Just One More Time
"Just one more."
"No, I really can't. I feel like I'm gonna die..."
"Quit whining and get on with it."
It wasn't whining—this was genuine agony, the kind that could actually kill me. And yet Kim Jin-seo kept prodding me on, even flashing that sly little grin. She seemed to be enjoying my suffering.
If I'd known it would be like this, I would've bolted the second she suggested working out together...
The workout session with Kim Jin-seo, whom I'd run into by chance, had turned out better than expected. She had trainer-level knowledge, making our sessions way more efficient than going solo. Better than any personal training I'd had.
The problem was the intensity. From the weights to the reps, everything was dialed up to brutal levels. It made me realize what I'd been doing before barely qualified as exercise.
"Hurry up and get in position. Just one more set."
"It's not whining, I seriously can't... breathe..."
"Oh yeah? Want me to give you mouth-to-mouth?"
She said it with a casual smile. I saw the devil in that grin.
Kim Jin-seo had no intention of easing up, no matter what I said. Better to grit my teeth, power through, and end this hell sooner. I followed her instructions on sheer willpower, praying for it all to be over.
"Good job."
By the time my body felt like shredded rags, the workout finally wrapped up. As I caught my breath, basking in the accomplishment of surviving that infernal routine, Kim Jin-seo spoke.
"How long you gonna rest?"
"...Isn't it over?"
"One more exercise."
I thought she was joking, but her expression said otherwise. Not a single muscle from head to toe had any strength left, but backing out now after coming this far felt like admitting defeat. Pride wouldn't let me.
The final one was bench press. Despite my resolve, the moment I lay back and stared at the barbell, fear hit me.
"I can't do bench."
"Why not?"
"Feels like it'll crush me."
"You won't die from this weight even if it does."
"Yeah, you're right..."
She had a point. It was light enough that I wouldn't even feel the pressure, let alone get hurt. I steeled myself.
Exercise was supposed to hurt like hell. And with Kim Jin-seo putting in this much effort to help me, half-assing it would be rude.
I got into position and gripped the bar.
"Hup. Add more weight."
"Ack, hey...!"
That's when Kim Jin-seo placed her hand on the bar. The sudden extra weight threw me off, and I lost all tension in my body. The bar came crashing down onto me.
I tried bouncing it up with momentum, but my muscles were done.
"...Help me out. Don't just watch."
"Why? It's a nice view."
I asked for help, but she just teased me without lifting a finger. Use Bosu's power? No, wasting it on something this trivial was overkill.
But staying pinned like this was mortifying. There's a difference between a respectable fail-weight and an embarrassing one—this was the latter.
Whether she sensed my plight or not, Kim Jin-seo peered down at me with a delighted smile.
"Want help?"
"Just you wait, Kim Jin-seo..."
"What?"
She leaned in, hand still on the bar. The weight increased.
"Not desperate enough, huh."
"...Sorry. Help me."
"Alright."
Only then did she nod in satisfaction and lift the bar. I lay there on the bench, gasping for air.
Kim Jin-seo squatted beside me on the floor, head tilted, beaming at me. It was the brightest smile I'd ever seen from her.
"Why the grin?"
I asked, a bit annoyed.
She narrowed her eyes, still smiling. "Seeing you suffer like that... it's fun."
"..."
I had no energy left to respond.
*
"Thought I was gonna die..."
"From that?"
It was dusk by the time we finished. On the walk back, Kim Jin-seo stuck by my side as always. Her face was back to its usual cool blankness. The smile she'd shown during my misery had vanished.
She shot me a sidelong glare with those narrowed eyes. "Next time, we'll do more."
"Next time, not with you."
"Why? It was good today."
She looked up at me, whispering. The words tickled my ear and echoed in my head. I pushed her forehead away with my palm.
"Don't do that. Gives me chills."
"No need to push."
"You're too close."
Kim Jin-seo pouted and clicked her tongue.
We passed a convenience store on the way. Florence's stayed open late—unmanned, of course. She dragged me in and loaded up on post-workout fuel. Enough for three days.
She paid without hesitation, leaving no room for me to chip in.
"That's too much."
"Just eat it all. Eating's part of the workout."
She stubbornly stuffed my bag with food and drinks. My slim bag ballooned in seconds. She nodded approvingly and patted it. Plastic rustled inside.
"Heading to the dorm?"
she asked as we left.
"Yeah. Curfew soon."
"I'll walk you."
"No need."
"It's been a while. Wanna hang longer."
Her face was nonchalant, but her tone carried a hint of exasperated resignation. You might miss it if you weren't paying attention, but she was pissed at me.
The reason was obvious. I'd checked out early without a word, then ghosted her the whole break. But did I owe her contact? We weren't anything special—just acquaintances who chatted briefly when we crossed paths. That's what "strangers" means.
"I can go alone. It's right there."
I nodded toward the distant dorm building.
"I can come along."
"I prefer solo."
I refused her escort outright. But Kim Jin-seo ignored me and kept pace.
"Why keep following? I'm fine."
"I like going together."
"I'm not fine. Back off."
"Going separate makes me uncomfortable."
She wasn't budging. What was her deal, insisting on walking me home like this?
"If I say don't, then don't... just stop."
I sighed, the words slipping out. Not really slip— I'd been meaning to say it someday, borrowing the sigh to vent.
Someday I'd face my mother, standing at a crossroads: risk the Holy War to save her, or settle into safe reality. Ties from Florence would sway that choice, big or small.
And Kim Jin-seo? She'd have a major impact.
It was weird—someone not me, not even Voodoo but Romanica, influencing my decision so heavily. My choice should be mine alone.
That's why I needed to draw a line. Keep her from over-relying on me, me from her chains. Especially prevent myself from depending on her.
"..."
Kim Jin-seo halted at my words, staring at me. Blank expression. I stopped too, meeting her gaze. Her eyes were dark, murky, cold, sharp.
After a long silence, she looked down. "Yeah. I'm too clingy."
Her voice was a mumble-whisper. The breeze rustled her hair. She lifted her head, flashing a frosty smirk.
"When you gonna vanish next?"
Her unfocused eyes bored into me. Hard to parse.
"What? Why would I vanish?"
"You did last time."
She stepped close. "Gone without a word, and when I found you, you were half-dead."
She grabbed my collar—not hard. I could've shaken her off easily. But I didn't, because her upturned eyes were red-rimmed.
"Then you check out and don't even text once?"
"No time."
"Bullshit. Who said every day? Just say if you're alive. Can't spare one text a week? What keeps you so damn busy?"
Her shoulders trembled as she pressed on. "You know how I was when you nearly died? Nah, you don't. Never crossed your mind."
"I do."
First thing I saw waking up: her crying. Hospital bills later showed she'd handled everything.
I nodded, and she headbutted my chest. It stung a bit. Her voice shook. "You know and still say that shit? You... fucking trash."
"..."
"This isn't your first brush with death. Always hospitals, doctors droning life or death...! How am I not supposed to cling?"
I shut my mouth, words failing. She exhaled raggedly. "Don't cling, you say? What about you? I've begged you not to die how many times, and you keep doing shit I tell you not to. You fucking asshole...!"
"Harsh words..."
"You deserve 'em."
She released my collar, straightening my collar. Why grab it then?
Silence fell. I looked up. Pitch-black sky with a lone full moon. No stars.
We walked on wordlessly. I glanced at her profile. Her eyes had been sharp with anger earlier; now droopy. She flicked her downcast gaze my way, gauging me.
"...Sorry for the cursing."
Her voice trembled. A far cry from her earlier rage—shrunken, subdued.
"You said I deserved it."
"That was... just talk. No, not just..."
She fumbled, then stopped. Hand on forehead, head bowed. Stray hair hid her bitten lip.
I approached; she turned away, desperately hiding her face.
"Crying?"
I leaned to see, but she angled her hand to block. A fierce battle: me prying, her shielding.
Her defense crumbled. Hand dropped; tears welled in glaring eyes, dripping.
"You're crying."
"Shut up. I'm not."
"No way you're actually..."
"I said I'm not...!"
She glared through narrowed, wet eyes. Tears stopped, but rims stayed damp. Reddened glare wasn't threatening.
Watching her stirred something indefinable—not quite guilt.
"Damn, why's this happening."
"You make me cry every time. Last time too."
She ignored me, tears flowing. Seemed hard to stop. I waited.
Didn't take long. She quit crying, switching to resentful glares. Red eyes dulled the menace.
"You're the one making me cry."
"A compliment?"
She glared. "...I'm not like this normally."
"How are you normally?"
"I don't cry. Don't cling... Anyway, not like this."
"Then why now?"
"Dunno... Shut up."
She punched my gut. Didn't hurt much, but breath caught oddly. I shut up, as ordered.
No talk on the way to C Dorm. She was sulking hard—no replies, no looks.
"Just occurred to me... You look better crying."
Nearly at the dorm, I tried lightening the mood with half-joking words.
"So you made me? Real piece of shit..."
Her retort was rough. Backfired—mood soured more. She glared narrowly, then sighed with a disbelieving chuckle.
"Just go in already."
"Was gonna."
"Don't contact me anymore. Won't care what you do."
"Okay?"
"...Sometimes is fine. Might reply depending."
She walked off without looking back. Well, she glanced once.
I smiled, waving her off.
Heading in, thoughts swirled. Did I need to sever bonds? Risk everything? Or was coasting fine...?
Conversation with Uncle resurfaced. Voodoo barely hanging on, chilling with Kang Ji-a, Uncle, execs, occasional Florence friends, leaving Mom imprisoned...
"Ah."
My jaw clicked. Clenched too hard. Neck stiffened painfully. Mouth numb-trembling. Touching my face: twisted, not smile or frown.
Dorm supervisor greeted with stern face. "Past curfew. 10:05. Penalty point. In you go."
"Yes."
Late. Inside, I unpacked Kim Jin-seo's haul, sampling. Drinks too. Flavors varied subtly, but meh. Fuel, nothing more.
Ate enough to fill up, fridge'd the rest. Studied till dawn. Mimicking Jeong In-ah: listed what I knew on blank paper. More white space than words.
Squeezed brain; gaps persisted. Sleepy? Jabbed hand with pen. Barely hurt, no help.
What do I truly want? Scattered thoughts. Tomorrow weekend—sleep till afternoon? Nah, little sleep. Much to do. Sleep won't come anyway. Just try.
(To be continued...)