The Black Mage Hates Contract Scams (1)
“Kekekeke! At long last, our endless humiliation and suffering come to an end…!”
The secret society of wicked villains, Ebon’s Ivory Tower, was facing an unprecedented crisis as of late. It was all because of these things called “magical girls” who had utterly thwarted their modest evil deeds and blocked their rightful plundering with their outrageous interference.
In response, the Ivory Tower’s top executives, the Four Heavenly Kings, had prepared their trump card. Summoning the Ivory Tower’s founder, the great Ebon who had ascended to a distant other dimension long ago.
Having successfully distracted the magical girls by sending out mindless mass-produced villains, the Four Heavenly Kings had finally entered the ritual’s final stage.
“There’s no way those bitches could find this place, right?”
“Rest assured. We’ve even sent out Dunamis, the fastest among us, just in case. Even if they break through the mass-produced ones… Huh?”
The Earth Heavenly King, who had snorted at his comrade’s question, suddenly sensed an ominous approach. Blasphemous light mana, the presence of a horrific apostle of justice!
“Your evil ends here!”
A black cape draped over her shoulders and black boots on her feet. In her pitch-black transformation costume, only the gauntlets wrapping her fists and the greaves encasing her legs gleamed silver. Magi Black, the owner of monstrous strength that could pierce even the diamond-hard skin of Grata, the sturdiest of the Four Heavenly Kings.
“You villains who disturb the city’s night!”
A white cape fluttered. Her outfit, adorned with frills and lace that seemed utterly impractical at first glance, revealed its true nature in an instant—thin threads that became shackles binding the villain tight. Magi White, a master of gruesome joint locks that even the amorphous body of Sargasso, the most fluid of the Four Heavenly Kings, couldn’t withstand.
“In the name of love and justice!”
“I won’t forgive you all!”
As the promised lines, the magical girls’ battle cry, rang out, a shockwave erupted around them. The light hounds of justice had arrived.
“These damn magical girls… but you’re one step too late!”
Sargasso, the leader of the Four Heavenly Kings, spread his arms wide and shouted. By the time the magical girls burst in to bow before Ebon, the ritual preparations were already complete!
“Come forth, our great founder Ebon!”
Rumble! A massive flash of light and an earth-shattering explosion. Before the magical girls could even launch into full battle, the match was decided.
Sargasso smirked confidently. At the eye of the raging mana storm. At the center of the flashing multicolored mana.
“Uahaha! Witnessing Lord Ebon’s power…?”
Nothing was there.
“Huh?”
“Opening!”
“Take this!”
“Magister Magic Robe!”
⟨ Magical Martial Arts (MMA) ⟩
The essence of magical girl magic, the ultimate technique of Magical Martial Arts (MMA), hammered the Four Heavenly Kings. The Ivory Tower’s villains fled in tears.
Once again, the insidious schemes of those nefarious magical girls had routed the villains dreaming of tomorrow’s peaceful exploitation!
Having chased off the villains, the two magical girls exchanged glances, high-fived, and departed the scene. The city was safe once more. All thanks to the warriors of light, the Magilists.
The battlefield, now emptied of both villains and magical girls. Footsteps disturbed the silence that should have filled the air.
A silhouette of a robed man reflected in the dust-covered ground. Sargasso’s summoning spell hadn’t failed. The entity that appeared at the ritual site’s center had simply concealed itself in an instant and slipped into the city’s shadows.
Neither the Ivory Tower’s Four Heavenly Kings nor the two magical girls had noticed its presence. A feat possible only for someone with far superior magical prowess than anyone gathered there.
The robed man slowly paced the battlefield. The shadow swaying beneath his heavy footsteps wasn’t human. His sharp gaze swept over the remnants of the summoning ritual, as if appraising them.
Finally, he spoke.
“No. Since when has Earth had magical girls?”
The black mage collapsed to the ground, rolling around and sobbing.
“My Earth isn’t like this!”
It was the pathetic despair only one who realized all his efforts and resources poured into returning home had been wasted could show.
After several minutes of rolling on the ground and lamenting his fate, the black mage straightened up.
This can’t be happening.
Not empty escapism. His dimensional transfer was a reward from a contract with a demon. Believing their authority to interfere across countless dimensions would take him to the right Earth, he had signed the contract.
The black mage had faithfully fulfilled the demon’s demands. So if the contract wasn’t properly executed, the contractor had every right to demand proper compensation.
The black mage scowled fiercely, raised his left index finger, and gripped the rough skin near the nail root with his right hand.
Sizzle!
He tore it off in one go. Even by eye, over 5cm of flesh ripped away. Pain sparked like lightning.
“I offer my pain—hear me, unborn ones of the rift!”
The torn flap slipped through the gaps between his fingers. The flesh stretched and twisted like rubber, mimicking the shape of a walkie-talkie. At a glance, it resembled a one-stroke drawing in flesh-colored ink.
The black mage snatched the flesh walkie-talkie roughly and shouted.
“Wrong delivery on the goods! I demand a refund!”
[Sorry. The current line quality is poor. Could you please repeat that?]
“Refund my mana!”
[As notified prior to contract cancellation, mana refunds are not possible.]
“Prior notice? What the hell…!”
The black mage recalled the moments just before falling into this Earth-masked otherworld.
Definitely…
The black mage’s bloodshot eyes flashed. In his grip pulsed a still-living heart.
“I offer in burnt sacrifice the heart of the beast that toppled seven fortresses and crushed five kings!”
The fingers clutching the heart swelled irregularly. More like tree branches than human digits, they multiplied and pierced the heart’s surface.
Gurgle.
With each throb, black blood spurted from the punctures. The blood soaking the surroundings didn’t seep into the ground but formed a geometric magic circle.
Impossible to believe for a heart small enough to fit in a human hand, it spewed vast amounts of blood. A grand magic circle filled the black mage’s entire field of vision and continued expanding.
“Fulfill the contract you once made with me!”
As the spell’s final verse left his lips, a strange voice echoed. As if whispering right in his ear, or an echo from afar. A voice from an unknowable source.
The demon’s messenger whispered.
[We love you, customer! This is LamaShut Holdings Co., Ltd., always aiming for trust and sincerity. How may we assist you today?]
“Home!”
[Yes, let me check your return policy application.]
“Come on, aren’t you tired of this bullshit routine with me?”
The black mage yelled at his old demonic “friend.” The demon replied with sincere politeness: “Sorry, but we can’t discuss non-business matters.”
[Confirmed! With the Behemoth heart you just submitted, all required mana is fulfilled. Early cancellation is now possible if desired.]
Massaging the nape of his neck with his now-normal right hand, the black mage let out a reflexive cheer of joy.
“Finally!”
Finally, he could go home.
“Early cancellation! Cancel! No more hanging with you damn fiends, no more draining my blood for mana, no more peering into gross entrails—today it all ends!”
To his beautiful, blue Earth!
[Then, customer, we must review the essential terms before proceeding with contract fulfillment and cancellation.]
“Hey!”
The black mage felt his neck stiffen. Every time the contract review added a step, his rage intensified—same in otherworlds or on Earth.
Despite his urging to “just spit it out already,” the demon methodically recited each clause with careful precision.
[Our guaranteed ‘return’ is to the dimension most similar to your mana wavelength. Due to external factors or other influences…]
[─Therefore, in cases of mana wavelength distortion or misidentification due to external environment, transfer to a different dimension unrelated to your intent may occur, as we previously informed you, right?]
“My mana wavelength is similar to this world’s?”
To the demon’s tone of ‘You already heard the terms and signed—what’re you gonna do about it?’, the black mage hurriedly checked his own mana. There was definitely some similarity.
But pinpointing the exact cause of the distortion was tough. Too many suspects.
The Behemoth heart he’d just sacrificed had roamed countless dimensions. Bathing in its blood would naturally cause interference. Or maybe the mana beasts he’d devoured to build his power. Couldn’t overlook the contracts with otherworldly beings he’d made to survive in the demon realm.
Reasons endlessly popped into his head.
…Is it my fault?
A momentary doubt. The black mage shook his head and steeled himself.
Anyway, not my problem!
In deals with demons, you couldn’t show weakness. No need for needless hesitation. After all, the other side was a demon.
Inside the contract, both sides schemed to screw each other over—that was the standard demon-black mage relationship.
“This isn’t the world I wanted! I wanted my mana-less, ordinary Earth! I demand a mana refund! Send me to the right place or give my mana back!”
[You’re no longer a customer, so I’ll speak freely. Hey, Raban.]
Raban was taken aback. Not by the sudden name-drop. He’d used “Raban” for ages as a placeholder for contracts—who’d reveal their true name to demons?
Just that hearing casual speech from this demon on the other end felt so novel after so long.
[Why’s it your mana anyway?]
“What the fu— ”
Before Raban could fully process the shock, the demon delivered an even greater one. Rage and absurdity rippled through the delicate magic linking dimensions.
The demon didn’t miss the tremor and cut the connection.
In the silence, Raban looked around. He had become a magic-less, possession-less mage pauper, stranded in this unfamiliar otherworld.