I Want to Stop
The cold plastic shaft rubbed across her lips and pushed inside. Every nerve in Yoo Jimin's body snapped taut at the disgusting, alien sensation. On the screen in front of her, a woman was sucking a dildo with an ecstatic expression, her technique practiced and smooth. Jimin had to copy her. If she didn't do as she was told, even worse pain would follow.
She tracked the woman's movements with her eyes — extending her tongue to lick the tip, pursing her lips to suck it in, running her tongue up and down the shaft. It looked easy. When she tried it herself, nothing went the way she wanted. Her tongue was stiff. Her lips kept locking up. Whenever she tried to take it deeper, a gagging sound tore from her throat and nausea surged up, shoving the dildo back out of her mouth. Try again. Fail again. Over and over.
The wounds from the steel toothbrush still burned inside her, and a dull, throbbing ache kept rising from her lower abdomen where her hymen had been torn. On top of that, there wasn't a scrap of strength left in her body. Her mind was hazy. Her hands and feet wouldn't stop shaking. Trying to copy those precise movements in this condition was simply impossible.
She looked back and forth between the woman's face on the screen and her own wretched reflection. That woman was so skilled. She herself was so clumsy, so pathetic. She never imagined that simply imitating a porn video could be this difficult, or this humiliating. Clear fluid — spit mixed with the product of her gagging — was already running down the corners of her mouth.
Her teeth clacked against the dildo's shaft, and the nausea rose again. Another failure. Tears spilled from her eyes of their own accord. She was holding on by a single thread of will — the will to survive — but this hopeless, wretched learning process seemed to be carving away even that last remaining scrap of resolve. The lesson on the screen was a wall far too high to climb. And so, alone in the dark, she kept struggling with the dildo clenched between her teeth.
On the screen, the woman sucking the dildo played on a loop. Those lewd moans. That practiced tongue-work. That expression drowned in ecstasy. Yoo Jimin looked back and forth between the cold dildo in her hand and the one on the screen. Her body was heavy. Below, she throbbed. The sensation of the dildo filling her mouth was still disgusting.
"Fuck… you crazy bastard…"
The curse slipped out low. No matter how she thought about it, this entire situation was a hell she could neither understand nor accept. Rage and hatred — directed at herself, and at Lee Dongwoo, who had forced all of this on her. But those feelings only scattered weakly across the floor. Muttering curses under her breath, she shoved the dildo deep into her mouth. Dry heaves surged from her throat again, but they were starting to feel almost familiar.
She had to do this. To stay alive. She had to follow orders.
On the screen, the woman's tongue coiled around the dildo. Clumsily, Yoo Jimin swept her tongue-tip up the shaft. She wrapped her lips around the base and made a show of sucking — just the shape of the motion, just an imitation. But her body…
A strange sensation began to surface. It wasn't purely disgust. In front of her eyes, the explicit footage played on. In her ears, the moans never stopped. The repetitive motion. The foreign object filling her dry mouth. Something unpleasant — but impossible to ignore — seemed to be crawling up from deep in her lower belly.
What is this…? Why is this happening…?
It unnerved her. A faint arousal, stirring in a situation that should have been nothing but revolting. The irony was vicious. She hated this… it was disgusting… so why was her body going strange? The wounds from the steel toothbrush and the vibrator still hurt, but beneath that pain, a different kind of sensation was writhing.
She clenched her teeth. Irritation surged. Even her own body seemed to be betraying her. Why did she have to feel this here? Why was she getting aroused by something this filthy? She glared at the moaning woman on the screen with eyes full of hatred. That woman. That video. They were doing this to her.
She wanted to look away. She wanted to tear her gaze from the screen. She didn't want to hear those disgusting sounds either. But her body wouldn't obey. As if the screen had her completely in its grip, her eyes stayed locked, tracking every movement of the performers. It was disgusting and filthy, but she couldn't look away. Worse — she started unconsciously analyzing it. How the next move worked. How that woman's hands moved. How she stimulated the head.
Whether she willed it or not, the lesson had begun. Inside this vicious textbook from hell.
The woman on the screen was devouring the dildo with an ecstatic expression, as if it were the most delicious thing in the world. Coquettish moans. Gleaming saliva. Hair tossing wildly.
What is this…?
Yoo Jimin felt a sudden, genuine bewilderment. Why did she like it that much? It was just a plastic stick. Was that act really that good?
Of course, Lee Dongwoo had just forcibly taken her virginity. There had been the tearing pain, and the sensation of something piercing deep inside her. But that was all. She hadn't felt any enormous pleasure. It hadn't been good enough to make her lose her mind the way the woman in the video did. Only pain, shame, and humiliation had remained.
And yet something was strange. As the woman's moans rang in her ears and she watched those practiced movements, she felt her own body beginning to tremble, for reasons she couldn't name. It wasn't fear. It wasn't cold. Faint, but unmistakable — an unpleasant, peculiar tremor starting deep in her lower belly.
At first she thought it was just exhaustion, just the aftereffects of the torture. But it wasn't. When the couple on screen changed positions and the woman shook her hips more violently, reaching climax, the tremor grew sharper. A tingling itch along the insides of her thighs. A dryness in her throat that made her swallow, unbidden.
She couldn't understand why. Rationally, all of it felt disgusting, filthy, horrific. But her body… her body, as if it belonged to someone else, was responding — faintly, but unmistakably — to the stimulation on the screen.
She looked down at the cold dildo in her hand. The woman on the screen wanted this thing so violently. Lee Dongwoo found satisfaction in that act, and he was forcing it on her. What was even right anymore?
The line between pain and pleasure felt like it was blurring. Reason and instinct seemed to be fighting each other. Disgust and curiosity tangled together, and her mind grew even more chaotic. In the midst of that chaos, her body would not stop trembling in ways she couldn't understand — as if she stood on the threshold of a new world, torn over whether to open the door.
What kept repeating on the screen was an ecstasy she couldn't comprehend. She herself was in tatters from pain and humiliation — so why were they like that? That question slipped past disgust and loathing, and warped into a terrible curiosity.
She didn't know. She didn't know anything anymore. What Lee Dongwoo wanted was this. To become like the woman on the screen. In that case…
Yoo Jimin's trembling hand finally picked up the dildo lying beside her. Cold. Hard. Of her own will, she brought it to her body. Practice, to stay alive — or maybe, by now, it was something else. A confirmation of this unknown sensation.
She squeezed her eyes shut. Then she pressed the tip of the dildo against the swollen entrance of her pussy. When the cold plastic touched the wound Lee Dongwoo had torn through just a short while ago, the stinging pain flared again. She slowly rubbed the dildo around the entrance. The sticky fluid that still hadn't dried — her own blood mixed with her own juices — smeared across its surface. It became a grotesque lubricant.
At last, she made her decision. She carefully aligned the head of the dildo with her entrance, and very slowly, holding her breath, began to push it inside. The pain of the wound Lee Dongwoo had torn open felt like it was splitting again, but she could endure it now. Or rather — she had to.
"Hnnngh…!"
There was no ball gag this time, but she couldn't hold back the moan that burst out. The sensation of a foreign object driving deep into her belly. It wasn't purely pain. Along with the transgressive thrill of violating her own body with her own hands, that strange tremor from before grew stronger. Her body began, slowly, to swallow the dildo. Shallow moans kept leaking out of her.
"Hhk… i-it's too big…"
The words slipped out before she knew it. It wasn't as big as Lee Dongwoo's, but even so, it filled her tight inner walls completely. She was stunned. Not even half of the dildo was inside, and already it felt like she was packed full. How did the women on the screen take the whole thing…? Caught between shock and fear, she gasped for breath, feeling the cold plastic shaft buried inside her body.
An unknown exploration, begun by following a textbook from hell. Along with the pain, it was awakening a kind of sensation she had never experienced in her life.
"Hhk… i-it's too big…"
Along with that stunned mutter, the thought flashed through her mind: she wanted to stop. This was insane. This was an act of destroying herself. It was painful, shameful, disgusting. She had to pull this dildo out, even now.
But her hand would not stop.
As if it belonged to someone else, it moved on its own, independent of her will. The hand gripping the dildo didn't pull it out. Instead, little by little, stubbornly, it kept pushing it deeper. The pressure filling her belly grew worse and worse. She felt the torn wound splitting open again.
Stop… I said stop!
She screamed it inside her head, but her fingertips trembled, faintly, as if trying to push the dildo just a little deeper. Just a little more. On the screen, the woman was still moaning, and that sound clung to her ears as if it were hypnotizing her.
This isn't right. This isn't me.
Her mind grew hazy. It felt as though she had lost control of her own body. Rage and despair, and a tiny sliver of curiosity, mixed together until her reason went numb. The textbook from hell that Lee Dongwoo had left behind, and the dildo — they were slowly devouring her.
"Ah… nnh…!"
She didn't know why she was doing this. Her reason was screaming, but her instinct refused to stop. Her hand would not stop. The dildo would not stop. And the moans from the screen would not stop either, ringing on and on in her ears.