartender's outfit.
And, as I'd said, to keep the mysterious atmosphere, I transformed only my face into that of a black bird.
A crow seemed about right. Crows carried an ominous air, and bird-type beastmen didn't exist in the real world.
With the preparations complete, I placed the woman just outside the door. When she woke, she'd find nothing but a white void with a lone bar standing in it.
In the meantime, I turned my back to the door, picked up a cloth, and began polishing a wine glass. It was only a dream, but a convincing performance still mattered.
"Hello…"
The door chime tinkled as the woman stepped inside. From her voice, she was still warily scanning her surroundings.
"I'm sorry, but we're closed for the—"
Playing the ordinary bartender, I turned around to greet her.
I was clearly not a real-world being, so all I had to do was look surprised at the human-looking woman before me.
"…This is the first time I've ever had a human for a customer. Please, have a seat."
I spoke with a note of astonishment, and she sat down, looking rather unconvinced.
"How did you end up coming all the way here?"
I stopped polishing the glass and laced my words with genuine curiosity as I addressed her.
"Well… I thought I'd woken up, but the only thing around was this building, so I just came in."
Of course she wouldn't know. I'd dragged her here myself with dream magic.
Still, I had to at least pretend to think it over, so I set down the glass and murmured, "I see…" while stroking my beak.
She studied me with open curiosity, but that didn't particularly bother me.
After a short while, I struck a pose of someone who had finished deliberating, then spoke to her again.
"Well, human or not, a customer is a customer. How about a drink?"
I turned away as I said it and reached for one of the bottles on the display.
"No alcohol for me. And I'm a mixed-blood, so I'm not human."
So she really is a half-succubus, I thought, continuing smoothly.
"Then I'll put this back."
I returned the bottle as if it were the most natural thing in the world, then turned to face her again.
"Might I ask what your race is?"
"I'm half succubus, half vampire.
There's no human blood in me, so being called a human is a little uncomfortable."
I'd expected her to dodge the question a bit, so the immediate answer caught me slightly off guard.
Most people faced with a mysterious being like me grew wary and started asking where they were.
I'd answer those questions carefully one by one until their suspicions eased… but this woman didn't seem suspicious at all.
I could read a touch of confusion, nothing more.
"Forgive me. In that case, may I ask your name?
I'll give you mine first. I am Nox."
"I'm Lucia. Lucia Evermore. A pleasure, Mr. Nox."
Evermore.
I was certain I'd heard that name somewhere before, but I couldn't quite place it.
As she said it, Lucia briefly bowed her head, so I returned the gesture with a "The pleasure is mine."
"The atmosphere in this place is lovely. If I knew where it was, I'd want to come by all the time."
"Thank you."
In truth, this "bar" already had an established setting.
I'd used it exactly once before: the premise was that this place existed between the living world and the afterlife.
I called it the Middle World—a space where souls waiting for reincarnation lingered, and where people sometimes got swept in by accident.
Where humans lived was the Human Realm; where demons lived was the Demon Realm; where souls waited was the Middle World. That was clean enough.
I was fairly sure I'd given relationship advice to a succubus back then as well. It was a setting from quite a long time ago, dusted off for reuse after ages.
The name Nox had been a temporary alias from that same occasion.
"You're surprisingly calm, by the way. Most people get rather agitated."
"Succubi are a race tied to dreams, so I've heard that sometimes when we dream, we get pulled into the Middle World."
…The Middle World?
I'd never told that setting to anyone except the succubus I'd helped back then. So how did Lucia know about it…?
"You know it well. I suppose word must be circulating among the succubi."
I slipped in a gentle leading question.
"I heard it from my mother. She said in her case it was an empty tavern."
Ah. Her mother…
So this was the daughter of that succubus I'd helped before—Lily.
No wonder the name Evermore had felt familiar. It must have been the man's family name that I'd heard.
I remembered Lily mentioning something about "marrying a noble vampire who doesn't live in the Demon Realm." That was the memory.
I hadn't expected her to pass the story on to her daughter, but thanks to that, I now had a way to raise her name and boost my credibility even further.
"By any chance, when you say your mother… do you mean Lady Lily?"
"So this really is the place Mother came to."
Lucia's eyes went wide, and she muttered something about it probably being a bloodline thing.
I briefly considered whether I should use this opening to mention the relationship counseling I'd given Lily.
Lily had been carrying succubus-typical romantic troubles of her own, and Lucia's situation didn't seem all that different.
If I revealed that I'd once solved Lily's problems, wouldn't she think, Maybe I should try getting advice myself?
Then I could listen to their story with full legitimacy—and help their relationship move forward.
Having reached that conclusion, I put it into action at once.
"It's already been several decades since I met Lady Lily. I used to give her relationship advice quite often, you know."
"Relationship advice?"
She took the bait.
"Yes. She said the only thing she knew how to do was seduce people, so I helped her almost from start to finish.
I was even invited to the wedding… though of course I couldn't leave the Middle World so freely. A pity, really."
"M-married…"
When the conversation lapsed, Lucia fell silent for a moment. No doubt she was imagining something involving that man of hers.
"…Um, Mr. Nox."
The silence broke. Lucia fidgeted with her hands as she carefully spoke up.
This has to be about counseling, I thought, smiling to myself where she couldn't see.
"Yes, my customer?"
"Could you… help me with my love life a little, too?"
The whole point of this meeting was Lucia's romantic counseling. I had no reason to refuse.
"Of course. Shall we start by hearing your story?"
What I wanted to know most was where the two of them had first met, why she'd fallen in love, and why the man called Lucia "my lady."
All right. Let's hear what she has to say.