Means to an End
By the time I'd evacuated eight—no, nine—people from the building, I checked my watch. The hour hand had just passed one o'clock. It was far too late to make it to the appointment ceremony. Even if I left right then, I'd be tardy.
At that moment, I figured nothing mattered more than human lives—not some ceremony. I thought it was right to boldly skip that trivial event and save the people still trapped inside. What drove my body forward was a sense of justice and chivalry, or so I told myself.
With that, I plunged back into the flames. And there, I saw Kim Jin-seo.
I don't remember the exact details of the situation. But she was probably crying back then. Maybe from sadness, or maybe from the smoke making her cough and tearing up her eyes. Either way, one thing was certain: tears welled in her eyes.
“……”
I smiled at the sight of her crying. Well, more like a smile leaked out without me realizing it.
Kim Jin-seo is the chairman's daughter. Throwing myself into danger to save her would look good in Kim Chang-won's eyes. My body was already a wreck anyway—if I pushed it even harder and came out utterly ragged, I might even earn some sympathy. Maybe then they'd cut me some slack for being late to the ceremony.
Even if fate hadn't chosen me for the Charity Holy Mark, this incident might secure it for me…
With those sleazy thoughts swirling in my head, that's why I smiled at Kim Jin-seo.
“What're you doing? Keep lazing like that and you'll overheat.”
From under the blanket, Kim Jin-seo poked at me. First the wrist bite earlier, now this—she was acting just like a cat demanding playtime. Only now did it hit me: I'd been equating her with a cat.
I hadn't saved Kim Jin-seo because I truly wanted to save her. It was regret and atonement for the dead cat… To put it bluntly, I'd saved her as a substitute for that cat.
By rescuing Kim Jin-seo, I thought I could forget the cat that died. The tangled emotions I'd felt seeing her weren't anything noble—they were guilt, and self-loathing for treating her as a means to an end, not the goal itself.
Have you ever seen such a pathetic wretch?
Under the blanket, Kim Jin-seo kept poking me. The jabs were getting harder.
According to you, does that justify evil done for a greater purpose?
“……”
Means or ends—those aren't what matter. What counts is whether the action results in good or evil. Even if driven by means, if it's a good deed, it's good.
But can a good deed born of mere means truly be called good? Even if the end it serves isn't noble?
And if a bad deed's end is noble, does that make it good?
You're no philosopher—you're the leader of a faith. You don't set the standards for good and evil.
Legba's tone was a bit heated. I lay silently under the blanket, listening.
Whether by means or end, if doctrine deems it good, it is good.
Legba fell silent after that. Even after his voice fully faded from my mind, I stared into the darkness under the blanket for a long while.
I couldn't tell if his words were true wisdom or clever sophistry. If good and evil were absolute, unbound by means or ends, then couldn't one commit good solely as a tool and call it righteous…?
And conversely, evil for a good end…?
My head grew muddled. The more I parsed means, ends, good, evil, the hazier the lines became. Eventually, they all blurred into one inseparable mass.
I stopped thinking and closed my eyes. Layers of darkness welcomed me.
“Hey.”
Then Kim Jin-seo called out, flipping back the blanket. Light suddenly pierced through my eyelids.
“Oh, you're alive.”
“……Of course.”
“Good enough.”
She grumbled curtly and turned away. But she kept stealing glances at me—like she was checking if I was really alive.
*
The next day and the day after, I spent lying in the hospital bed. Meals were brought by nurses and tasted awful. I forced them down just to stay alive.
Outside of eating and sleeping, I read books or watched TV. I'd lost my phone in the fire. I caught up on the outside world via news, studied textbooks to make up for missed school. I knew I'd fallen behind, so I spent every spare moment cramming.
“Your Holiness. How are you feeling?”
As I gazed at the midday sun, bored out of my mind, Kang Ji-a came to visit. She held a slice of cake in one hand.
I didn't usually crave cake, but after days of hospital slop, its sugary tang sounded tempting.
“Not bad. Thanks to you, though, look at me now.” I joked lightly as I took the cake from her and set it on the shelf.
But Kang Ji-a didn't take it as a joke. Her face darkened, and she bowed her head deeply.
“I'm sorry. I should have been the one to die. Back then, I was just… terrified…”
“Huh? No, I was kidding. I told you to get out first anyway.”
“Next time, I'll die in your place, Your Holiness. Or at least go down with you.”
“Don't say creepy stuff like that…”
She said it dead seriously, but I let it go in one ear and out the other. I didn't want anyone dying for me, and I sure as hell wouldn't let it come to that.
Besides the cake slice, Kang Ji-a had brought bags of snacks—fruits, cookies, that sort of thing.
“What's with your arm?”
I asked as she peeled an apple. There was a scrape on her arm.
“I got it falling while running away back then… Ah.”
“Oh, from that? Does it hurt?”
“……”
Kang Ji-a didn't answer. She just kept peeling, head down. Her knife hand trembled visibly.
“I should have just died then…”
“Ugh, stop with that nonsense.”
“I'm a disgrace to Voodoo…”
“You're doing it again. Hey, Uncle didn't come?”
Sick of her self-flagellation, I quickly changed the subject.
Kang Ji-a nodded, still peeling the apple with shaky hands.
“He's busy with the upcoming executive meeting. Said he'd come next time.”
“Ah…”
Executive meeting. Held around late April, July, and November each year. All the regional Voodoo executives gather to discuss agendas.
Come to think of it, one was coming up soon.
“Planning to attend this one?”
She neatly sliced the apple into a bunny shape on a plate, her handiwork impressive. I admired it while pondering.
“The executives never much liked me.”
“I recall that, yes.” Kang Ji-a nodded slightly.
The Voodoo executives didn't care for me. Compared to my father, the Second Cult Leader, I—the Third—was deemed too lacking in ability. Some even opposed my leadership outright, calling my mindset too lax.
On my fifteenth birthday, entering middle school second year, I attended my first executive meeting. That's when I learned most of them despised me. After that, I never went again. Their suspicious stares unnerved me.
“Should I go?”
I asked Kang Ji-a. She gazed contentedly at the bunny apple before speaking.
“It's your choice, Your Holiness, but I think skipping would be wiser.”
“Why?”
“Rumor has it rebellion and impeachment talk is growing, centered on Jeolla and Chungcheong branches. It's unverified gossip, but facing them now might be risky.”
“……Hmm.”
Rebellion. Impeachment. Chilling words that made my legs shake just hearing them. They might even try to kill me at this meeting.
For my safety alone, skipping seemed smart.
Just my safety.
“Guess I'll go anyway.”
Still, better to show up.
Her eyes widened in surprise, then settled back to her usual blank expression.
“Are you sure?”
“Better to nip the rebellion in the bud ASAP. Let it fester, and it might grow.”
“They might cast spells on you. Or outright kill you.”
“Pfft.”
I smiled at her and continued.
“Their spells? Nah, doubt it'd stick. If it gets dicey, I'll just dismantle 'em.”
Even if they rebelled, no sweat. I was confident their spells wouldn't touch me—and that I could stop them from casting in the first place. Post-succession ritual, my Voodoo skills had skyrocketed, and my confidence with them too.
“……Fair point.”
Kang Ji-a nodded in agreement.
We exchanged a few more words before she left. The cake slices and fruits she'd brought filled the shelves on both sides of my bed. Not craving cake right now, I stashed it in the fridge.
Around 5 p.m., another visitor arrived.
“Do Seon-woo, you, you iiiidiot…!”
It was Jeong In-ah. The moment she saw me, her eyes welled up, face scrunched in fury as she rushed over.
She'd brought gifts like figs and grape juice—stuff I didn't particularly like, funnily enough.
“If you're hospitalized, at least call, you, you dummy!”
She slammed down the shopping bag of gifts and immediately yelled. Didn't seem like real anger, though. More like masking worry with a tantrum.
“Lost my phone in the fire, couldn't call.”
“Public phone then… Oh, you can't get up. Still, borrow a nurse's or something!”
“That's ridiculous…”
“Not ridiculous! And damn it, I was so worried—can't you pull some strings for that?”
She ranted on like that for a while. Was this a visit or a venting session?
“Anyway, you okay? Can you check out? What'd the doc say?”
Finally calming, she asked. No pause for answers—just a barrage of questions.
I handed her an apology apple instead—the bunny one Kang Ji-a had carved.
“──But why no answer? You okay or what?”
Jeong In-ah chomped the crisp apple, eyeing me. Her eyes were moist but not red. Lips pursed in that pout she did when annoyed or mad.
“Feeling okay now, but doc says rest up.”
I gave a wry smile and relayed the doctor's words verbatim.
“For real? You're good? Discharge when?”
“Probably in three… four days? Said my sturdy build means quick recovery.”
“Sturdy my ass. Always getting hurt, hospitalized. Fragile as glass, you.”
She scolded me. Objectively, I was sturdy, but yeah, frequent injuries and hospital stays made arguing pointless.
“What about the ceremony?”
I forced a bitter smile and shifted topics.
Her sharp glare softened, face stiffening. She hesitated, lips twitching.
“Well, uh…”
“Just spill. Doesn't matter.”
“Yeah, okay. Indefinitely postponed. No idea why, they just said so.”
Indefinitely postponed. Could mean anything. Optimistically, waiting for my discharge. Pessimistically, prepping a new exam for someone else.
“So, no results yet.”
“Yeah… You cool? You trained so hard…”
I gave a small smile to show I was fine. Wanted the Charity Holy Mark, sure, but hadn't obsessed over prep. If Gu Jun-hyeok got it instead, I'd accept calmly. A bit disappointing, maybe.
“……Speaking of, where's Gu Jun-hyeok?”
That's when I realized he wasn't here. Figured he'd come with Jeong In-ah, but only she showed.
Her face darkened noticeably as she bowed her head.
“He's probably at the hospital too.”
“Hospital? Why?”
“Was gonna tell you… uh…”
She clamped her mouth shut, silence stretching. The room filled with quiet. Dusk crept through the window, softly dimming the space.
The hush lasted a split second, but felt eternal to me.
“His mom's condition… it's…”
Jeong In-ah finally spoke, voice hoarse.
(To be continued)