Goblin Head Soup 7 - Ruin
"Yeah, thank you, CutieHorn. Thanks to everyone else for the donations too. I'm sorry my donation reactions aren't that big. I just don't really know what to do for those..."
"Well, in the past, I usually stopped at one-off hunts. Today, it's all for the goblin head soup... Ah, right! I need to make the soup!"
Time flew by as I spent a while replying to the stream of donations and messages.
We didn't have much time.
After all, didn't a viewer say earlier that they reported this to the Hunter Association?
It would probably take the Hunter Association at least two hours to deploy, so until then, I had to do a fun goblin soup mukbang stream with my viewers.
Fortunately, all I had lost was eight servings' worth of broth and the earthenware pot that had been shattered by an arrow.
There was still plenty of broth left, and I wasn't short on ingredients.
First, I lit the campfire again using my holy power... Surely no one would get in the way this time, right?
Good. After scanning the surroundings, I set the broth to boil first.
"Now then! The time... has come... to cook some happy! Joyful! Goblin head soup~!!"
...Sharp bastards...
But I couldn't help it.
Even if I only counted the literal passage of time, it had been decades since I returned to my original world, and most of what I remembered were old variety shows and programs.
Since the world's culture and trends had changed drastically in the meantime, I couldn't help it if a boomer-like vibe slipped out now and then in the eyes of the viewers.
"Quiet down and just clap."
"Well, since it's an Origin specimen and has an S-grade threat level, it would probably sell for quite a bit. I'm not very familiar with market prices, so I can't say for sure..."
"Oh, really? But I already have a house, so I'm fine."
"What are you talking about? Beef and pork are meats that already exist perfectly fine in our society. But when else would we ever get to eat goblin meat? And the meat of an Emperor Goblin at that!"
"Are you looking down on soup now? It's the same thing. Grilling meat is just the most basic, primitive, and simple form of human cooking. But soup is the culmination of the most cost-effective dish of this era, researched and perfected by the brilliant scholars of our universities! There are plenty of people who would rather eat soup than just meat, you know?"
"Uh-huh, if you don't know, stay quiet."
These guys really didn't know how sacred and great soup was.
Even before I became a Deceased Saintess, soup was the most cost-effective food—a crystallization of protein and carbohydrates where hot, rich broth, meat, rice, and seasoning paste harmonized beautifully in a single earthenware bowl.
With a side of delicious radish kimchi, it was a magical dish that naturally elicited the exclamation, "Fuck yeah, shit."
And the fact that soup was a sacred dish hadn't changed in this era either.
Many people still sought it out, and even when I returned, countless soup restaurants remained.
Oh, holy soup...
"Now, to make Emperor Goblin soup, we have to prep the meat first, right?"
"Did you think you could just tear into goblin meat raw without prepping it? Beef, pork, Taurus meat—which was recently recognized as edible meat—and goblin meat! They all require precise deboning and butchering! Isn't this total goblin discrimination? You racist, hateful bigots! How could you say such a horrible thing?!"
The basic rule of cooking is to wash your hands, but unfortunately, there was no suitable place to do so here, so I used the bottled water I had packed in my backpack.
"Anyway, prepping it isn't hard. First, drain the blood. Then, separate the bones, meat, and cut them into pieces by section... Honestly, I'm not some master butcher who's an expert at deboning, so let's just keep it simple."
Miracle: Purification
The holy power flowing from my hands enveloped the Emperor Goblin's body.
As if receiving a sacred baptism, the Emperor Goblin's flesh glowed white, but this was less of a baptism and more of a sterilization for slaughter.
The miracle of purification I had just used was a miracle that cleansed all filth, impurities, poisons, and all status ailments, including hallucinations.
"There, now the meat is extremely clean. Any bacteria or other contamination has probably been completely purified."
"..........."
"Ahem. Let's see."
Since I didn't have a proper butcher knife, I decided to borrow the strength of the flesh tentacles growing around my waist as a makeshift solution.
Despite their appearance, they were versatile tentacles capable of transforming into blade shapes.
While I could see the Emperor Goblin's body unfiltered—flesh, muscle, and organs clearly visible—some level of filtering was probably applied to the viewers' screens.
First, I severed the most important part: the head.
What came after was crucial.
As the flesh tentacles separated the bones and meat, my job was to carefully pull out the heart, lungs, and other organs by hand, making sure the entrails didn't burst.
Fortunately, the Emperor Goblin's body was incomparably sturdier than a normal goblin's, so even if I messed up my strength control a bit, no disaster like bursting organs occurred.
Of course, since I had used the purification miracle, there wouldn't be any filth or bacteria in the Emperor Goblin's body anyway, but still, it was a matter of peace of mind.
Squelch, squelch.
The part I was going to use first was the liver.
Anyone who has eaten pork soup knows that in pork soup with clear broth, they sometimes add prepped organs in addition to the lean meat. Naturally, goblin meat would be the same... probably.
Perhaps...?
'...Uh, well... I don't really know.'
Surely there must be at least one other person in this world who butchers goblin meat besides me?
If there was, I would definitely learn the proper recipe and prep methods for goblin meat from them.
Anyway, I could just do it similarly to when I caught and cooked a hobgoblin... Although the Emperor Goblin was completely different from a hobgoblin in appearance and the distribution of bones and fat, they were still the same 'species' of goblin, so they would share some similarities.
"First of all, the Emperor Goblin's liver seems to weigh roughly one kilogram."
Seeing that just an organ weighed this much, it was clear it was packed with protein and fat.
If I were at home, I would have soaked it in cold water to drain the blood and boiled it once in boiling water, but I didn't have time right now.
*Squeeeze, press, press!*
"First, to remove the blood and unnecessary fat, you have to apply pressure from the top. It's just like how meat processors compress meat with a press. If you press down hard like this, it squeezes out parasites and visceral fat in addition to the blood, so it's absolutely necessary. Probably...?"
I didn't know how strong a mechanical press was, but my strength would be more than enough.
Like all organ meats, the fresher it was, the better it would taste.
Especially in the case of the liver, since it contains a lot of blood, its freshness begins to drop immediately after extraction, so it's best to cook and eat it as quickly as possible.
"Whew, the blood is all drained. It looks pretty clean on the outside now. Can you see?"
I held up the compressed Emperor Goblin liver toward the drone camera.
The Emperor Goblin's liver looked reminiscent of congealed ox blood.
Its squishy texture and blood-red color were enough to stimulate the appetite.
"The smell... Yes! Good. It's fresh! It'll be perfect if I cook it like this."
Leaving the tentacles to dismantle the remaining flesh and bones of the Emperor Goblin on their own, I sliced the liver into small pieces and put them in the pot.
The most important part, the Emperor Goblin's head, had already been placed in the pot and was boiling.
Taking the viewers' feedback into account, I had extracted the Emperor Goblin's eyeballs beforehand.
After all, if they were trying to watch me eat soup with clear broth, and the Emperor Goblin's eyeballs were floating on top, the viewers might find it quite disgusting.
"Did I use up all the seasoning paste earlier? It's fine. I can just make it here."
I opened my backpack and looked over the ingredients I could find.
Soy sauce, starch syrup, sugar, cooking wine, garlic, onion, ginger, pepper, anchovy fish sauce... Well, even if it wasn't perfect, I could make a decent makeshift seasoning paste.
Normally, it would be better to add pear juice or apple juice, but for now, I boiled the water...
I mixed them roughly by feel and tasted it; the flavor was actually pretty good.
Mhm, good, good.
"The liver is prepped and in, and the Emperor Goblin's head is in too... All that's left is to wait for it to boil."
My mouth watered at the aroma wafting from the pot.
Ah. I was getting happy.
Yes, this was it...
"Ah..... smells so goooood...."
"Clearing a dungeon to warm up, sitting in front of a warm campfire, and spacing out while smelling the fragrant goblin soup... Why don't you guys try it sometime?"
"No, I'm not crying. I'm so happy and relaxed right now... why would I be sad?"
An hour... no, maybe just thirty minutes of boiling would do?
I heard that when boiling some pork soups, they boil it for over four hours, but since I already had the broth prepared beforehand, a short boil should be enough.
The heat from the flames made of holy power was also strong, so it would be fine.
"Yawn, I'm getting a bit sleepy... Guys, can you wake me up in thirty minutes?"
My lips curled up at the viewers who had already started chatting busily among themselves, leaving me be, and I closed my eyes.
Actually, I wasn't asleep.
I was just a bit drowsy because of my slightly fatigued body and the campfire next to me.
"...is...!"
Right, I wasn't asleep...
"Sia-eonni!!!"
"....?"
I sat up at the sound of a voice nearby.
It wasn't a hallucination. Someone had actually come.
They were moving pretty fast. Who was it?
"Sia-eonni!! Are you okay?"
"Uh..... huh?"
"I mean, are you crazy, Eonni?! No matter what, how could you just charge into an S-grade dungeon, the Goblin Empire, all by yourself without any preparation or reporting it to the Association?!"
Turning my head, the first thing that caught my eye was ice-blue hair.
A woman with clean, blue hair as cold as ice, but with a surprisingly cheerful and bright smile.
An appearance that looked quite youthful, as if she hadn't even reached her mid-twenties yet.
Hunter name: Icicle Nine.
Real name: Yeonhwa.
Nickname: Aina.
Also known as the Snow Flower Hero, she was South Korea's S-grade hunter and the very first person I formed a connection with after returning to this world.
Although her ability was ice, her actual personality was far from cold, closer to that of a golden retriever.
"...What is Binggu doing here?"
And to me, she was just Binggu.
Of course, at the word 'Binggu', she frowned her smooth forehead in disgust.
"I-I told you I'm not Binggu! I'm Icicle Nine...! At least call me Aina or by my real name!"
Icicle = Bing (Ice)
Nine = Gu
So you are Binggu, aren't you?
Since the broadcast hadn't stopped and was still streaming, the chat window began to explode at Binggu's sudden appearance.
"I happened to be watching your stream too, so I came right away as soon as the report came into the Association. It's a total emergency over there, you know? They were making such a fuss about a streaming hunter finding the Goblin Empire..."
"Really?"
"Sigh, but I didn't expect that stream to be yours, Sia-eonni..."
"Explain what?"
"Uh..."
An S-grade hunter certainly seemed to be a big deal and very popular.
But these jerks, who usually chat with me like I'm trash, are going absolutely wild now that Binggu is here...
Ah, fine, since you're demanding an explanation, I'll explain.
"Ahem, then... I'll formally introduce... no, explain. Binggu... I mean, S-grade hunter Yeonhwa and I already knew each other. When I returned, she was the one who processed my returnee paperwork and guaranteed my identity."
"Ah, um. Sorry for interrupting the stream, viewers. As you know, the Goblin Empire is rated as an S-grade threat, so the Association has been keeping a very close eye on it..."
"Don't tell me the cleanup crew is on their way too?"
"Uh, yeah... I'm sorry, Eonni. The Association has a dedicated task force just for the Goblin Empire, so there's no helping it. They should all be arriving by now. But more than anything, the Association is in an absolute frenzy over the fact that you cleared the Empire all by yourself."
"I guess the higher-ups watched my stream too."
"They asked if you could write a statement later... Will you be okay with that?"
"A statement is fine..."
At those words, Yeonhwa let out a sigh of relief.
I figured I was being monitored anyway. It was within my expectations.
"Anyway, sorry guys. I'll have to end today's stream here. It seems Bingg... I mean, Yeonhwa brought the Association along because she was worried about me."
"Ah, um... Eonni."
"Yeah?"
"Um... just in case, did you file a report for clearing the dungeon?"
"....Huh? Why?"
When hunters enter a dungeon, they must report to the Bureau or the Association before going in.
If a hunter didn't come out of a gate or dungeon for a long time, a rescue team or emergency relief squad would be deployed immediately. And since there were cases of crimes being committed inside dungeons, reporting to the Association had recently become a very natural procedure.
And I did report it.
I reported that I was entering a C-grade dungeon with an unassessed threat level.
"Um... this is a Mimic Dungeon, right, Eonni?"
"Yeah, it is."
"So, even if it wasn't the Goblin Empire, to enter a Mimic Dungeon... you have to file an additional report."
...And naturally, I hadn't filed any additional report.
At the thought of making soup with an Emperor Goblin's head, I had just charged right in.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't report it. Did I get you into trouble?"
"It's not that.... Eonni. If you don't report your entry into a dungeon, everything that happens inside is treated as a natural disaster or accidental death... and..."
"And?"
Yeonhwa stared at the pot bubbling over the campfire.
"...And. All monster byproducts from an unreported dungeon... are confiscated and become state property. The same goes for the Emperor Goblin you caught, Eonni..."
"...........?"
What?
"Normally, even if you didn't report it, they would recognize the hunter's kill... but the Emperor Goblin is an Origin specimen..."
What did I just hear?
"No, no! That's not it! It's not like that!"
Yeonhwa shouted in panic at the chat's reaction.
"The Emperor Goblin is a one-of-a-kind Origin specimen! Its value as research material is high, so it needs to be used as educational material and research subjects for training the next generation of hunters! Besides, it would be different if Sia-eonni had found the Mimic Dungeon, reported her entry to the Association, and then cleared it, but she entered the Mimic Dungeon without reporting it, so..."
Poaching.
Yes, there was no better word for it.
But to me, it was a word that made my heart sink.
"......Um, then what about my soup...?"
"I'm sorry, but of course we have to confiscate all of it... They said the Emperor Goblin's bones, meat, and even its organs are of immense value... B-but don't worry! The Association said they'll pay you full price for it..."
What did you say?
........Ah.
For a moment, I felt dizzy.
What about my soup! Give it back!
Do you know how hard I worked to boil this?!
My, my, my... The Emperor Goblin head soup that I prepped and made myself...!
"S-Sia-eonni! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! I'm so sorry! I'll apologize on behalf of the Association! But there's nothing we can do! Instead, I'll buy you as much beef... no, whatever you want to eat, as much as you want!!!"
"..........The expensive kind..."
"Yes, yes! Of course! I'll rent out a whole barbecue restaurant for the entire day! I'm so, so sorry! So please don't cry, Eonni!"
"...I'm not crying..."
...Fine, let's just eat beef.
"Everyone, today's stream... ends here............."
You son of a bitch!
Filled with rage and sorrow, I slammed the end broadcast button.
Emperor Goblin Head Soup Result - Ruined (亡)